Tag Archives: online dating

Don’t Text and Date

http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/film/92693422/Man-sues-date-for-texting-during-Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-Vol-2

I imagine there will be conflicting thoughts and opinions on this news story.  But really you can’t make up these things.

Suing, in my humble opinion, is not the answer.   I am sure this guy is trying to make a point and feels he has been wronged. He met her on a dating site, so let’s assume they do not know each other well. Maybe a movie isn’t your best choice then, and having dinner or drinks would have been better. Though, he may have sued her for more money if she did it during a nice dinner. And then add in the wine. He could make a killing!

Clearly, they are not on the same page. Now, being the first date, she would not know that texting in a movie theater is a major pet peeve of this guy. Unless, of course, he did mention it before they actually met.   And he, of course, would not really know her habits, annoying or otherwise. But, as a woman in her mid thirties, you have got to know that is a very annoying thing to do in a theater. It is one of my pet peeves too in case you missed this point.

I do think this guy needs to bite the bullet and realize his loss. Everyone has bad dates at some point. I think it is quite tacky to ask your date for the money back after they both realized it was not going to be a good night.

But I do agree with the annoyance of texting in a movie theater.  Excuse yourself, text your friend who is crying on the phone to you, that you are on a date, at a movie, and you will respond later.  Also, if your date asks you to stop because he is telling you it is a pet peeve of his, and makes him upset, then stop.

One news source said the guy stated she texted 20 times. The woman says it was 3.

Who know who is correct in their numbers. To him it could have seemed like 20 times  and in her head, it was just a few. Either way, don’t do it. It is annoying to your date and everyone around you.

All I could think of was the story of the guy and his wife in a movie theater who was texting home to say goodnight to his 3-year-old daughter, and someone shot and killed  him in the theater after arguing about it. And that was only during the previews, I believe. Crazy. No, you don’t know how people will react. I wish that guy and his wife had just moved their seats to watch the movie, but they didn’t. Nor did the guy with the gun.  Instead, it built up and escalated. Why did he have a gun in a theater? That is for another discussion.

Well that is ending on a depressing note.

Really, the bottom line is, I don’t like rude people either. But they are everywhere and date or otherwise, it will happen. Move on. There will be others, some rude, some not. Can’t sue every one of them, can we?

Let Me Introduce You

 

Sometimes you just have to read it to believe it.

Hi dear,

I really don’t mean to invade your space, but I had to do this for the love and respect I have for my friend whose name is Howard, unfortunately he isn’t into online dating for some reasons best known to him. I’ve been telling him I would hook him up with someone nice, and when he came across your profile through my account earlier, and since then he’s been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all ramifications of life which is a hard thing to come by these days. You can view him on my recent photos here, copy paste this URL: http://bit.ly/29R2WbS

He’s 6ft” tall, and falls between your age search criteria, he lives in the same state with you, but he’s just here for visit, he’s a good listener, good looking and all rounded a complete gentleman, I honestly did not tell him I was gonna contact you, but thought I took a chance, you never know until you try, it should be worth it in the end I’m so sure. So take a chance and e-mail him, you can share a picture and more information with him and I’m sure he’ll be so glad to do same so both of you can know each other better, and also tell him your handle on match, don’t be shy as I am very sure he would welcome your email 100%. His direct e-mail is: howard.rains147 (at) gmail (.) com

I hope you can decode that right? lol as the site wouldn’t let it go through directly. I had to private my profile now because I’ve found someone special so I’m leaving the site, and I want the same for my friend.

Stay happy

Vivian

I really don’t know where to start. Let’s start at the end.  VIVIAN? Sure. She Isn’t the first woman to send me a message on a dating site. But I have ignored those too.  She is only  helping her poor, helpless friend Howard find a mate.  Very supportive , very caring of Vivian.  I do  think she may want to use a different phrase then “hook up” her friend Howard with someone nice.  So when she says he saw my profile on her account, let’s ask ourselves, was she looking at me too or did he borrow hers to look at women? Probably doesn’t matter, because, yes, we know it is all BS. But let’s move on.

