Tag Archives: photos

I’m Baaaack

It’s been a while since I have written, which I really hope someone noticed. Some of it was just being unmotivated, some lack of dating. Life does get in the way sometimes. I am going to be moving soon,  about 50-60 miles south of where I am located now, and the stress of getting the house ready to sell, finding something else, and waiting and waiting , and then more waiting, takes a toll.

I have stayed on the dating sites, and have messaged here and there, but absolutely no effort has been put forth on my part to obtain a date, or even entertain the thought.

But without fail, the guys come through with crazy notions that I may recognize their efforts by trying to get my attention in all sorts of ways. Once again we have a large age range, broken English, bad grammar, and the ever-present nudity.

Since nudity will usually grab anyone’s attention we can start there. Here is a guy who looked pretty good in his picture. Yes, I have been out of commission somewhat, but I have not forgotten that bogus pictures exist. But I have my thoughts, which will be clear in a moment or two, that the picture was him.  

The profile picture was shirtless. I don’t usually respond to the ones that are shirtless, because we really do know what they are advertising. Guess I was feeling nice that day.

We chatted on the dating site for a few days on and off. He asked could we chat on the phone instead of on the site. I said OK and sent my cell phone number. A week, at least, maybe two, went by, so I simply forgot about it.

One day I get a face-time call on my phone from a Gmail address. I ignored it. I thought briefly that whoever this was, had tried this before on my number, which I had ignored. Didn’t recognize it, because everyone I know calls from phone numbers.  I don’t make a habit of answering face-time calls when I don’t recognize the number, and this was an email address which made me more suspicious. Within a minute, it rang again. I ignored it. The third time I picked it up I said, “LOOK I DON’T KNOW WHO IS CALLING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS BUT JUST STOP.” Note the CAPS. I believe they caught me in a bad mood! Then my phone dings, and there is a message on the dating site from the guy I had been chatting with. He says, “ did i do something wrong? why were you angry?”

I pointed out in my response that not only didn’t I know his full name, but did not know his email and why call me face-time the first time on the phone, when we haven’t chatted and I sent my number to talk and get to know one another.  Being suspicious is in my blood. I didn’t tell him that part. He responds with, “why did you scream. You scared me away ha. good luck.”

No loss there, but  I responded back, “ Oh I figure that happened 2 weeks ago when you never responded when I sent my number to you.”

Fast forward a few days, and here comes another face-time call. I recognized the email address this time. Didn’t answer. One minute later another call. So I decided to pick it up and said hello but didn’t show my face yet. I see a bare chest, recognizable from his profile picture, and in the background I hear, Hello Hello. I hung up.

Calls again . I pick it up again. I did the same thing and I hear “are you there. this is Mark.” I said yes, but I can’t see your face. I see your chest.” He doesn’t move the camera. I said where is your face? I am assuming you have one.”  And he shows me his penis. I hang up. Later that evening I get a message on the site. “Sorry I was naked on face-time.”

I wrote back . “ Thanks.” Why did I respond? Who knows. I like to egg people on I guess.

The next day I get 2 more face-time calls from him. I don’t answer. I write to him on the dating site and say, “I saw you called a few times. I am not trusting you for me to pick up the phone on face-time.” I am happy to say he has not responded and if he tries again there will be no response from me. Some guys don’t get that, that is not , speaking for myself, what someone wants to see when called. The fact that I asked  for a regular phone call and still only got face-time did not sit well with me. But when I say where is your face and I get his only body part that is clearly available, he loses.

I got the usual scam messages too, in case anyone was worried that they may have ceased. Just because my life slowed down, doesn’t mean those scammers are not working hard.

  1. Hello how are you doing over there pretty , i will care to get know more about you better are you still a single?
  2. Hello my lady,hows the weather over there………………………!
  3. am john henry from texas city am divorced with 2 kids Jerry and Mary there mom die in airplain accident amhere to look for a truth worth and honest,caring woman to spend all my life.
  4. hello dear have pass through a hell stress just to message you.please i need to know you i got attracted with your profile,so please tell me about you
  5. hi there…what a beautiful profile picture you uploaded on the site,i like that sparkling smile and i will be glad to smile with you someday….i am michael smith,50 and i am new to internet stuff…….. tell me more about you if you don’t mind i can’t wait to read back from a beautiful woman like you…i dont mind if will can hook u from here by mailing or txt.
  6. am loving and caring but am looking for someone to replace my wife. I’m funny outgoing and sensitive person. I don’t like when people around me are upset and I’m doing my best to make them at least smile. I am like fire. I am hot and bright inside.

and for now, last but not least, and we know never really the last:

7. I have always been a hopeFUL romantic longing to find THE ONE that I knew must be out there…That is definitely one thing to thank technology for! No matter where this goes, I feel so blessed to have gotten this chance to meet you and will love to get to know you better..My subscription will be ending soon and don’t intend to go for another plan because there seems to bee too much weirdo’s on the web..You’re such a very beautiful and charming woman and am sure you hear that everyday, why in the world is a very beautiful woman like you still single?

