Tag Archives: Relationship

An Opposite Match

I joined Match a year or two ago, but was never very excited about it. When my membership expired, I didn’t renew it.  I thought, why pay , when I am getting no results and very frustrated about it. After about  8 months, I saw there was yet another special deal to join, so I caved, and re-joined the masses on Match.  It hasn’t changed.

Here is my problem.  As we have discussed in the past, I do like younger men. Not extremely younger , though when they message me, I fight temptation. I am getting more practical in my old age. Usually.

One of the main reasons I am not thrilled with Match.com, is because most of the time I am sent matches that to me, really don’t match at all.  Let me explain. For example,  if I put in 47-63 year old age group, I get matches within that age group. BUT, the age range that the men are seeking , does not in any way match mine.  Is that a half match? It doesn’t make sense to me if I am looking for men in a certain age group and specific ethnic groups, that I am sent men that may meet my specific age requirement, but nothing else at all. These men do not want my age group. They are seeking women decades younger.  So, even if I am willing to get someone near my age, whether it is up or down, most of the time they are seeking women in their 30s and 40s. The men that are viewing me and “liking” me,  are much older than I am. Nothing wrong with that, except my beef is,  they are not matching the criteria I chose. And the ones I am getting for matches, I don’t match the criteria that they chose. I am getting a list of men recommended, that do not want someone my age. Where is my Match there?

older

I am not saying necessarily that it is Match’s fault per se.  They are sending me matches that fit my criteria to a point. I will give them that. But if almost every guy in that group wants someone decades younger, that does not work for me.

Looks like I wont be renewing this again.

You can’t help the likes and dislikes on any of these matches. I state quite clearly in my profile that camping and hiking are not my thing.  Fishing is  pretty close to those activities as well, though fishing I can deal with if I am not getting seasick on a boat. I sound like a barrel of fun, don’t I? And yes, there are many men who clearly state that if you are not interested in outdoor activities, or sailing is not your thing , then don’t contact them. No problem here.  I know the dating sites say they match up likes and dislikes, but again, I am not in complete agreement on that one. I know you can’t get it down to exact specifics, but  coming close would be great. Like all of my matches who clearly want someone much younger, usually want her to be able to hike to the campgrounds with a fishing pole. Have fun.

I am starting to believe that though opposites do attract,  it doesn’t necessarily translate to lasting.

I was married to an opposite. Note the WAS. I am from New York City originally and he is from Georgia.  Him: Raised as a Southern Baptist from Georgia. Me: New York Jewish girl. Not sure you can get more opposite than that.  He was quiet, I was not. He didn’t like to talk in person or on the phone. Me: I can talk to anyone ,anywhere, any time. He was not comfortable in social situations, I thrived on them.

I think some opposites can compliment each other. Others are like oil and  water .

bacon

Dating sites for me seem to match oil and water. I need a ham and cheese or bacon and egg match.

GO WITH YOUR GUT

First an update on my update

I did hear from POF about my hacked profile.(see previous 2 post HACKED and HACKED UPDATE)  Pretty much the exact response my sister received, but they did respond to me.  end

AND NOW WE MOVE ON TO THIS WEEK’S WINNER

For close to 2 weeks , I was chatting with a guy we will call Bob.  No Robert, Bob is way too relaxed for this guy. Robert started every email with “How are you? Hope your day is going well.”  He ended every email  with, “have a blessed day.  hugs.”

He told me he is divorced, and has a daughter.  We had the usual chats, but there was always something going on in my head , that there is something off.  Half of his emails were sort of normal sounding, so I would think, oh don’t be silly, you are always looking for the evil in people! He asked things like do you have a pet, I told him a dog and then he asked what his name was. He asked what I was doing for the weekend, all legit questions. And when he asked “so where do you live?” my hair stood on end. He  could have meant the area, but I was so on guard I immediately thought he was hoping I would tell him my address.  He would say oh I bet it is getting cold there, wish I could be there with you.”  First it is July in DC. NEVER COLD.(OK so it went down to 55, a very rare event) Aside from that, maybe, because I was not so comfortable, it creeped me out.

