Tag Archives: profile

Small Town Living

I live in a small town. Of course it is all relative,  since I am well aware there are much smaller towns to be found. Let’s put it in perspective. The town has a population of approximately 17,000 people. The town I recently moved from to come here had a population of about 34,000. Double the amount of people, for those of you who don’t have your calculators  handy. I am originally from New York City, population 8 million give or take. Having lived in Miami, San Francisco and 15 miles from Washington DC. , you can understand why I am saying I now live in a small town. We are talking cows and chickens small.  There is a Main Street. Most small towns I have been to have a street called Main Street. Some run about a block, but my town’s main street  is a few miles!  

mainst

Living in a city or suburb of a city, one can count on anonymity. You blend in a city of 8 million. You can certainly blend in a city like Miami , where the population is about 400,000+. When I lived in the town of about 34,000, I did on occasion run into someone I know, but not often. Blending was more difficult, but still i could go months without seeing someone I knew.

small

Which brings me to my town of 17,000. Not excessively small but clearly my anonymity is gone. The historic part  of  the downtown area runs a few blocks. Quaint and cute, but small. Scattered about the county are many antique shops, small businesses and of course Wal-Mart , Target and Tractor Supply Store. One of my pastimes is to maintain an antique booth in an antique mall in the town I live in. Weekly, I stop in to add things, pick up a check (hopefully) and keep it neat and appealing.

Last week, I parked in front of the Antique Mall, hopped out of the car,  just planning on running in to grab a chair to take out of my booth.  Wound my way through, grabbed the chair and was headed for the front door to throw it in my car.  An older gentleman (he looked older)  (Guess he could be my age or I really hope older because otherwise he isn’t looking that good) jumped up and said let me get the door for you. He was very small. Inches shorter than I am and somewhat stooped over.  I thought that was very gentlemanly of him to offer. I thought, ahhh small town living at its best. So he held the door , I walked through with my chair, and he follows me outside! He then says, “How are you?” “just fine”, I reply and “how are you today?”

old-men-clipart-1

He says “good. I saw you on Plenty of Fish.” I stopped in my tracks and said “oh really?” No one, anywhere, had ever recognized me from a dating site nor have I ever seen anyone in person on the street from a site. Maybe that is not the norm, but for me, I thought oh no. I live in a small town and now people recognize my face. I can pretty much say there does not seem to be a lot of people in my town on this site! There are not a lot of people period. He then says” so how’s it going.”  I said “Fine”. Then I realized he meant my success or lack of success on the site. I said, “ oh you know, haven’t been on much lately (which is not a lie. since I moved dating has taken the back burner.)

I opened the back of my car to put the chair in and he is lingering. I said as cheery as I could, “Thanks so much for holding the door. That was very kind.” He says, “Anytime. I am here often”. What? It is an antique shop. He was just sitting in a chair near the front desk when I came in. Is this a local  hangout?  A Meeting place? Do people gather there and tell stories? Or is he waiting for unsuspecting dating site participants to come through looking for a vintage chair or vintage man!

I’m Baaaack

It’s been a while since I have written, which I really hope someone noticed. Some of it was just being unmotivated, some lack of dating. Life does get in the way sometimes. I am going to be moving soon,  about 50-60 miles south of where I am located now, and the stress of getting the house ready to sell, finding something else, and waiting and waiting , and then more waiting, takes a toll.

I have stayed on the dating sites, and have messaged here and there, but absolutely no effort has been put forth on my part to obtain a date, or even entertain the thought.

But without fail, the guys come through with crazy notions that I may recognize their efforts by trying to get my attention in all sorts of ways. Once again we have a large age range, broken English, bad grammar, and the ever-present nudity.

Since nudity will usually grab anyone’s attention we can start there. Here is a guy who looked pretty good in his picture. Yes, I have been out of commission somewhat, but I have not forgotten that bogus pictures exist. But I have my thoughts, which will be clear in a moment or two, that the picture was him.  

The profile picture was shirtless. I don’t usually respond to the ones that are shirtless, because we really do know what they are advertising. Guess I was feeling nice that day.

We chatted on the dating site for a few days on and off. He asked could we chat on the phone instead of on the site. I said OK and sent my cell phone number. A week, at least, maybe two, went by, so I simply forgot about it.

