Tag Archives: Physical attractiveness

Slump

Sports analogies are used quite often. Personally, I have never used one, because though I enjoy watching (not playing) some sports, I felt this one works.  I am not a baseball player, though making a few million every time I went to work would really be helpful. But, to be honest, I am in a slump. The definition is made for me. I am not performing up to my expectations, or anyones I would imagine,  And I am definitely in a drought. My game is off. A dry spell fits the bill.

An extended period when player or team is not performing well or up to expectations. A dry spell or drought.

slump1

Maybe one could call it a self-imposed slump. I get messages. I get offers, though some should be called solicitations. Take this gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Again, a man one year younger than I am, so the category is my age group. Nondescript in the looks department, average, looks like an insurance salesman. ( now don’t go taking offense all of you insurance salesman out there. I could have said accountant, or computer geek.)  He sends me a message and I respond with a friendly reply. Does he ask me to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee? Not a chance.

“Are you working?”, he askes me.

I responded and said , “Yes I am. All day.”

Then he says, Oh too bad. I thought I would come over and play.”

I respond with, “so let me get this straight. We had 3 lines of messages. Never talked. Never met. And you want to come over and play? I am not in the habit of having strange men whom I have never met come over to my home for sex.” Move on.

And may I add he was insulted and wanted to know what would be wrong with that? I should have asked him if he ever watches CSI or Law and Order.

slump

So my slump continues. I get quite a few, So and So want to meet You” notifications. Do I want to meet them? NO.  I cant agree to meet someone who looks like he lives in his mother’s basement. Or if he is holding a fish.  Even a few messages that ask to meet. But I am not in the group of women, or men, I imagine, that will meet anyone for a drink or coffee, just to have another date.  I do know women who do this.  Many tell me they are not attracted to him, but hell why not grab a drink anyway, and then tell him no for next time. I would rather stay home. I have to  be attracted visually or even, mentally, to want to got to the next step. I would not enjoy sitting there for even an hour, knowing I am only doing it to go out. Personal preference on my part.

A hitter can’t let a poor performance carry over into the next opportunity. Pouting or feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in a slump can become a habit, starting a vicious cycle that’s very hard to break.

I am definitely carrying over my slump attitude into other aspects of dating and even my life.  Of course I am having a pity party. I detect a pattern, a habit as stated above. But habits are hard to break. I’m working on it. Baseball players practice their swings in the mirror, according to what I have read about being in a slump. I dont know what I can practice in the mirror. I guess I could practice saying, ‘yes’, or ‘don’t be a dating a snob,’ but  I am not fooling anyone especially myself. I think it is more my attitude I have to change to eliminate the slump I am in. Or maybe a new dating site.

Picture This

And the picture offers! The usual approach is,  men begin chatting on the site with you, then they say lets exchange email addresses because it is easier. Easier, I thought, why is it easier ?  We are emailing now. Then the light bulb goes off. There are restrictions on the dating site but not on yahoo, g-mail, etc.  There are  message communications and also instant messaging on these sites. Well, even so, I fell for it  before I thought it through. I exchanged emails with one gentlemen.  I use that word loosely.   We chatted the usual pleasantries and he said,  would you like me to send you a picture? I saw your picture I mentioned.  No, he said, i mean other pictures so you can “see” me. I don’t consider myself naive, and sometimes  dare I say , savvy, so I  thought for a moment and suddenly it hit me!  I don’t want naked pictures!.  “Are you sure?”  he offered. Positive,  I couldn’t emphasize enough.  So, he decided to send me  pictures anyway.  Did I look ? Well yes,  yes I  did.  Curiosity kills the cat , etc.  First time,  I admit, anyone sent me  pictures of that nature.  Though, I will say , other offers have come though. Quite a few men were more than willing to share the family jewels with me, but yes, I declined.   But,  admittedly,  when I received them ,  I had to look! It is like a train wreck. You don’t want to look, but for some reason, you do anyway. He is now off my list of potential anything. (okay so the pics weren’t that impressive either.) Why do men feel the need to send these pictures? Are they trying to impress me with their physical attributes ? No idea, that is a psychologist’s job. But my thought is, for me, if that is all you have to offer, then  you need to broaden your horizons.

 

 

Dating Online?

 The joys of dating over 50. Okay , first confession, over 60.  Some of the online dating sites’ claim to fame is dating over 50, so I went with that. You see, in my head I am 40, so right away, I am ahead of the game. Oh I fought this for a long time. I am not that type of person who goes online to date. What is that type of person? I have no idea, but I knew it wasn’t me. I  would think it is a combination of not wanting to admit that I wanted, or even needed, to go on the internet to find a date. but really, where else? The bar scene is old news, especially given my age. And we know that most relationships formed at a bar are not usually long-lasting. Well, in my experience anyway, though I imagine others have fared differently.

