This really needs no explanation. I think I will use this. Covers the subject and expresses in a moderately nice way what one needs to get across.
I have an attitude. This is not new for me. I always have an attitude. Sometimes it is a good attitude, positive, and optimistic. Sometimes, it is quite the opposite. Dare I say negative and pessimistic? It’s true. Lately I can’t help it and don’t want to try to turn it around. I feel like a petulant teenager that walks around with an attitude. Oh, well, I was one at some point. My mother used to use some Yiddish expression to tell me I was in a mood. Didn’t matter what language was used, I knew that!
But now at least I can admit that. When I was a teen, you could not tell me I had attitude, because it would make it worse. Actually the same thing happens now. I hate when people say CALM DOWN. I know I need to calm down but it doesn’t happen by snapping your fingers. Now I send myself to my room. Or to my cabinet to get a wine glass.
Not that I would not turn it if I could, but I realized I can’t. Not now. Not for the lack of trying. But sometimes it lingers and sticks to your skin, and is really hard to shake off.
I have not blogged much recently, mainly because of my attitude not being in the positive column. Part of it is from the dating experience, and part is just life being difficult. I could whine about all that is happening in my life, and probably will in a moment. And yes, it is all relative. Things that will turn around and get better, I am just not sure when. Nothing catastrophic, though at the time it seems that it is.
Let’s start with my house. I have a townhouse that has water damage. Let me put it simply. 8 months fighting with my insurance company, delay in starting work because of that. Need siding replaced and deck replaced and inside damage as well. This began in July. Now it is March and the 12 inches of snow has finally melted away from my backyard, so MAYBE the outside work can begin. It has been 6 weeks waiting for my new glass door to come in so it can be installed. We seem to have the domino effect working for us. Cant do this, because of A. Can’t get B and C done until A is squared away. My patience is gone. Being from NY I want things done yesterday. I don’t wait well. So 8 months has been brutal for me. Had to move out of my house for 5 weeks so the floors and drywall could get done. I am back home and hopefully things can progress. Whew, I feel better already. The people at work have been great listening to me bitch and moan for 8 months, They are probably equally ready for my house to be done too.
Then we have the dating scene. Or lack thereof. Men can tell when you have an attitude. I can tell when I have attitude and no one seems right to me. To add to my distress, I have received no less than 20 fake user emails on OKC in the last 2 weeks. The writing is similar and then the accounts are deleted. And of course, this is not new. I have written previous posts with examples of BS flowing on the page. But they keep coming.
Just a few examples:
HIM-“i live in New york and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time”
ME- sorry not what i asked. ( I had asked what he does for a living)
HIM- but now i have come to new york now dear
he says again I live in NY and wants someone to love for a long time.
but I can’t help read it as, “I love you long time” . Either way, I responded with that isn’t what I asked, because I knew I wasn’t going to continue chatting. His answer -“now I have come to NY DEAR.” (UGH)
2.Italian but based in USA. I deal on antiques which takes me to places cos it’s a mobile job. I am a potential optimist and love to make findings and knowing new things.
3.well am new here and not sure will get on here often but I wish to have a sincere friendship and keep my new good friends in touch forever that is why I want us to get in touch by exchanging dial digits.
4.You know I was going through when I got charmed by the pretty looks in your eyes and i thought it’s wise to say hi.
You have a lovely smile on your face, that really attracted me the most and I nearly lost my breath looking deep into your eyes. I like your hair style a lot and i am just sitting here wondering what a beautiful angel like you is doing on here. Anyway we are looking and it will be my pleasure to start a conversation with a beautiful lady like you. I don’t know much about you. I will be glad to get to know each other.
appreciate and admire your intensity hope to hear from you soon Thank you very much for taking you to read
5.How are you doing on this blissful day!!…I was surfing on here and got the glimpse of your meaningful profile and with your beautiful pic caught my attention to read more.. I would like to know more about you and see where this could lead us both to…..Any way I know I is not the correct thing to give out my email but any way we can still try it out XXXXXX79@gmail.com shear more later if you like
6.Your profile really caught my interest and I have been looking and would like to know more things about you. It never hurts to try something new although it’s a just a day to the end of my subscription on this website..
