Tag Archives: younger men

BIRTHDAYS ARE OUR FRIEND

I just had a birthday.birthday-cake-cupcakes-3title As in yesterday.  One candle for safety. Don’t want to bother the fire department.

I am only saying this because I am, at a point in my life, where I have decided it is best to go backwards in age. Oh, I really am embracing it. Nothing wrong with pretending I am a different number to ease the pain of inching up into my 60’s. I know I am not going down the Botox route or face lift route. I have decided I will embrace my age and go with it. But, doesn’t subtracting every year, sound so much more appealing? We all know time marches on, and the aging process will keep happening. Even if you get a tuck here and a tuck there, time is still marching, whether you want to see it or not.

I am chicken anyway. My fear is I would decide to eliminate some wrinkles and something would go wrong and I would be scarred for life.

Physically and mentally. I know it happens, and I also know there are thousands that have good results. But I also know that once you start, there is no stopping. And having a smooth face that doesn’t match your hands or neck, eventually looks just plain silly and so very obvious
(apologies to all who go the other route)

A friend whom I reconnected with on Facebook , who I hadn’t seen in over 35 years, asked me if I had “work done.”. I happened to be having a deck put in at the time and that is where my brain was. I thought it odd she would know about my deck, since we had only been catching up on what we had been up to for the last 30+ years. Where do you live? What have you been doing? Married? Single? Kids? It took me minutes to realize she meant my face! “Why do you ask?” , I said to her. She said , “Well you look great. I just had to ask you.” I won’t deny that made me feel really good. Then, in true form of woman to woman I checked out her pics and realized she definitely was not embracing her age, which is the same as mine. No I didn’t ask her. It was painfully obvious she had indulged….often. So I politely, and with hidden glee, said oh thanks that is so nice of you to say.

And in helping me embrace my age, a guy on a dating site started a conversation with me. He was younger, but only late in the previous decade, or so I thought. UNTIL he informed me he lied about his age, because the dating site wouldn’t let him look at older women and message them if he desired. So, subtract about 15 years from what he said, which now puts him in the previous decade, and there we have it. About a 30 year difference, which put him at just about the same age as my daughter.

I gently declined. I know I could have embraced that, but , you know, I think i am finally moving forward, and flattered as I am, 30 years is more that I can and want to deal with.

Truth is, I am hoping for many more birthdays. Many more wrinkles. And secretly, (not really) 40 year olds to keep asking.

Be Patient

No secret about older women liking younger men. Celebrities do it all of the time. Well, many women date younger, but we hear about the celebrities. And of course older men with younger women is a given. But hey, why not? For whatever reasons, you are attracted to a certain type. No need to explain. You like younger. Dont worry.

No need to worry about finding that one guy that you want to date. He is out there. Maybe not now , but soon.

Always good to look at the humorous side of things.

age

Ageless Dating

Age is only a number.  I cannot tell you how many times I have  heard that  phrase.  Mostly from younger men, pretty much telling me not to worry about how young they are!

I was talking to a guy on OKC, who decided not to reveal his age . At least not right away.  He said he really didn’t like the age question on the dating sites. Why restrict yourself?  “why do people care?” he asked me.  I replied it was mostly a preference, but I am a curious type and I like to know.

“Why? is it important?” he wanted to know.

“Yes , I think it is. To a point. “  I told him.

He asked, “What if you really like talking to the guy and want to meet.  What if he is 22 and has a great job, and an advanced degree, and is an all around great guy? “  Now I looked at his photos again, to make sure I did not think this one was 22!

I do feel technically it shouldn’t matter, but as nice as he could be , I would not feel comfortable about dating someone younger than all of my own children! I think an age gap is a personal preference. and is limited to what works for the individual.  On the same note, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone my Dad’s age either. I think one sets their own limits to what is their comfort zone.

age

I know plenty of people who marry or date someone with maybe a 15-20 years age difference. Personally, a 35-40 year age difference would bother me. He wouldn’t know ,unless from books or an older aunt or uncle, about anything I have lived through. Even his parents would be younger than i am! that would really upset my comfort zone.

He also asked me if i thought it was a judgment problem. Did I worry that people would judge me? I admitted judgment is a factor to a certain degree, but i think I would  end up judging myself as well. If I know I am not comfortable with it, I just won’t do it.

