Tag Archives: texting

Don’t Text and Date

http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/film/92693422/Man-sues-date-for-texting-during-Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-Vol-2

I imagine there will be conflicting thoughts and opinions on this news story.  But really you can’t make up these things.

Suing, in my humble opinion, is not the answer.   I am sure this guy is trying to make a point and feels he has been wronged. He met her on a dating site, so let’s assume they do not know each other well. Maybe a movie isn’t your best choice then, and having dinner or drinks would have been better. Though, he may have sued her for more money if she did it during a nice dinner. And then add in the wine. He could make a killing!

Clearly, they are not on the same page. Now, being the first date, she would not know that texting in a movie theater is a major pet peeve of this guy. Unless, of course, he did mention it before they actually met.   And he, of course, would not really know her habits, annoying or otherwise. But, as a woman in her mid thirties, you have got to know that is a very annoying thing to do in a theater. It is one of my pet peeves too in case you missed this point.

I do think this guy needs to bite the bullet and realize his loss. Everyone has bad dates at some point. I think it is quite tacky to ask your date for the money back after they both realized it was not going to be a good night.

But I do agree with the annoyance of texting in a movie theater.  Excuse yourself, text your friend who is crying on the phone to you, that you are on a date, at a movie, and you will respond later.  Also, if your date asks you to stop because he is telling you it is a pet peeve of his, and makes him upset, then stop.

One news source said the guy stated she texted 20 times. The woman says it was 3.

Who know who is correct in their numbers. To him it could have seemed like 20 times  and in her head, it was just a few. Either way, don’t do it. It is annoying to your date and everyone around you.

All I could think of was the story of the guy and his wife in a movie theater who was texting home to say goodnight to his 3-year-old daughter, and someone shot and killed  him in the theater after arguing about it. And that was only during the previews, I believe. Crazy. No, you don’t know how people will react. I wish that guy and his wife had just moved their seats to watch the movie, but they didn’t. Nor did the guy with the gun.  Instead, it built up and escalated. Why did he have a gun in a theater? That is for another discussion.

Well that is ending on a depressing note.

Really, the bottom line is, I don’t like rude people either. But they are everywhere and date or otherwise, it will happen. Move on. There will be others, some rude, some not. Can’t sue every one of them, can we?

My Normal

I thought I was watching a Lifetime movie. Or maybe an afternoon soap opera.  It started off “normal” Well I have said that before, haven’t I?  Nothing too out of the ordinary . It is just that when you start with “Hello. How are you?”,  you wouldn’t think it was going to go south so quickly.

So in response to How are you , I mentioned I was at work and was drinking coffee. Noncommittal, but informative. He said he too was at work and had just gotten done supervising.

My eyebrow went up, and I responded with , “What does that mean exactly?”  There are so many ways to say what I thought he could be aiming at , if he was legitimate at all.

He says he is an engineer and is a supervisor at work. Okay. I can deal with that, though my BS sensors were on alert.

Then, when I asked in what, he says an oil rig company where they drill for oil and gas. Now that is clear. And he was in Pennsylvania so I questioned the fact that I was unaware that there were oil rigs/companies in that state.

His response was, “and what do you do?”

I answered and he says  “how long have you been single.?” No, not related to my profession but we are moving on. He says, he has been single for 8 years and it is not easy to be without a partner. I say I have been single for over 20 years and his answer is the following:

Him: “i know but what if you meet a man you like so much. will you accept him?”

Me: “Sure that is why I joined a dating site. To date and see what happens.”

Him: “will it be too early if i I say we should both start something and probably spend the rest of our life together if it works .”

slow

Me: in a somewhat state of alarm keeping my cool, “I think so . Since we have messaged for minutes and know nothing about each other . And live in different states . Right?”

Him: ” I know but if we just have to open our heart first to receive each other and then we can know ourselves better.  we live in different states but if the love grows stronger that will no longer be a problem because distance is nothing but a measurement of the earth “

See, now he has lost me. I am not thinking how sweet is that, i am thinking , “ARE YOU KIDDING ME”?

