Tag Archives: meet and greet

Next!

I have never experienced speed dating. I have vaguely thought about it, but have never actually made the move.  Admittingly, I have been tempted but really have only seen the process in a movie. It did sound intriguing. What could I learn in a few minutes from someone? Though, sometimes, as soon as someone opens their mouth I know that either I don’t want to hear anymore, or I’m ready for a second sentence.  I know on the dating sites I take a look at some pictures and think, “no thank you.” What would happen in person? The guy would start to sit down and I would say, “keep moving.” And in reverse, what if he said it to me? “Hey, don’t bother to sit down.”

But like online dating, you know right away, usually, if you want to message someone.  Messaging online is so much easier, or safer, than in person. No one can see you blush, or get pissed off, or disgusted And yes, it does work both ways. Basically, it is easier rejection.

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I received a groupon type offer for speed dating. I clicked on it and thought I would take a look. It just explained where the event would be, how much you pay and how much you save. But then I looked at the photos. There wasn’t a person over 30. Now I know they are not going to put wrinkly, old faces on there, trying to lure you in. I get that. But, for me, being way over 30, I thought, hmmm, is everyone here just out of college and just moving out of Mom and Dad’s house? It is like the brochures for trips to a resort, or a cruise. We won’t see fat, roly poly men and women in bathing suits, lounging around the pool, or sitting atop of a horse. Nor do we want to. It was clear who they are advertising this event for. Now I know any age could go, but looking at the pictures it discouraged me right away. Maybe I need to start a speed dating for over 50. Speed dating for cougars? Speed dating for boy toys? Hey this could work!

speed

I also received an email to join SpeedDate.com. Speed dating online? I’m listening. Maybe many of you have already tried it. I’m catching up. Took me years to join the online dating crowd in general. Speedy is good.

Here it says you can message or webcam, and know right away. For me, there will be no webcam to start. I dont trust that. Who knows what will be waiting for you when you open a webcam to a perfect male stranger. Call me crazy, but that won’t be happening.

The process of elimination on speed date would be so much quicker and less painful, I would imagine. I may have to look into the site or the concept, just to see how it works, without cameras anywhere.  Maybe like Tinder. Swipe him away in a second. Move on to the next. Can it be speedier than that?

Slump

Sports analogies are used quite often. Personally, I have never used one, because though I enjoy watching (not playing) some sports, I felt this one works.  I am not a baseball player, though making a few million every time I went to work would really be helpful. But, to be honest, I am in a slump. The definition is made for me. I am not performing up to my expectations, or anyones I would imagine,  And I am definitely in a drought. My game is off. A dry spell fits the bill.

An extended period when player or team is not performing well or up to expectations. A dry spell or drought.

slump1

Maybe one could call it a self-imposed slump. I get messages. I get offers, though some should be called solicitations. Take this gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. Again, a man one year younger than I am, so the category is my age group. Nondescript in the looks department, average, looks like an insurance salesman. ( now don’t go taking offense all of you insurance salesman out there. I could have said accountant, or computer geek.)  He sends me a message and I respond with a friendly reply. Does he ask me to meet for a drink or a cup of coffee? Not a chance.

“Are you working?”, he askes me.

I responded and said , “Yes I am. All day.”

Then he says, Oh too bad. I thought I would come over and play.”

I respond with, “so let me get this straight. We had 3 lines of messages. Never talked. Never met. And you want to come over and play? I am not in the habit of having strange men whom I have never met come over to my home for sex.” Move on.

And may I add he was insulted and wanted to know what would be wrong with that? I should have asked him if he ever watches CSI or Law and Order.

slump

So my slump continues. I get quite a few, So and So want to meet You” notifications. Do I want to meet them? NO.  I cant agree to meet someone who looks like he lives in his mother’s basement. Or if he is holding a fish.  Even a few messages that ask to meet. But I am not in the group of women, or men, I imagine, that will meet anyone for a drink or coffee, just to have another date.  I do know women who do this.  Many tell me they are not attracted to him, but hell why not grab a drink anyway, and then tell him no for next time. I would rather stay home. I have to  be attracted visually or even, mentally, to want to got to the next step. I would not enjoy sitting there for even an hour, knowing I am only doing it to go out. Personal preference on my part.

