Tag Archives: Marriage

Lifestyles of the Bored and Married

Now I have an explanation of all the requests I have had from various dating sites from men with open relationships. It really is a popular trend. Last September I wrote about open relationships and the many requests I have received from men who are very happy in their relationships, but not monogamous. (according to them)  And their spouse felt the same way. (again, according to them) Each would take a lover or multiple lovers, so they didn’t get bored.  I also stated it was not for me. Still isn’t. No, I am not married, but I pretty much know, married or dating, it would not happen.

But it seems it is not unusual. Most of the men who have contacted me were on OKC. And, it seems, according to the Post, that a very high percentage of men (and women) on Tinder, who say they are single, are actually married. Hmmm, I think no one will be shocked about that information. I also think Tinder does not get exclusive rights to the high percentage of men or women who are really married. The percentages may vary, but really I would think all the dating sites can claim that one!

According to this Washington Post article, there are sites dedicated to meeting able and willing partners to eliminate the boredom of being married and with only one person.

There are also sites that focus just on cheating spouses. So if you feel the need for cheating, you can pick and choose. No hanging around the bars hoping to pick someone up to alleviate the hum drum life you have chosen. Now you have to write a profile, and make educated (non monogamous) decisions.

I am sure I sound naive. I really am not shocked there are sites like this. And I am not shocked that they are flooded with people, both men and women, looking to broaden their horizons. No one likes to be bored. Me, I go shopping or watch a movie. Is that too boring for the dating world?

It states as well, that no one is meant to be with just one person for life. Not humans. Apparently beavers and dogs mate for life, but people are not meant to do that. The couples that do not have a spouse that has cheated , appear to be in the minority. If you are open and honest about it, I believe it is written that it is not cheating. Monogamy is so yesterday.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/are-new-dating-apps-killing-monogamy-or-has-it-always-been-dead/2015/05/26/485f07ec-03e8-11e5-8bda-c7b4e9a8f7ac_story.html

 

 

Happily Ever After

A christmas Marathon of Hallmark Movies , 24 hours , all day long, from Halloween through Christmas.xmas

I will admit is is a guilty pleasure of mine.  Maybe because through all of the heartache and pleasures, it always works out in the end. The single mom gets the job and, and, not to worry, her kids have a wonderful Christmas.  And let’s not forget she always gets her man! Usually a girlfriend of the guy exists, but either she is a raging bitch, or a conniving, manipulative, after his money, kind of gal. They also switch it up a bit, and then there could be the money hungry executive who makes no time for the girlfriend, so of course she meets a gorgeous , kind hearted, altruistic guy on her way home to see her family. In some cases, he or she, just shows up at the door.

The part I have trouble dealing with, or should I say one of the parts I have trouble dealing with is, when an extremely good looking guy , or girl, ends up in someone’s home, celebrating Christmas with the family they have never laid eyes on before that day. Or maybe, as in the example below, they meet a stranger, bring them into their homes, with their children and family involved. And no one is skeptical or nervous that there is a stranger sleeping over and eating meals with them. And yes, I am aware this is fictional and on Hallmark, but no one should be that trusting. Even on TV!

In one movie, this good looking guy meets a single mom’s uncle at an airport. Of course they are flying to the same city, where this perfect stranger is invited into his niece’s palatial home, with her young son. And the airport is snowed in. Oh, she expresses a second of concern, stating emphatically, “who is this man? We don’t know anything about him.” And then he helps decorate the house, gets her into the Christmas spirit, cause her to dump the stuffy boyfriend, and yes, fall in love with him and they all live happily ever after.  happy

Then there is the one where the cute girl accidentally goes to what she thinks is her boyfriend’s family’s home. She eventually finds out it was a complete misunderstanding, and being this is the first time she was meeting them, she finds she is in the wrong house. But it is a warm loving family, and we come to find out , the boyfriend’s family are cold, stuffy and don’t like to celebrate Christmas. Oh wait, I bet you haven’t figured the next part out. She falls in love with the good looking son of this impostor family, they get married and live happily ever after.

Sensing a theme here? Wouldnt it be great if we all lived a hallmark movie? Who needs dating sites? Just go to a town filled with Christmas spirit and your soul mate will be waiting. Oh and he will be good looking, wealthy, and maybe even a prince.