But, really, it mostly was the way he wrote. It was very formal and felt scripted. Mostly it was his pat, strained answers. No levity, or lightness about it. I even wrote back once saying, “are you always this serious?” He really never replied to that.  One of his last emails, and yes you will  see why there was a last email,  said, “when I return from my business trip, where do you think a good place to meet would be?” I responded, with a non-committal reply, because I still had the thoughts buzzing in my head that something didn’t feel right. I said, well I guess someplace convenient to both of us would make the most sense.

The next email, and almost the last one, started off with “I hope you are well mentally and physically. I am writing this note to remind me of the good times we have shared.” SIDE NOTE –we haven’t met .

and here we go:

He wrote:  A lot of good and bad things have happened during our past, and would love for us to forget and face the future and also give each other chances to face the future.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that you now fall as very important person in my life and still care a lot about you. I wish I could tell these things face to face, and, at the same time look into your eyes and sense your reaction to each one of my words. And these words would only reassure you of something you already know: I think i have feelings for you…

I wish you a great and blessed week

With a love from yours

Now, I went way past feeling a bit uncomfortable, to “who writes like that!” I replied by saying his email caught me by surprise , and that  I was not comfortable with his referring to the feelings he has developed ,because we have never met, and this is way too fast, considering.

The next day I receive the following email from him. it is a bit long, but the read will entertain you.

Once I read it, I knew right away,  always go with your gut feeling. gut1

Here is his email after I said HUH?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.

True love is the greatest thing that you can experience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness. It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed. To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust me  first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart. Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for her, to be with her, to cherish her, to fulfill her dreams, to share with her and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her. Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust. Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each other Someone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars; sometimes it’s a simple understanding and trust between two people..

I hope this email finds you well,hugs

With much love

As I read this,  I copied and pasted a paragraph from his email into Google and the first thing that popped up was just about the exact email in all its glory, under the site SCAM EMAILS.COM.

I was so annoyed I copied and pasted that email to him and said, “does this look familiar? Do not email me again.”

HERE IS THE EMAIL I FOUND ON SCAM EMAILS.COM

Hello How are you doing?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.True love is the greatest thing that you canexperience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed.To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust him/her first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart.Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for him, to be with him, to cherish him, to fulfill her dreams, to share with him and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her.Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person,what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely.To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment,and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust.Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each otherSomeone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes,perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars. Sometimes it is a simple understanding and trust between two people.

Do you know he emailed me the next day and said “ how are you today. Hope your day is going well. I don’t know what you are talking about. I write from my mind. How is your day going?”

I could have left it , but I was so furious, I wrote , ARE YOU KIDDING ME. DO NOT EMAIL AGAIN

And I am happy to say he hasn’t. And OKCupid removed his profile from the site, though I am sure he will pop up with another name and profile at some point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are YOU on a Dating Site, Too?

We all know there are thousands of men and women on dating sites. They are found throughout the world , all ages, sizes, ethnic backgrounds and even  by relationship status.  This article discusses a study done by the PEW Research Group on online dating. It talks about online sites, phone apps, and the opinions of those who participate in online dating ,and even those who know someone who has done online dating. online

It did not surprise me that the majority of online daters are those in their 20’s to 40’s. And  equally surprising to me, a much, much lower percentage in the over 50 crowd. Apparently this is an update from a 2005 study. This was published in 2013. Attitudes seem to be more positive about online dating, though  there are still those who feel those who do online dating are desperate. Soon they will do a study on those people and we can write about that.

http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

online1

 

 

 

Relationship Material

http://www.washfm.com/onair/jenni-chase-54141/what-makes-a-woman-relationship-material-12536496

Okay ladies. Here is a breakdown of what men think is the most important personality trait a woman should have to be considered for a relationship. They are all important, but keep in mind these are personality traits. We are not looking at looks, profession, education etc.

I imagine somewhere we need to find the 4 most important traits for a man. Any suggestions?
Though I do think that all four listed for a woman, can work for a man as well, with maybe a tweak or two. Nurturing is usually reserved for women, but, I can already hear some arguing that men can be nurturing too.

