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Sports analogies are used quite often. Personally, I have never used one, because though I enjoy watching (not playing) some sports, I felt this one works.  I am not a baseball player, though making a few million every time I went to work would really be helpful. But, to be honest, I am in a slump. The definition is made for me. I am not performing up to my expectations, or anyones I would imagine,  And I am definitely in a drought. My game is off. A dry spell fits the bill.

An extended period when player or team is not performing well or up to expectations. A dry spell or drought.


Maybe one could call it a self-imposed slump. I get messages. I get offers, though some should be called solicitations. Take this gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Again, a man one year younger than I am, so the category is my age group. Nondescript in the looks department, average, looks like an insurance salesman. ( now don’t go taking offense all of you insurance salesman out there. I could have said accountant, or computer geek.)  He sends me a message and I respond with a friendly reply. Does he ask me to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee? Not a chance.

“Are you working?”, he askes me.

I responded and said , “Yes I am. All day.”

Then he says, Oh too bad. I thought I would come over and play.”

I respond with, “so let me get this straight. We had 3 lines of messages. Never talked. Never met. And you want to come over and play? I am not in the habit of having strange men whom I have never met come over to my home for sex.” Move on.

And may I add he was insulted and wanted to know what would be wrong with that? I should have asked him if he ever watches CSI or Law and Order.


So my slump continues. I get quite a few, So and So want to meet You” notifications. Do I want to meet them? NO.  I cant agree to meet someone who looks like he lives in his mother’s basement. Or if he is holding a fish.  Even a few messages that ask to meet. But I am not in the group of women, or men, I imagine, that will meet anyone for a drink or coffee, just to have another date.  I do know women who do this.  Many tell me they are not attracted to him, but hell why not grab a drink anyway, and then tell him no for next time. I would rather stay home. I have to  be attracted visually or even, mentally, to want to got to the next step. I would not enjoy sitting there for even an hour, knowing I am only doing it to go out. Personal preference on my part.

A hitter can’t let a poor performance carry over into the next opportunity. Pouting or feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in a slump can become a habit, starting a vicious cycle that’s very hard to break.

I am definitely carrying over my slump attitude into other aspects of dating and even my life.  Of course I am having a pity party. I detect a pattern, a habit as stated above. But habits are hard to break. I’m working on it. Baseball players practice their swings in the mirror, according to what I have read about being in a slump. I dont know what I can practice in the mirror. I guess I could practice saying, ‘yes’, or ‘don’t be a dating a snob,’ but  I am not fooling anyone especially myself. I think it is more my attitude I have to change to eliminate the slump I am in. Or maybe a new dating site.

It’s a Small World

I want to know why someone starts a conversation with me, I assume it is “normal”, and it goes south, almost immediately. Mid fifties, good job, lives about an hour from me. Started off with regular chatter. By the third sentence he is asking what position I like. I said, “hey rather not have this conversation.”

He apologizes for being so crude. The next day started off with a friendly good morning message.  I respond briefly, since I am at work. He then asks if I like weekend getaways and when was the last time I was with a man? What? I said,” I guess you don’t mean out for a drink? “

He laughs and says, “I am  going on a business trip and will be back Wed. Do you like to be on top?”

Somewhere I missed the segue! There is nothing matching  this question and answer period . Again, I point out that I am not getting into this conversation since we were only trying to set up a meeting, which I was quickly re-thinking. He goes on his trip, probably thinking of more out of context questions. He messages me while he is gone and said, “I like you. I think we will get along. “    Returns from his travels , now he is back in town and messages me with, “how are you? want to come to my house for dinner?”

“Gee thanks for the offer, but no. Haven’t even met yet. “

“Ok” he replied, “I understand. You will love my kisses.” Another leap.

Step back buddy. then he starts with his preferences, of what he likes and doesn’t in a partner. . so I said,” hey,  lets not go there now. IF we ever meet,” which again, I was rapidly second guessing, “we can have other conversations.”…maybe.

Get ready to leap. “ok what size shoe do you wear? “

Now I know I missed that train that just went by. But of course, I had to answer at this point.

“8 ½ why?”