Why did I finally crack? Maybe it was in my head for a while , but just didn’t surface. In my mind I had thought about it, but was never brave enough to do it . Friends had gone online and my siblings went online. There are a few who have had serious relationships, some have had plain fun, some have even gotten married. Then my son suggested I should do it. What harm can it do? You should get out there and not sit home by yourself.

For some reason that hit home and I started looking into some dating sites. There are so many out there. Should I pay for it? or go with the free ones? Most, as far as I know, let you browse, like window shopping for dates. And , of course, when you look at the sites, or advertisements for these sites, the pictures they show are simply perfect looking men. Don’t be fooled. At least 85 % do not look like these men. Sort of like when you look at the models in a magazine, you know no one in real life really looks like that.

The first site I stumbled upon, was the over 50 dating site, Our Time. I saw it on a commercial. 2nd confession. I was watching the Hallmark channel. Where else would they advertise an over 50 dating site? Makes sense, doesn’t it? Okay I can try this, I thought. I will get a membership. That would make it official, so I told myself.

Now I had to write a profile and unfortunately find a picture. That was about to end the entire project , but I searched through my photos and found one I wouldn’t mind making public. Had to do some digging. One does not want to get a photo that is too old. You want to have a current photo, well at least within the last couple of years. I posted a current one, one from a trip a year or so before that. and one holding a grandchild. Diverse, different aspects of my life, and yet clearly showing who I am.

The profile proved to be easier than I thought, though just starting it was a bit daunting. So, I just began with where I grew up, where I live now, family, and interests. Short but sweet I thought. I can’t write sappy stuff like I am looking for my soul mate or my life’s journey. Looking for someone to date. That seemed cut and dry, simple and non-committal. Deciding on a title of sorts was a challenge. It is suggested you get a catchy phrase to catch an eye or two. Like “looking  for Mr. Right” or “lonely no more”. I went with a variation of “taking the plunge”.  I figured , in a sense, that is what I was doing by just signing up for this.

I even went with a 6 month membership. That will prove, even if just to myself, that I am serious. I went through all the steps, picture, profile, answering questions about interests, my sign (no idea why they need this), how long was my longest relationship, kids, do I want kids (haha that was a funny one) and now I am in. I have to say I was quite surprised, when suddenly all these messages started coming in. Fresh meat I thought. New kid in the neighborhood and they pounced!

What a smorgasbord! Skinny, fat, young, old, every ethnic group you can imagine, and many combinations in between.

You can pick and choose who to respond to, and of course you can search with your own criteria. So I put in age 50-60 males, and started looking. I also found out that if you click on a profile, the other person can see that you have looked. oops. That proved to be interesting in itself. The minute you click and read their profile , and they have seen that you did that, they feel it is justified to send a message. Fair enough I thought. I can ignore the ones I don’t want to respond to, and I did. Once in a while , for fun, I would respond. The idea to do it was fun, but of course, the person on the receiving end may not be thinking along the same lines. But I did find that would get me into situations, I then, had to get out of gracefully. Or in some instances, not so gracefully. lf one responds to a message, it is logical that the sender will assume you are interested and not just doing it because you are bored. Not a good idea in the long run. I found myself making up excuses , couldn’t say, well I am already seeing someone because , well, I am on a dating site. Quick thinking , I went with , oh this isn’t a good time I am travelling or busy and then gracefully bow out. Much easier to not respond if I am not really interested, but then again I don’t always do things the easy way.

I will confess it made me feel good that I was getting so many responses. Were there any I wanted to respond to? Not yet, but it still felt good. … for a while. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it is very flattering to get numerous responses, though some of the messages I could live without.

After a couple of weeks I actually saw a few profiles I would follow-up on. One thing I will say , is, I look at the pictures first. Yes many people will say it is what is on the inside that counts. True enough, but then reality hits, and you and I both know you will check out photos before responding. It is a natural phenomenon. If you are physically attracted to someone, then the conversation will begin. I am sure it does not hold true for everyone, but I do think a physical attraction is a common thread in the beginning. Especially when you are dealing with online dating. It is not like you know someone for a while and they grow more attractive to you as time goes on. You are shopping and what catches your eye is what you want to try on!

If there is no picture, then I have no idea who I am dealing with. I confess I have to be attracted to someone in order to pursue a meeting. Jumping ahead for a moment, I once did meet someone for a drink that I did not see first. I decided, after that meeting, I will not do that again. Need I say more? Put it this way, his voice did not match the overall package. Basically he should work in radio. I am aware how bad that sounds but that is my reality. No attraction is not going to work .