I noticed on one of the dating sites, it gives an option for “relationship type”.
Here they are asking for monogamous or non-monogamous. But, they want you to add mostly or strictly. So what is mostly monogamous, as opposed to mostly non-monogamous? Wouldn’t that mean one is not monogamous, no matter how you want to word it? Am I reading it wrong?

Can we consider this a relationship trait? Here is the Google definition.
a distinguishing quality or characteristic, typically one belonging to a person.

So is monogamy a relationship trait? Maybe, throw it on the list. See what happens.

I guess if you are both mostly monogamous, or one of you is, and one is simply non-monogamous, that could work? How about loyalty? Can you be mostly loyal, or non-loyal? Is that the same as being mostly monogamous? My dog is mostly loyal, unless someone gives him a treat. Then he is mostly loyal to them. See, very confusing.

couple

Deal With It!

Image If you have a significant other, or if you don’t, this article is definitely informative.  Save it. It can help everyone out there. Most men don’t know how to deal with us, when rage has taken over. Yes, I know, not every woman is a bitch. I know a few who aren’t, but then again, I don’t see them on a daily basis. I also know MANY that are, and yes , I am not excluding myself. No need to elaborate. Read on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/10-easy-ways-to-deal-with-me-when-im-being-a-bitch_b_3676315.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

 

 

PART 2 : WOULD YOU REPEAT THAT

Let’s see, angles with one wing. Poetic or would that be poetic BS?  Praiseworthy and trustworthy?  Not sure I like one of these as my title. Doesn’t have the pizazz that Queen or Damsel does. And watch out for that pesky son who is changing his fathers profile on these sites! And why does one need to know if I am good with my hands? Is it any wonder I am still searching?

 

And it continues:

 

1. Hello Dear

I am new to this online thing so please bear with me. I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I am interested in getting to know more about you after reading your profile. Do you know that men and women are angels created with only one wing? And they need to embrace each other to be able to fly… I Hope to find my angel whom i can fly with forever.I guarantee that I am a nice Man and know how to treat a woman.I have a good sense of humor.my son got me on here and mess up with my profile, i do believe age and distance is not a barrier in relationship,i will like to know more about you and i will be glad if you can write me to my email ( xxxxx232@gmail.com or xxxxx232 at gmail dot com ) so i can send you some more pics and more about me overthere and you can also send me your email

 

2. Hello Pretty lady how are you doing today and how is your evening going ? Am intrigued to meet an interesting profile like yours. I enjoy knowing more so taking a task to write you this note. Well i have read your profile and sounds satisfactory to me.Anyway how long have you been on the site.Are you communicating with other matches.I would be glad if we can take a try in learning each other. I don’t visit the site often and would love to communicate Via mail.Are you comfortable sharing your personal email with me or send me an email on xxxxx123443@yahoo.com or you can text me on (xxx) 8xx-xxxx and i will get back to you as soon as possible.That’s okay now.speak soon.

 

3. Hello Praiseworthy,

I’m Manuel, an honest,affectionate, easy going, open minded, financially secure, above average man. I like the simpler things in life like slow dancing, and reading, as well as long walks/drives, or just spending quality time with that special someone.  I love jazz and contemporary music. My ideal woman knows what she wants in life, someone who hasn’t lost the dream. Are you fun and have a good sense of humor? Are you adventurous, available, and good with your hands? Write to me (wink is fine) and let’s chat to meet for a cup of coffee.

E-MAIL: XXXXX@Gmail.com

MESSENGER? XXXXX@yahoo.com

SMS/CALL: 435 XXX XXXX.

Please note that if you’re intentions are the “casual/no commitment” or “nothing serious,” please save the time of not writing me. I’m not interested in a fling, I long to find something sentimental, meaningful, and long lasting.

 

4. Hi Trustworthy,

Wow awesome profile, stopped me in my tracks.

 

5. Hello charming angel How are you doing today hope fine?

Well i was practically in search of woman to love and share my whole life with when i ran into your profile You look so lovely,charming and irresistible and i would love to know you more and better please , I want to be your best friend and something more… Am searching for a woman to love and grow old with can you be that special woman of my dream ? Please tell me more about your self and something about your kind of man .

