Tag Archives: love

Happily Ever After

A christmas Marathon of Hallmark Movies , 24 hours , all day long, from Halloween through Christmas.xmas

I will admit is is a guilty pleasure of mine.  Maybe because through all of the heartache and pleasures, it always works out in the end. The single mom gets the job and, and, not to worry, her kids have a wonderful Christmas.  And let’s not forget she always gets her man! Usually a girlfriend of the guy exists, but either she is a raging bitch, or a conniving, manipulative, after his money, kind of gal. They also switch it up a bit, and then there could be the money hungry executive who makes no time for the girlfriend, so of course she meets a gorgeous , kind hearted, altruistic guy on her way home to see her family. In some cases, he or she, just shows up at the door.

The part I have trouble dealing with, or should I say one of the parts I have trouble dealing with is, when an extremely good looking guy , or girl, ends up in someone’s home, celebrating Christmas with the family they have never laid eyes on before that day. Or maybe, as in the example below, they meet a stranger, bring them into their homes, with their children and family involved. And no one is skeptical or nervous that there is a stranger sleeping over and eating meals with them. And yes, I am aware this is fictional and on Hallmark, but no one should be that trusting. Even on TV!

In one movie, this good looking guy meets a single mom’s uncle at an airport. Of course they are flying to the same city, where this perfect stranger is invited into his niece’s palatial home, with her young son. And the airport is snowed in. Oh, she expresses a second of concern, stating emphatically, “who is this man? We don’t know anything about him.” And then he helps decorate the house, gets her into the Christmas spirit, cause her to dump the stuffy boyfriend, and yes, fall in love with him and they all live happily ever after.  happy

Then there is the one where the cute girl accidentally goes to what she thinks is her boyfriend’s family’s home. She eventually finds out it was a complete misunderstanding, and being this is the first time she was meeting them, she finds she is in the wrong house. But it is a warm loving family, and we come to find out , the boyfriend’s family are cold, stuffy and don’t like to celebrate Christmas. Oh wait, I bet you haven’t figured the next part out. She falls in love with the good looking son of this impostor family, they get married and live happily ever after.

Sensing a theme here? Wouldnt it be great if we all lived a hallmark movie? Who needs dating sites? Just go to a town filled with Christmas spirit and your soul mate will be waiting. Oh and he will be good looking, wealthy, and maybe even a prince.

It’s a good escape. I can forget all of my dating troubles and all of my everyday life troubles. Does anyone really live a “Hallmark Movie” existence? Not in my world. Wouldnt it be nice to wrap everything up in 90 minutes? Get the job you want.  Find out the ordinary man you are dating is really royalty and wants you to be his princess.

The list goes on. Same theme, some of the same Hallmark actors in each movie. Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. All is well in the world and everyone is happy.

Dont worry. February brings the romance movie marathon on Hallmark. There is still time to fulfill your guilty pleasure. rom

Are You Open to Open Relationships?

What is an open relationship? Here, according to Wikipedia, which will do for now, is the definition of an open relationship.

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship.[1] This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or long-term relationship, such as marriage.[2] The concept of an open relationship has been recognized since the 1970s.

I am seeing a trend on these dating sites, mostly OKC., in open relationships. Or should I point out, that those engaging in open relationships, are finding me. No, I don’t have a  sign on my  profile advertising for those men in open relationships. Sometimes I do feel like I have a magnet on my forehead, that attracts married men, and/or those in open relationships. I should look further as to why this happens.

I am not sure that would work for me. In fact, I think I know that would not work for me. To each his own. I don’t judge or care if anyone wants to live that way. I didn’t do it in the 70’s, and see no need for it now. I have dated 2 guys at once, and I find it stressful.  And, I think I am too much of a jealous person, to think it is ok for my guy to be with one or more women , when he is not with me.

open

I spoke with a guy on OKC,  who lives in another state, yet informed me that he travels to my area often . We started chatting and during the course of the conversation I asked if he had been married before. Mental note: read someone’s full profile before you strike up a conversation.

His response, “ Going on 25 years next month!”

Mine: take a quick look at his profile and say DUH

Sure enough, in big bold letters, it says, OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

Do I leave the conversation? Nope, need to understand this personal choice of his.

I said ,”well I just noticed you do have open relationship written down.”

“I sure do,” he replies to me. “We have always had an open relationship. We both take lovers and have had many over the years. Happily married but never monogamous.”

