Humor, I realize, is a relative term. Some people have no sense of humor. Some people use sarcasm (me raising my hand), slapstick, dry humor , and wit to name a few. Did you ever say something that you just think is hilarious ,and the other person stares at you like you have 2 heads, and they are thinking, “What is so funny?”
When I first created my dating profile, I did write that I felt a sense of humor is important, and pretty much necessary. I like to laugh and joke. I am serious when I have to be , and sarcasm is part of me. I am not hurtful, but sarcasm and wit are my types of humor.
Sometimes you think something is completed , and there is just one little thing that occurs until you know you can add the cherry on top to be done. I should have known there would be a part 2 . Here is a continuation of my last post when I discussed the guy who did not want to reveal his age. (see “Ageless Dating”) As I had said, we had chatted for quite a while. He sent me his phone number and asked me for mine, which I gave him.
A few days later, we were talking on the site when he brought up the idea of talking on the phone. I asked him if he would be home that evening. Now, in my head, I was thinking, if he is going to be home, and I am as well, it would be a good time to have a phone conversation. He writes back and says, “wow, that makes me reminiscent of landline phones.” I thought about it for just a second, and realized he thought I meant that you had to be home to get the call. Which of course immediately made me think, “is he calling me old?” But, that is me and my paranoia, so I dismissed that thought, and wrote back. And here is where it all hit the fan!
Me: “Ha. OK smart ass. I just meant will you be available so we could chat.”
Him: total silence
One day later I get a message that says , “ I cannot call you on the phone. I am backing up.”
I write back and say,”I am not following you. What do you mean?”
Now, of course, I am thinking, “ Did I miss something?” And, also I am thinking you could have gone with your first impression when he was so dramatic about the age saga, but no, too easy. I have to find out.
I get nothing back. My assumption is, he certainly was backing off. OK that should do it for me. But no, I want to hear it.
The next evening I see he is on chat so I send him a quick “ Hey how are you doing?”
What do I get back.? “ I am mad at you.”
Enter 8th grade casting call.
WHAT? Which is exactly what I said to him.
He continues to say that he wasn’t even going to tell me, but he will.
I am thinking, Oh thank you lord. Now I can sleep. Really? You are gracing me with an answer?
He says, “ I don’t appreciate anyone calling me names. I hate when people call me names. That is rude and I haven’t even met you.”
I am sitting there reading these messages as they come in, thinking , “I called him a name?”
He then says, “You called me a smart ass. That is so negative and hurtful. I cannot talk to anyone that calls me a name.”
“I did not call you a name. I was joking. Just referring to what you said. As in sarcasm, as in, ok smarty pants, I get what you mean. Except I used smart ass because I always say that.”
That wasn’t going to do it for him, but I found myself defending my actions.
He continues, “ Maybe you and people you know do that . I cannot tolerate name calling.”
Now I am irritated because I realize he is not listening to my explanation. He finally tells me his ex-wife called him names and she cheated on him. Well now the picture is clear. Believe me, I don’t think anyone should call anyone names. And I respect the fact that he clearly has issues with this. But I was in the dark. How was I to know he had these problems with his ex, or in general? The fact that I had to go over the message history between us to find out that I called him a name, made me think twice. But , I really felt I wanted to defend my delicate reputation. I have never had a reaction like that in all of my life.
I said, well, first of all, I am not your ex-wife, and secondly, you need to understand that this was delivered in a joking , light way. I said if I had called you an asshole (which believe me was very close to next on my list) then you can say I called you a name.
But SMART ASS, was simply said in a lighthearted, joking way. His reply was well I didn’t take it as a joke. I’ll have to simmer down and see how I feel in a few days.
An hour later I checked on the site and he had deleted his entire profile. Never knew I had such an impact.
No, he did not take it the lighthearted manner in which it was delivered.
I did say at one point, “You know in person. One could hear the tone, in which a comment or expression is delivered. You can see the person’s facial expressions. “
No need to take the few days to simmer down. Simmer all you want. I’m good and quickly moving on.
I thought, honey, if you can’t tolerate that, there is no way in hell we could ever meet. You would be creamed by my sarcasm and my sense of humor. Everyone does have varying degrees of humor, but that is something you can learn about as you get to know someone. If you want to get to know that someone.
If you were worried, his profile is back up on the site. Glad to see it wasn’t permanent damage Inflicted. I may have felt bad. Or not.