I haven’t changed, spelling, grammar, or wording. I cringe when I read it but it is what it is. Do I need to comment on these? No, I don’t. I would love to write a version of mad libs for these. And for those of you unfamiliar with Mad Libs here is a definition. (Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the – often comical or nonsensical – story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.) We would get a good laugh and I am thinking a dating Mad Libs may be in the works. Don’t steal my plan. I’ll let you play.

On a Serious Note…

Online dating.  It is said to be daunting, humorous, and most of all, scary. Many of us have been there. I have written many times about men who write such hard to believe drivel, and want my email or phone number so we can learn about each other. Happens all of the time. There are constant warnings about meeting in private, making sure you meet in a public place, not sharing your address and phone numbers immediately, and so much more. Pictures are important, but, as I, and I am sure many others have experienced, they don’t always match the person you meet. I remember meeting someone, who, when we chatted and I saw his profile pictures, was a good-looking man. I met him, in a public restaurant, and it turned out he not only used his friend’s photo, but he lied about his age as well.

This Washington Post article talks about the dangers of meeting people from online sites. This particular incident discussed, which sadly includes murder, was an ad placed on Craigslist. But, as we all know, the dating site most likely does not matter. There are predators and crazies lurking anywhere.

This article tells you to think like a cop. Be wary, don’t be so trusting right away. Is he or she legit? Are they really who they say they are?

This gentleman was a married man, looking for a man to have a secret sexual encounter. Instead, he got a woman who robbed and stabbed him to death in a hotel room. A sad story, but hopefully, a wakeup call for many who thinks it will only happen to someone else. A cautionary tale to be aware of when chatting online and preparing to meet for that first date. The only scary part should be whether you like him or her and whether there could be a second date.

Read it and hopefully it will keep us all on our toes.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/online-dating-precautions-meet-two-cops-who-took-them/2015/04/19/fde5e44c-e35d-11e4-b510-962fcfabc310_story.html

 

The Art of Conversation

We are all on these dating sites to meet someone. Well, I shouldn’t say all, because some are on these sites for their own reasons. People are chatty, like to start conversations. It can be quite interesting talking with guys from other countries. Even other states sometimes. Clearly, there is no commitment when you are across an ocean or two. There is always that little part of me that thinks, are they really in South Africa, or Spain, or whatever other exotic locale they have listed?  There was a guy from Ohio, wait, I should go with a limerick here. Later. He was in Akron. Not nearly as cool as Spain or the UK. So he says we should meet for coffee. I checked again on his profile and yep, it said Ohio. I am in Virginia.  I responded with, “It would be sort of hard to meet after work for coffee if we are in 2 separate states.”

His answer. “Thank you. Enjoy your day.”  I shook my head and later that day, lo and behold, his account was deleted. Gotta love these guys.

Back to the UK. A guy started chatting with me and I asked him where he was and he said Ireland. Would have been better if I could have heard the accent, but instead I imagined it. Actually I tried to imagine something else other than the picture he had posted too, which works much better if you go with the stereotypical Irish lad from many a romance novel. Dark, black flowing hair, piercing blue eyes, like the ocean of course. Anyway, I digress.

Irish man asked what I do.  I really do believe that no one really ever reads my profile.  I told him and then, being the polite person I am, asked what he does. He said he builds sets for shows and is a part-time life model for art classes. So yes, I fell into the trap.

“Oh?”, I asked. “What do you mean by life model?” Did I really ask that? I was pretty sure I knew what he meant.

“I pose for them. In the nude.” Yep. I was right. Went back to his profile photo and went REALLY? I didn’t say that to him. Art is art.

art1

He goes on to say he has been doing it for a few years. But that it took a while to get used to but he really enjoys it now. I told him that was nice for him but I could never do that.

He said you would be surprised. He said how uncomfortable he had been the first time or two , but then it was easy. Nope. I would not be surprised at all. I know me. Not going to happen.