It’s a good escape. I can forget all of my dating troubles and all of my everyday life troubles. Does anyone really live a “Hallmark Movie” existence? Not in my world. Wouldnt it be nice to wrap everything up in 90 minutes? Get the job you want.  Find out the ordinary man you are dating is really royalty and wants you to be his princess.

The list goes on. Same theme, some of the same Hallmark actors in each movie. Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. All is well in the world and everyone is happy.

Dont worry. February brings the romance movie marathon on Hallmark. There is still time to fulfill your guilty pleasure. rom

Are You Open to Open Relationships?

What is an open relationship? Here, according to Wikipedia, which will do for now, is the definition of an open relationship.

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship.[1] This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or long-term relationship, such as marriage.[2] The concept of an open relationship has been recognized since the 1970s.

I am seeing a trend on these dating sites, mostly OKC., in open relationships. Or should I point out, that those engaging in open relationships, are finding me. No, I don’t have a  sign on my  profile advertising for those men in open relationships. Sometimes I do feel like I have a magnet on my forehead, that attracts married men, and/or those in open relationships. I should look further as to why this happens.

I am not sure that would work for me. In fact, I think I know that would not work for me. To each his own. I don’t judge or care if anyone wants to live that way. I didn’t do it in the 70’s, and see no need for it now. I have dated 2 guys at once, and I find it stressful.  And, I think I am too much of a jealous person, to think it is ok for my guy to be with one or more women , when he is not with me.

open

I spoke with a guy on OKC,  who lives in another state, yet informed me that he travels to my area often . We started chatting and during the course of the conversation I asked if he had been married before. Mental note: read someone’s full profile before you strike up a conversation.

His response, “ Going on 25 years next month!”

Mine: take a quick look at his profile and say DUH

Sure enough, in big bold letters, it says, OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

Do I leave the conversation? Nope, need to understand this personal choice of his.

I said ,”well I just noticed you do have open relationship written down.”

“I sure do,” he replies to me. “We have always had an open relationship. We both take lovers and have had many over the years. Happily married but never monogamous.”

“And that works for you?” apparently the naive part of me replies.

“It does. We are both very happy.”

“Good for you,” I tell him. And I mean it. If this works and you both like it, why not?

open1

Here is one outlook on whether or not open relationships can work.

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/do-open-relationships-work

Different outlooks. monogamy or non-monogamous relationships is the big question. Jealousy and double standards come into play.  Is it ok for someone to have a lover, but when his or her spouse decides the same, then does trouble begin? If you both agree, like my friend here, then go with what works. Though I can’t imagine, at times, that difficulties could potentially pop up. Are they never jealous? Do they  never have a conflict, if one spouse has a lover and the other is in a slump? Or your spouse’s lover is really hot and you may feel intimidated?

Does it improve their sexual relationship with each other or hinder it? Inquiring minds want to know, but I don’t think I will find out first hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/10/married-polyamory-open-relationships_n_5544520.html

This article in the Huffington Post explains why this could work for some. I spoke with a guy , again on OKC, who said he was polyamorous, and of course I had to look it up. I asked him why he chose this, and pretty much said he was terribly hurt in his previous relationship. His ex cheated on him and lied. So this way, he explained, was a no hurt type of relationship. No muss no fuss. Then move on. Sounds like the hurt talking if you ask me. Being non- monogamous doesn’t shield you from hurt, necessarily. But, I said to him,  if it works for you, great. Not sure he has tried it yet from what I gathered in our online chatting.

Yet, it is pretty much,  an open relationship in a much cooler word form.

My Normal

I thought I was watching a Lifetime movie. Or maybe an afternoon soap opera.  It started off “normal” Well I have said that before, haven’t I?  Nothing too out of the ordinary . It is just that when you start with “Hello. How are you?”,  you wouldn’t think it was going to go south so quickly.

So in response to How are you , I mentioned I was at work and was drinking coffee. Noncommittal, but informative. He said he too was at work and had just gotten done supervising.

My eyebrow went up, and I responded with , “What does that mean exactly?”  There are so many ways to say what I thought he could be aiming at , if he was legitimate at all.

