Tag Archives: lies

Feed Me A Line

Writing is not everyone’s forte. Simple lines and simple words sometimes get a message across just as easily as flowing prose or poetry.  Do cheesy lines work?

One guy actually wrote to me and said, “Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?”  I thought that was just in the movies.  No. he was not joking. Sad, I know.  But if you are going to try for a line, or some phrase that may catch my eye, make it good. Check a dictionary or Google the phrase.

Read on for another installment following a  few of my previous posts, such as, Uh What Did you Say, Would You Repeat That, Parts 1-3. and  Let Me Read From You, and Other Assorted Phrases

I’m a honest, loving, bubbling man. ( so many thoughts go through my head on this one. I think Tums could help that problem. )

Good day to you, Damsel. How was your day? Reading your profile for the first time on the site so much got me intrigued and sparkles my interest a lot (I love sparkly things) sparkles

My name is William Talking about my self, I love friends and family,. (I wonder who else he could possibly be talking about.) myself

every time I look at your picture I wonder what it would have been like to make love to you for hours and hours . ( keep wondering. keep dreaming)

Beautiful is supposed to be a word that describes someone or something. Now that I met you I realize that beautiful is more than just a word. Beautiful speaks, beautiful talks, beautiful is sexy, beautiful breathes, and beautiful smiles. Beautiful is you. (must be lyrics from a song somewhere in time)beautiful

Its been very terrible searching on this site beside I’m new to this internet dating stuffs, I was introduced by a friend who recently got married and relocated to Canada. That’s why I’m giving this a try. ( let’s see, is it terrible because he is new? or did his friend just make him feel bad? Does he want to relocate ?  Pack your bags, Ms. Right!)

am captivated in you as well as your profile and i would like to hit the books to know more about you ( maybe the books can give him some better lines)books

I really admire your beauty and cute smile. I must say every single man will love to go out with you but for me I will first love to be friends with you and see where it will lead us.. What do you think? (I  have friends.  Little does he know,  married men want to go out with me too)

How are you doing today and how is your weather over there ? I’ve been trying to find some old friends, i would like to ask you LOL (old friends?  does he know I am not his old friend? on a dating site? My weather. Covered all the social media and the weather channel in one motion)

I love to drink martini Not from a glass but all other source sets of both lips etc.  How are you? I hope we can talk. U seem a nice lady (I am a nice lady. That is why I never responded to your inappropriate lines. and these lips will never meet yours)

Hi Pretty,nice profile,checking around the dating network and your profile gave me an attention, ( I love when my profile gives attention, though I am not sure what kind of attention we are talking about)

How are you this sweet lovely day.. i got up from bed to take a glass of chilled water and was going through the site when i skimmed across your profile…sorry if i am intruding your privacy but i have to confess that you have a wonderful and charming smile that kept me staring at your page… (who gets up for a glass of water, chilled or not,  and stops at his or her laptop to check on profiles on the way to the kitchen?)water

am very active and cheerful. I like positive people and a good sense of humor. As a real man I am emotional and sensual. My friends love being in my company and talk to me by hours. ( good thing he is a real man. I hate when robots message me)robot

Everybody makes mistakes and I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but if the same pattern keeps emerging, it’s over I do not want to meet someone who may think that they will take advantage of me or lie to me and cheat on me under false pretenses. Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I’m not accusing you of any wrongdoing, but I’m being upfront and honest about that. So you know where I stand from the beginning. With all due respect as well, I hope that you are upfront and honest with me, as well. ( I am so glad I am getting a pardon from someone I never messaged or communicated with in any way)

I’m just asking you to keep it real and be honest from the beginning; that way, nobody is wasting their time or getting their feelings hurt also realize that at times two people are just too different to be in a relationship together; it doesn’t mean that it’s anybody’s fault, it’s just that they’re too different to be compatible. Was really nice written you, will be very glad if you can also write to me much and more about yourself at this manner as i wrote to you. Well hope to hear from you soon. Kisses  (keep your kisses. I don’t want them. And if I write to you in the same manner as you wrote to me, you wont know what I am saying either. So lets forget you ever messaged me.)