One day I get a face-time call on my phone from a Gmail address. I ignored it. I thought briefly that whoever this was, had tried this before on my number, which I had ignored. Didn’t recognize it, because everyone I know calls from phone numbers.  I don’t make a habit of answering face-time calls when I don’t recognize the number, and this was an email address which made me more suspicious. Within a minute, it rang again. I ignored it. The third time I picked it up I said, “LOOK I DON’T KNOW WHO IS CALLING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS BUT JUST STOP.” Note the CAPS. I believe they caught me in a bad mood! Then my phone dings, and there is a message on the dating site from the guy I had been chatting with. He says, “ did i do something wrong? why were you angry?”

I pointed out in my response that not only didn’t I know his full name, but did not know his email and why call me face-time the first time on the phone, when we haven’t chatted and I sent my number to talk and get to know one another.  Being suspicious is in my blood. I didn’t tell him that part. He responds with, “why did you scream. You scared me away ha. good luck.”

No loss there, but  I responded back, “ Oh I figure that happened 2 weeks ago when you never responded when I sent my number to you.”

Fast forward a few days, and here comes another face-time call. I recognized the email address this time. Didn’t answer. One minute later another call. So I decided to pick it up and said hello but didn’t show my face yet. I see a bare chest, recognizable from his profile picture, and in the background I hear, Hello Hello. I hung up.

Calls again . I pick it up again. I did the same thing and I hear “are you there. this is Mark.” I said yes, but I can’t see your face. I see your chest.” He doesn’t move the camera. I said where is your face? I am assuming you have one.”  And he shows me his penis. I hang up. Later that evening I get a message on the site. “Sorry I was naked on face-time.”

I wrote back . “ Thanks.” Why did I respond? Who knows. I like to egg people on I guess.

The next day I get 2 more face-time calls from him. I don’t answer. I write to him on the dating site and say, “I saw you called a few times. I am not trusting you for me to pick up the phone on face-time.” I am happy to say he has not responded and if he tries again there will be no response from me. Some guys don’t get that, that is not , speaking for myself, what someone wants to see when called. The fact that I asked  for a regular phone call and still only got face-time did not sit well with me. But when I say where is your face and I get his only body part that is clearly available, he loses.

I got the usual scam messages too, in case anyone was worried that they may have ceased. Just because my life slowed down, doesn’t mean those scammers are not working hard.

  1. Hello how are you doing over there pretty , i will care to get know more about you better are you still a single?
  2. Hello my lady,hows the weather over there………………………!
  3. am john henry from texas city am divorced with 2 kids Jerry and Mary there mom die in airplain accident amhere to look for a truth worth and honest,caring woman to spend all my life.
  4. hello dear have pass through a hell stress just to message you.please i need to know you i got attracted with your profile,so please tell me about you
  5. hi there…what a beautiful profile picture you uploaded on the site,i like that sparkling smile and i will be glad to smile with you someday….i am michael smith,50 and i am new to internet stuff…….. tell me more about you if you don’t mind i can’t wait to read back from a beautiful woman like you…i dont mind if will can hook u from here by mailing or txt.
  6. am loving and caring but am looking for someone to replace my wife. I’m funny outgoing and sensitive person. I don’t like when people around me are upset and I’m doing my best to make them at least smile. I am like fire. I am hot and bright inside.

and for now, last but not least, and we know never really the last:

7. I have always been a hopeFUL romantic longing to find THE ONE that I knew must be out there…That is definitely one thing to thank technology for! No matter where this goes, I feel so blessed to have gotten this chance to meet you and will love to get to know you better..My subscription will be ending soon and don’t intend to go for another plan because there seems to bee too much weirdo’s on the web..You’re such a very beautiful and charming woman and am sure you hear that everyday, why in the world is a very beautiful woman like you still single?

I haven’t changed, spelling, grammar, or wording. I cringe when I read it but it is what it is. Do I need to comment on these? No, I don’t. I would love to write a version of mad libs for these. And for those of you unfamiliar with Mad Libs here is a definition. (Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the – often comical or nonsensical – story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.) We would get a good laugh and I am thinking a dating Mad Libs may be in the works. Don’t steal my plan. I’ll let you play.

HACKED UPDATE

So maybe I jumped the gun. I felt violated when my profile was hacked on Plenty of fish. But now, it seems POF has come through….basically.  Though,  I still have not heard from them at all,  my sister, who has a profile on POF, emailed them on my behalf, explaining my hacked situation. She received an email including a sort of apology. More like ,”sorry for the inconvenience, “ but it is something. And they removed the Hacked profile under my user name on the dating site. She confirmed this but going onto the site and searching for my profile name, and it is gone! It took just a week, but they did it.

