Tag Archives: online dating

Dating Business

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/business/wp/2015/04/06/online-datings-age-wars-inside-tinder-and-eharmonys-fight-for-our-love-lives/

Tinder and eHarmony. Different as night and day, yet they probably have more similarities than we think.

It is all about money.  The concept of all of us meeting the love of our lives, clearly  attracts millions of people of all ages and backgrounds. But the dating sites are making millions and now that Tinder has Tinder Plus upgrade, will be making more. Good for them. It’s a big business.

But for us, it is how we meet men or women.

As this article states, is it based on looks, like Tinder advocates? Or eHarmony where though we see a picture, we still get so much more information to help us form an opinion.

Either way, that is the first impression. I will admit, no matter the site, if I look at someone,  I am deciding then and there whether I will message them or respond to them if they message me. Though I have said before, good-looking doesn’t always mean good date!

Age plays into this big time. Tinder, though it has all ages, really is geared toward the 20’s-30’s crowd. eHarmony, as many other sites such as Match or POF, tend to attract more of a larger mix of daters.

I like to spread the wealth. A little on this site, a little on that site.  Spending a few minutes on Tinder,  I  do tend to swipe more lefts than rights! Well, really I like hitting the big red X. At least in my age group, for me,  there are always more X’s than hearts. Still it is like a train wreck. I have to look. To paraphrase  a  quote in this article from a single mother who is 41, she says she is a dried up prune on that site. (Tinder) That means I am dead and buried.

A New Attitude

I have an attitude. This is not new for me. I always have an attitude. Sometimes it is a good attitude, positive, and optimistic. Sometimes, it is quite the opposite. Dare I say negative and pessimistic? It’s true. Lately I can’t help it and don’t want to try to turn it around. I feel like a petulant teenager that walks around with an attitude. Oh, well, I was one at some point. My mother used to use some Yiddish expression to tell me I was in a mood. Didn’t matter what language was used, I knew that!

But now at least I can admit that. When I was a teen, you could not tell me I had attitude, because it would make it worse. Actually the same thing happens now. I hate when people say CALM DOWN. I know I need to calm down but it doesn’t happen by snapping your fingers. Now I send myself to my room. Or to my cabinet to get a wine glass.

Not that I would not turn it if I could, but I realized I can’t. Not now.  Not for the lack of trying. But sometimes it lingers and sticks to your skin, and is really hard to shake off.

badatt

I have not blogged much recently, mainly because of my attitude not being in the positive column. Part of it is from the dating experience, and part is just life being difficult. I could whine about all that is happening in my life, and probably will in a moment. And yes, it is all relative. Things that will turn around and get better, I am just not sure when. Nothing catastrophic, though at the time it seems that it is.

Let’s start with my house. I have a townhouse that has water damage. Let me put it simply. 8 months fighting with my insurance company, delay in starting work because of that. Need siding replaced and deck replaced and inside damage as well.  This began in July. Now it is March and the 12 inches of snow has finally melted away from my backyard, so MAYBE the outside work can begin.  It has been 6 weeks waiting for my new glass door to come in so it can be installed. We seem to have the domino effect working for us. Cant do this, because of A. Can’t get B and C done until A is squared away. My patience is gone. Being from NY I want things done yesterday. I don’t wait well. So 8 months has been brutal for me. Had to move out of my house for 5 weeks so the floors and drywall could get done. I am back home and hopefully things can progress. Whew, I feel better already. The people at work have been great listening to me bitch and moan for 8 months, They are probably equally ready for my house to be done too.

badatt1

Then we have the dating scene. Or lack thereof. Men can tell when you have an attitude. I can tell when I have attitude and no one seems right to me. To add to my distress, I have received no less than 20 fake user emails on OKC in the last 2 weeks. The writing is similar and then the accounts are deleted. And of course, this is not new. I have written previous posts with examples of BS flowing on the page. But they keep coming.

Just a few examples:

1.