my name is mark i am new here just checking out some profile but yours caught my eyes, I’d like to correspond with you,if you don’t mind, to know what we have with you,if you don’t mind, ( well , Mark. Here is the deal.  I am very proud I caught both of your eyes, and not just the usual one at a time. Work on your pronouns too)

I want to meet a woman that is tolerance level ( he should know I have no tolerance level) and how far he can go in life ( we can fill in any words that may actually complete this sentence. It will be a form of Mad Libs), if he is willing to stick around when the going gets tough and he will be there for me and I will be there for her too when the going gets tough on us. If she will still love me when I am falling apart.( again PRONOUNS !  He. She. It. They. Repeat after me.) pronouns

I like your inspiring smile on your picture ,just gone through your profile and it a great deal meeting you,you really have my interest and I can’t pass with out saying Hi, you’ve got a very nice profile and it impressive,you sounds very cool, adorable,sensitive,serious and an open minded person and I will really love to meet you in person, you’ve got a very great personality with the qualities of a good woman and I’m very much interested of getting to know the deeper side of you, so if you’re interested get back to me urgent. ( guess I’d better hurry) urgent

Well am on here looking for Happiness in Long-Term from this life ( as opposed to your past life?)

How are you doing this blessed day. I really hope everything is good.. A friend of mine introduced me to this wonderful dating site and I’m very thankful to be on here. By the I’m Tony and I guess I’m new on here.. If I must confess, I really admire your smiles ( poor thing doesn’t know for sure if he is new  on here or not.  and really, I only own one smile) smiles

Am new to this place but couldn’t help myself with your beautiful smile, Am breaking out my shy shells to let you know you captured my attention and I enjoyed everything I read on your profile. ( what is a shy shell and how does one break it out? )shy

and one of my favorites-

“Wow dear” what an Surprise, honesty I must Say you have a very lovely and Beautiful simile, from a pretty face, Dear I apologize” Which I’II could be friends.

            I think we need a translator for this one.

Account Deleted

You can tell from the first sentence usually, that the message you are reading  is clearly a bogus message and if you wait just a little while the user’s account will  be deleted. As in these 2 cases. I knew, when I was called a “gentle soul,” in the opening line, that  I wanted to get the conversation going, to see how long it would take for the account to disappear. It was 10 min, about 10 quick messages.

He begins with “hello i have to admit you are quite a gentle soul and one that qualifies to be a princess, can’t stand looking at your pic without saying hi….. was reading through your profile and i think we could try this and see where it leads us …. so tell me about the things you hate”

Did you have to read that last sentence twice? things you HATE? I read it twice and thought, well here is a new approach.

I responded with, “how do you know I am a gentle soul? I hate liars.”

Him: “okay i also hate liars i can see you are a gentle soul from your picture”

Me: “ok if you say so!”

Him: “oh okay please what is your name? and what are you looking for on this site? how long have you been on this site??”

Me: “been on for 6 months or so, looking to date for now. what about you?”

Him: “me today is my first time on dating site and am also looking for a soul mate please do you have kids?”

Me: (getting bitchier ) “oh I didn’t say soulmate I said date. yes I have kids and grandkids. do you have kids?”

Him: yes i have a son who is 17years please what do you do for living??”

Here is when it gets really good.

Me: “librarian. you?” (keeping it short because I knew it was about done)

Him: “what do you mean of librarian?”

Note: I am now gasping and laughing

Him: “me am an engineer so how long have you been single?”

Me: “do you not know what a librarian is? what kind of engineer? You certainly don’t sound like your profile is written.” (bitchier now because I don’t care)

Him: “lol oh sorry librarian oh you work in where they keep books right please forgive me am doing some things before chatting with you am an architect.”

And so it goes. I couldn’t bring myself to keep it going at that point.  Checked about 10 minutes later. Account gone!

# 2 . Yes I keep these conversations going until I crack and can’t bring myself to respond.

Him: “How are you, I’m Jake your profile caught my eye! You sound very interesting. I will like to know more about you & your interests i can’t resist talking to you

Cheers, Jake

Me: “I am doing fine. and how are you?”