I do think their customer service options need major improvement, but I am glad they did something positive and took care of this issue. I wish I could find out the why and how of this hacking job, but I have to let it go. I can only speculate.

complaint

On the same note,  I have emailed OKCupid about bogus/scam emails, and they have removed those users within 5 minutes. Maybe I was spoiled. Though wouldn’t it be nice if we never had to email them at all. Just a dream.

Are YOU on a Dating Site, Too?

We all know there are thousands of men and women on dating sites. They are found throughout the world , all ages, sizes, ethnic backgrounds and even  by relationship status.  This article discusses a study done by the PEW Research Group on online dating. It talks about online sites, phone apps, and the opinions of those who participate in online dating ,and even those who know someone who has done online dating. online

It did not surprise me that the majority of online daters are those in their 20’s to 40’s. And  equally surprising to me, a much, much lower percentage in the over 50 crowd. Apparently this is an update from a 2005 study. This was published in 2013. Attitudes seem to be more positive about online dating, though  there are still those who feel those who do online dating are desperate. Soon they will do a study on those people and we can write about that.

http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

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I See You

If he looks at my profile, and then I look at his profile, and then he looks at my profile…. you get the picture. This guy looked at my profile at least 7 or 8 times. I looked at his almost as many times. There was at least some curiosity on both of our parts. He looked, and seemed, a bit more straight laced than I usually go for. His profile emphasized a spiritual and faith based life, which I can say, I do not follow. He mentioned he goes to church every Sunday, which I do not. Oh yea, The Jewish part negates that. He also said that material things are not important, and if one is looking for a guy with money, then he would not be the one. Hmmm. Not necessarily looking for someone with money, but my mother always said, you can date/marry a rich guy as easily as a poor guy. I think because I married the poor category back in the day. Come on, it does help, doesn’t it? But the blond hair and blue eyes caught my eye. OK, so he looked like a previous boyfriend of many years ago, so I kept looking when he looked.

I decided to send a short note since we had been peeking at one another . Which is how I put it to him.

“How are you? Since we have been peeking at one another I thought I would say hi.” A week or so goes by, and he finally responded.

He says ” Hi. You really seem interesting. but my hesitation has been that you only have head shots on your profile.”

I have to say I was bit taken aback. Should I have been? I don’t know , but that had never come up before. If I am so interesting, and you liked the head shots, then message me and ask me for a photo. Or ask why I don’t have a full picture.

I did respond and said “Oh wow , I never thought about that. “ Playfully I added, “Well I am not hiding anything and everything is there.” Then I said ,” I will look for a picture, at least one I would  be willing to share. Or maybe I will take one. Out of curiosity, what are you trying to determine by the full picture?”

No answer for a few days and then he responded with” I’d like to see what you look like.”

Fair enough. For the record,  I did meet a guy for drinks once, and we had chatted for weeks. He was at the bar when I got there, never got up( that is another story)  and had a  long  black coat on the whole time.  When we left to go to our respective cars, I  realized that he was hiding his lower half under his coat. So yes, I could understand Blondie wanting a full body photo. I should have asked Mr. Black  Coat for a full body photo.

So I took a picture. A selfie, which I really hate taking because they I never like them. I posted it on the dating site and guess what?

He visited my profile again and  never commented or sent a message after that. I guess I didn’t pass the full body  picture test for him. Did it make me feel bad? Yes it did. Sure I know that not everyone is attracted to everyone. He certainly was attracted to me from the head up!  I dont know why it bugged me. And why did I want to continue this, if just by reading his profile, I realized we were quite opposite in many ways? I guess everyone wants acceptance in whatever form they can get it.  Did I mention he never drinks alcohol either?

It’s a Small World

I want to know why someone starts a conversation with me, I assume it is “normal”, and it goes south, almost immediately. Mid fifties, good job, lives about an hour from me. Started off with regular chatter. By the third sentence he is asking what position I like. I said, “hey rather not have this conversation.”

He apologizes for being so crude. The next day started off with a friendly good morning message.  I respond briefly, since I am at work. He then asks if I like weekend getaways and when was the last time I was with a man? What? I said,” I guess you don’t mean out for a drink? “

He laughs and says, “I am  going on a business trip and will be back Wed. Do you like to be on top?”

Somewhere I missed the segue! There is nothing matching  this question and answer period . Again, I point out that I am not getting into this conversation since we were only trying to set up a meeting, which I was quickly re-thinking. He goes on his trip, probably thinking of more out of context questions. He messages me while he is gone and said, “I like you. I think we will get along. “    Returns from his travels , now he is back in town and messages me with, “how are you? want to come to my house for dinner?”