“And that works for you?” apparently the naive part of me replies.

“It does. We are both very happy.”

“Good for you,” I tell him. And I mean it. If this works and you both like it, why not?

open1

Here is one outlook on whether or not open relationships can work.

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/do-open-relationships-work

Different outlooks. monogamy or non-monogamous relationships is the big question. Jealousy and double standards come into play.  Is it ok for someone to have a lover, but when his or her spouse decides the same, then does trouble begin? If you both agree, like my friend here, then go with what works. Though I can’t imagine, at times, that difficulties could potentially pop up. Are they never jealous? Do they  never have a conflict, if one spouse has a lover and the other is in a slump? Or your spouse’s lover is really hot and you may feel intimidated?

Does it improve their sexual relationship with each other or hinder it? Inquiring minds want to know, but I don’t think I will find out first hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/10/married-polyamory-open-relationships_n_5544520.html

This article in the Huffington Post explains why this could work for some. I spoke with a guy , again on OKC, who said he was polyamorous, and of course I had to look it up. I asked him why he chose this, and pretty much said he was terribly hurt in his previous relationship. His ex cheated on him and lied. So this way, he explained, was a no hurt type of relationship. No muss no fuss. Then move on. Sounds like the hurt talking if you ask me. Being non- monogamous doesn’t shield you from hurt, necessarily. But, I said to him,  if it works for you, great. Not sure he has tried it yet from what I gathered in our online chatting.

Yet, it is pretty much,  an open relationship in a much cooler word form.

My Normal

I thought I was watching a Lifetime movie. Or maybe an afternoon soap opera.  It started off “normal” Well I have said that before, haven’t I?  Nothing too out of the ordinary . It is just that when you start with “Hello. How are you?”,  you wouldn’t think it was going to go south so quickly.

So in response to How are you , I mentioned I was at work and was drinking coffee. Noncommittal, but informative. He said he too was at work and had just gotten done supervising.

My eyebrow went up, and I responded with , “What does that mean exactly?”  There are so many ways to say what I thought he could be aiming at , if he was legitimate at all.

He says he is an engineer and is a supervisor at work. Okay. I can deal with that, though my BS sensors were on alert.

Then, when I asked in what, he says an oil rig company where they drill for oil and gas. Now that is clear. And he was in Pennsylvania so I questioned the fact that I was unaware that there were oil rigs/companies in that state.

His response was, “and what do you do?”

I answered and he says  “how long have you been single.?” No, not related to my profession but we are moving on. He says, he has been single for 8 years and it is not easy to be without a partner. I say I have been single for over 20 years and his answer is the following:

Him: “i know but what if you meet a man you like so much. will you accept him?”

Me: “Sure that is why I joined a dating site. To date and see what happens.”

Him: “will it be too early if i I say we should both start something and probably spend the rest of our life together if it works .”

slow

Me: in a somewhat state of alarm keeping my cool, “I think so . Since we have messaged for minutes and know nothing about each other . And live in different states . Right?”

Him: ” I know but if we just have to open our heart first to receive each other and then we can know ourselves better.  we live in different states but if the love grows stronger that will no longer be a problem because distance is nothing but a measurement of the earth “

See, now he has lost me. I am not thinking how sweet is that, i am thinking , “ARE YOU KIDDING ME”?

Me:  somewhat calmly, “ that is too deep. I just want to date . This doesn’t even sound real.  You don’t even know me.”

Him: “you do not understand me I mean we should take out time to know ourselves before we can start something serious .”

Sorry , I didn’t respond. I’m thinking I already know myself. I  couldn’t  prolong it any longer. I’ll say it again, go with your gut. Anyone who does not know me, has never met me, and knows nothing about me, should not be talking about sending the rest of our lives together.

Now we move on to the next evening when I received a message from a guy who again fooled me into thinking he was normal. Yes I know we haven’t defined normal, but believe me, the ensuing conversation was not “my normal.”

He began with “how are you. I like your look,” and  soon wanted to know if we could text. I usually say no, and for some reason my gut was taking a nap, and  I said OK.

One text in, he asked me if I wanted to receive a shirtless picture.  No I said. I do not. Is that why you want to text?, I asked.  He did not respond to that part of the question.

He tells me he just finished working out. I said home or at a gym? He says home but then says,  Do you want a shirtless picture of me? I have pictures that i can send.”