What could the reason be that Howard isn’t into online dating? And why is he keeping these secrets a mystery from his friend Vivian? If he is asking her to help him find his soul mate, he should open up and discuss his fear of online dating with her.

I would like to know what Howard saw in my sparse profile, to know that I have “ found balance in all ramifications of life”.  Maybe if he won’t share with Vivian , he would share his insight with me.

Wouldn’t you love to peek at what lies behind this mystery photo URL that Vivian has so generously shared with me.  I could just send her my social security number and my credit card numbers and save us all time.  Did you ever notice with these insane emails , the person always uses phrases like “gonna” and “wanna?” I imagine the general consensus is that Americans speak this way so it will sound genuine. A real down to earth scammer, I mean potential dating person.

I see Howard is a tall, good looking man, and miraculously lives in my state. Could a woman ask for more?  So what if he is just a bit skeptical about online dating. Can’t imagine why, with all of these honest, trustworthy people lurking behind profiles.  Wait.  Honest and trustworthy do not lurk. They patiently wait and butterflies land on their hands while they are waiting.  And Howard has the advantage of  Vivian standing by his side.

This message was on OK Cupid. Note the sentence where Vivian asks me to tell Howard “my handle on match.”  Vivian needs to watch her copying and pasting.  Always double-check for inconsistencies and change the information to fit the site. I should email her back and tell her to be careful of these small little things that mean so much to finding Howard’s future soul mate,

And finally, let us all rejoice in Vivian’s happiness that she has found someone and will be getting off of the site and is only looking for that for her dear friend Howard.  Good thing I was able to call various government agencies and “decode” Howard’s email.

 

Small Town Living

I live in a small town. Of course it is all relative,  since I am well aware there are much smaller towns to be found. Let’s put it in perspective. The town has a population of approximately 17,000 people. The town I recently moved from to come here had a population of about 34,000. Double the amount of people, for those of you who don’t have your calculators  handy. I am originally from New York City, population 8 million give or take. Having lived in Miami, San Francisco and 15 miles from Washington DC. , you can understand why I am saying I now live in a small town. We are talking cows and chickens small.  There is a Main Street. Most small towns I have been to have a street called Main Street. Some run about a block, but my town’s main street  is a few miles!  

mainst

Living in a city or suburb of a city, one can count on anonymity. You blend in a city of 8 million. You can certainly blend in a city like Miami , where the population is about 400,000+. When I lived in the town of about 34,000, I did on occasion run into someone I know, but not often. Blending was more difficult, but still i could go months without seeing someone I knew.

small

Which brings me to my town of 17,000. Not excessively small but clearly my anonymity is gone. The historic part  of  the downtown area runs a few blocks. Quaint and cute, but small. Scattered about the county are many antique shops, small businesses and of course Wal-Mart , Target and Tractor Supply Store. One of my pastimes is to maintain an antique booth in an antique mall in the town I live in. Weekly, I stop in to add things, pick up a check (hopefully) and keep it neat and appealing.

Last week, I parked in front of the Antique Mall, hopped out of the car,  just planning on running in to grab a chair to take out of my booth.  Wound my way through, grabbed the chair and was headed for the front door to throw it in my car.  An older gentleman (he looked older)  (Guess he could be my age or I really hope older because otherwise he isn’t looking that good) jumped up and said let me get the door for you. He was very small. Inches shorter than I am and somewhat stooped over.  I thought that was very gentlemanly of him to offer. I thought, ahhh small town living at its best. So he held the door , I walked through with my chair, and he follows me outside! He then says, “How are you?” “just fine”, I reply and “how are you today?”

old-men-clipart-1

He says “good. I saw you on Plenty of Fish.” I stopped in my tracks and said “oh really?” No one, anywhere, had ever recognized me from a dating site nor have I ever seen anyone in person on the street from a site. Maybe that is not the norm, but for me, I thought oh no. I live in a small town and now people recognize my face. I can pretty much say there does not seem to be a lot of people in my town on this site! There are not a lot of people period. He then says” so how’s it going.”  I said “Fine”. Then I realized he meant my success or lack of success on the site. I said, “ oh you know, haven’t been on much lately (which is not a lie. since I moved dating has taken the back burner.)