Him: “thanks for adding me up on here,i appreciate it..So how’s everything been with you? I will really like to get to know you more. Have you been on here for long, i joined not long ago.

Me: been on about 6 months. so how is Chicago?

Him: “Chicago is great…so what do you seek here?”

Me: “I guess someone to date. you? I see you are an architect? it says construction though?”

NOTE: I said this statement because just about every bogus account the job listed is construction.

Him: That is the closet to m line of work of all the professions there….I am to look for a woman i can spend the rest of my life, and not just any woman…someone who will understand and love me for who i am

Me: “I see. that makes sense. everyone wants someone who understands them  I imagine. Sounds much more serious than your profile!”

NOTE AGAIN. his profile was funny, articulate, and made you want to meet him. DUH!

Then the next message is this:

Him:

What do you do for a living?

How long have you been on this internet dating site?

How many man have you ever meet on here?

Where are they from?

Did you broke up with them or you are still dating them?

What do you seek for in a relationship?

What sort of relationship you seek for?

What are the basic qualities you seek for in a man?

What interests you?

You ever been married?

What do you do for fun?

Do you like public intimacy?

How long have you been single?

What’s being single like?

How do you treat your man?

Why do you need a man?

Can you love this man?

What is love to you?

Would you hit your man for any reasons?

Chat soon

Take Care and remain blessed.

I hope I have Put the Questions to your satisfaction and if not bring on more.

Jake Cares

NOTE: I was going to leave it at that, but I couldn’t!

ME: “yea I don’t think this is working well. Are you kidding me?”

Him: “I don’t quite get you.”

End of story. NOTE: account deleted. this one took a little longer than 10 minutes. Maybe he was waiting for me to respond.

Do women fall for these types of messages?  I also note that every bogus email, the  “writer” says ‘am an architect’ or ‘am a widower.’ Never ‘I am.’ And really, every message I have received does this, and clearly, we will never be short of construction workers, because a very high percentage says construction under the job heading.

GO WITH YOUR GUT

First an update on my update

I did hear from POF about my hacked profile.(see previous 2 post HACKED and HACKED UPDATE)  Pretty much the exact response my sister received, but they did respond to me.  end

AND NOW WE MOVE ON TO THIS WEEK’S WINNER

For close to 2 weeks , I was chatting with a guy we will call Bob.  No Robert, Bob is way too relaxed for this guy. Robert started every email with “How are you? Hope your day is going well.”  He ended every email  with, “have a blessed day.  hugs.”

He told me he is divorced, and has a daughter.  We had the usual chats, but there was always something going on in my head , that there is something off.  Half of his emails were sort of normal sounding, so I would think, oh don’t be silly, you are always looking for the evil in people! He asked things like do you have a pet, I told him a dog and then he asked what his name was. He asked what I was doing for the weekend, all legit questions. And when he asked “so where do you live?” my hair stood on end. He  could have meant the area, but I was so on guard I immediately thought he was hoping I would tell him my address.  He would say oh I bet it is getting cold there, wish I could be there with you.”  First it is July in DC. NEVER COLD.(OK so it went down to 55, a very rare event) Aside from that, maybe, because I was not so comfortable, it creeped me out.

But, really, it mostly was the way he wrote. It was very formal and felt scripted. Mostly it was his pat, strained answers. No levity, or lightness about it. I even wrote back once saying, “are you always this serious?” He really never replied to that.  One of his last emails, and yes you will  see why there was a last email,  said, “when I return from my business trip, where do you think a good place to meet would be?” I responded, with a non-committal reply, because I still had the thoughts buzzing in my head that something didn’t feel right. I said, well I guess someplace convenient to both of us would make the most sense.

