Tag Archives: sarcasm

Excess Baggage

Humor, I realize, is a relative term. Some people have no sense of humor. Some people use sarcasm (me raising my hand), slapstick, dry humor , and wit to name a few. Did you ever say something that you just think is hilarious ,and the other person stares at you like you have 2 heads, and they are thinking, “What is so funny?”

sarcasm

When I first created my dating profile, I did write that I felt a sense of humor is important, and pretty much necessary. I like to laugh and joke. I am serious when I have to be , and sarcasm is part of me. I am not hurtful, but sarcasm and wit are my types of humor.

Sometimes you think something is completed , and there is just one little thing that occurs until you know you can add the cherry on top to be done.  I should have known there would be a part 2 . Here is a continuation of my last post when I discussed the guy who did not want to reveal his age. (see “Ageless Dating”) As I had said, we had chatted for quite a while.  He sent me his phone number and asked me for mine, which I gave him.

A few days later, we were talking on the site when he brought up the idea of talking on the phone. I asked him if he would be home that evening. Now, in my head, I was thinking, if he is going to be home, and  I am as well, it would be a good time to have a phone conversation. He writes back and says, “wow, that makes me reminiscent of landline phones.”   I thought about it for just a second, and realized he thought I meant that you had to be home to get the call. Which of course immediately made me think, “is he calling me old?” But, that is me and my paranoia, so I dismissed that thought, and wrote back. And here is where it all hit the fan!

Me: “Ha. OK smart ass. I just meant will you be available  so we could chat.”

Him: total silence

wit

One day later I get a message that says , “ I cannot call you on the phone. I am backing up.”

I write back and say,”I  am not following you. What do you mean?”

Now, of course, I am thinking, “ Did I miss something?” And, also I am thinking you could have gone with your first impression when he was so dramatic about the age saga, but no, too easy. I have to find out.

I get nothing back. My assumption is, he certainly was backing off. OK that should do it for me. But no, I want to hear it.

The next evening I see he is on chat so I send him a quick “ Hey how are you doing?”

What do I get back.? “ I am mad at you.”

Enter 8th grade casting call.

WHAT? Which is exactly what I said to him.

He continues to say that he wasn’t even going to tell me, but he will.

I am thinking, Oh thank you lord. Now I can sleep. Really? You are gracing me with an answer?

He says, “ I don’t appreciate anyone calling me names. I hate when people call me names. That is rude and I haven’t even met you.”

I am sitting there reading these messages as they come in, thinking , “I called him a name?”

He then says, “You called me a smart ass. That is so negative and hurtful. I cannot talk to anyone that calls me a name.”

“I did not call you a name. I was joking.  Just referring to what you said. As in sarcasm, as in, ok smarty pants, I get what you mean.  Except I used smart ass because I always say that.”

That wasn’t going to do it for him, but I found myself defending my actions.

He continues, “ Maybe you and people you know do that . I cannot tolerate name calling.”

Now I am irritated because I realize he is not listening to my explanation. He finally tells me his ex-wife called him names and she cheated on him. Well now the picture is clear. Believe me, I don’t think anyone should call anyone names.  And I respect the fact that he clearly has issues with this. But I was in the dark. How was I to know he had these problems with his ex, or in general? The fact that I had to go over the message history between us to find out that I called him a name, made me think twice.  But , I really felt I wanted to defend my delicate reputation. I have never had a reaction like that in all of my life.

I said, well, first of all, I am not your ex-wife, and secondly, you need to  understand that this was delivered in a joking , light  way. I said if I had called you an asshole (which believe me was very close to next on my list) then you can say I called you a name.

But SMART ASS, was simply said in a lighthearted, joking way.  His reply was well I didn’t take it as a joke. I’ll have to simmer down and see how I feel in a few days.

An hour later I checked on the site and he had deleted his entire profile. Never knew I had such an impact.

No, he did not take it the lighthearted manner in which it was delivered.

I did say at one point,  “You know in person. One could hear the tone, in which a comment or expression is delivered. You can see the person’s facial expressions. “

He actually pondered that. But immediately assuming I was like his ex, tells me he is carrying more baggage and drama, then anyone should have to deal with. bags1

No need to take the few days to simmer down. Simmer all you want. I’m good and quickly moving on.

I thought, honey, if you can’t tolerate that, there is no way in hell we could ever meet.  You would be creamed by my sarcasm and my sense of humor.  Everyone does have varying degrees of humor, but that is something you can learn about  as you get to know someone.  If you want to get to know that someone.

If you were worried, his profile is back up on the site.  Glad to see it wasn’t permanent damage Inflicted. I may have felt bad. Or not.

Pre- Relationship Break Up

This one took about 8 days. Should I count that as a pre-relationship?    Or maybe an ”ex, I havent even met you yet relationship? “

I didnt think, “ oh boy here comes another one”, until I realized there can always be a contender for another biggest loser prize. He started out as someone I thought I could plan a meet and greet, maybe even a real date with.  Ha.

Enter a guy who contacted me on OKC. We chatted on the site for a few days and then graduated to speaking on the phone and texting. Conversations were interesting, telling about each other, what we enjoy , etc. We even had the New York, New Jersey thing in common, and both were living in this area. The usual get to know you stuff.  He added, many times, “ Can’t wait to meet you. We will hit it off so well.”

He lived about 30 min from me, easily workable.  We figured out we could meet the coming Saturday. He called me Friday night before the “date” day. We talked for a while and decided we would meet at 3 PM.  Maybe a cup of coffee to start. Maybe a movie or dinner if we decided we were enjoying ourselves. Said he would call or text on Saturday to confirm. He did- not another stood up story. Well close, if you continue reading.

I get a text at noon on Saturday. Three hours before zero hour. . Keep in mind I just showered , so I can run some errands before I would be meeting him. The text says to begin, “I have some bad news.”  Never a good start. So with a concerned text, I said , “Oh, is all ok?”

He replies “well last night I had a surprise date with a woman (when we spoke that previous evening he said he was meeting his buddy). What exactly is “a surprise date with a woman”? Didn’t bother to ask. He continues with “ we hit it off so well, and I am really attracted to her. I couldn’t be unfair and meet you, want to kiss you ( ummm sorry? ) and be thinking of her. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. Can we take a break?”

Where do I start? Want to kiss me? I’m thinking coffee, and he is kissing me. A break? We hadn’t even met yet. Don’t think we were quite up to needing a break from one another.

Well it had been at least 8 days of texting. Maybe that is his idea of a long term relationship. I responded. “No break needed. Move on. If you drooled over me for a week and someone turned your head that quickly, I’m good.”

First he says, “well you kind of insulted me when I first hit on you on OKC.” Hit on me? See, right there you should have said when I showed interest. “ Anyway, he goes on to say, “you said you were looking for a real man. And that was insulting.” Let’s not mention that he never brought this up in the week + we had communicated. Guess he was searching for ammunition.

Whoa! Defense counsel stepping in here. I quickly went back to my text messages, because I know I didn’t and wouldn’t say that.  And don’t think I didn’t text him right back. I told him I checked the messages and here is what the exchange was.

He had said to me initially, “What are you looking for?”. (Which I find guys many times ask at some point.) So tongue in cheek, with my favorite sarcastic tone,  I said “I’m looking for a man. HA.” Yes, I had even added the HA so one can quickly see that I am joking.  And we had discussed NY style attitude and sarcasm. And nowhere did I say, “real man. “

What did he respond to? “Drool? That’s insulting to me . I was interested in you.”

Oh. Damn, if only I had known.