I opened the back of my car to put the chair in and he is lingering. I said as cheery as I could, “Thanks so much for holding the door. That was very kind.” He says, “Anytime. I am here often”. What? It is an antique shop. He was just sitting in a chair near the front desk when I came in. Is this a local  hangout?  A Meeting place? Do people gather there and tell stories? Or is he waiting for unsuspecting dating site participants to come through looking for a vintage chair or vintage man!

Wanted: Mom, Housekeeper, or Combo

Light housekeeping, cooking skills a must, valid driver’s license and willing to drive at a moment’s notice. First guess- Classified ad?  Second guess- A Dating profile ?

A notification from the dating site buzzes on your device telling you someone has viewed your profile. Always have to look to check it out. The profile name this time was a  first name and the number 37. My experience shows he is either 37 years old, or was born in 1937.  Forty years is a big difference, but again , from my past experience, it could be either one. Secretly I hope he isn’t 78 but kind of hope he isn’t 37 either. A  bit too young even for me, though that would be flattering.  A bit too old and that would be depressing. The 78 yr old would make more sense to some people , but not me! And if I am going to date someone who has an age difference of 14+ years , I’d rather subtract those numbers  then add them!

But in this case he was definitely 37, almost 38! .  Searching for an older woman, and by that he means a mother. Most of the time a guy will tell you he is searching for older women because of their maturity,  or they aren’t necessarily looking for  commitment, and definitely not looking to snag a successful young man for marriage and children. Not this guy. Went right to cleaning and cooking.

I think an ad in his local paper for a housekeeper would work better, but I guess he has to pay for that. Why not advertise on a dating site and combine all one’s needs into a neat little package.

Explaining it would take away from the essence of his message.

What a catch. I’d like to chat with any woman that would respond to this and get her the help she needs.

Read it and weep.

Hi I’m nick 38 looking to get to know someone older wouldn’t mind moving to a different town must cook and keep a clean house,looking for someone secure that can travel goe places,I like outdoors good food movies reading send me a message if interested I currently don’t have a running car it broke down on me its not worth fixing so not able to get around that good right now

 

I’m Baaaack

It’s been a while since I have written, which I really hope someone noticed. Some of it was just being unmotivated, some lack of dating. Life does get in the way sometimes. I am going to be moving soon,  about 50-60 miles south of where I am located now, and the stress of getting the house ready to sell, finding something else, and waiting and waiting , and then more waiting, takes a toll.

I have stayed on the dating sites, and have messaged here and there, but absolutely no effort has been put forth on my part to obtain a date, or even entertain the thought.

But without fail, the guys come through with crazy notions that I may recognize their efforts by trying to get my attention in all sorts of ways. Once again we have a large age range, broken English, bad grammar, and the ever-present nudity.

Since nudity will usually grab anyone’s attention we can start there. Here is a guy who looked pretty good in his picture. Yes, I have been out of commission somewhat, but I have not forgotten that bogus pictures exist. But I have my thoughts, which will be clear in a moment or two, that the picture was him.  

The profile picture was shirtless. I don’t usually respond to the ones that are shirtless, because we really do know what they are advertising. Guess I was feeling nice that day.

We chatted on the dating site for a few days on and off. He asked could we chat on the phone instead of on the site. I said OK and sent my cell phone number. A week, at least, maybe two, went by, so I simply forgot about it.

One day I get a face-time call on my phone from a Gmail address. I ignored it. I thought briefly that whoever this was, had tried this before on my number, which I had ignored. Didn’t recognize it, because everyone I know calls from phone numbers.  I don’t make a habit of answering face-time calls when I don’t recognize the number, and this was an email address which made me more suspicious. Within a minute, it rang again. I ignored it. The third time I picked it up I said, “LOOK I DON’T KNOW WHO IS CALLING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS BUT JUST STOP.” Note the CAPS. I believe they caught me in a bad mood! Then my phone dings, and there is a message on the dating site from the guy I had been chatting with. He says, “ did i do something wrong? why were you angry?”