HIM-“i live in New york and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time”

ME- sorry not what i asked. ( I had asked what he does for a living)

HIM- but now i have come to new york now dear

he says again I live in NY and wants someone to love for a long time.

but I can’t help read it as, “I love you long time” .  Either way, I responded with that isn’t what I asked, because I knew I wasn’t going to continue chatting. His answer -“now I have come to NY DEAR.” (UGH)

2.Italian but based in USA. I deal on antiques which takes me to places cos it’s a mobile job. I am a potential optimist and love to make findings and knowing new things.

3.well am new here and not sure will get on here often but I wish to have a sincere friendship and keep my new good friends in touch forever that is why I want us to get in touch by exchanging dial digits.

4.You know I was going through when I got charmed by the pretty looks in your eyes and i thought it’s wise to say hi.

You have a lovely smile on your face, that really attracted me the most and I nearly lost my breath looking deep into your eyes. I like your hair style a lot and i am just sitting here wondering what a beautiful angel like you is doing on here. Anyway we are looking and it will be my pleasure to start a conversation with a beautiful lady like you. I don’t know much about you. I will be glad to get to know each other.

appreciate and admire your intensity hope to hear from you soon Thank you very much for taking you to read

5.How are you doing on this blissful day!!…I was surfing on here and got the glimpse of your meaningful profile and with your beautiful pic caught my attention to read more.. I would like to know more about you and see where this could lead us both to…..Any way I know I is not the correct thing to give out my email but any way we can still try it out XXXXXX79@gmail.com shear more later if you like

6.Your profile really caught my interest and I have been looking and would like to know more things about you. It never hurts to try something new although it’s a just a day to the end of my subscription on this website..

How can I help but have attitude? I think I need to get in a new and improved frame of mind for anything to change. The house is moving along slowly, but moving along.  I’ll get over this hurdle and move on to the next. See. Attitude changing already.

Next!

I have never experienced speed dating. I have vaguely thought about it, but have never actually made the move.  Admittingly, I have been tempted but really have only seen the process in a movie. It did sound intriguing. What could I learn in a few minutes from someone? Though, sometimes, as soon as someone opens their mouth I know that either I don’t want to hear anymore, or I’m ready for a second sentence.  I know on the dating sites I take a look at some pictures and think, “no thank you.” What would happen in person? The guy would start to sit down and I would say, “keep moving.” And in reverse, what if he said it to me? “Hey, don’t bother to sit down.”

But like online dating, you know right away, usually, if you want to message someone.  Messaging online is so much easier, or safer, than in person. No one can see you blush, or get pissed off, or disgusted And yes, it does work both ways. Basically, it is easier rejection.

speed1

I received a groupon type offer for speed dating. I clicked on it and thought I would take a look. It just explained where the event would be, how much you pay and how much you save. But then I looked at the photos. There wasn’t a person over 30. Now I know they are not going to put wrinkly, old faces on there, trying to lure you in. I get that. But, for me, being way over 30, I thought, hmmm, is everyone here just out of college and just moving out of Mom and Dad’s house? It is like the brochures for trips to a resort, or a cruise. We won’t see fat, roly poly men and women in bathing suits, lounging around the pool, or sitting atop of a horse. Nor do we want to. It was clear who they are advertising this event for. Now I know any age could go, but looking at the pictures it discouraged me right away. Maybe I need to start a speed dating for over 50. Speed dating for cougars? Speed dating for boy toys? Hey this could work!

speed

I also received an email to join SpeedDate.com. Speed dating online? I’m listening. Maybe many of you have already tried it. I’m catching up. Took me years to join the online dating crowd in general. Speedy is good.

Here it says you can message or webcam, and know right away. For me, there will be no webcam to start. I dont trust that. Who knows what will be waiting for you when you open a webcam to a perfect male stranger. Call me crazy, but that won’t be happening.