How can I help but have attitude? I think I need to get in a new and improved frame of mind for anything to change. The house is moving along slowly, but moving along. I’ll get over this hurdle and move on to the next. See. Attitude changing already.
Your confidence builds. You are feeling good about yourself. Thinking, I am looking pretty good these days and you have a good feeling all around. You even think it is safe to enter the dating scene. So you accept a date.
One Tuesday I received a pleasant message. Spoke about our common interests and background. Thought he was a bit stiff, didn’t seem to have a light attitude or joke much, but I thought, ok, this is online. Chill out, give him a break. We set up to meet the following Tuesday, though he did ask at first if I was free the next evening, Wednesday night. “Sorry,” I said, “but I have plans.” ( I really did.)
We talked on the site for a few days, and one evening wrote that he was looking forward to meeting. I concurred and said it will be fun. He said he was going to NY to see his mom over the weekend. ( I had to assume he was telling the truth, I try not to be cynical every time) Very briefly on the friday of that weekend we spoke and then ended with we will chat before Tuesday.
Monday comes and no word. Yep, my wonderful, reliable gut was kicking in again. I did not have a good feeling about this. I sent him a message on the dating site and said “hi. just wanted to be sure we were still meeting up on tuesday.” I don’t feel comfortable having a plan for a week and not have confirmation. Nothing. The next morning, which was the Tuesday of our “date”, he sends me a message that says, “I’m very sorry, but I’ve decided not to meet. Best of luck in your search for love, peace and happiness.”
I was so annoyed. I wrote back and said “Wow nice of you to let me know before today.”
I didn’t ask why, though I really wanted to know the reasoning behind it. So many to choose from. He simply changed his mind, Maybe he met someone else and wanted to focus on her. Maybe he is simply a jerk. I admit, he tried to write it nicely, but it was not sitting well. I was insulted that he changed his mind. I do think it is merely frustration and /or annoyance that no matter what, I can’t seem to meet someone for a mere drink!
This guy was even in my age group. If nothing else I am giving myself points for that! He is in my decade! Could be a first. I have gone out with some very close to my decade, just short a few years. But I have realized that same decade or not, it doesn’t matter.
Sometimes you can read an article and think, “Do they know me? Did they peek into my dating world and get some ideas? This one is about being single and frustrated. How timely! I will take a wild guess and say I am not the only one, male or female, who at times, feel this way. I have had toxic relationships. Do I repeat the pattern? Do I pick the wrong men? I think, unless your dating life is perfect, one of these may hit home for you, If not, consider yourself lucky and not single and frustrated.
Writing is not everyone’s forte. Simple lines and simple words sometimes get a message across just as easily as flowing prose or poetry. Do cheesy lines work?
One guy actually wrote to me and said, “Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?” I thought that was just in the movies. No. he was not joking. Sad, I know. But if you are going to try for a line, or some phrase that may catch my eye, make it good. Check a dictionary or Google the phrase.
Read on for another installment following a few of my previous posts, such as, Uh What Did you Say, Would You Repeat That, Parts 1-3. and Let Me Read From You, and Other Assorted Phrases.
I’m a honest, loving, bubbling man. ( so many thoughts go through my head on this one. I think Tums could help that problem. )
every time I look at your picture I wonder what it would have been like to make love to you for hours and hours . ( keep wondering. keep dreaming)
Beautiful is supposed to be a word that describes someone or something. Now that I met you I realize that beautiful is more than just a word. Beautiful speaks, beautiful talks, beautiful is sexy, beautiful breathes, and beautiful smiles. Beautiful is you. (must be lyrics from a song somewhere in time)
Its been very terrible searching on this site beside I’m new to this internet dating stuffs, I was introduced by a friend who recently got married and relocated to Canada. That’s why I’m giving this a try. ( let’s see, is it terrible because he is new? or did his friend just make him feel bad? Does he want to relocate ? Pack your bags, Ms. Right!)