I pointed out in my response that not only didn’t I know his full name, but did not know his email and why call me face-time the first time on the phone, when we haven’t chatted and I sent my number to talk and get to know one another.  Being suspicious is in my blood. I didn’t tell him that part. He responds with, “why did you scream. You scared me away ha. good luck.”

No loss there, but  I responded back, “ Oh I figure that happened 2 weeks ago when you never responded when I sent my number to you.”

Fast forward a few days, and here comes another face-time call. I recognized the email address this time. Didn’t answer. One minute later another call. So I decided to pick it up and said hello but didn’t show my face yet. I see a bare chest, recognizable from his profile picture, and in the background I hear, Hello Hello. I hung up.

Calls again . I pick it up again. I did the same thing and I hear “are you there. this is Mark.” I said yes, but I can’t see your face. I see your chest.” He doesn’t move the camera. I said where is your face? I am assuming you have one.”  And he shows me his penis. I hang up. Later that evening I get a message on the site. “Sorry I was naked on face-time.”

I wrote back . “ Thanks.” Why did I respond? Who knows. I like to egg people on I guess.

The next day I get 2 more face-time calls from him. I don’t answer. I write to him on the dating site and say, “I saw you called a few times. I am not trusting you for me to pick up the phone on face-time.” I am happy to say he has not responded and if he tries again there will be no response from me. Some guys don’t get that, that is not , speaking for myself, what someone wants to see when called. The fact that I asked  for a regular phone call and still only got face-time did not sit well with me. But when I say where is your face and I get his only body part that is clearly available, he loses.

I got the usual scam messages too, in case anyone was worried that they may have ceased. Just because my life slowed down, doesn’t mean those scammers are not working hard.

  1. Hello how are you doing over there pretty , i will care to get know more about you better are you still a single?
  2. Hello my lady,hows the weather over there………………………!
  3. am john henry from texas city am divorced with 2 kids Jerry and Mary there mom die in airplain accident amhere to look for a truth worth and honest,caring woman to spend all my life.
  4. hello dear have pass through a hell stress just to message you.please i need to know you i got attracted with your profile,so please tell me about you
  5. hi there…what a beautiful profile picture you uploaded on the site,i like that sparkling smile and i will be glad to smile with you someday….i am michael smith,50 and i am new to internet stuff…….. tell me more about you if you don’t mind i can’t wait to read back from a beautiful woman like you…i dont mind if will can hook u from here by mailing or txt.
  6. am loving and caring but am looking for someone to replace my wife. I’m funny outgoing and sensitive person. I don’t like when people around me are upset and I’m doing my best to make them at least smile. I am like fire. I am hot and bright inside.

and for now, last but not least, and we know never really the last:

7. I have always been a hopeFUL romantic longing to find THE ONE that I knew must be out there…That is definitely one thing to thank technology for! No matter where this goes, I feel so blessed to have gotten this chance to meet you and will love to get to know you better..My subscription will be ending soon and don’t intend to go for another plan because there seems to bee too much weirdo’s on the web..You’re such a very beautiful and charming woman and am sure you hear that everyday, why in the world is a very beautiful woman like you still single?

I haven’t changed, spelling, grammar, or wording. I cringe when I read it but it is what it is. Do I need to comment on these? No, I don’t. I would love to write a version of mad libs for these. And for those of you unfamiliar with Mad Libs here is a definition. (Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the – often comical or nonsensical – story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.) We would get a good laugh and I am thinking a dating Mad Libs may be in the works. Don’t steal my plan. I’ll let you play.