The process of elimination on speed date would be so much quicker and less painful, I would imagine. I may have to look into the site or the concept, just to see how it works, without cameras anywhere.  Maybe like Tinder. Swipe him away in a second. Move on to the next. Can it be speedier than that?

Slump

Sports analogies are used quite often. Personally, I have never used one, because though I enjoy watching (not playing) some sports, I felt this one works.  I am not a baseball player, though making a few million every time I went to work would really be helpful. But, to be honest, I am in a slump. The definition is made for me. I am not performing up to my expectations, or anyones I would imagine,  And I am definitely in a drought. My game is off. A dry spell fits the bill.

An extended period when player or team is not performing well or up to expectations. A dry spell or drought.

slump1

Maybe one could call it a self-imposed slump. I get messages. I get offers, though some should be called solicitations. Take this gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Again, a man one year younger than I am, so the category is my age group. Nondescript in the looks department, average, looks like an insurance salesman. ( now don’t go taking offense all of you insurance salesman out there. I could have said accountant, or computer geek.)  He sends me a message and I respond with a friendly reply. Does he ask me to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee? Not a chance.

“Are you working?”, he askes me.

I responded and said , “Yes I am. All day.”

Then he says, Oh too bad. I thought I would come over and play.”

I respond with, “so let me get this straight. We had 3 lines of messages. Never talked. Never met. And you want to come over and play? I am not in the habit of having strange men whom I have never met come over to my home for sex.” Move on.

And may I add he was insulted and wanted to know what would be wrong with that? I should have asked him if he ever watches CSI or Law and Order.

slump

So my slump continues. I get quite a few, So and So want to meet You” notifications. Do I want to meet them? NO.  I cant agree to meet someone who looks like he lives in his mother’s basement. Or if he is holding a fish.  Even a few messages that ask to meet. But I am not in the group of women, or men, I imagine, that will meet anyone for a drink or coffee, just to have another date.  I do know women who do this.  Many tell me they are not attracted to him, but hell why not grab a drink anyway, and then tell him no for next time. I would rather stay home. I have to  be attracted visually or even, mentally, to want to got to the next step. I would not enjoy sitting there for even an hour, knowing I am only doing it to go out. Personal preference on my part.

A hitter can’t let a poor performance carry over into the next opportunity. Pouting or feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in a slump can become a habit, starting a vicious cycle that’s very hard to break.

I am definitely carrying over my slump attitude into other aspects of dating and even my life.  Of course I am having a pity party. I detect a pattern, a habit as stated above. But habits are hard to break. I’m working on it. Baseball players practice their swings in the mirror, according to what I have read about being in a slump. I dont know what I can practice in the mirror. I guess I could practice saying, ‘yes’, or ‘don’t be a dating a snob,’ but  I am not fooling anyone especially myself. I think it is more my attitude I have to change to eliminate the slump I am in. Or maybe a new dating site.

Ageless Dating

Age is only a number.  I cannot tell you how many times I have  heard that  phrase.  Mostly from younger men, pretty much telling me not to worry about how young they are!

I was talking to a guy on OKC, who decided not to reveal his age . At least not right away.  He said he really didn’t like the age question on the dating sites. Why restrict yourself?  “why do people care?” he asked me.  I replied it was mostly a preference, but I am a curious type and I like to know.

“Why? is it important?” he wanted to know.

“Yes , I think it is. To a point. “  I told him.

He asked, “What if you really like talking to the guy and want to meet.  What if he is 22 and has a great job, and an advanced degree, and is an all around great guy? “  Now I looked at his photos again, to make sure I did not think this one was 22!

I do feel technically it shouldn’t matter, but as nice as he could be , I would not feel comfortable about dating someone younger than all of my own children! I think an age gap is a personal preference. and is limited to what works for the individual.  On the same note, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone my Dad’s age either. I think one sets their own limits to what is their comfort zone.

age

I know plenty of people who marry or date someone with maybe a 15-20 years age difference. Personally, a 35-40 year age difference would bother me. He wouldn’t know ,unless from books or an older aunt or uncle, about anything I have lived through. Even his parents would be younger than i am! that would really upset my comfort zone.