“Gee thanks for the offer, but no. Haven’t even met yet. “

“Ok” he replied, “I understand. You will love my kisses.” Another leap.

Step back buddy. then he starts with his preferences, of what he likes and doesn’t in a partner. . so I said,” hey,  lets not go there now. IF we ever meet,” which again, I was rapidly second guessing, “we can have other conversations.”…maybe.

Get ready to leap. “ok what size shoe do you wear? “

Now I know I missed that train that just went by. But of course, I had to answer at this point.

“8 ½ why?”

“Curious”, he says. Without wondering why he is curious as to my shoe size and not my bra size, as most men want to know, I joked and said ,”and what size are you? haha”

Immediately the response is, “I am a 9, so if you are looking for a large man I am not your guy. See me naked and you will sing, ‘it’s a small world.’ “

I was glad this was only messages, because I just  burst out laughing.

I said to him, “ How does one answer that. What woman doesn’t like a large man ?”I wrote back to him. “Haha” again, keeping it light.

His response, “ so you only like large men?” I decided not to answer that, but apparently, he took my haha as of course!

I said, ” one needs to be attracted to someone and like them, and then see what happens. If this is what you are looking for I am not your man! (taking his sentence, threw a little humor in it to lighten the load) I told him, “ from sentence 2, you were only talking about sex. “

He says, “I want a friend and a lover. “

“Granted, I get that”  I said . “ That could be acceptable, but one needs to see if there is an attraction because we still haven’t met.”  Boy, I was getting tired of saying that line.

Yes I saw his picture, and we weren’t talking George Clooney., but I was going to be open minded.

Then he finally says, I dated a woman for 2 months and we finally had sex and  I wasn’t large enough.”

Well here we are. No wonder. He was traumatized and probably felt he needed to lay it all out up front before I sang ‘Its a Small World.’

I told him I agree it was hurtful what the lady said to him, and one has to see if one is attracted to someone, without worrying about shoe size.  I believe he did not like my somewhat ,not gushing ,”I cant wait to meet you,” response.  And I didn’t meet him. Lots of reasons which aren’t hard to figure out. And not just shoe size.

Pre- Relationship Break Up

This one took about 8 days. Should I count that as a pre-relationship?    Or maybe an ”ex, I havent even met you yet relationship? “

I didnt think, “ oh boy here comes another one”, until I realized there can always be a contender for another biggest loser prize. He started out as someone I thought I could plan a meet and greet, maybe even a real date with.  Ha.

Enter a guy who contacted me on OKC. We chatted on the site for a few days and then graduated to speaking on the phone and texting. Conversations were interesting, telling about each other, what we enjoy , etc. We even had the New York, New Jersey thing in common, and both were living in this area. The usual get to know you stuff.  He added, many times, “ Can’t wait to meet you. We will hit it off so well.”

He lived about 30 min from me, easily workable.  We figured out we could meet the coming Saturday. He called me Friday night before the “date” day. We talked for a while and decided we would meet at 3 PM.  Maybe a cup of coffee to start. Maybe a movie or dinner if we decided we were enjoying ourselves. Said he would call or text on Saturday to confirm. He did- not another stood up story. Well close, if you continue reading.

I get a text at noon on Saturday. Three hours before zero hour. . Keep in mind I just showered , so I can run some errands before I would be meeting him. The text says to begin, “I have some bad news.”  Never a good start. So with a concerned text, I said , “Oh, is all ok?”

He replies “well last night I had a surprise date with a woman (when we spoke that previous evening he said he was meeting his buddy). What exactly is “a surprise date with a woman”? Didn’t bother to ask. He continues with “ we hit it off so well, and I am really attracted to her. I couldn’t be unfair and meet you, want to kiss you ( ummm sorry? ) and be thinking of her. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. Can we take a break?”

Where do I start? Want to kiss me? I’m thinking coffee, and he is kissing me. A break? We hadn’t even met yet. Don’t think we were quite up to needing a break from one another.

Well it had been at least 8 days of texting. Maybe that is his idea of a long term relationship. I responded. “No break needed. Move on. If you drooled over me for a week and someone turned your head that quickly, I’m good.”

First he says, “well you kind of insulted me when I first hit on you on OKC.” Hit on me? See, right there you should have said when I showed interest. “ Anyway, he goes on to say, “you said you were looking for a real man. And that was insulting.” Let’s not mention that he never brought this up in the week + we had communicated. Guess he was searching for ammunition.