The conversation continued about other subjects. Antiques, Ireland, travel, etc. Those extraneous subjects were short-lived. He says, “Tomorrow I am posing for a small group. About 3 people.”

I asked if the size of the group, (yes the group size) really mattered since being nude is being nude. He explained to me that a smaller group is more intimate and it will make him more nervous than posing in front of a large group.

One of his favorite jobs, he shared, was when he posed for a nursing home group. Said they were quite enthusiastic. Keep in mind this guy is 49, so to the nursing home crowd he was a youngster! He said they insisted he pose with an erection and it is very hard to pose that long with an erection without outside stimuli. But because I did not ask for details, I will assume he managed and got paid anyway.

art

The last part of the conversation before he realized I was not engaging in his erotic chat, was that he was next posing for a private individual. He was very nervous about this gig because he had not done that and he felt it would be extremely intimate. Whatever. But he did add that he so enjoys posing, especially with an erection, because he really likes that people are looking at him.

Being this had become more of a monologue on his part,  I said “to each his own” and he responded with “Indeed, good evening.” Which was my dismissal. Must have reminded him of his former girlfriend who he mentioned broke up with him because she didn’t like this particular job of posing. It really could have been his boasting and descriptions. She probably didn’t care that he did it, more that he didn’t shut up about it.

Slump

Sports analogies are used quite often. Personally, I have never used one, because though I enjoy watching (not playing) some sports, I felt this one works.  I am not a baseball player, though making a few million every time I went to work would really be helpful. But, to be honest, I am in a slump. The definition is made for me. I am not performing up to my expectations, or anyones I would imagine,  And I am definitely in a drought. My game is off. A dry spell fits the bill.

An extended period when player or team is not performing well or up to expectations. A dry spell or drought.

slump1

Maybe one could call it a self-imposed slump. I get messages. I get offers, though some should be called solicitations. Take this gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Again, a man one year younger than I am, so the category is my age group. Nondescript in the looks department, average, looks like an insurance salesman. ( now don’t go taking offense all of you insurance salesman out there. I could have said accountant, or computer geek.)  He sends me a message and I respond with a friendly reply. Does he ask me to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee? Not a chance.

“Are you working?”, he askes me.

I responded and said , “Yes I am. All day.”

Then he says, Oh too bad. I thought I would come over and play.”

I respond with, “so let me get this straight. We had 3 lines of messages. Never talked. Never met. And you want to come over and play? I am not in the habit of having strange men whom I have never met come over to my home for sex.” Move on.

And may I add he was insulted and wanted to know what would be wrong with that? I should have asked him if he ever watches CSI or Law and Order.

slump

So my slump continues. I get quite a few, So and So want to meet You” notifications. Do I want to meet them? NO.  I cant agree to meet someone who looks like he lives in his mother’s basement. Or if he is holding a fish.  Even a few messages that ask to meet. But I am not in the group of women, or men, I imagine, that will meet anyone for a drink or coffee, just to have another date.  I do know women who do this.  Many tell me they are not attracted to him, but hell why not grab a drink anyway, and then tell him no for next time. I would rather stay home. I have to  be attracted visually or even, mentally, to want to got to the next step. I would not enjoy sitting there for even an hour, knowing I am only doing it to go out. Personal preference on my part.

A hitter can’t let a poor performance carry over into the next opportunity. Pouting or feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in a slump can become a habit, starting a vicious cycle that’s very hard to break.

I am definitely carrying over my slump attitude into other aspects of dating and even my life.  Of course I am having a pity party. I detect a pattern, a habit as stated above. But habits are hard to break. I’m working on it. Baseball players practice their swings in the mirror, according to what I have read about being in a slump. I dont know what I can practice in the mirror. I guess I could practice saying, ‘yes’, or ‘don’t be a dating a snob,’ but  I am not fooling anyone especially myself. I think it is more my attitude I have to change to eliminate the slump I am in. Or maybe a new dating site.