He also asked me if i thought it was a judgment problem. Did I worry that people would judge me? I admitted judgment is a factor to a certain degree, but i think I would  end up judging myself as well. If I know I am not comfortable with it, I just won’t do it.

I went online to see what was out there, and sure enough, there is a site for ageless dating!

http://www.agelessdating.com/

This could open up one’s outlook on not getting caught up the  “age discussion”. Or, more likely, for me, at least, open up that can of worms I  try to avoid.

But, the thing that baffles me , is ,when you go under search, the first box you are supposed to fill out, is AGE!  They want a range. I haven’t done it yet.  But  for research  purposes, I just may have to for my fellow daters. What a trooper!

Check, Please

You are on a first date. A drink, a cup of coffee, or maybe dinner. Do you grab the check? Should he? Should one of you grab it and say ,” lets split it?” Here is a very interesting and somewhat controversial topic when it comes to dating. No , not up there with topics like gay marriage or fracking, but when one is dating, these things come up. I mentioned this in a previous blog post, Dutch Treat. I, personally , like the man to pay. Call me old-fashioned, but I have always experienced that, and I am not afraid to say, I like it. Most men, in my experience, don’t even hesitate to pay for the drink , dinner or coffee on the first meet and greet. And if we see each other a few times, it rarely (see blog post mentioned) comes up that I should pay or we should split it. And yes, there are always circumstance we may not know, or feminism at play, or a man who won’t feel like a man if he doesn’t pay. I actually have offered to split the check a couple of times, on the initial meeting, but the men have always insisted on paying. Even my friend in the aforementioned blog post, paid for our drinks on the first meeting. After that, it dwindled. And I noticed. check1 check

It is a personal choice in how to handle this when it arises. is it an age thing? Does it differ with the age of the man or woman? Do women want the man to know they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves in some cases, or will a man not feel like a man if the woman pays? So many questions. So many opinions.  Take a look at this link from an e-harmony blog. What do you think?

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2014/07/11/first-dates-pay/?lcid=97107&laid=Links#.U82LsLFW7ZB

NAILS ON A BLACKBOARD

Writing a profile? Sending a message? Make sure you have a good photo. Try to smile. And, equally important, remember spelling, grammar, and punctuation on occasion.  Sometimes I take a shortcut,  if it is a quick text. But, if I am on a dating site and looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, I think I would take some time to perfect my sentences. Use a spell check, look up a rule or two.  Know what you are saying and try to be presentable. Think of it as putting on some nice clothes , washing your hair, and wearing clean socks. It is one of your first impressions . Your soul mate could be on the other end of that sentence and you just blew it.

Image

 I know I am not alone in this, because I have seen other blogs about poor grammar and spelling. I think it says a lot about a person. I know there are people that are simply bad spellers. Even with practice, I am not sure you can change that. Sort of like having a bad sense of direction, And yes, I am speaking from experience. I can spell with the best of them, used to win little spelling bees in elementary school. But I cant find my way out of a parking lot.  Maybe someday I will write about that. Kind of sad , but I have accepted this affliction.  We’ll save that for another time.

Take words like:

YOUR, YOU’RE, YORE.

3 different words. 3 different ways to use them in a sentence.

Not, “your beautiful.” Cant even take that as a compliment.

THERE, THEIR and THEY’RE. This is a big one too. Show me you listened in school just a little bit.

“Oh  your from New York? I have never been their.” Double whammy! Good . Don’t come.

TO, TOO, TWO. Three of the simplest little words in our dictionary, yet so few people can use them correctly. At least the ones that are messaging me on the dating sites.

“ I like the beach to.