Me:  somewhat calmly, “ that is too deep. I just want to date . This doesn’t even sound real.  You don’t even know me.”

Him: “you do not understand me I mean we should take out time to know ourselves before we can start something serious .”

Sorry , I didn’t respond. I’m thinking I already know myself. I  couldn’t  prolong it any longer. I’ll say it again, go with your gut. Anyone who does not know me, has never met me, and knows nothing about me, should not be talking about sending the rest of our lives together.

Now we move on to the next evening when I received a message from a guy who again fooled me into thinking he was normal. Yes I know we haven’t defined normal, but believe me, the ensuing conversation was not “my normal.”

He began with “how are you. I like your look,” and  soon wanted to know if we could text. I usually say no, and for some reason my gut was taking a nap, and  I said OK.

One text in, he asked me if I wanted to receive a shirtless picture.  No I said. I do not. Is that why you want to text?, I asked.  He did not respond to that part of the question.

He tells me he just finished working out. I said home or at a gym? He says home but then says,  Do you want a shirtless picture of me? I have pictures that i can send.”

I explained I do not want to receive pictures . And then he sends me the shirtless picture anyway!  He quickly says ,”it is harmless you can’t see anything else.” But, it was clear in the pictures there were no pants involved . He says “ well  I show  this picture to gay guys and they love it. Especially my ass.”  Now you have my attention. WHAT? I can’t let that go without explanation because I already know I am never meeting this guy.

hottub

“Do you mean at the gym,” I asked.

“Sure,” he says.  “and other times too.  And the whole picture, not just the shirtless part.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he realizes  he must be an exhibitionist because he loves the reaction the gay guys give him when they see his pictures.  And that it really gets him excited. Exhibitionist?  Not the word that came to my mind.

I  am wondering only in pictures and he clarified that for me without having to ask. He explained, “I have gone into the hot tub with them and played a little, though I think I wouldn’t do anything more.”  I didn’t ask what played meant but I did point out that when you say THINK, you have not ruled it out. And in tribute to Seinfeld” not that there is anything wrong with that,” but I pointed out  that I am not curious, haven’t ever been and won’t be!   I wouldn’t have bothered  to mention this, but he kept saying, ”I love women and I really want to know you better. I PROBABLY will not do this anymore, anytime soon.”   One last time I had to point out that “think” and  “probably”  pretty much mean  he will do whatever when the mood strikes him. Decided it was time for me to tell him, Adios, and I am not  comfortable and good luck!. He tried one more time but I was clear. And for more clarification, his photos, even on the dating site had a phone in front of his face. I did ask him if he  had one without the phone and he sent it. That sealed the deal and I knew why he covered his face all of the time in his photos. I imagine the guys at his gym were too enthralled with his ass to get to his face.

Pre- Relationship Break Up

This one took about 8 days. Should I count that as a pre-relationship?    Or maybe an ”ex, I havent even met you yet relationship? “

I didnt think, “ oh boy here comes another one”, until I realized there can always be a contender for another biggest loser prize. He started out as someone I thought I could plan a meet and greet, maybe even a real date with.  Ha.

Enter a guy who contacted me on OKC. We chatted on the site for a few days and then graduated to speaking on the phone and texting. Conversations were interesting, telling about each other, what we enjoy , etc. We even had the New York, New Jersey thing in common, and both were living in this area. The usual get to know you stuff.  He added, many times, “ Can’t wait to meet you. We will hit it off so well.”

He lived about 30 min from me, easily workable.  We figured out we could meet the coming Saturday. He called me Friday night before the “date” day. We talked for a while and decided we would meet at 3 PM.  Maybe a cup of coffee to start. Maybe a movie or dinner if we decided we were enjoying ourselves. Said he would call or text on Saturday to confirm. He did- not another stood up story. Well close, if you continue reading.

I get a text at noon on Saturday. Three hours before zero hour. . Keep in mind I just showered , so I can run some errands before I would be meeting him. The text says to begin, “I have some bad news.”  Never a good start. So with a concerned text, I said , “Oh, is all ok?”