 

6. It’s very lovely to come across your glamorous profile of yours this splendid day and i hope all is well with you? I have been enchanted by your interesting profile of yours and i want to use this opportunity to express my self for you and to know much more about each other.I guess the best way to describe myself is that I’m a nice man who is considerate and respectful other people’s feelings. I am compassionate,honest,loyal,trustworthy,faithful, a great listener,a christian I think this all for now and i will be very grateful if you can we can exchange emails which is XXXXX53@ymail.com o r text me on (XXX) 9XX-8XXX. If anything you can please check on my profile and get back to me, Have a wonderful day and stay bless.Hope to hear from you soon.

 

7. Wow, is my great pleasure to write you after viewing your profile. We do not know each other well but I will really like to have you as a friend if that is better for you of which l strongly believed that close friends can lead to marriage and ever relationship, i will make you smile 3 times a day.You can write me on my email address.

 

8. Hello How are you doing? I went through your profile and have found it very fascinating. So special! Your personality, your interests, your looks. We will get along really well i think. I will love to chat you and get to know you more better email me on XXXXX@yahoo.com ….Hope to read from you soon

 

Wanna Fight?

 I bet someone, at some point, had at least one of these.  Whether it is with a husband,  ex-significant other , or boyfriend.

Read on- What do you think?

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/20-fights-had-absolutely-every-couple-earth-171700653.html

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/stop-a-fight-with-your-boyfriend?link=emb&dom=yah_life&src=syn&con=blog_cosmo&mag=cos

 

Yes, I said NO

Don’t get me wrong, there are many men looking for an actual relationship on these sites. Maybe I am not attracting them or maybe I am not attracted to those who are seeking that. That will be a different therapy session I haven’t had yet. There is time for that.

One man who I responded to seemed like  a nice enough guy. Yes, I  saw his picture and thought he is no Adonis, but,  is that the only important thing? I worked on convincing myself that it is not, and I agreed to meet him for coffee. To be fair, we met  halfway between our homes, because he lived at least an hour from me. We actually spoke on the phone a couple of times before our actual meeting, and I did hesitate after that experience. He had a very heavy, thick, I almost can’t understand you,  southern accent. Not an issue ordinarily,  I was married to a Georgia boy. But this was one of those really slow accents, where I wanted to pull the words out of his mouth for him. Keep in mind I am originally from  NYC,  though I  live in Virginia which in my book is still the south. My mouth and brain work faster than he could speak.  But yet, again, I decided not to be a snob, and agreed to meet for coffee.

Conversation was fine, even close to interesting at times, but it took so long for him to say a sentence that I wanted to finish it for him even if I had to make up the end of the story to get it done!   All the while I am sitting there, not quite 45 minutes, I am feeling his intense stare. It was penetrating my skin. Starting to feel uncomfortable, I decided maybe it was time for me to go. So I said just that, and he walked me to my car. I said thank you, it was nice, and got in and drove away. The rest of the day and night I was agonizing over the fact that I knew I didn’t want to see him again, and the right thing would be to tell him. I could have ignored it, but felt I should nip it in the bud, in case he decided to contact me first.   So being the chicken I am, I decided to text him. Easy, no actual contact and quick. I wrote simply , “thank you for the coffee but I didn’t feel there was a connection. I hope you find someone on the site and good luck.” Whew. done. I received a reply, that said, “Thanks for letting me know.” Yea, not so fast Missy.

15 minutes later I received another text from him, saying are “are you sure?”  do I answer ? Of course I did. Yes I answered . I am sure.

10 minutes later I receive yet another text. “Even if I caress your cheek?” WHAT? Where did that come from?  This time I thought for a second and decided no answer is needed. Did that stop him? Nope. Another text 20 minutes later. I want to kiss and caress you. Not going to happen buddy. Now you just jumped into the CREEP category.  No more contact. I guess he didn’t agree because  a week or so later,  I got another message, this time through the dating site. Maybe I would like to reconsider and go out. Maybe not, I  thought. Great to be desired.  Now i am looking for his picture on the post office wall.