I really admire your beauty and cute smile. I must say every single man will love to go out with you but for me I will first love to be friends with you and see where it will lead us.. What do you think? (I have friends. Little does he know, married men want to go out with me too)
How are you doing today and how is your weather over there ? I’ve been trying to find some old friends, i would like to ask you LOL (old friends? does he know I am not his old friend? on a dating site? My weather. Covered all the social media and the weather channel in one motion)
I love to drink martini Not from a glass but all other source sets of both lips etc. How are you? I hope we can talk. U seem a nice lady (I am a nice lady. That is why I never responded to your inappropriate lines. and these lips will never meet yours)
Hi Pretty,nice profile,checking around the dating network and your profile gave me an attention, ( I love when my profile gives attention, though I am not sure what kind of attention we are talking about)
How are you this sweet lovely day.. i got up from bed to take a glass of chilled water and was going through the site when i skimmed across your profile…sorry if i am intruding your privacy but i have to confess that you have a wonderful and charming smile that kept me staring at your page… (who gets up for a glass of water, chilled or not, and stops at his or her laptop to check on profiles on the way to the kitchen?)
am very active and cheerful. I like positive people and a good sense of humor. As a real man I am emotional and sensual. My friends love being in my company and talk to me by hours. ( good thing he is a real man. I hate when robots message me)
Everybody makes mistakes and I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but if the same pattern keeps emerging, it’s over I do not want to meet someone who may think that they will take advantage of me or lie to me and cheat on me under false pretenses. Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I’m not accusing you of any wrongdoing, but I’m being upfront and honest about that. So you know where I stand from the beginning. With all due respect as well, I hope that you are upfront and honest with me, as well. ( I am so glad I am getting a pardon from someone I never messaged or communicated with in any way)
I’m just asking you to keep it real and be honest from the beginning; that way, nobody is wasting their time or getting their feelings hurt also realize that at times two people are just too different to be in a relationship together; it doesn’t mean that it’s anybody’s fault, it’s just that they’re too different to be compatible. Was really nice written you, will be very glad if you can also write to me much and more about yourself at this manner as i wrote to you. Well hope to hear from you soon. Kisses (keep your kisses. I don’t want them. And if I write to you in the same manner as you wrote to me, you wont know what I am saying either. So lets forget you ever messaged me.)
my name is mark i am new here just checking out some profile but yours caught my eyes, I’d like to correspond with you,if you don’t mind, to know what we have with you,if you don’t mind, ( well , Mark. Here is the deal. I am very proud I caught both of your eyes, and not just the usual one at a time. Work on your pronouns too)
I want to meet a woman that is tolerance level ( he should know I have no tolerance level) and how far he can go in life ( we can fill in any words that may actually complete this sentence. It will be a form of Mad Libs), if he is willing to stick around when the going gets tough and he will be there for me and I will be there for her too when the going gets tough on us. If she will still love me when I am falling apart.( again PRONOUNS ! He. She. It. They. Repeat after me.)
I like your inspiring smile on your picture ,just gone through your profile and it a great deal meeting you,you really have my interest and I can’t pass with out saying Hi, you’ve got a very nice profile and it impressive,you sounds very cool, adorable,sensitive,serious and an open minded person and I will really love to meet you in person, you’ve got a very great personality with the qualities of a good woman and I’m very much interested of getting to know the deeper side of you, so if you’re interested get back to me urgent. ( guess I’d better hurry)
Well am on here looking for Happiness in Long-Term from this life ( as opposed to your past life?)
How are you doing this blessed day. I really hope everything is good.. A friend of mine introduced me to this wonderful dating site and I’m very thankful to be on here. By the I’m Tony and I guess I’m new on here.. If I must confess, I really admire your smiles ( poor thing doesn’t know for sure if he is new on here or not. and really, I only own one smile)
Am new to this place but couldn’t help myself with your beautiful smile, Am breaking out my shy shells to let you know you captured my attention and I enjoyed everything I read on your profile. ( what is a shy shell and how does one break it out? )
and one of my favorites-
“Wow dear” what an Surprise, honesty I must Say you have a very lovely and Beautiful simile, from a pretty face, Dear I apologize” Which I’II could be friends.
I think we need a translator for this one.
Humor, I realize, is a relative term. Some people have no sense of humor. Some people use sarcasm (me raising my hand), slapstick, dry humor , and wit to name a few. Did you ever say something that you just think is hilarious ,and the other person stares at you like you have 2 heads, and they are thinking, “What is so funny?”