On a Serious Note…

Online dating.  It is said to be daunting, humorous, and most of all, scary. Many of us have been there. I have written many times about men who write such hard to believe drivel, and want my email or phone number so we can learn about each other. Happens all of the time. There are constant warnings about meeting in private, making sure you meet in a public place, not sharing your address and phone numbers immediately, and so much more. Pictures are important, but, as I, and I am sure many others have experienced, they don’t always match the person you meet. I remember meeting someone, who, when we chatted and I saw his profile pictures, was a good-looking man. I met him, in a public restaurant, and it turned out he not only used his friend’s photo, but he lied about his age as well.

This Washington Post article talks about the dangers of meeting people from online sites. This particular incident discussed, which sadly includes murder, was an ad placed on Craigslist. But, as we all know, the dating site most likely does not matter. There are predators and crazies lurking anywhere.

This article tells you to think like a cop. Be wary, don’t be so trusting right away. Is he or she legit? Are they really who they say they are?

This gentleman was a married man, looking for a man to have a secret sexual encounter. Instead, he got a woman who robbed and stabbed him to death in a hotel room. A sad story, but hopefully, a wakeup call for many who thinks it will only happen to someone else. A cautionary tale to be aware of when chatting online and preparing to meet for that first date. The only scary part should be whether you like him or her and whether there could be a second date.

Read it and hopefully it will keep us all on our toes.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/online-dating-precautions-meet-two-cops-who-took-them/2015/04/19/fde5e44c-e35d-11e4-b510-962fcfabc310_story.html

 

Dating Business

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/business/wp/2015/04/06/online-datings-age-wars-inside-tinder-and-eharmonys-fight-for-our-love-lives/

Tinder and eHarmony. Different as night and day, yet they probably have more similarities than we think.

It is all about money.  The concept of all of us meeting the love of our lives, clearly  attracts millions of people of all ages and backgrounds. But the dating sites are making millions and now that Tinder has Tinder Plus upgrade, will be making more. Good for them. It’s a big business.

But for us, it is how we meet men or women.

As this article states, is it based on looks, like Tinder advocates? Or eHarmony where though we see a picture, we still get so much more information to help us form an opinion.

Either way, that is the first impression. I will admit, no matter the site, if I look at someone,  I am deciding then and there whether I will message them or respond to them if they message me. Though I have said before, good-looking doesn’t always mean good date!

Age plays into this big time. Tinder, though it has all ages, really is geared toward the 20’s-30’s crowd. eHarmony, as many other sites such as Match or POF, tend to attract more of a larger mix of daters.

I like to spread the wealth. A little on this site, a little on that site.  Spending a few minutes on Tinder,  I  do tend to swipe more lefts than rights! Well, really I like hitting the big red X. At least in my age group, for me,  there are always more X’s than hearts. Still it is like a train wreck. I have to look. To paraphrase  a  quote in this article from a single mother who is 41, she says she is a dried up prune on that site. (Tinder) That means I am dead and buried.

A New Attitude

I have an attitude. This is not new for me. I always have an attitude. Sometimes it is a good attitude, positive, and optimistic. Sometimes, it is quite the opposite. Dare I say negative and pessimistic? It’s true. Lately I can’t help it and don’t want to try to turn it around. I feel like a petulant teenager that walks around with an attitude. Oh, well, I was one at some point. My mother used to use some Yiddish expression to tell me I was in a mood. Didn’t matter what language was used, I knew that!

But now at least I can admit that. When I was a teen, you could not tell me I had attitude, because it would make it worse. Actually the same thing happens now. I hate when people say CALM DOWN. I know I need to calm down but it doesn’t happen by snapping your fingers. Now I send myself to my room. Or to my cabinet to get a wine glass.

Not that I would not turn it if I could, but I realized I can’t. Not now.  Not for the lack of trying. But sometimes it lingers and sticks to your skin, and is really hard to shake off.

badatt

I have not blogged much recently, mainly because of my attitude not being in the positive column. Part of it is from the dating experience, and part is just life being difficult. I could whine about all that is happening in my life, and probably will in a moment. And yes, it is all relative. Things that will turn around and get better, I am just not sure when. Nothing catastrophic, though at the time it seems that it is.