Whoa! Defense counsel stepping in here. I quickly went back to my text messages, because I know I didn’t and wouldn’t say that.  And don’t think I didn’t text him right back. I told him I checked the messages and here is what the exchange was.

He had said to me initially, “What are you looking for?”. (Which I find guys many times ask at some point.) So tongue in cheek, with my favorite sarcastic tone,  I said “I’m looking for a man. HA.” Yes, I had even added the HA so one can quickly see that I am joking.  And we had discussed NY style attitude and sarcasm. And nowhere did I say, “real man. “

What did he respond to? “Drool? That’s insulting to me . I was interested in you.”

Oh. Damn, if only I had known.

One of These is Not Like the Other

My kids used to watch Sesame Street. One of their favorite segments was:

“Which picture is not like the others?”   They see 3 of the same objects and one that is a different shape and color . Pretty obvious, and to a 3 year old, it is a challenge.

 ImageImage

Here is the new challenge. One of the many candidates on the dating site that I can choose from. Can you pick out which one does not belong with the others?

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But there are questions.  Is it his hair or an extension? Does he go to the same hairdresser as Taylor Swift or did he just bring in a photo of her and Lindsay Lohan to show his hairdresser because he couldn’t decide? I mean which way should you have the curls flowing? Left or right? So many decisions.

Uh, What Did You Say?

I would like to revisit the subject of some of the more absurd messages I have received , and, of course, I still am receiving. I can say with certainty, they will never run out. Somehow they keep popping up, and somehow, they find me. I can summarize the laughable parts, but I think it will be best if I comment as I go. And I left their wonderful phrasing and grammar for all to enjoy.

#1. Hello there

Your profile is very intriguing and I like what you have to say. It would be pleasant to learn more about you .You look attractive and write well, seem articulate, sensitive and worth more than a second look! (so honored) I decided to join for a few months to see what this site was like. I like what you wrote in your profile and thought I would reach out to see if we might be compatible. Let me know if you would like to communicate more. .Will be Hoping to hear from you. mind if we chat on yahoo im (yes I do)

 

#2. Hello. Would you consider getting acquainted and becoming real friends?(What exactly does that mean?) Do you have too many already? (Who asks this?) Let’s explore a friendship…I’m not into drama or pain. (why throw in pain? Maybe drama and games? but pain?) I do not want your money or your identity. I am not after a one-nighter, I am American not Nigerian. Cybersex is so 1995. (No words for this one!)

#3. I am searching for a long-term friendship, even if it is online only. I love road trips! ( not sure what an online friendship and road trips have in common) Oh, and feel free to IM me here anytime. (I didn’t)

#4. Hi, how are you doing? is a great privilege for me to meet someone like you here. Am so much happy i find a woman like you with the same thing in common with me. If won’t mind i will love to know some pretty things about you. ( oh gee sorry. I usually just display my ugly things) Am William…… Hope to hear from you soon. Take care and God bless…. (didn’t change any of his eloquent writing. it is all him)

#5. I am a honest God fearing man. This is my private Email:(XXXXXusall@gmail.com) / phone: 832-713-XXXX. Thank you i will be expecting your reply. God bless you ( I didn’t reply. Then # 2 message shows up.)

have not been on the site for some months but just visited few weeks ago i am rarely here.. too bad i missed you today was so anxious to read from you..832-713-XXXX. text me i will really appreciate xoxo ( I didn’t)

#6. can I come over and cuddle? (to the point. I didn’t answer so he sent a second cuddle request. I finally responded and said no you may not. then he asked “why not?” (opened that can of worms by responding. so I said because I don’t allow someone I never met to come here at all. Again, “why not?” I gave up. to clarify, gave up answering, I  DID NOT let him come over!)

#7. Hello how you doing..I am a single dad..You can call me Joe am new on here…I find a single woman to love and grow old with..hope to read from you soon ( I didnt call him Joe or anything for that matter.)

#8. Hello dear How was your day i hope it was Good as mine cos i can see that from your awesome pic how old is the pics? (Don’t know what my awesome day has to do with my profile pic, never mind when they were taken!)

#9. People call me the Bry man; I’m the stylish one of the group. I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It’s called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, and you just might get to meet the whole gang. ( I did not ask to meet any of his gang. And yes, he was in his early 30’S. I am truly hoping someone after the age of 40 is not naming his body parts, but I am guessing, our man Bry, surely will be.)