A hitter can’t let a poor performance carry over into the next opportunity. Pouting or feeling sorry for yourself when you’re in a slump can become a habit, starting a vicious cycle that’s very hard to break.

I am definitely carrying over my slump attitude into other aspects of dating and even my life.  Of course I am having a pity party. I detect a pattern, a habit as stated above. But habits are hard to break. I’m working on it. Baseball players practice their swings in the mirror, according to what I have read about being in a slump. I dont know what I can practice in the mirror. I guess I could practice saying, ‘yes’, or ‘don’t be a dating a snob,’ but  I am not fooling anyone especially myself. I think it is more my attitude I have to change to eliminate the slump I am in. Or maybe a new dating site.

Changed My Mind

Your confidence builds. You are feeling good about yourself. Thinking, I am looking pretty good these days and you have a good feeling all around.  You even think it is safe to enter the dating scene. So you accept a date.

One Tuesday I received a pleasant message. Spoke about our common interests and background.  Thought he was a bit stiff, didn’t seem to have a light attitude or joke much, but I thought, ok, this is online. Chill out, give him a break.  We set up to meet the following Tuesday, though he did ask at first if I was free the next evening, Wednesday night. “Sorry,” I said,  “but I  have plans.” ( I really did.)

We talked on the site for a few days, and one evening wrote that he was looking forward to meeting. I concurred and said it will be fun. He  said he was going to NY to see his mom over the weekend. ( I had to assume he was telling the truth, I try not to be cynical every time)  Very briefly on the friday of that weekend we spoke and then ended with we will chat before Tuesday.

Monday comes and no word. Yep, my wonderful, reliable gut was kicking in again. I did not have a good feeling about this.  I sent him a message on the dating site and said “hi. just wanted to be sure we were still meeting up on tuesday.” I don’t feel comfortable having a plan for a week and not have confirmation.  Nothing. The next morning, which was the Tuesday of our “date”, he sends me a message that says, “I’m very sorry, but I’ve decided not to meet. Best of luck in your search for love, peace and happiness.”

I was so annoyed.  I wrote back and said “Wow nice of you to let me know before today.”

I didn’t ask why, though I really wanted to know the reasoning behind it. So many to choose from. He simply changed his mind, Maybe he met someone else and wanted to focus on her. Maybe he is simply a jerk.  I admit, he tried to write it nicely, but it was not sitting well. I was insulted that he changed his mind. I do think it is merely frustration and /or annoyance that no matter what, I can’t seem to meet someone for a mere drink!

This guy was even in my age group. If nothing else I am giving myself points for that!  He is in my decade! Could be a first. I have gone out with some very close to my decade, just short a few years. But I have realized that same decade or not, it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes you can read an article and think,  “Do they know me? Did they peek into my dating world and get some ideas? This one is about being single and frustrated. How timely! I will take a wild guess and say I am not the only one, male or female, who at times, feel this way.  I have had toxic relationships. Do I repeat the pattern? Do I pick the wrong men?  I think, unless your dating life is perfect, one of these may hit home for you, If not,  consider yourself lucky and not single and frustrated.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/single-and-frustrated-5-things-to-consider/?lcid=102210&laid=Links#.VEbjuxZYrZB

And the Prize Goes to…….

This one is pretty close to winning the prize for the biggest asshole on a site.

 

He starts out asking how I like my martinis, since my name on the site is related to that. So I answer, “Dry, shaken not stirred.” Old line, still usable.

He responds with “on the rocks.” and adds,

“I’m attracted to older Jewish women.”  Being playful, I ask, “oh why is that?”

He comes back with “ I’ve had really great experiences.”

Then I ask, “Were you married to one? “ Quick response “NEVER.” But then added that he had experiences with Jewish women that were amazing. He has been married before for 7 years, but to a non-Jew.