I went online to see what was out there, and sure enough, there is a site for ageless dating!

http://www.agelessdating.com/

This could open up one’s outlook on not getting caught up the  “age discussion”. Or, more likely, for me, at least, open up that can of worms I  try to avoid.

But, the thing that baffles me , is ,when you go under search, the first box you are supposed to fill out, is AGE!  They want a range. I haven’t done it yet.  But  for research  purposes, I just may have to for my fellow daters. What a trooper!

An Opposite Match

I joined Match a year or two ago, but was never very excited about it. When my membership expired, I didn’t renew it.  I thought, why pay , when I am getting no results and very frustrated about it. After about  8 months, I saw there was yet another special deal to join, so I caved, and re-joined the masses on Match.  It hasn’t changed.

Here is my problem.  As we have discussed in the past, I do like younger men. Not extremely younger , though when they message me, I fight temptation. I am getting more practical in my old age. Usually.

One of the main reasons I am not thrilled with Match.com, is because most of the time I am sent matches that to me, really don’t match at all.  Let me explain. For example,  if I put in 47-63 year old age group, I get matches within that age group. BUT, the age range that the men are seeking , does not in any way match mine.  Is that a half match? It doesn’t make sense to me if I am looking for men in a certain age group and specific ethnic groups, that I am sent men that may meet my specific age requirement, but nothing else at all. These men do not want my age group. They are seeking women decades younger.  So, even if I am willing to get someone near my age, whether it is up or down, most of the time they are seeking women in their 30s and 40s. The men that are viewing me and “liking” me,  are much older than I am. Nothing wrong with that, except my beef is,  they are not matching the criteria I chose. And the ones I am getting for matches, I don’t match the criteria that they chose. I am getting a list of men recommended, that do not want someone my age. Where is my Match there?

older

I am not saying necessarily that it is Match’s fault per se.  They are sending me matches that fit my criteria to a point. I will give them that. But if almost every guy in that group wants someone decades younger, that does not work for me.

Looks like I wont be renewing this again.

You can’t help the likes and dislikes on any of these matches. I state quite clearly in my profile that camping and hiking are not my thing.  Fishing is  pretty close to those activities as well, though fishing I can deal with if I am not getting seasick on a boat. I sound like a barrel of fun, don’t I? And yes, there are many men who clearly state that if you are not interested in outdoor activities, or sailing is not your thing , then don’t contact them. No problem here.  I know the dating sites say they match up likes and dislikes, but again, I am not in complete agreement on that one. I know you can’t get it down to exact specifics, but  coming close would be great. Like all of my matches who clearly want someone much younger, usually want her to be able to hike to the campgrounds with a fishing pole. Have fun.

I am starting to believe that though opposites do attract,  it doesn’t necessarily translate to lasting.

I was married to an opposite. Note the WAS. I am from New York City originally and he is from Georgia.  Him: Raised as a Southern Baptist from Georgia. Me: New York Jewish girl. Not sure you can get more opposite than that.  He was quiet, I was not. He didn’t like to talk in person or on the phone. Me: I can talk to anyone ,anywhere, any time. He was not comfortable in social situations, I thrived on them.

I think some opposites can compliment each other. Others are like oil and  water .

bacon

Dating sites for me seem to match oil and water. I need a ham and cheese or bacon and egg match.

May I See Your ID Please

Boyfriend: can you use this term when one is over 60? Is it  “manfriend” ? That sounds  just plain awkward .  And is it really a word? Gentleman caller? No. That puts us back in the 19th century. So can we use boyfriend? Technically, the gentleman would not be a boy or is that getting too literal?  Male friend? not really, because one can have a friend who is a male . So male friend wouldn’t necessarily transfer to being a boyfriend. Well if he is young enough, and could be  considered a boy toy, then maybe boyfriend fits. But then again , if it is a boy toy, he is clearly not a boyfriend.