I can’t really explain why this is like nails on a blackboard to me, it is more a feeling that takes over my entire being. When I see little mistakes in a profile or in a message to me, I immediately develop attitude. Then sometimes I read it to see how many more errors I can find. Is it being too critical? I think it’s more of a preference.  

Switching THEM and THOSE as in , “Look at them shoes.” Makes me crazy!  It could be an educational factor, maybe someone who never listened in English class. That was my major in college.  And I will say, I loved English all through my school years before college. Even grammar lessons.  

Image

One fine example is “if you don’t mine, you can text me”. Spelling , broken English? Not sure ,but it doesn’t matter. I “mined

Came across a profile- no picture . headline says: Tall, fit, and hansom.

See  wikipedia for “hansom cab.” The hansom cab is a kind of horse-drawn carriage designed and patented in 1834.  Image

That was it for me. Judgmental? Critical? Maybe.

Moving on. Are you?

I’m sensing a pattern. Sort of complicated pattern.  I meet someone online,  we talk, we maybe meet, it doesn’t pan out, and we move on. Or I move on. They don’t seem to move on. They resurface. They may wait months, but they resurface. I guess , as the old saying goes, if you don’t succeed at first, try try again. Not sure who said that, but apparently online dating men follow it.

First there is the category of talking on the site and never meeting. We may chat for an hour or maybe on and off for days, but if I know I don’t want to meet them in person, I attempt to nip it in the bud, as quickly as possible. Apparently, I am not fast enough, or I am not clear. Let’s see. “No I don’t think we should meet.” Clear to me. Maybe it is the word “think”. Does that give them hope? “She is thinking it is a bad idea, but I am sure I can change her mind.” I will have to go with the more forceful… NO.

Telling them I don’t think it is a good plan to meet, is the polite way of saying I am not attracted to you or I don’t like mustaches, (we’ll talk about that later) or you are too young or too old. We go through, “oh are you sure?” etc etc.  I make it clear. But, I see,  clear to me is not the same as clear to them. Then months later,  a message pops up and asks how I am , have I had any luck on the site, maybe we should meet. Obviously, I am still on the site, so I must be ready to change my mind and agree to meet them.  One fine example was someone I spoke with on and off for a couple of weeks, (more off than on) who wanted to meet for coffee. I did not want to and made it clear from the start. Not after weeks, but a day. He kept writing me for weeks and I kept saying , no problem chatting but no meeting. Told him he was too young, and I didn’t add annoying.  He was. “You wont regret it,”  he assured me.  No No and no. Did he accept that ? No. So I stopped replying and he comes back with “bet you never saw anyone as big as I am.” Really,  well now you’re talking. Never heard that one before. Sorry didnt work. Still didnt  answer. Months later, new message. “ hope you been doing great.” My guess is he figures it has been a somewhat long enough length of time, surely I won’t remember why I didn’t want to see him in the first place  or why I stopped talking to him. Or he didn’t remember why I stopped, but really, the  truth is, he probably never had a clue.   

Second category, talk for days,  sometimes weeks, we meet, no firecrackers go off, and thank you, but no thank you.

I will explain in the following paragraph, when I did meet someone for a drink,  I let him know that it wasn’t what I am looking for,  and that didn’t work either. It works for a while, but runs out of gas really quickly, and  another attempt is made.

Now I referred to this guy in my previous post, as “Mr. Black Coat.” The guy who never took off his coat when we met for a drink.  The scenario played out like this:

We meet for a drink at a bar last winter. As I mentioned, we had talked for weeks, and he finally said let’s meet .  Personable, and nice. I keep using nice. But he was. A regular guy. Wait, could that be the problem? I digress.

I arrive at the bar and he is there already.

He had a big, black coat on (aka Mr. Black Coat)and never stood up the entire time until we left.

When he got up, I realized, he was hiding his lower half under the coat. it wasn’t cold in there , so that is my theory.

Embarrased? Hiding? doesnt matter, but I didn’t like the deception. At least I saw it as deception.

