Tag Archives: stress

Stay Tuned

Hear ye Hear ye. Gather around. I am not dating now. It’s simple. No desire to try, no desire to look. Nothing deep hidden there. I got to the point where there were more negatives than positives so I am going to move forward without stressing myself out about finding a date. It is like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I have gotten to the point it is easier for me to not deal with the BS, then it is for me to deal with it.

When I joined, I was ready to date, and maybe even find a relationship. I do believe that ship has sailed.  Of course, it doesn’t mean ships don’t return to port. Doesn’t mean I am locking myself in a room. Sometimes, one just feels pressured. You should meet someone. Why haven’t you met someone? Do you want to be alone as you get older? Well meaning friends and family on the lookout for my well-being. I get it.  It is easy for friends married 30+ years to project what they want for me. I am touched.

I started on dating sites because I thought, well if I sit around , what is going to happen? Nothing.

Maybe if I were 10-20 years younger,  I would be more apt to focus. I was married for many years, had children and now grandchildren. I am in another phase of my life. Been there done that. Life is short and I am going to focus on what makes me happy. As soon as I figure that out!

Understand, I am not recommending this for others. Do what is right for you. Do what you feel.  Dating, especially on these dating sites, has taught me what I want, what I don’t want, and a little bit about who I am.

As of now, I am still on a couple of sites. Clearly, I haven’t cut ties completely, and we can analyze this until we are spent, but no need.  Aside from a few scam type messages, believe me you have heard them all by now, I get mostly so and so wants to meet you. Keep in my mind, on my profile blurb, it says, “Do not put you want to meet me, send me a message, because I do not have that feature.” Well, it goes back to who really reads the profiles?

One site, for example, OK Cupid, changed their format a while ago and now you have to scroll though the lists to see who messaged you. And you have to choose yea or nay to move to the next one. Not a fan. I am straightforward. Send a message, see the message and go from there. Simple and effective.  

Location makes a big difference. I moved to a small town from a big city area, and the choices, I have to say, dwindled. I think age factors in as well, at least in my case. Dating is always hard, and  it is difficult to trust and expose yourself. Attitude, hell yes. Big factor, and mine has certainly taken a turn. When something is not fun, time to stop.

Things change, attitudes change. I am happy to wait. I do not have to settle for anything. If it isn’t happening, then my thought is , if it happens it happens. Profound or what?

Please stay tuned.

Holidays

You love them or hate them. Probably both. How fun to see family. How fun to see family go home.  Everyone knows the stress level of hostesses and guests alike, rise to astronomical levels. Why? Family for one. We love them and yet they drive us mad. Perfection. We all strive for it and very few achieve it. And the cooking. So many dishes to coordinate with baking times and have everything ready at the same time.  Then we set the table and it looks so beautiful. Dishes that were grandmas, that can’t go in the dishwasher. Glasses we use twice a year, that can’t go in the dishwasher. My grandmother’s dishes has individual salt shakers for each place setting. I used them one year, and pretty much everyone said where is the salt? I tried.

Everyday dishes? Sure why not?  Maybe there are no Grandma’s dishes . But do you have enough plates? And the chairs? Do we have enough? How can we fit everyone at the table?

family1

For years my family had about 22-25 people at Thanksgiving dinner, give or take.  There was always a kid’s table. A long folding one or round kitchen table dragged to the end of the dining room table. All with different tablecloths. It is a holiday. Had to use tablecloths.

At times when we did have 25+ , we added at least two tables to the end of the dining table, and it was sort of like a table train, adding more as we needed it. Grabbing chairs from desks, vanity tables, stools.  I always sat at the kids table when I was a child, and it seems nothing has changed for the kids now. But they love it. They mess around and eat what they want. But do they get grandma’s wedding dishes. Nope. Everyday dishes. Sorry, kids.

We stopped years ago trying for perfection. Sweating in the kitchen for 8 or 9 hours, preparing, cooking, drinking. But who cares. We don’t need the gold rimmed plates, individual salt shakers, or the crystal that is so delicate that I have already broken 6 glasses over the years, just by putting them in the sink to be washed.

Oh we all bitch and moan. Got to drive somewhere, or prepare beds and plenty of snacks to have BEFORE we eat a ridiculously large meal. But we love it. It isn’t family if there isn’t an argument or three. Or complaining. My dad (RIP) used to sit at the table , while we were cooking our asses off, and say when is it going to be ready? He would hold his fork and tap it on the table. Drove me crazy , but I sure do miss that. Meanwhile, cheese and crackers, chips and dips, veggies all are being consumed while they are waiting to eat. My mom (RIP) would want to play backgammon or cards while we were cooking and recruited anyone that wasn’t in the kitchen helping

This year we are down to 10 people. I feel sad about that. Sure it was always a fiasco when 25 of us got together in one house. And loud. Understatement.. New York Jewish family. Quiet is not a thing. And any guests would sit in shock for a while, and then most would jump right in. You wanted to eat, you had no option. When in Rome……

But this year Mom and dad are gone, others are not joining us for various reasons. I can’t say it will be quiet, but it will sound that way., compared to years gone by.

But it is family and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!