When I first created my dating profile, I did write that I felt a sense of humor is important, and pretty much necessary. I like to laugh and joke. I am serious when I have to be , and sarcasm is part of me. I am not hurtful, but sarcasm and wit are my types of humor.
Sometimes you think something is completed , and there is just one little thing that occurs until you know you can add the cherry on top to be done. I should have known there would be a part 2 . Here is a continuation of my last post when I discussed the guy who did not want to reveal his age. (see “Ageless Dating”) As I had said, we had chatted for quite a while. He sent me his phone number and asked me for mine, which I gave him.
A few days later, we were talking on the site when he brought up the idea of talking on the phone. I asked him if he would be home that evening. Now, in my head, I was thinking, if he is going to be home, and I am as well, it would be a good time to have a phone conversation. He writes back and says, “wow, that makes me reminiscent of landline phones.” I thought about it for just a second, and realized he thought I meant that you had to be home to get the call. Which of course immediately made me think, “is he calling me old?” But, that is me and my paranoia, so I dismissed that thought, and wrote back. And here is where it all hit the fan!
Me: “Ha. OK smart ass. I just meant will you be available so we could chat.”
Him: total silence
One day later I get a message that says , “ I cannot call you on the phone. I am backing up.”
I write back and say,”I am not following you. What do you mean?”
Now, of course, I am thinking, “ Did I miss something?” And, also I am thinking you could have gone with your first impression when he was so dramatic about the age saga, but no, too easy. I have to find out.
I get nothing back. My assumption is, he certainly was backing off. OK that should do it for me. But no, I want to hear it.
The next evening I see he is on chat so I send him a quick “ Hey how are you doing?”
What do I get back.? “ I am mad at you.”
Enter 8th grade casting call.
WHAT? Which is exactly what I said to him.
He continues to say that he wasn’t even going to tell me, but he will.
I am thinking, Oh thank you lord. Now I can sleep. Really? You are gracing me with an answer?
He says, “ I don’t appreciate anyone calling me names. I hate when people call me names. That is rude and I haven’t even met you.”
I am sitting there reading these messages as they come in, thinking , “I called him a name?”
He then says, “You called me a smart ass. That is so negative and hurtful. I cannot talk to anyone that calls me a name.”
“I did not call you a name. I was joking. Just referring to what you said. As in sarcasm, as in, ok smarty pants, I get what you mean. Except I used smart ass because I always say that.”
That wasn’t going to do it for him, but I found myself defending my actions.
He continues, “ Maybe you and people you know do that . I cannot tolerate name calling.”
Now I am irritated because I realize he is not listening to my explanation. He finally tells me his ex-wife called him names and she cheated on him. Well now the picture is clear. Believe me, I don’t think anyone should call anyone names. And I respect the fact that he clearly has issues with this. But I was in the dark. How was I to know he had these problems with his ex, or in general? The fact that I had to go over the message history between us to find out that I called him a name, made me think twice. But , I really felt I wanted to defend my delicate reputation. I have never had a reaction like that in all of my life.
I said, well, first of all, I am not your ex-wife, and secondly, you need to understand that this was delivered in a joking , light way. I said if I had called you an asshole (which believe me was very close to next on my list) then you can say I called you a name.
But SMART ASS, was simply said in a lighthearted, joking way. His reply was well I didn’t take it as a joke. I’ll have to simmer down and see how I feel in a few days.
An hour later I checked on the site and he had deleted his entire profile. Never knew I had such an impact.
No, he did not take it the lighthearted manner in which it was delivered.
I did say at one point, “You know in person. One could hear the tone, in which a comment or expression is delivered. You can see the person’s facial expressions. “
No need to take the few days to simmer down. Simmer all you want. I’m good and quickly moving on.
I thought, honey, if you can’t tolerate that, there is no way in hell we could ever meet. You would be creamed by my sarcasm and my sense of humor. Everyone does have varying degrees of humor, but that is something you can learn about as you get to know someone. If you want to get to know that someone.
If you were worried, his profile is back up on the site. Glad to see it wasn’t permanent damage Inflicted. I may have felt bad. Or not.
First an update on my update
AND NOW WE MOVE ON TO THIS WEEK’S WINNER
For close to 2 weeks , I was chatting with a guy we will call Bob. No Robert, Bob is way too relaxed for this guy. Robert started every email with “How are you? Hope your day is going well.” He ended every email with, “have a blessed day. hugs.”