The next day, not wanting to prolong things, I texted him and told him I didn’t seem to be on the same page as he was, as far as attraction. “Can’t help who we are attracted to or not,” I said. It is or it isn’t. I was very polite and even nice. I even use that word for me too sometimes.  He was nice, again nice. I didn’t want to be hurtful, just not drag it out.

So what is the  correct, or maybe, polite way to tell someone “I simply am not attracted to you?”  Yes, I can easily say, I am not attracted to you. Simple and to the point. If a guy is being an ass or his personality does not warrant niceness, then most likely I would not have a problem telling him that.

But then months later, I get a message from “Mr. Black Coat” asking how I am and how were things going.

“Fine,” I said . Caught him up on a couple of events and asked how he was. Did I just open a can of worms because I responded?  Apparently I did. Without the intention of doing just that, my worms escaped.

I received  a message, a week or so later, which said,

“what was it about me that turned you off?

where can I make improvements? I was very attracted to you and you weren’t by me- perplexing.”

What does one say to this? I want to say let it go , move on.  But that sounds mean. Perplexing? Not sure it is such a mystery. Because one person is attracted to the other, it doesn’t always get reciprocated. I have been on both sides of that fence before. It is not pleasant, but such is life. Politely I wrote back,after a few hours, and said ,”That is not easy to explain. Maybe it is a chemistry thing that was missing.”  Skirted the “I am not attracted to you physically,” issue.  He responded with , Well back to the lab” Ok good. keeping a sense of humor about it. and I told him that. I’Il let him have the last word. He said “one has to have  a sense of humor, but i still enjoy looking at you. “  As long as it is simply gazing at  my pictures on the dating site.

Dutch Treat

I went out with someone a few times. I know. A little shocking. Made it past date one and date two. Keep in mind it was over a period of about 2 months, but , nonetheless, it was with the same person. Then we even progressed to date 3 and 4.  Nothing to get overly excited about, because it is over now. But we did make it to 5 dates. A record. Not for me personally, but for me on a dating site. But  I am giving you the ending before the beginning. Though, there are people I know that like to read the ending to a book , and then read the book. Never could understand that, but lets save that for another time.

I meet this guy for a drink one evening after messaging back and forth for a couple of weeks. Fun conversations, interesting topics. We seem to hit it off and there was somewhat of an attraction between us. We went out once after that initial date, again for a drink.  Weeks go by and we chat thought texts, and phone calls. We seemed to have some difficulty pinning down a time we could agree on to meet up, mostly because our schedules were getting crazy. And as I mentioned, we did go out a couple of times after the frist. In case you aren’t counting , that is four dates. And I say ‘Date’ loosely. It was a date, in the sense that we met somewhere.  We would have a drink, maybe two , talk. He would ask to come to my house. I would say no. Then he would ask if i would come to his house. I would say no. Then he would offer to bring wine- be still my heart, but again , I said no.  Why, because I was sensing a pattern, but still, contrary to my usual nature, I was trying to be optimistic.

Thanksgiving comes and goes, and I go out of town to see family.He has plans to do the same, with a few texts keeping up the communication.

Christmas comes and I already had plans to go out of town to see one of my sons.  I texted him “Merry Christmas”, and he returned the same.

I returned home a few days before New Years Eve. No word from him since the Christmas greeting. I thought, at this point, since we had seen each other a number of times, he would see what I was doing New Years Eve,  maybe we would plan to get together. Nothing. And no, I  didn’t bring it up. I think all along I was trying to figure out if this was going anywhere.

So a month later he calls and asks if I want to go out to a movie and something to eat. I said, “sure, that sounds good. “

I figured it has been months and we are having something closer to a “real date.”  He says. OK, I’ll pay for the food and you get the movie.”