He replies “well last night I had a surprise date with a woman (when we spoke that previous evening he said he was meeting his buddy). What exactly is “a surprise date with a woman”? Didn’t bother to ask. He continues with “ we hit it off so well, and I am really attracted to her. I couldn’t be unfair and meet you, want to kiss you ( ummm sorry? ) and be thinking of her. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. Can we take a break?”

Where do I start? Want to kiss me? I’m thinking coffee, and he is kissing me. A break? We hadn’t even met yet. Don’t think we were quite up to needing a break from one another.

Well it had been at least 8 days of texting. Maybe that is his idea of a long term relationship. I responded. “No break needed. Move on. If you drooled over me for a week and someone turned your head that quickly, I’m good.”

First he says, “well you kind of insulted me when I first hit on you on OKC.” Hit on me? See, right there you should have said when I showed interest. “ Anyway, he goes on to say, “you said you were looking for a real man. And that was insulting.” Let’s not mention that he never brought this up in the week + we had communicated. Guess he was searching for ammunition.

Whoa! Defense counsel stepping in here. I quickly went back to my text messages, because I know I didn’t and wouldn’t say that.  And don’t think I didn’t text him right back. I told him I checked the messages and here is what the exchange was.

He had said to me initially, “What are you looking for?”. (Which I find guys many times ask at some point.) So tongue in cheek, with my favorite sarcastic tone,  I said “I’m looking for a man. HA.” Yes, I had even added the HA so one can quickly see that I am joking.  And we had discussed NY style attitude and sarcasm. And nowhere did I say, “real man. “

What did he respond to? “Drool? That’s insulting to me . I was interested in you.”

Oh. Damn, if only I had known.

Uh, What Did You Say?

I would like to revisit the subject of some of the more absurd messages I have received , and, of course, I still am receiving. I can say with certainty, they will never run out. Somehow they keep popping up, and somehow, they find me. I can summarize the laughable parts, but I think it will be best if I comment as I go. And I left their wonderful phrasing and grammar for all to enjoy.

#1. Hello there

Your profile is very intriguing and I like what you have to say. It would be pleasant to learn more about you .You look attractive and write well, seem articulate, sensitive and worth more than a second look! (so honored) I decided to join for a few months to see what this site was like. I like what you wrote in your profile and thought I would reach out to see if we might be compatible. Let me know if you would like to communicate more. .Will be Hoping to hear from you. mind if we chat on yahoo im (yes I do)

 

#2. Hello. Would you consider getting acquainted and becoming real friends?(What exactly does that mean?) Do you have too many already? (Who asks this?) Let’s explore a friendship…I’m not into drama or pain. (why throw in pain? Maybe drama and games? but pain?) I do not want your money or your identity. I am not after a one-nighter, I am American not Nigerian. Cybersex is so 1995. (No words for this one!)

#3. I am searching for a long-term friendship, even if it is online only. I love road trips! ( not sure what an online friendship and road trips have in common) Oh, and feel free to IM me here anytime. (I didn’t)

#4. Hi, how are you doing? is a great privilege for me to meet someone like you here. Am so much happy i find a woman like you with the same thing in common with me. If won’t mind i will love to know some pretty things about you. ( oh gee sorry. I usually just display my ugly things) Am William…… Hope to hear from you soon. Take care and God bless…. (didn’t change any of his eloquent writing. it is all him)

#5. I am a honest God fearing man. This is my private Email:(XXXXXusall@gmail.com) / phone: 832-713-XXXX. Thank you i will be expecting your reply. God bless you ( I didn’t reply. Then # 2 message shows up.)

have not been on the site for some months but just visited few weeks ago i am rarely here.. too bad i missed you today was so anxious to read from you..832-713-XXXX. text me i will really appreciate xoxo ( I didn’t)

#6. can I come over and cuddle? (to the point. I didn’t answer so he sent a second cuddle request. I finally responded and said no you may not. then he asked “why not?” (opened that can of worms by responding. so I said because I don’t allow someone I never met to come here at all. Again, “why not?” I gave up. to clarify, gave up answering, I  DID NOT let him come over!)