Let’s start with my house. I have a townhouse that has water damage. Let me put it simply. 8 months fighting with my insurance company, delay in starting work because of that. Need siding replaced and deck replaced and inside damage as well.  This began in July. Now it is March and the 12 inches of snow has finally melted away from my backyard, so MAYBE the outside work can begin.  It has been 6 weeks waiting for my new glass door to come in so it can be installed. We seem to have the domino effect working for us. Cant do this, because of A. Can’t get B and C done until A is squared away. My patience is gone. Being from NY I want things done yesterday. I don’t wait well. So 8 months has been brutal for me. Had to move out of my house for 5 weeks so the floors and drywall could get done. I am back home and hopefully things can progress. Whew, I feel better already. The people at work have been great listening to me bitch and moan for 8 months, They are probably equally ready for my house to be done too.

badatt1

Then we have the dating scene. Or lack thereof. Men can tell when you have an attitude. I can tell when I have attitude and no one seems right to me. To add to my distress, I have received no less than 20 fake user emails on OKC in the last 2 weeks. The writing is similar and then the accounts are deleted. And of course, this is not new. I have written previous posts with examples of BS flowing on the page. But they keep coming.

Just a few examples:

1.

HIM-“i live in New york and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time”

ME- sorry not what i asked. ( I had asked what he does for a living)

HIM- but now i have come to new york now dear

he says again I live in NY and wants someone to love for a long time.

but I can’t help read it as, “I love you long time” .  Either way, I responded with that isn’t what I asked, because I knew I wasn’t going to continue chatting. His answer -“now I have come to NY DEAR.” (UGH)

2.Italian but based in USA. I deal on antiques which takes me to places cos it’s a mobile job. I am a potential optimist and love to make findings and knowing new things.

3.well am new here and not sure will get on here often but I wish to have a sincere friendship and keep my new good friends in touch forever that is why I want us to get in touch by exchanging dial digits.

4.You know I was going through when I got charmed by the pretty looks in your eyes and i thought it’s wise to say hi.

You have a lovely smile on your face, that really attracted me the most and I nearly lost my breath looking deep into your eyes. I like your hair style a lot and i am just sitting here wondering what a beautiful angel like you is doing on here. Anyway we are looking and it will be my pleasure to start a conversation with a beautiful lady like you. I don’t know much about you. I will be glad to get to know each other.

appreciate and admire your intensity hope to hear from you soon Thank you very much for taking you to read

5.How are you doing on this blissful day!!…I was surfing on here and got the glimpse of your meaningful profile and with your beautiful pic caught my attention to read more.. I would like to know more about you and see where this could lead us both to…..Any way I know I is not the correct thing to give out my email but any way we can still try it out XXXXXX79@gmail.com shear more later if you like

6.Your profile really caught my interest and I have been looking and would like to know more things about you. It never hurts to try something new although it’s a just a day to the end of my subscription on this website..

How can I help but have attitude? I think I need to get in a new and improved frame of mind for anything to change. The house is moving along slowly, but moving along.  I’ll get over this hurdle and move on to the next. See. Attitude changing already.

Next!

I have never experienced speed dating. I have vaguely thought about it, but have never actually made the move.  Admittingly, I have been tempted but really have only seen the process in a movie. It did sound intriguing. What could I learn in a few minutes from someone? Though, sometimes, as soon as someone opens their mouth I know that either I don’t want to hear anymore, or I’m ready for a second sentence.  I know on the dating sites I take a look at some pictures and think, “no thank you.” What would happen in person? The guy would start to sit down and I would say, “keep moving.” And in reverse, what if he said it to me? “Hey, don’t bother to sit down.”