Call me old fashioned, but I was taken aback.  I caved, deciding oh ok, why not?   I ordered the tickets online. He picked me up and we went to a place in the area where the movie is located. Ordered a glass of wine and we got some menus, on his suggestion. “ Maybe we should get something to eat before the movie.”  Sipping the wine, he closes his menu, and announces to me,  “Well, he said, “there is nothing here to eat, so lets go somewhere else.”  Again, I was a bit surprised, since the menu is expansive and really good. And, he neglected to  ask me if I thought the same thing. Nope. We were out of there.

Lucky for me, there was a bar/restaurant, just down the block from that place.  Walked in, headed to the bar, and before I could decide on red or white,  he ordered 2 waters. Surprisingly, there was an appetizer he could tolerate, and we each had a small appetizer, and left for the movie. This is not sitting well with me.ImageImage

I did enjoy the movie though. American Hustle. Movie over, and home we go. I go. Alone. My choice, not his. He had a different suggestion, but I vetoed that.

My decision was made. I wasn’t feeling it. I didnt want him over, I didn’t want to go there. I am not a fan of dutch treat, among other things that popped up during our five date run.  Spoiled? Old fashioned thinking? Call it what you will.  I broke it off , telling a fib. Told him I started seeing someone else and I needed to see how that would go. He sent me a sad face on text. It didn’t break my heart.

He called again a few months later asking how I was , and was I still seeing this “made up” man. I answered and told him fine. He was fine too. Still wasn’t feeling it.Image

I See You

If he looks at my profile, and then I look at his profile, and then he looks at my profile…. you get the picture. This guy looked at my profile at least 7 or 8 times. I looked at his almost as many times. There was at least some curiosity on both of our parts. He looked, and seemed, a bit more straight laced than I usually go for. His profile emphasized a spiritual and faith based life, which I can say, I do not follow. He mentioned he goes to church every Sunday, which I do not. Oh yea, The Jewish part negates that. He also said that material things are not important, and if one is looking for a guy with money, then he would not be the one. Hmmm. Not necessarily looking for someone with money, but my mother always said, you can date/marry a rich guy as easily as a poor guy. I think because I married the poor category back in the day. Come on, it does help, doesn’t it? But the blond hair and blue eyes caught my eye. OK, so he looked like a previous boyfriend of many years ago, so I kept looking when he looked.

I decided to send a short note since we had been peeking at one another . Which is how I put it to him.

“How are you? Since we have been peeking at one another I thought I would say hi.” A week or so goes by, and he finally responded.

He says ” Hi. You really seem interesting. but my hesitation has been that you only have head shots on your profile.”

I have to say I was bit taken aback. Should I have been? I don’t know , but that had never come up before. If I am so interesting, and you liked the head shots, then message me and ask me for a photo. Or ask why I don’t have a full picture.

I did respond and said “Oh wow , I never thought about that. “ Playfully I added, “Well I am not hiding anything and everything is there.” Then I said ,” I will look for a picture, at least one I would  be willing to share. Or maybe I will take one. Out of curiosity, what are you trying to determine by the full picture?”

No answer for a few days and then he responded with” I’d like to see what you look like.”

Fair enough. For the record,  I did meet a guy for drinks once, and we had chatted for weeks. He was at the bar when I got there, never got up( that is another story)  and had a  long  black coat on the whole time.  When we left to go to our respective cars, I  realized that he was hiding his lower half under his coat. So yes, I could understand Blondie wanting a full body photo. I should have asked Mr. Black  Coat for a full body photo.

So I took a picture. A selfie, which I really hate taking because they I never like them. I posted it on the dating site and guess what?

He visited my profile again and  never commented or sent a message after that. I guess I didn’t pass the full body  picture test for him. Did it make me feel bad? Yes it did. Sure I know that not everyone is attracted to everyone. He certainly was attracted to me from the head up!  I dont know why it bugged me. And why did I want to continue this, if just by reading his profile, I realized we were quite opposite in many ways? I guess everyone wants acceptance in whatever form they can get it.  Did I mention he never drinks alcohol either?