“Curious”, he says. Without wondering why he is curious as to my shoe size and not my bra size, as most men want to know, I joked and said ,”and what size are you? haha”

Immediately the response is, “I am a 9, so if you are looking for a large man I am not your guy. See me naked and you will sing, ‘it’s a small world.’ “

I was glad this was only messages, because I just  burst out laughing.

I said to him, “ How does one answer that. What woman doesn’t like a large man ?”I wrote back to him. “Haha” again, keeping it light.

His response, “ so you only like large men?” I decided not to answer that, but apparently, he took my haha as of course!

I said, ” one needs to be attracted to someone and like them, and then see what happens. If this is what you are looking for I am not your man! (taking his sentence, threw a little humor in it to lighten the load) I told him, “ from sentence 2, you were only talking about sex. “

He says, “I want a friend and a lover. “

“Granted, I get that”  I said . “ That could be acceptable, but one needs to see if there is an attraction because we still haven’t met.”  Boy, I was getting tired of saying that line.

Yes I saw his picture, and we weren’t talking George Clooney., but I was going to be open minded.

Then he finally says, I dated a woman for 2 months and we finally had sex and  I wasn’t large enough.”

Well here we are. No wonder. He was traumatized and probably felt he needed to lay it all out up front before I sang ‘Its a Small World.’

I told him I agree it was hurtful what the lady said to him, and one has to see if one is attracted to someone, without worrying about shoe size.  I believe he did not like my somewhat ,not gushing ,”I cant wait to meet you,” response.  And I didn’t meet him. Lots of reasons which aren’t hard to figure out. And not just shoe size.

Yes, I said NO

Don’t get me wrong, there are many men looking for an actual relationship on these sites. Maybe I am not attracting them or maybe I am not attracted to those who are seeking that. That will be a different therapy session I haven’t had yet. There is time for that.

One man who I responded to seemed like  a nice enough guy. Yes, I  saw his picture and thought he is no Adonis, but,  is that the only important thing? I worked on convincing myself that it is not, and I agreed to meet him for coffee. To be fair, we met  halfway between our homes, because he lived at least an hour from me. We actually spoke on the phone a couple of times before our actual meeting, and I did hesitate after that experience. He had a very heavy, thick, I almost can’t understand you,  southern accent. Not an issue ordinarily,  I was married to a Georgia boy. But this was one of those really slow accents, where I wanted to pull the words out of his mouth for him. Keep in mind I am originally from  NYC,  though I  live in Virginia which in my book is still the south. My mouth and brain work faster than he could speak.  But yet, again, I decided not to be a snob, and agreed to meet for coffee.

Conversation was fine, even close to interesting at times, but it took so long for him to say a sentence that I wanted to finish it for him even if I had to make up the end of the story to get it done!   All the while I am sitting there, not quite 45 minutes, I am feeling his intense stare. It was penetrating my skin. Starting to feel uncomfortable, I decided maybe it was time for me to go. So I said just that, and he walked me to my car. I said thank you, it was nice, and got in and drove away. The rest of the day and night I was agonizing over the fact that I knew I didn’t want to see him again, and the right thing would be to tell him. I could have ignored it, but felt I should nip it in the bud, in case he decided to contact me first.   So being the chicken I am, I decided to text him. Easy, no actual contact and quick. I wrote simply , “thank you for the coffee but I didn’t feel there was a connection. I hope you find someone on the site and good luck.” Whew. done. I received a reply, that said, “Thanks for letting me know.” Yea, not so fast Missy.

15 minutes later I received another text from him, saying are “are you sure?”  do I answer ? Of course I did. Yes I answered . I am sure.

10 minutes later I receive yet another text. “Even if I caress your cheek?” WHAT? Where did that come from?  This time I thought for a second and decided no answer is needed. Did that stop him? Nope. Another text 20 minutes later. I want to kiss and caress you. Not going to happen buddy. Now you just jumped into the CREEP category.  No more contact. I guess he didn’t agree because  a week or so later,  I got another message, this time through the dating site. Maybe I would like to reconsider and go out. Maybe not, I  thought. Great to be desired.  Now i am looking for his picture on the post office wall.