Tag Archives: sharing

Adjectives, Adverbs and Other Excuses

 

It seems months ago I made an excuse about falling off the grid. Not that I didn’t fall off. I did. In fact, I jumped. I used all sorts of words to describe my state of being. Frustrated. Depressed. Annoyed. Fed up. Aloofness.
But I remained that way for a long while. I would think to myself, I should sit down and write. Or maybe even go online. But I wouldn’t or couldn’t. I asked myself why? I asked myself why I didn’t care? No one answered. Just kept not caring.

Sure, I didn’t realize at the time I was not caring . It wasn’t hard to do. Just simply stop doing a few things. Mostly dating, and writing, and basic productivity. Oh, I went through my daily life enjoying it, just not about the 3 things I just mentioned. Worked, played, friends, family. Traveled some and shopped too. But the above mentioned stuff, no thanks. I wanted no part of it. I knew I needed a break, but kept thinking, oh it will pass. I’ll write tomorrow. Or the next day. Or maybe in 9 months. Turns out, as we can all see, I didn’t do it at all.
When it came to dating or attempting to date, I decided I was done. Didn’t even go online to check sites, or views or messages. I even got some automated messages from varying sites telling me my profile was going to disappear if I didn’t click or swipe ASAP. Didnt intimidate me. I ignored it.

One day I sat down to discuss with my therapist about me not caring. I explained it wasn’t my life or my family I didn’t care about, it was something I couldn’t put my finger on. After a brief discussion, when he asked if I was dating, I realized, well no, I am not, nor am I trying to or worrying about it in any capacity. I then used the word apathetic. Like a ton of bricks, it hit me that I was apathetic. (This is where the therapist smiles because you figured it out yourself.) DICTIONARY.COM tells us it is “showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern.” Didn’t that encompass it all! I realized it was consuming me. Apathy everywhere. I wasn’t even using exclamation points when I messaged or commented. Happy birthday to someone was a simple statement. No enthusiasm for their special day. Just 2 words with no extras.

In the discussion with Dr. P, I  wondered if the medication I had started about a year ago could be affecting me. I told him also that I had mentioned to my PCP (primary care physician, in case acronyms are not your thing.) I really didn’t give a shit about a lot of things. I ignored that too. It was a calming medication. So calm, I didn’t care much. It took me a while to think, “I wonder if this medication is messing with me?” It was. I told my PCP that I thought I should stop taking it. She told me it can also cause weight gain, which I had complained about as well. Of course, she had to throw in the age factor and metabolism and the fact it gets harder every decade to lose any weight unless one starves oneself. But that’s another story in itself. That alone  gave me the incentive to stop taking it. So I did. Took a few weeks since one has to ease off. The thing is, it kept me from getting agitated and stressed about things. But I decided to want to feel and care so there was my choice. The good news is the therapy is supposed to help me with the agitation and stress and hopefully I will not go back to the meds. I am an emotional being and I do not like ‘not feeling.’ I also don’t like snapping at people and stressing over insignificant things or things I cannot change, but time will tell.
I am back to writing. I went on a dating site or two again, and began moving forward.
Of course one of the first messages I received when I did go back on, was that I left an apostrophe off the word “cant” in my profile. I thought of my therapist sitting on my shoulder and DID NOT write back “ I guess you don’t get many dates with that opening line?” What I did write was, “ well you missed the word “lets” because I left the apostrophe off of that one too.
OK, OK so I have lots of work ahead of me.

PART 2 : WOULD YOU REPEAT THAT

Let’s see, angles with one wing. Poetic or would that be poetic BS?  Praiseworthy and trustworthy?  Not sure I like one of these as my title. Doesn’t have the pizazz that Queen or Damsel does. And watch out for that pesky son who is changing his fathers profile on these sites! And why does one need to know if I am good with my hands? Is it any wonder I am still searching?

 

And it continues:

 

1. Hello Dear

I am new to this online thing so please bear with me. I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I am interested in getting to know more about you after reading your profile. Do you know that men and women are angels created with only one wing? And they need to embrace each other to be able to fly… I Hope to find my angel whom i can fly with forever.I guarantee that I am a nice Man and know how to treat a woman.I have a good sense of humor.my son got me on here and mess up with my profile, i do believe age and distance is not a barrier in relationship,i will like to know more about you and i will be glad if you can write me to my email ( xxxxx232@gmail.com or xxxxx232 at gmail dot com ) so i can send you some more pics and more about me overthere and you can also send me your email

 

2. Hello Pretty lady how are you doing today and how is your evening going ? Am intrigued to meet an interesting profile like yours. I enjoy knowing more so taking a task to write you this note. Well i have read your profile and sounds satisfactory to me.Anyway how long have you been on the site.Are you communicating with other matches.I would be glad if we can take a try in learning each other. I don’t visit the site often and would love to communicate Via mail.Are you comfortable sharing your personal email with me or send me an email on xxxxx123443@yahoo.com or you can text me on (xxx) 8xx-xxxx and i will get back to you as soon as possible.That’s okay now.speak soon.

 

3. Hello Praiseworthy,

I’m Manuel, an honest,affectionate, easy going, open minded, financially secure, above average man. I like the simpler things in life like slow dancing, and reading, as well as long walks/drives, or just spending quality time with that special someone.  I love jazz and contemporary music. My ideal woman knows what she wants in life, someone who hasn’t lost the dream. Are you fun and have a good sense of humor? Are you adventurous, available, and good with your hands? Write to me (wink is fine) and let’s chat to meet for a cup of coffee.

E-MAIL: XXXXX@Gmail.com

MESSENGER? XXXXX@yahoo.com

SMS/CALL: 435 XXX XXXX.

Please note that if you’re intentions are the “casual/no commitment” or “nothing serious,” please save the time of not writing me. I’m not interested in a fling, I long to find something sentimental, meaningful, and long lasting.

 

4. Hi Trustworthy,

Wow awesome profile, stopped me in my tracks.

 

5. Hello charming angel How are you doing today hope fine?

Well i was practically in search of woman to love and share my whole life with when i ran into your profile You look so lovely,charming and irresistible and i would love to know you more and better please , I want to be your best friend and something more… Am searching for a woman to love and grow old with can you be that special woman of my dream ? Please tell me more about your self and something about your kind of man .

 

6. It’s very lovely to come across your glamorous profile of yours this splendid day and i hope all is well with you? I have been enchanted by your interesting profile of yours and i want to use this opportunity to express my self for you and to know much more about each other.I guess the best way to describe myself is that I’m a nice man who is considerate and respectful other people’s feelings. I am compassionate,honest,loyal,trustworthy,faithful, a great listener,a christian I think this all for now and i will be very grateful if you can we can exchange emails which is XXXXX53@ymail.com o r text me on (XXX) 9XX-8XXX. If anything you can please check on my profile and get back to me, Have a wonderful day and stay bless.Hope to hear from you soon.

 

7. Wow, is my great pleasure to write you after viewing your profile. We do not know each other well but I will really like to have you as a friend if that is better for you of which l strongly believed that close friends can lead to marriage and ever relationship, i will make you smile 3 times a day.You can write me on my email address.

 

8. Hello How are you doing? I went through your profile and have found it very fascinating. So special! Your personality, your interests, your looks. We will get along really well i think. I will love to chat you and get to know you more better email me on XXXXX@yahoo.com ….Hope to read from you soon