One Swipe Says It All

I am not sure I get the whole “like you” button on OKC. Though, I think I get the concept. All the dating sites seem to have a similar feature. Match.com has a favorite button and a like button. OKC has the “he likes you” button., Sort of like Tinder does , but with a little more information. and a little more effort than a swipe. It seems to be a good starting point. Hey I like you. Maybe you will like me.  Brings me back to 6th grade, where a boy likes you, tells his friend, who then tells your friend, who then tells  you that Johnny likes you, you giggle together and exclaim how cute he is, and nothing ever happens.

like

I receive  a “He Likes You” message from a member. I look at  his profile, then decide if I will like him back.  What now?  If I check it out and he seems appealing in some ways, I may hit the ‘I like you button’ as well. Here we go . We are matched up both liking one another. Then what? I have done just that . I have let him know that I too am interested.  And nothing. No follow up from him. No message. No interaction. I have also tried, if  he has “liked me” , to send a message to him.  No problem making the first move. So I write a quick message.  Do I expect a response? Yes I do. You went through the effort of looking at my profile, and  hitting ‘Like you.’ Here is my main question. You liked me, I am sending you a message, why would you not respond? Did you change your mind? Did you hit the wrong button?  Is that a feature similar to Facebook? Where you like a comment or a photo and no one expects anything after that?

My assumption is, it is a feature to help match you up with someone. He has informed me that he likes me, so therefore I would assume, (never a good idea) that he would want further contact. match

In reality, he is just letting me know and moves on.  Is it a shyness factor?  Or another  one for his plus column? I just want to let you know I like you, but I am not willing to do anything about it.

I guess Tinder comes into play again. I have matched a number of guys on there, and nothing. No message to me and no response, whether I decide to send one first, or wait for him to make the first contact. Maybe they are keeping score of how  many matches they can get. Tinder I take with a grain of salt anyway. I get the concept, but do you really want to meet someone who doesn’t even put a photo on there? That is all you are going by in the first place. One needs a starting point, don’t they?

And, by the way,  there have been times on Tinder, where I would forget, think I am swiping to look at another picture and I hit the nope or Like feature instead! Ooops. Meant to say I like you  but I hit NOPE by mistake. I am sure  he will come up in another round-up! Of course, accidentally hitting I like you , when you meant to hit NOPE, is worse. Then they may match. And back on the photo topic on Tinder, why does any guy think I, or anyone, would hit LIKE if he has no picture, no information about himself and who is to say even the age is correct?  That is a risk I am not willing to Swipe!

HACKED!

I was hacked. My dating profile on Plenty of Fish was hacked. I am now a blonde,  almost 30 years younger. But I  am getting ahead of myself. I always said, in my next life , I will come back as a 6 foot blonde, but since this one is fairly short, and I  am not ready for my next life quite yet, I am officially pissed off.

At 5:30 in the morning, I received a message on the dating site through my phone app. Too early for me to worry about responding to any message. Back to sleep I go.  A minute or so later, I received another. Within a few minutes, I had 8 messages. Being me, I immediately got suspicious. Just the other night, I was saying that I hadn’t had a new message in quite a while on that site. Hmmm. I thought, wow, someone must have stuck a naked picture on my profile. Am I psychic? No just seem to have trust issues.

By the 10th message, before 6 AM , I grabbed my phone and clicked on the POF app. It asked for my password. Odd , I thought, it always opens right up.  So I entered my password, and it tells me it does not match. I have had this password for a year or so. After a few tries, I clicked on reset my password, so I entered my email. “That email,” it says, does not exist in our database. “ Now I am annoyed and a little disturbed.

Had to leave for work, so when I got to my office I tried it on my desktop, and got the same results.

On the POF site, I am looking for the little link that says CONTACT US. There isn’t one! There is a HELP section, so I go into that and nothing fits for what has taken place with my profile. They let you know how to change your password, how to edit your profile, but nothing about contacting them.

So now I have to google customer service for POF.  To me, that was a bad sign. I find a page with a phone # and an email. Try the phone #, and I hear “ THIS MAILBOX IS FULL.” Again, not a good sign.

Yes, now I am pissed off even more.

I email the customer care address and over a day later, I have had no response. I know you are as shocked as I am. Yeah right.

I can get into the search part of POF. Go to username search, enter my , or what used to be my, user name. It  pops up and suddenly I am a 34-year-old thin blonde woman. For the record, I am not.

So it has my age, my city, my profession, and 4 pictures of a blonde woman. One of which she is wearing a low-cut, short  lace dress, in pink. Pink is not my good color.  Now the mystery is cleared up as to why I received numerous messages within minutes this morning!

Everything that I had written in my profile was there, except the part that  says, “I am 34 , don’t know why it has the wrong age.” (well I know why )  It did go on about what she likes etc. Nothing bad, just generic.

But left all my other stats.