But like online dating, you know right away, usually, if you want to message someone.  Messaging online is so much easier, or safer, than in person. No one can see you blush, or get pissed off, or disgusted And yes, it does work both ways. Basically, it is easier rejection.

speed1

I received a groupon type offer for speed dating. I clicked on it and thought I would take a look. It just explained where the event would be, how much you pay and how much you save. But then I looked at the photos. There wasn’t a person over 30. Now I know they are not going to put wrinkly, old faces on there, trying to lure you in. I get that. But, for me, being way over 30, I thought, hmmm, is everyone here just out of college and just moving out of Mom and Dad’s house? It is like the brochures for trips to a resort, or a cruise. We won’t see fat, roly poly men and women in bathing suits, lounging around the pool, or sitting atop of a horse. Nor do we want to. It was clear who they are advertising this event for. Now I know any age could go, but looking at the pictures it discouraged me right away. Maybe I need to start a speed dating for over 50. Speed dating for cougars? Speed dating for boy toys? Hey this could work!

speed

I also received an email to join SpeedDate.com. Speed dating online? I’m listening. Maybe many of you have already tried it. I’m catching up. Took me years to join the online dating crowd in general. Speedy is good.

Here it says you can message or webcam, and know right away. For me, there will be no webcam to start. I dont trust that. Who knows what will be waiting for you when you open a webcam to a perfect male stranger. Call me crazy, but that won’t be happening.

The process of elimination on speed date would be so much quicker and less painful, I would imagine. I may have to look into the site or the concept, just to see how it works, without cameras anywhere.  Maybe like Tinder. Swipe him away in a second. Move on to the next. Can it be speedier than that?

Slump

Sports analogies are used quite often. Personally, I have never used one, because though I enjoy watching (not playing) some sports, I felt this one works.  I am not a baseball player, though making a few million every time I went to work would really be helpful. But, to be honest, I am in a slump. The definition is made for me. I am not performing up to my expectations, or anyones I would imagine,  And I am definitely in a drought. My game is off. A dry spell fits the bill.

An extended period when player or team is not performing well or up to expectations. A dry spell or drought.

slump1

Maybe one could call it a self-imposed slump. I get messages. I get offers, though some should be called solicitations. Take this gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Again, a man one year younger than I am, so the category is my age group. Nondescript in the looks department, average, looks like an insurance salesman. ( now don’t go taking offense all of you insurance salesman out there. I could have said accountant, or computer geek.)  He sends me a message and I respond with a friendly reply. Does he ask me to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee? Not a chance.

“Are you working?”, he askes me.

I responded and said , “Yes I am. All day.”

Then he says, Oh too bad. I thought I would come over and play.”

I respond with, “so let me get this straight. We had 3 lines of messages. Never talked. Never met. And you want to come over and play? I am not in the habit of having strange men whom I have never met come over to my home for sex.” Move on.

And may I add he was insulted and wanted to know what would be wrong with that? I should have asked him if he ever watches CSI or Law and Order.

slump

So my slump continues. I get quite a few, So and So want to meet You” notifications. Do I want to meet them? NO.  I cant agree to meet someone who looks like he lives in his mother’s basement. Or if he is holding a fish.  Even a few messages that ask to meet. But I am not in the group of women, or men, I imagine, that will meet anyone for a drink or coffee, just to have another date.  I do know women who do this.  Many tell me they are not attracted to him, but hell why not grab a drink anyway, and then tell him no for next time. I would rather stay home. I have to  be attracted visually or even, mentally, to want to got to the next step. I would not enjoy sitting there for even an hour, knowing I am only doing it to go out. Personal preference on my part.

A hitter can’t let a poor performance carry over into the next opportunity. Pouting or feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in a slump can become a habit, starting a vicious cycle that’s very hard to break.

I am definitely carrying over my slump attitude into other aspects of dating and even my life.  Of course I am having a pity party. I detect a pattern, a habit as stated above. But habits are hard to break. I’m working on it. Baseball players practice their swings in the mirror, according to what I have read about being in a slump. I dont know what I can practice in the mirror. I guess I could practice saying, ‘yes’, or ‘don’t be a dating a snob,’ but  I am not fooling anyone especially myself. I think it is more my attitude I have to change to eliminate the slump I am in. Or maybe a new dating site.