I explained I do not want to receive pictures . And then he sends me the shirtless picture anyway!  He quickly says ,”it is harmless you can’t see anything else.” But, it was clear in the pictures there were no pants involved . He says “ well  I show  this picture to gay guys and they love it. Especially my ass.”  Now you have my attention. WHAT? I can’t let that go without explanation because I already know I am never meeting this guy.

hottub

“Do you mean at the gym,” I asked.

“Sure,” he says.  “and other times too.  And the whole picture, not just the shirtless part.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he realizes  he must be an exhibitionist because he loves the reaction the gay guys give him when they see his pictures.  And that it really gets him excited. Exhibitionist?  Not the word that came to my mind.

I  am wondering only in pictures and he clarified that for me without having to ask. He explained, “I have gone into the hot tub with them and played a little, though I think I wouldn’t do anything more.”  I didn’t ask what played meant but I did point out that when you say THINK, you have not ruled it out. And in tribute to Seinfeld” not that there is anything wrong with that,” but I pointed out  that I am not curious, haven’t ever been and won’t be!   I wouldn’t have bothered  to mention this, but he kept saying, ”I love women and I really want to know you better. I PROBABLY will not do this anymore, anytime soon.”   One last time I had to point out that “think” and  “probably”  pretty much mean  he will do whatever when the mood strikes him. Decided it was time for me to tell him, Adios, and I am not  comfortable and good luck!. He tried one more time but I was clear. And for more clarification, his photos, even on the dating site had a phone in front of his face. I did ask him if he  had one without the phone and he sent it. That sealed the deal and I knew why he covered his face all of the time in his photos. I imagine the guys at his gym were too enthralled with his ass to get to his face.

Are YOU on a Dating Site, Too?

We all know there are thousands of men and women on dating sites. They are found throughout the world , all ages, sizes, ethnic backgrounds and even  by relationship status.  This article discusses a study done by the PEW Research Group on online dating. It talks about online sites, phone apps, and the opinions of those who participate in online dating ,and even those who know someone who has done online dating. online

It did not surprise me that the majority of online daters are those in their 20’s to 40’s. And  equally surprising to me, a much, much lower percentage in the over 50 crowd. Apparently this is an update from a 2005 study. This was published in 2013. Attitudes seem to be more positive about online dating, though  there are still those who feel those who do online dating are desperate. Soon they will do a study on those people and we can write about that.

http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

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What’s in a Name?

Innocently, I look at the list of men that have viewed my profile. I will glance at the pictures, and scan the names. That is where I come to a dead stop. I wouldnt want to have too cutesy of a name, but maybe something catchy. I have seen the word “lonely” in the profile name, way too often. Things like “love”, “look” and “heart” are very popular too. Many use the initials of the state where they live. Hobbies seem to be popular in a name, like “sail”, “beach”, “water”, and “Harley” to name a few.

 

But, then there are the names that have rendered me speechless, which does not happen too often. And I will say, I have not answered any of the ones below. Well maybe just the curvy lady one because he was momentarily interesting and claimed to be in Italy. (well that is what the profile said and that only lasted 3 rounds of messages.}

Here we go:

spankaholic– self explanatory

oral exploration– again he is clear what he likes

bigboy 10 ½- I can only assume it is not his shoe size

primal objective – (he was nude. easy to tell since he clearly had no pants on)

 

funtobekinky– again his choice

 

iwillTrexu– I had to look it up on urban dictionary

 

ilikecurvyladies– clear

va-sadist– i knew he would not hear from me

one should not judge a book by its cover, but in this case, name judging works for me

 

PART 2 : WOULD YOU REPEAT THAT

Let’s see, angles with one wing. Poetic or would that be poetic BS?  Praiseworthy and trustworthy?  Not sure I like one of these as my title. Doesn’t have the pizazz that Queen or Damsel does. And watch out for that pesky son who is changing his fathers profile on these sites! And why does one need to know if I am good with my hands? Is it any wonder I am still searching?