He told me he is divorced, and has a daughter. We had the usual chats, but there was always something going on in my head , that there is something off. Half of his emails were sort of normal sounding, so I would think, oh don’t be silly, you are always looking for the evil in people! He asked things like do you have a pet, I told him a dog and then he asked what his name was. He asked what I was doing for the weekend, all legit questions. And when he asked “so where do you live?” my hair stood on end. He could have meant the area, but I was so on guard I immediately thought he was hoping I would tell him my address. He would say oh I bet it is getting cold there, wish I could be there with you.” First it is July in DC. NEVER COLD.(OK so it went down to 55, a very rare event) Aside from that, maybe, because I was not so comfortable, it creeped me out.
But, really, it mostly was the way he wrote. It was very formal and felt scripted. Mostly it was his pat, strained answers. No levity, or lightness about it. I even wrote back once saying, “are you always this serious?” He really never replied to that. One of his last emails, and yes you will see why there was a last email, said, “when I return from my business trip, where do you think a good place to meet would be?” I responded, with a non-committal reply, because I still had the thoughts buzzing in my head that something didn’t feel right. I said, well I guess someplace convenient to both of us would make the most sense.
The next email, and almost the last one, started off with “I hope you are well mentally and physically. I am writing this note to remind me of the good times we have shared.” SIDE NOTE –we haven’t met .
and here we go:
He wrote: A lot of good and bad things have happened during our past, and would love for us to forget and face the future and also give each other chances to face the future.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say that you now fall as very important person in my life and still care a lot about you. I wish I could tell these things face to face, and, at the same time look into your eyes and sense your reaction to each one of my words. And these words would only reassure you of something you already know: I think i have feelings for you…
I wish you a great and blessed week
With a love from yours
Now, I went way past feeling a bit uncomfortable, to “who writes like that!” I replied by saying his email caught me by surprise , and that I was not comfortable with his referring to the feelings he has developed ,because we have never met, and this is way too fast, considering.
The next day I receive the following email from him. it is a bit long, but the read will entertain you.
Here is his email after I said HUH?
You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.
True love is the greatest thing that you can experience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness. It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed. To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust me first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart. Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for her, to be with her, to cherish her, to fulfill her dreams, to share with her and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her. Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust. Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each other Someone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars; sometimes it’s a simple understanding and trust between two people..
I hope this email finds you well,hugs
With much love
As I read this, I copied and pasted a paragraph from his email into Google and the first thing that popped up was just about the exact email in all its glory, under the site SCAM EMAILS.COM.
I was so annoyed I copied and pasted that email to him and said, “does this look familiar? Do not email me again.”
HERE IS THE EMAIL I FOUND ON SCAM EMAILS.COM
Hello How are you doing?
You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.True love is the greatest thing that you canexperience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed.To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust him/her first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart.Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for him, to be with him, to cherish him, to fulfill her dreams, to share with him and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her.Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person,what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely.To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment,and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust.Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each otherSomeone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes,perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars. Sometimes it is a simple understanding and trust between two people.
Do you know he emailed me the next day and said “ how are you today. Hope your day is going well. I don’t know what you are talking about. I write from my mind. How is your day going?”
I could have left it , but I was so furious, I wrote , ARE YOU KIDDING ME. DO NOT EMAIL AGAIN
And I am happy to say he hasn’t. And OKCupid removed his profile from the site, though I am sure he will pop up with another name and profile at some point.
So maybe I jumped the gun. I felt violated when my profile was hacked on Plenty of fish. But now, it seems POF has come through….basically. Though, I still have not heard from them at all, my sister, who has a profile on POF, emailed them on my behalf, explaining my hacked situation. She received an email including a sort of apology. More like ,”sorry for the inconvenience, “ but it is something. And they removed the Hacked profile under my user name on the dating site. She confirmed this but going onto the site and searching for my profile name, and it is gone! It took just a week, but they did it.
I do think their customer service options need major improvement, but I am glad they did something positive and took care of this issue. I wish I could find out the why and how of this hacking job, but I have to let it go. I can only speculate.