One of the free dating sites has made some changes. A message was sent to all members of Plenty of Fish. Apparently there were too many “hookups”, people trolling for sex. The site wants it to be a relationship site, not a hookup site. Agreed. That is why most people get on this site, I assume,  to find a relationship, of sorts. Who am I kidding, plenty get on sites to troll for sex too. Doesn’t matter if it is a free site or a paid site.  They have now created an age limit. No one can contact anyone who is 14 years older or younger than he or she is.   The way the site worded it, was , “Why should a 50 year old man be looking for an 18 year old?” In this case, yes I agree. That is just creepy to me. And there are exceptions to any rule.  Intellectually , I understand this.   But , when I think about it, we are all adults on this site. Yes, there are sites created for hookups. But, what I say is, if you get a message or offer, that you don’t like, simply ignore it, delete it, or block it. I have done all 3 of these things, and then I move on. I even complained more than once about a member and he was deleted. My point is, if anyone likes the attention of a younger member or an older member , who is to say you can’t contact one another. I have mixed feelings about this new rule, because as I said, as a grown woman, I want to make my own choice as to whom I want to contact.

What I have encountered is some of the younger members, men in their 20’s -30’s  , even some in their 40’s, go on this site and lie about their age. Anyone can put in any age and lie.  Some write in their profiles, “I like older women so please contact me.” It is clear from their photos, they are nowhere near age 50+.

One guy contacted me who was 40 and said, “There is a new rule stating you can’t be so much younger so I am lying and saying I am 56, so I can contact older women because that is what I prefer. “ I have also received a message from a guy in his 30’s , pretty much saying the same thing. It is really funny to see a picture of a much younger guy,  and the profile says 56, or 60.  More power to them. Of course, one could argue that there are other sites that you can be any age and contact anyone, but isn’t it more fun for them to lie and try to fool everyone? To each his own. If I dont want to talk to them for whatever reason, I don’t respond, no matter what age.

Maybe Next Time

There are times I realize I need to face reality. Yes, it is fun chatting with various men on the dating sites . Things get very interesting. People lead diverse lives, have different beliefs, and live in different areas. And of course they come in all sizes,  shapes, and ages. We do know I lean towards the younger group, but as I have said before, younger is quite relative. I have chatted with quite a few in my age range. There are those who, right up front, say I am not looking for any commitment.  See you when I see you, but do our own thing. HMMM exactly what does that mean? Yes, it means go out sometimes, or as we like to call it, friends with benefits. Not to be tied down with one woman, expectations won’t be an issue, and all in all just have fun. Well there is not necessarily anything wrong with that. Not everyone is looking for marriage, or long term commitments. There is something to say about going out and enjoying yourself. 

Yes I met a man who did just that. And I will add, just 3 years younger than I am.  Nice conversation online and even on the phone. “Lets meet” he said . “We need to get the initial meet and greet out of the way.”  Well we tried. Or I tried. The first time we set something up,  he cancelled because he was too tired after a days work. I  get that to a point,  but, I said ,” we are only meeting for a short time to meet face to face. So let’s get a quick cup of coffee and get it done.” I guess he meant he was just too tired to make an effort. We did chat a bit online that evening but I did not meet him. I did mention that we could meet up after  work the next day, again a quick meeting . We did end up doing that and it went okay. We seem to get along and conversation moved along as it should. Though he was tired, and made a point of telling me. Next morning I had a message, indicating, or really saying, well if you invite me over next time I will say yes.  Yes he was one that had said up front, no commitment needed, but he comes with benefits. I did respond with a non committal answer, so no confused message would be sent to him. I did not invite him , as he wished, but  told him to have a good day and well, nothing since then.  Granted, I was giving off the” I am not into you” vibe and I am sure  he picked that up. It was pretty clear. Arms folded, not a lot of eye contact.  You see, I mentioned the conversation was pretty good…. mostly. He did mention quite a few aches and pains, and said how nice it is to meet someone around his age so I would understand his ailments. Wait, I wasn’t signing up for this. Coffee. Yes. Not a medical screening. 

What really bothered me was that in person, he was a far cry from the pictures presented on the site. There he was all trim and fit, nice suit, unwrinkled face. but not in person! No sir. Turkey neck, wrinkles galore, badly dyed blonde hair, and jeans worn 3 inches above his waist.  Sort of looked like a before and after photo of someone after age progression has been done.

Match your photos. Put current ones up on these sites This way, when one meets someone, they are not taken aback. I sit there , while I am quietly sipping my coffee or wine, thinking, did you think I wouldn’t notice you are 10 years older that  what you have on your profile pictures, or 20 pounds heavier? It wouldn’t be an issue, if I knew that is who I was meeting. Well maybe sometimes it would be. Maybe they hope that once they have you trapped in a coffee shop, with nowhere to run you will not notice. Don’t think so.