I also googled “ my profile was hacked on POF.” A few surprises there too! POF was hacked a few years ago. And yes, basically, nothing was done. Clearly, this has happened before.  There was an article that stated that POF has virtually no security on the site. That the passwords of users on the site was written in plain text, so hackers can have a field day. Take a look.

http://krebsonsecurity.com/2011/01/plentyoffish-com-hacked-blames-messenger/

There were some forums where people asked the same question that I am dealing with, and was told to wait for the dating site to contact them. My guess, 3 years later, they are still waiting.

I finally realized there is nothing to do but wait to hear from POF. Not too optimistic about that. And, I have not created another profile on POF.

Picture This

And the picture offers! The usual approach is,  men begin chatting on the site with you, then they say lets exchange email addresses because it is easier. Easier, I thought, why is it easier ?  We are emailing now. Then the light bulb goes off. There are restrictions on the dating site but not on yahoo, g-mail, etc.  There are  message communications and also instant messaging on these sites. Well, even so, I fell for it  before I thought it through. I exchanged emails with one gentlemen.  I use that word loosely.   We chatted the usual pleasantries and he said,  would you like me to send you a picture? I saw your picture I mentioned.  No, he said, i mean other pictures so you can “see” me. I don’t consider myself naive, and sometimes  dare I say , savvy, so I  thought for a moment and suddenly it hit me!  I don’t want naked pictures!.  “Are you sure?”  he offered. Positive,  I couldn’t emphasize enough.  So, he decided to send me  pictures anyway.  Did I look ? Well yes,  yes I  did.  Curiosity kills the cat , etc.  First time,  I admit, anyone sent me  pictures of that nature.  Though, I will say , other offers have come though. Quite a few men were more than willing to share the family jewels with me, but yes, I declined.   But,  admittedly,  when I received them ,  I had to look! It is like a train wreck. You don’t want to look, but for some reason, you do anyway. He is now off my list of potential anything. (okay so the pics weren’t that impressive either.) Why do men feel the need to send these pictures? Are they trying to impress me with their physical attributes ? No idea, that is a psychologist’s job. But my thought is, for me, if that is all you have to offer, then  you need to broaden your horizons.

 

 

A DATE OR TWO

So back to the profiles, I responded to 2 of them and yes I  accepted dates with them.  First one, who was 59 years old, suggested a place for drinks and appetizers.  Good for a start. Not too long, but enough time to chat and get to know each other.  We ended up talking for almost 3 hours, which really surprised me. The time went quickly and it held our interest.  Good conversation, a few laughs, talked about the dating site and our experiences. I didn’t really have much to share about that, but he seemed to be a veteran. I  thought  the evening went okay.   “Well let’s do this again” he said , and that was that. No contact since. I stand corrected, I did receive a message asking how  I was , and was I  having any luck on the site. I responded with I  am doing fine and yes I was having fun. It was mostly true  and I felt  that was the only answer he deserved to get.  Oh well, no great loss there.

The other gem asked me to go for a drink also. He was 51. Yes, as you will see, I like younger men.  We went to a nice local eatery and  thought a glass of wine was in order ( I do get a bit nervous initially)    First thing, which I feel I need to emphasize, is , that if you post a picture on a dating site, try your best to look like that picture. Don’t post a picture that you took ten years ago and is,  at least,  25 pounds lighter. I did a double take when I saw him, and a second one when he proceeded to complain about all the women he had previously met on this dating site  that didn’t resemble their pictures! Really I thought, did you look at yours? We chatted for about 45 minutes and parted. Would I see him again? Not sure. I figured I would play it by ear.

Trying not to be a complete snob, I  decided to go for a second date when he asked.  He wanted to pick me up at my house. No thank you I said, I will meet you. First rule of online dating. Do not have them come to your house. Always meet them in a public place.  So I did and though I had agreed to this restaurant,  it was awful. . The food was terrible and my date stared off into the distance the entire time we sat opposite each other.  He talked  in my direction,  but made sure he didn’t miss anything coming in or out the door. That never sits well with me.  But the icing on the cake was when he so graciously offered to follow me home and “watch a movie”.  Is that what they call it now? hint hint. NO THANK YOU  I offered back. and promptly left praying he wasn’t following me. Two weeks later , I received a message from Mr. Manners,” hey let’s do dinner again. “ This time i did not respond and the matter was dropped. Rule of thumb. Don’t respond if you don’t want to open a can of worms. I learned that the hard way which i did mention earlier.