Tag Archives: married

Are You Open to Open Relationships?

What is an open relationship? Here, according to Wikipedia, which will do for now, is the definition of an open relationship.

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship.[1] This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or long-term relationship, such as marriage.[2] The concept of an open relationship has been recognized since the 1970s.

I am seeing a trend on these dating sites, mostly OKC., in open relationships. Or should I point out, that those engaging in open relationships, are finding me. No, I don’t have a  sign on my  profile advertising for those men in open relationships. Sometimes I do feel like I have a magnet on my forehead, that attracts married men, and/or those in open relationships. I should look further as to why this happens.

I am not sure that would work for me. In fact, I think I know that would not work for me. To each his own. I don’t judge or care if anyone wants to live that way. I didn’t do it in the 70’s, and see no need for it now. I have dated 2 guys at once, and I find it stressful.  And, I think I am too much of a jealous person, to think it is ok for my guy to be with one or more women , when he is not with me.

open

I spoke with a guy on OKC,  who lives in another state, yet informed me that he travels to my area often . We started chatting and during the course of the conversation I asked if he had been married before. Mental note: read someone’s full profile before you strike up a conversation.

His response, “ Going on 25 years next month!”

Mine: take a quick look at his profile and say DUH

Sure enough, in big bold letters, it says, OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

Do I leave the conversation? Nope, need to understand this personal choice of his.

I said ,”well I just noticed you do have open relationship written down.”

“I sure do,” he replies to me. “We have always had an open relationship. We both take lovers and have had many over the years. Happily married but never monogamous.”

“And that works for you?” apparently the naive part of me replies.

“It does. We are both very happy.”

“Good for you,” I tell him. And I mean it. If this works and you both like it, why not?

open1

Here is one outlook on whether or not open relationships can work.

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/do-open-relationships-work

Different outlooks. monogamy or non-monogamous relationships is the big question. Jealousy and double standards come into play.  Is it ok for someone to have a lover, but when his or her spouse decides the same, then does trouble begin? If you both agree, like my friend here, then go with what works. Though I can’t imagine, at times, that difficulties could potentially pop up. Are they never jealous? Do they  never have a conflict, if one spouse has a lover and the other is in a slump? Or your spouse’s lover is really hot and you may feel intimidated?

Does it improve their sexual relationship with each other or hinder it? Inquiring minds want to know, but I don’t think I will find out first hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/10/married-polyamory-open-relationships_n_5544520.html

This article in the Huffington Post explains why this could work for some. I spoke with a guy , again on OKC, who said he was polyamorous, and of course I had to look it up. I asked him why he chose this, and pretty much said he was terribly hurt in his previous relationship. His ex cheated on him and lied. So this way, he explained, was a no hurt type of relationship. No muss no fuss. Then move on. Sounds like the hurt talking if you ask me. Being non- monogamous doesn’t shield you from hurt, necessarily. But, I said to him,  if it works for you, great. Not sure he has tried it yet from what I gathered in our online chatting.

Yet, it is pretty much,  an open relationship in a much cooler word form.

The Dating World

I am guessing this is for women who have never been married and divorced.  On the dating sites, many are divorced, have baggage, and not all have learned from their mistakes. And I am referring to both men and women. But I find this article interesting on their outlook and reasoning, for those just venturing out into the cruel world of dating.

http://www.yourtango.com/2014204173/love-dating-boyfriend-material-reasons-you-need-date-divorced-guy

It’s Not My Fault!

 Phones! Text Messages! Laptops! The choices are endless and the temptations unfair, aren’t they?

Someone or something has to be blamed if you or your significant other strays.  Seems women  are the biggest culprits. It has to be the phone’s fault that it is so easy to find someone, or text them if one is bored. Well it certainly explains the married people on all of the dating sites. Damn internet!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/cheating-survey-suggests_n_4262331.html

 

 

Can’t Make This Stuff Up

I am amazed sometimes at the audacity of some of these men on the dating sites. Here is this man, from Canada, who is chatting with me.  After a few minutes of chatting, I  finally looked at  his profile. It says he is 46 and  his status is  “living together.” You have a girlfriend? “Well, ”, he says “No actually I am married”. Well ok, that is usually living with someone. Maybe that is why he put ‘wants to date but nothing serious!’   Then he says, oh I am 43. I don’t know why I said 46. I politely tell him probably the same reason you said living together and you are actually married. And instead of worrying about what you should have written, maybe you ought to consider not being on a dating site. He got annoyed with me because I was , as he said, “blasting him.”

 

A very unique man in his mid thirties, sent me a message. I say unique because, first, he states in his profile , he is neither single or looking. Then he writes that he is simply searching  for a woman to please between the ages of 50 and 70.  Oh yes he threw in conversation and laughter, but  keeping it straight, he is just there at your beckon call.

He is looking for a mature woman, and clearly states he knows he makes more money than anyone responding, so it  is clear that he is not looking for a woman of means. In his message to me, he refers to himself as a mere mortal, and how can he even imagine being with a goddess like myself. Well that may just become my new title- goddess of dating. Has a ring to it.

A friend of mine,  also on Plenty of Fish,   went out with an older gentleman to an Itlalian restaurant for  dinner on their first date.  When I asked how the dinner went, she said , I was so busy wondering if his toupee was going to fall into his pasta , that I couldn’t  focus on the food or conversation. After I caught my breath from laughing, she said that though the toupee stayed in place, she watched his teeth moving back and forth when he spoke. I wouldn’t have gotten past the appetizer.

 

Another date  she  went on, told her he was 69, a couple of years older than my friend.  As most of us know , one can easily check online with minimal information on most anyone. Said he was divorced and his wife had died shortly after the divorce. So I decided to look him up. Lo and behold he was 74 and his wife was very much alive and living in Florida.  Never determined why the lies- what was it going to get him? Sympathy?  When one is a teenager , and wants to drink, they lie, and say he or she is 21. When one is approaching 50 , and looks good, maybe shave off a year or two. But at 74, is it not time to stop lying about your age and pretending your wife, or ex-wife is dead? That won’t get you points with anyone.