On the same note, I have emailed OKCupid about bogus/scam emails, and they have removed those users within 5 minutes. Maybe I was spoiled. Though wouldn’t it be nice if we never had to email them at all. Just a dream.
This one took about 8 days. Should I count that as a pre-relationship? Or maybe an ”ex, I havent even met you yet relationship? “
I didnt think, “ oh boy here comes another one”, until I realized there can always be a contender for another biggest loser prize. He started out as someone I thought I could plan a meet and greet, maybe even a real date with. Ha.
Enter a guy who contacted me on OKC. We chatted on the site for a few days and then graduated to speaking on the phone and texting. Conversations were interesting, telling about each other, what we enjoy , etc. We even had the New York, New Jersey thing in common, and both were living in this area. The usual get to know you stuff. He added, many times, “ Can’t wait to meet you. We will hit it off so well.”
He lived about 30 min from me, easily workable. We figured out we could meet the coming Saturday. He called me Friday night before the “date” day. We talked for a while and decided we would meet at 3 PM. Maybe a cup of coffee to start. Maybe a movie or dinner if we decided we were enjoying ourselves. Said he would call or text on Saturday to confirm. He did- not another stood up story. Well close, if you continue reading.
I get a text at noon on Saturday. Three hours before zero hour. . Keep in mind I just showered , so I can run some errands before I would be meeting him. The text says to begin, “I have some bad news.” Never a good start. So with a concerned text, I said , “Oh, is all ok?”
He replies “well last night I had a surprise date with a woman (when we spoke that previous evening he said he was meeting his buddy). What exactly is “a surprise date with a woman”? Didn’t bother to ask. He continues with “ we hit it off so well, and I am really attracted to her. I couldn’t be unfair and meet you, want to kiss you ( ummm sorry? ) and be thinking of her. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. Can we take a break?”
Where do I start? Want to kiss me? I’m thinking coffee, and he is kissing me. A break? We hadn’t even met yet. Don’t think we were quite up to needing a break from one another.
Well it had been at least 8 days of texting. Maybe that is his idea of a long term relationship. I responded. “No break needed. Move on. If you drooled over me for a week and someone turned your head that quickly, I’m good.”
First he says, “well you kind of insulted me when I first hit on you on OKC.” Hit on me? See, right there you should have said when I showed interest. “ Anyway, he goes on to say, “you said you were looking for a real man. And that was insulting.” Let’s not mention that he never brought this up in the week + we had communicated. Guess he was searching for ammunition.
Whoa! Defense counsel stepping in here. I quickly went back to my text messages, because I know I didn’t and wouldn’t say that. And don’t think I didn’t text him right back. I told him I checked the messages and here is what the exchange was.
He had said to me initially, “What are you looking for?”. (Which I find guys many times ask at some point.) So tongue in cheek, with my favorite sarcastic tone, I said “I’m looking for a man. HA.” Yes, I had even added the HA so one can quickly see that I am joking. And we had discussed NY style attitude and sarcasm. And nowhere did I say, “real man. “
What did he respond to? “Drool? That’s insulting to me . I was interested in you.”
Oh. Damn, if only I had known.
I would like to revisit the subject of some of the more absurd messages I have received , and, of course, I still am receiving. I can say with certainty, they will never run out. Somehow they keep popping up, and somehow, they find me. I can summarize the laughable parts, but I think it will be best if I comment as I go. And I left their wonderful phrasing and grammar for all to enjoy.
#1. Hello there
Your profile is very intriguing and I like what you have to say. It would be pleasant to learn more about you .You look attractive and write well, seem articulate, sensitive and worth more than a second look! (so honored) I decided to join for a few months to see what this site was like. I like what you wrote in your profile and thought I would reach out to see if we might be compatible. Let me know if you would like to communicate more. .Will be Hoping to hear from you. mind if we chat on yahoo im (yes I do)
#2. Hello. Would you consider getting acquainted and becoming real friends?(What exactly does that mean?) Do you have too many already? (Who asks this?) Let’s explore a friendship…I’m not into drama or pain. (why throw in pain? Maybe drama and games? but pain?) I do not want your money or your identity. I am not after a one-nighter, I am American not Nigerian. Cybersex is so 1995. (No words for this one!)