 

And it continues:

 

1. Hello Dear

I am new to this online thing so please bear with me. I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I am interested in getting to know more about you after reading your profile. Do you know that men and women are angels created with only one wing? And they need to embrace each other to be able to fly… I Hope to find my angel whom i can fly with forever.I guarantee that I am a nice Man and know how to treat a woman.I have a good sense of humor.my son got me on here and mess up with my profile, i do believe age and distance is not a barrier in relationship,i will like to know more about you and i will be glad if you can write me to my email ( xxxxx232@gmail.com or xxxxx232 at gmail dot com ) so i can send you some more pics and more about me overthere and you can also send me your email

 

2. Hello Pretty lady how are you doing today and how is your evening going ? Am intrigued to meet an interesting profile like yours. I enjoy knowing more so taking a task to write you this note. Well i have read your profile and sounds satisfactory to me.Anyway how long have you been on the site.Are you communicating with other matches.I would be glad if we can take a try in learning each other. I don’t visit the site often and would love to communicate Via mail.Are you comfortable sharing your personal email with me or send me an email on xxxxx123443@yahoo.com or you can text me on (xxx) 8xx-xxxx and i will get back to you as soon as possible.That’s okay now.speak soon.

 

3. Hello Praiseworthy,

I’m Manuel, an honest,affectionate, easy going, open minded, financially secure, above average man. I like the simpler things in life like slow dancing, and reading, as well as long walks/drives, or just spending quality time with that special someone.  I love jazz and contemporary music. My ideal woman knows what she wants in life, someone who hasn’t lost the dream. Are you fun and have a good sense of humor? Are you adventurous, available, and good with your hands? Write to me (wink is fine) and let’s chat to meet for a cup of coffee.

E-MAIL: XXXXX@Gmail.com

MESSENGER? XXXXX@yahoo.com

SMS/CALL: 435 XXX XXXX.

Please note that if you’re intentions are the “casual/no commitment” or “nothing serious,” please save the time of not writing me. I’m not interested in a fling, I long to find something sentimental, meaningful, and long lasting.

 

4. Hi Trustworthy,

Wow awesome profile, stopped me in my tracks.

 

5. Hello charming angel How are you doing today hope fine?

Well i was practically in search of woman to love and share my whole life with when i ran into your profile You look so lovely,charming and irresistible and i would love to know you more and better please , I want to be your best friend and something more… Am searching for a woman to love and grow old with can you be that special woman of my dream ? Please tell me more about your self and something about your kind of man .

 

6. It’s very lovely to come across your glamorous profile of yours this splendid day and i hope all is well with you? I have been enchanted by your interesting profile of yours and i want to use this opportunity to express my self for you and to know much more about each other.I guess the best way to describe myself is that I’m a nice man who is considerate and respectful other people’s feelings. I am compassionate,honest,loyal,trustworthy,faithful, a great listener,a christian I think this all for now and i will be very grateful if you can we can exchange emails which is XXXXX53@ymail.com o r text me on (XXX) 9XX-8XXX. If anything you can please check on my profile and get back to me, Have a wonderful day and stay bless.Hope to hear from you soon.

 

7. Wow, is my great pleasure to write you after viewing your profile. We do not know each other well but I will really like to have you as a friend if that is better for you of which l strongly believed that close friends can lead to marriage and ever relationship, i will make you smile 3 times a day.You can write me on my email address.

 

8. Hello How are you doing? I went through your profile and have found it very fascinating. So special! Your personality, your interests, your looks. We will get along really well i think. I will love to chat you and get to know you more better email me on XXXXX@yahoo.com ….Hope to read from you soon

 

The Dating World

I am guessing this is for women who have never been married and divorced.  On the dating sites, many are divorced, have baggage, and not all have learned from their mistakes. And I am referring to both men and women. But I find this article interesting on their outlook and reasoning, for those just venturing out into the cruel world of dating.

http://www.yourtango.com/2014204173/love-dating-boyfriend-material-reasons-you-need-date-divorced-guy

Is There a Formula for Love?

An interesting article from the Washington Post discussing  online dating and  how sites match up people. It includes formulas, logarithms, and love! Does it work? Does it make sense? You decide.

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/on-it/this-matchmaker-thought-he-could-find-love-without-an-algorithm-he-was-wrong/2013/10/20/1019638e-35ca-11e3-80c6-7e6dd8d22d8f_story.html

 

 

 

Wanna Fight?

 I bet someone, at some point, had at least one of these.  Whether it is with a husband,  ex-significant other , or boyfriend.

Read on- What do you think?

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/20-fights-had-absolutely-every-couple-earth-171700653.html

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/stop-a-fight-with-your-boyfriend?link=emb&dom=yah_life&src=syn&con=blog_cosmo&mag=cos