He continues saying he himself is Jewish, but, he has been involved with non-Jews for the most part, but the two relationships he had with older Jewish women were so memorable. Then goes on to say he was not attracted to either of them but the sex was “off the charts.”

He explains that since he likes older women, and I prefer younger men, ( he is in his early 50’s) that if I want a lover, he would like to meet.  That he would want sex a few times a week and hang out. But, something I need to understand, “it would revolve around sex for the most part, but we need to be able to “talk and stuff.”

I respond with the fact that l am not really looking for just that.  He asks if I ever come into Maryland ( side note I am in a neighboring state) so he could buy me beer or a glass of wine. Then adds, “Do you like to be in charge?” “Oh, and what is your name?”

Need to establish we actually know each other now, I guess.

 

Responding, I tell him I drive to Maryland on occasion to see friends, figuring out his thought process. Little did he know I wasn’t going to be driving to see him.

He returns with, “I don’t mind driving to VA but wouldn’t want to waste the drive without a rendezvous. Think about what you might want to do.”

 

At this point I realize there is no way in hell I would consider seeing this man. Now I am pissed off even more, so I tell him “If you think you are “wasting” your time , don’t meet me. I don’t plan on meeting you, and not going to hop into bed. You may want to keep looking for that special someone.”

His answer to me,

“yup. not wasting the drive out.”

 

Well now he has managed to get me beyond annoyed, but instead of dropping the conversation, I need to end it. It’s really a bad habit. So I tell him I get plenty of offers from men on these sites who actually “waste their time to meet me.”

And apparently, thinking meet and greets are a waste of time , he ends the conversation with

“Whore away granny.” I wasn’t about to explain anything to this moron.

 

No one likes to be told NO. And yes, he was reported and blocked. Mostly because I was pissed off and he was an ass.

You’re Such a Doll

I met a man on one of these sites, that I thought , this is the type of man I should be dating. And what I mean, is that he was somewhat close to my age, has a good job, established, grown kids, etc. And don’t worry, he was 6 years younger, which still qualifies him as younger. We got along pretty well with messages on the site and then phone calls too.

We arranged to meet for a drink and met halfway between our homes. It went well and we actually extended it to dinner.  The date lasted about 4 hours, which I thought unusual for an initial meet and greet.  Ended the evening with him saying, “I really enjoyed myself and we should do this again soon.”

I agreed and said yes let’s plan for that. Well a week or so later I had a trip planned  to the west coast for about a week.  The plan was to meet for date # 2 before I left for my trip. Well that didn’t pan out- claimed he wasn’t feeling well (always question those claims ). We decided let’s wait till I return.  We texted some while I was away and I sent him a message that I was home. Now he was going away that weekend, so again we said when you come back we will meet for date # 2. Need I tell you the ending to this?  We texted some, spoke on the phone and he again stated, “we need to meet again soon, I had such a good time with you.”

“Okay”, I said, “when?”

His reply, “lets see what happens this coming weekend.”  Not a particularly committed statement in my book.

Well apparently, something happened, but it didn’t involve me. I got a text wishing me a happy mothers day (yes it was May at the time) and  I responded with “thank you”. And that was that. Not a peep.

I really don’t get it.  Was I being hasty? Am I expecting he should have called? Yes he should have. Chalk up another one. Funny thing, I mentioned I was thinking of starting a blog about dating, and he said, “uh oh! are you going to include me?”

“ Who knows! If you give me material I will.”

Lucky him not calling me, I have made him a star.

I did see him on the site at times.  I decided to be bold and I texted him to ask, out of curiosity, why he changed his mind. He answered saying  that I was a doll, but I had too many other commitments. He wished me luck,  I guess keeping busy, having a job, seeing family and friends ,as opposed to waiting by the phone to see if he is going to call, is not what he expected.  I sent him one last message back ( have to get the last word in) and said yes, I do like to keep busy and damn straight I am a doll.  

Moving on.