He says he is an engineer and is a supervisor at work. Okay. I can deal with that, though my BS sensors were on alert.

Then, when I asked in what, he says an oil rig company where they drill for oil and gas. Now that is clear. And he was in Pennsylvania so I questioned the fact that I was unaware that there were oil rigs/companies in that state.

His response was, “and what do you do?”

I answered and he says  “how long have you been single.?” No, not related to my profession but we are moving on. He says, he has been single for 8 years and it is not easy to be without a partner. I say I have been single for over 20 years and his answer is the following:

Him: “i know but what if you meet a man you like so much. will you accept him?”

Me: “Sure that is why I joined a dating site. To date and see what happens.”

Him: “will it be too early if i I say we should both start something and probably spend the rest of our life together if it works .”

slow

Me: in a somewhat state of alarm keeping my cool, “I think so . Since we have messaged for minutes and know nothing about each other . And live in different states . Right?”

Him: ” I know but if we just have to open our heart first to receive each other and then we can know ourselves better.  we live in different states but if the love grows stronger that will no longer be a problem because distance is nothing but a measurement of the earth “

See, now he has lost me. I am not thinking how sweet is that, i am thinking , “ARE YOU KIDDING ME”?

Me:  somewhat calmly, “ that is too deep. I just want to date . This doesn’t even sound real.  You don’t even know me.”

Him: “you do not understand me I mean we should take out time to know ourselves before we can start something serious .”

Sorry , I didn’t respond. I’m thinking I already know myself. I  couldn’t  prolong it any longer. I’ll say it again, go with your gut. Anyone who does not know me, has never met me, and knows nothing about me, should not be talking about sending the rest of our lives together.

Now we move on to the next evening when I received a message from a guy who again fooled me into thinking he was normal. Yes I know we haven’t defined normal, but believe me, the ensuing conversation was not “my normal.”

He began with “how are you. I like your look,” and  soon wanted to know if we could text. I usually say no, and for some reason my gut was taking a nap, and  I said OK.

One text in, he asked me if I wanted to receive a shirtless picture.  No I said. I do not. Is that why you want to text?, I asked.  He did not respond to that part of the question.

He tells me he just finished working out. I said home or at a gym? He says home but then says,  Do you want a shirtless picture of me? I have pictures that i can send.”

I explained I do not want to receive pictures . And then he sends me the shirtless picture anyway!  He quickly says ,”it is harmless you can’t see anything else.” But, it was clear in the pictures there were no pants involved . He says “ well  I show  this picture to gay guys and they love it. Especially my ass.”  Now you have my attention. WHAT? I can’t let that go without explanation because I already know I am never meeting this guy.

hottub

“Do you mean at the gym,” I asked.

“Sure,” he says.  “and other times too.  And the whole picture, not just the shirtless part.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he realizes  he must be an exhibitionist because he loves the reaction the gay guys give him when they see his pictures.  And that it really gets him excited. Exhibitionist?  Not the word that came to my mind.

I  am wondering only in pictures and he clarified that for me without having to ask. He explained, “I have gone into the hot tub with them and played a little, though I think I wouldn’t do anything more.”  I didn’t ask what played meant but I did point out that when you say THINK, you have not ruled it out. And in tribute to Seinfeld” not that there is anything wrong with that,” but I pointed out  that I am not curious, haven’t ever been and won’t be!   I wouldn’t have bothered  to mention this, but he kept saying, ”I love women and I really want to know you better. I PROBABLY will not do this anymore, anytime soon.”   One last time I had to point out that “think” and  “probably”  pretty much mean  he will do whatever when the mood strikes him. Decided it was time for me to tell him, Adios, and I am not  comfortable and good luck!. He tried one more time but I was clear. And for more clarification, his photos, even on the dating site had a phone in front of his face. I did ask him if he  had one without the phone and he sent it. That sealed the deal and I knew why he covered his face all of the time in his photos. I imagine the guys at his gym were too enthralled with his ass to get to his face.

You Made Me Do It

Things that Drive Women to Cheat

A recent study found that 73% jumped in bed with another man because of irritating behaviors.

Image

According to theHuffington Post, here’s a rundown of the 10 most irritating behaviors that the women used as excuses for cheating.