#7. Hello how you doing..I am a single dad..You can call me Joe am new on here…I find a single woman to love and grow old with..hope to read from you soon ( I didnt call him Joe or anything for that matter.)

#8. Hello dear How was your day i hope it was Good as mine cos i can see that from your awesome pic how old is the pics? (Don’t know what my awesome day has to do with my profile pic, never mind when they were taken!)

#9. People call me the Bry man; I’m the stylish one of the group. I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It’s called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, and you just might get to meet the whole gang. ( I did not ask to meet any of his gang. And yes, he was in his early 30’S. I am truly hoping someone after the age of 40 is not naming his body parts, but I am guessing, our man Bry, surely will be.)

I’ll Come Back For You

A message arrives in my inbox of one of the dating sites. Without preamble, he proceeds to tell me how absolutely wonderful I am and that I should just email or text him. So as per usual, I asked if we could just chat on the site and he agreed without any argument.  He mentioned he lived in Colorado and was here for business. Hmmm, why put this area on your profile if you are here for a week? Alarm bell going off?… yep.

One evening a couple of nights later, I decided to text him. I don’t know why, I just did. Part bored and the other part  I confess , he was fairly good looking and caught my eye.  Yes I am well aware that maybe it was not his picture! He answered right away and mentioned that he was so glad to hear from me but he was leaving the next day. ( dont be shocked) OOOps there goes another alarm bell.  A small one.

I ask “How long have you lived in Denver?”

“5 years”, he says 

“What made you move there?”

He says, “I needed a change of scenery. I used to live in Illinois.”

I played on. “Oh why is that?”

“My wife and mother were killed in a car crash 5 years ago.”

My initial reaction was, oh my god. how awful. But, ten seconds later, cynicism took over.  I didn’t buy it. I felt bad thinking, really? Both of them? Sure it could have happened, but, the dating site reputation rears its ugly head, skepticism! 

“Sorry to hear that. I didnt want to pry, “ I answered .

He says , “Don’t worry. Ask me anything.” 

We chatted some more  and he says  “I may be going back west, but I will come back for you.”  Don’t ask me why , but I let that one slide,  thinking, WHAT?!

Next day , he texts me in the morning that he is waiting for his flight.

Afternoon text tells me he is safely home. I responded with “ good that you are home.”

Next morning, 8:30 EST, I get a text “good morning”. Suzie skeptical here, I said, “you are up early.” ( 2 hours difference)

He then says, well I couldn’t wait to check on you and see how you were.” SMALL ALARM # 3!!

I quickly mentioned that we hadn’t even met.  I truly have a hard time believing someone can be so madly in love with me after 2 text messages. Wait, I mean of course they can be madly in love with me after 2 texts. But, then I remembered I am also a cynic. One really doesn’t know who is BSing and who isn’t. Well, usually you have a good idea of who is BSing, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have had many a guy lie about where he is and what he does etc, especially what he looks like.

I explained, just that. I said, “I have had guys lie about personal information and have fake pictures, so I tend to be wary.” He shoots back a text and says “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?”

Whoa, don’t take it personally. I am merely explaining, though the thought had been planted. In the meantime, I go back to the site and TRY to open his profile, and guess what? It is gone! Anyone hear that alarm going off again? He then writes, “I don’t want to continue this anymore.”

  Damn, I wanted to say that line! I write back, “your choice, but for the record, after 2 texts you were already coming back to get me and by the way, your profile is gone. Do the math.”

You’re Such a Doll

I met a man on one of these sites, that I thought , this is the type of man I should be dating. And what I mean, is that he was somewhat close to my age, has a good job, established, grown kids, etc. And don’t worry, he was 6 years younger, which still qualifies him as younger. We got along pretty well with messages on the site and then phone calls too.

We arranged to meet for a drink and met halfway between our homes. It went well and we actually extended it to dinner.  The date lasted about 4 hours, which I thought unusual for an initial meet and greet.  Ended the evening with him saying, “I really enjoyed myself and we should do this again soon.”