#3. I am searching for a long-term friendship, even if it is online only. I love road trips! ( not sure what an online friendship and road trips have in common) Oh, and feel free to IM me here anytime. (I didn’t)
#4. Hi, how are you doing? is a great privilege for me to meet someone like you here. Am so much happy i find a woman like you with the same thing in common with me. If won’t mind i will love to know some pretty things about you. ( oh gee sorry. I usually just display my ugly things) Am William…… Hope to hear from you soon. Take care and God bless…. (didn’t change any of his eloquent writing. it is all him)
#5. I am a honest God fearing man. This is my private Email:(XXXXXusall@gmail.com) / phone: 832-713-XXXX. Thank you i will be expecting your reply. God bless you ( I didn’t reply. Then # 2 message shows up.)
have not been on the site for some months but just visited few weeks ago i am rarely here.. too bad i missed you today was so anxious to read from you..832-713-XXXX. text me i will really appreciate xoxo ( I didn’t)
#6. can I come over and cuddle? (to the point. I didn’t answer so he sent a second cuddle request. I finally responded and said no you may not. then he asked “why not?” (opened that can of worms by responding. so I said because I don’t allow someone I never met to come here at all. Again, “why not?” I gave up. to clarify, gave up answering, I DID NOT let him come over!)
#7. Hello how you doing..I am a single dad..You can call me Joe am new on here…I find a single woman to love and grow old with..hope to read from you soon ( I didnt call him Joe or anything for that matter.)
#8. Hello dear How was your day i hope it was Good as mine cos i can see that from your awesome pic how old is the pics? (Don’t know what my awesome day has to do with my profile pic, never mind when they were taken!)
#9. People call me the Bry man; I’m the stylish one of the group. I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is yes. I have a nickname for my penis. It’s called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes – my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right, and you just might get to meet the whole gang. ( I did not ask to meet any of his gang. And yes, he was in his early 30’S. I am truly hoping someone after the age of 40 is not naming his body parts, but I am guessing, our man Bry, surely will be.)
Many a younger man, will explain, or attempt to explain, that they are very mature for their age. I have had messages from young men, that said, I know you are looking at my age, but don’t. These are , lets say, guys somewhere between 21-29 . But , really, they insist, don’t pay attention to numbers. Age is just a number. I have heard that from men in their 30’s and 40’s, as well. Though somehow, I can accept that much easier from someone who is not younger than my own children! Those are the ones I simply don’t respond to. I did do that once, well maybe twice. Trying to be nice and polite, I answered one young man, who was 26, and thanked him for the compliments he had given me in his message. Know where that got me? Exactly! He proceeded to do his best to convince me to meet up with him because we would have fun and , don’t forget, age is just a number. So , one more message, thanks but no thanks. At least most listen to their elders.
But many do not, and the messages keep coming. Eventually they get the picture. One time I answered someone who was 37. His message , in both French and English, ( I think I was supposed to be impressed, but i had to go to Google translate) asked how long I had been in the area. Hadn’t had that one yet. I answered, over 30 years, moved to VA when you were a baby. Do I need to add, I did not receive a message back? Some just don’t see the humor in that.
One receives messages through the site from those interested in your profile. Some are quite nice. How are you ? Love your profile, great smile. Hey, I am from NY also and we have so much in common. But then you have the more blunt, aggressive messages.
Love older women, they know what they want, no games . Wow, a librarian has always been my fantasy. Do you wear glasses? One even threw in Marion the Librarian from the Music Man! Yes he was older, because I am not sure anyone under 50 would be that familiar with the show , The Music Man.
Let’s not leave out the married men . Very politely, they asked if I would be interested in a dalliance (my word, not theirs) being they were in an unhappy marriage and we would both benefit. How thoughtful looking out for my well being.
Another grouping are the men traveling to the area from out-of-town. Many a time I am offered an evening out because they will be in town for business. Don’t they have escort services for that?
There is a section where you can go through the list of who viewed you. As i said earlier, you can see who has viewed you, so think before you click!
I had an African prince, so he claimed, but the outfit definitely was some sort of confirmation. A native American, headdress and all. Beards, overalls, suits, camouflage, and visuals of fish, dogs, babies, and anything else they think will enhance their desirability. And, a few I am convinced, were perfecting their manifestos in a cabin in the woods.