I am glad it says “used as excuses”. It is always good to blame the other party. “You made me do this. How can you be so sloppy? No wonder I cheated!” Most women could be in bed with a different someone every night of the week,  if we go according to this list.  No one can disagree that these traits are annoying.  Cheating is one answer, or you could discuss with the offending party  (yes I know. Who am I kidding?) or end the relationship.  Multiple offenses? Move on.

1. He lacks a sense of humor – 19%

2. He’s not understanding enough – 16%

3. He’s not good in bed – 14%

4. He lacks good manners – 11%

5. He’s lazy and doesn’t have any life plans – 10%

6. He doesn’t care about his appearance and has poor hygiene – 9%

7. He’s not successful – 7%

8. He doesn’t pay enough attention to details and social obligations – 5%

9. He’s unable to clean up after himself and he’s a mama’s boy – 5%

10. He’s stingy – 4%

Wink, Wink

I decided to try another dating site-  Match.com. I left the first paying site because I really batted zero on that one. Can’t say this is starting out much different, but what the hell.

They offered me a free 72 hours- of course I couldn’t  resist a deal, but  I had to pick a package to purchase, in case I didn’t opt out of it once my 3 days are up. (which I didn’t do)  So once again I did the profile thing, filled out all my details and what I am looking for-  pretty much copied and pasted from the other site, with a few amendments.

On this site you can ‘wink for free’, or IM, or message someone- pretty much the same drill on all of  the sites, in some form or another.   I did discover that one can sign up for the site, to receive matches, trying to lure you in, without actually joining. So many winks that I do receive, I  realize, are men who haven’t joined, but can wink for free. Even if one winks back, they can’t send or receive messages, so winking is the best they can do.

As I have said FRESH MEAT.   Winks galore and 4 IM’s at once- makes a girl feel good. Many were from out of state, but you can wink at me no matter where you are. You can wink back or send a message or even ignore it . That works too. I did chat with a couple of men. Oone immediately  talked about how he is looking for the woman of his dreams to marry. Wow! They move fast here! And he is a widower ready to move on.  Let me first find out what your favorite color and movie are before I start picking out china patterns. I guess it is good to be up front so women know you are serious about meeting someone, but for someone like myself, who has been single for 20+ years, he gave me the jitters!

Another guy around 30 kept sending me messages on the site- I  told him I  was not interested in meeting, A. too young, B- not interested in general. He stopped and then decided to try again a month later.  Asked if I forgot him.

“Nope. I remember who you are.”  And he said, “well will you meet me? “Sorry” I said. “Haven’t  changed my mind.”

“We can be just friends. I won’t lick you.”

WHAT? Then came the question,  “Don’t you enjoy things like that? ( much more graphic than that, but I decided to clean it up for this) I answered and said this is why I didn’t continue the first conversation and we will never meet and  by the way,  blocked him and reported him.

One guy asked for yahoo messenger and again sent me pics that did not match the pic on his profile. Guess what? He had to delete his profile because he was only using the trial.- Not the first, won’t be the last, and it could be legit, but the fake pics scream BS.

Then he messaged me again- I couldn’t resist. I said, “you do know you sent me fake photos and we already had this conversation? He said, “yes but I want you to see I  am honest.” WHAT? you sent me fake pics! I said I  just wanted to point this out to you- (said before I cant keep quiet about these things!!)

So he writes: “I just don’t understand why I should pay for Match looking for my soulmate and l  am who I say I am  I am a honest heart looking for a healthy relationship. (lack of punctuation is genuine from the original write)

Is it me or does he sound like the same guy from Nigeria who wants to put 1 million dollars in my bank account if  I would just send him some money, or maybe just become his soulmate for life. Nah.

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/man-proposes-over-the-radio-to-girlfriend-of-seven-days-202024150.html

Do you believe in love at first sight?  Can you know you have met your soul mate after 1 hour, one day, or one week?  It can and  has happened. I have always been skeptical of knowing immediately you have met “the one”.  Yes, there is immediate attraction, but marriage is a giant leap. I am happy for those that it works for. For the rest of us, who cautiously tip toe through the dating experience, maybe we just need more time.