I agreed and said yes let’s plan for that. Well a week or so later I had a trip planned  to the west coast for about a week.  The plan was to meet for date # 2 before I left for my trip. Well that didn’t pan out- claimed he wasn’t feeling well (always question those claims ). We decided let’s wait till I return.  We texted some while I was away and I sent him a message that I was home. Now he was going away that weekend, so again we said when you come back we will meet for date # 2. Need I tell you the ending to this?  We texted some, spoke on the phone and he again stated, “we need to meet again soon, I had such a good time with you.”

“Okay”, I said, “when?”

His reply, “lets see what happens this coming weekend.”  Not a particularly committed statement in my book.

Well apparently, something happened, but it didn’t involve me. I got a text wishing me a happy mothers day (yes it was May at the time) and  I responded with “thank you”. And that was that. Not a peep.

I really don’t get it.  Was I being hasty? Am I expecting he should have called? Yes he should have. Chalk up another one. Funny thing, I mentioned I was thinking of starting a blog about dating, and he said, “uh oh! are you going to include me?”

“ Who knows! If you give me material I will.”

Lucky him not calling me, I have made him a star.

I did see him on the site at times.  I decided to be bold and I texted him to ask, out of curiosity, why he changed his mind. He answered saying  that I was a doll, but I had too many other commitments. He wished me luck,  I guess keeping busy, having a job, seeing family and friends ,as opposed to waiting by the phone to see if he is going to call, is not what he expected.  I sent him one last message back ( have to get the last word in) and said yes, I do like to keep busy and damn straight I am a doll.  

Moving on.

Red Flags

I had a texting stalker.  We started chatting on the site. Again, nice enough guy I thought. Well there goes first impressions. His picture was a long distance shot. Standing on a beach in a wet suit. Hard to tell, but I thought, okay, we can chat.  We set up no less than 3 meetings for coffee, none of which actually took place.  The first 2 just fizzled out and never materialized because he couldn’t commit to a day. RED FLAG.  The 3rd and last attempt,  we had a time and a place. 7:00 pm. Starbucks. (gave in on this because Starbucks is not my first choice. that could be another conversation sometime) He would text me when he was on his way. No text.  I sent a text at 6:45 saying, are we still meeting? At this point,  I had already lost all interest, but of course had to make my point. He said, well, I am having trouble getting a babysitter. A babysitter? There was never a mention of a child in the many conversations we had. RED FLAG # 2. Waited about 15 minutes and I received a text saying it wasn’t going to happen because he couldn’t get a sitter.  Damn straight it was going to happen.

Now I am done. 2 red flags and I learned my lesson. Did it stop there? No! Now I begin receiving  at least 10 texts a day saying how he is thinking of me and wants to meet. He knows we have chemistry. blah blah blah. I  am not answering these until one comes that says he NEEDS to meet me. I write back, in no uncertain terms, and in all CAPS… DO NOT TEXT ME AGAIN or I will report you.  Turns out I didn’t have to because when I went on the site I saw his profile  had been deleted due to improper activity with members. Yes, Red Flag # 3. And I thought I was special. But, not to worry, we were not done yet! A few months later he resurfaced.  I received another message on the site asking how I was  and do I want to meet. Yes guess who. My texting stalker was back, under a new profile name.  Red Flag # 4.  Better left unanswered I thought and all has been calm since. Well with him anyway. There are others out there just waiting to find me I am sure.

But wait. There is more. Red Flag # 5. I got a message from what appeared to be a fairly good looking man. He was mid- fifties- I know! I am slipping! He said he would like to meet me  and get to know me. I was being playful and I said oh why do you want to meet me? He responds with  “ I miss you!”   I scroll down and this turns out to be my texting stalker! Under a new name and clearly using a random picture-  I  felt violated! I said NEVER and deleted him. In retrospect, I should have noticed that all the names he used had the word ‘sail’ in them. That could have been a hint, but the picture threw me! Learned my lesson. AGAIN.