The next email, and almost the last one, started off with “I hope you are well mentally and physically. I am writing this note to remind me of the good times we have shared.” SIDE NOTE –we haven’t met .

and here we go:

He wrote:  A lot of good and bad things have happened during our past, and would love for us to forget and face the future and also give each other chances to face the future.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that you now fall as very important person in my life and still care a lot about you. I wish I could tell these things face to face, and, at the same time look into your eyes and sense your reaction to each one of my words. And these words would only reassure you of something you already know: I think i have feelings for you…

I wish you a great and blessed week

With a love from yours

Now, I went way past feeling a bit uncomfortable, to “who writes like that!” I replied by saying his email caught me by surprise , and that  I was not comfortable with his referring to the feelings he has developed ,because we have never met, and this is way too fast, considering.

The next day I receive the following email from him. it is a bit long, but the read will entertain you.

Once I read it, I knew right away,  always go with your gut feeling. gut1

Here is his email after I said HUH?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.

True love is the greatest thing that you can experience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness. It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed. To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust me  first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart. Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for her, to be with her, to cherish her, to fulfill her dreams, to share with her and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her. Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust. Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each other Someone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars; sometimes it’s a simple understanding and trust between two people..

I hope this email finds you well,hugs

With much love

As I read this,  I copied and pasted a paragraph from his email into Google and the first thing that popped up was just about the exact email in all its glory, under the site SCAM EMAILS.COM.

I was so annoyed I copied and pasted that email to him and said, “does this look familiar? Do not email me again.”

HERE IS THE EMAIL I FOUND ON SCAM EMAILS.COM

Hello How are you doing?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.True love is the greatest thing that you canexperience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed.To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust him/her first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart.Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for him, to be with him, to cherish him, to fulfill her dreams, to share with him and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her.Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person,what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely.To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment,and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust.Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each otherSomeone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes,perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars. Sometimes it is a simple understanding and trust between two people.

Do you know he emailed me the next day and said “ how are you today. Hope your day is going well. I don’t know what you are talking about. I write from my mind. How is your day going?”

I could have left it , but I was so furious, I wrote , ARE YOU KIDDING ME. DO NOT EMAIL AGAIN

And I am happy to say he hasn’t. And OKCupid removed his profile from the site, though I am sure he will pop up with another name and profile at some point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let Me Read From You, and Other Assorted Phrases

Clearly I am not looking at the men who are looking at me.

I see someone, click on their profile and even read what they have to say.   Sometimes I message them first. Say something clever or just, “hi how are you?”

And nothing. Deadness. Darkness. I have had a couple of responses of men that are flattered that I would do that first, but it is rare. And then it fizzles out. Maybe they are just being polite. Hey, it’s happened.  And even more rare that I get a response at all.

Then I go into the “Viewed Me” section and there is a whole slew of pictures that I have never seen. Something is not synced. Not one that I can see in the “viewed me” section,  is also in the section “I viewed”. Polar opposites. Is my criteria out of whack?

I get messages , but not from the guys I look at and feel I would be interested in. Is that something that needs to be analyzed ASAP? No need. Always barking up the wrong tree and looking at, and for, the wrong men.

 Once in a very long while, I will get a message from someone I have just viewed. Well here we go again. Usually, and that is no exaggeration, they start with, how awed they are by my beauty and would I be their friend. So send me your mail or call me.

I saw a profile and thought , I will take a peek at this one. What he wrote sounded great and a fairly attractive guy , even if one of the pictures was him wearing camouflage and holding an assault rifle. The other one was just in jeans and a t-shirt. I didn’t write him, just looked. Next day I get a message from him.

“Hi Cutie. How are you ? Love your lips.”

Yes I responded anyway. “ Honesty is good” I said. “A different approach.”  Figured make light of the lip thing and see what he says.

What did he say? Your curiosity is going crazy right? Well, he began with, “ he was cool and lonely. Any man would be fortunate to have me.” And then came, “You can reply me. Let me pray you are single.”

That did it. I wrote back and said “ I am single that is why I am on a dating site.” But your message is like many others with broken English and in the military. Where are you?”

 Yep another one bites the dust.

 I have found that all of these messages, with “please reply me” and “I barely come to this site so send me your email and phone number,” “I am a widower so can we know more?”  all, within minutes to 24 hours, have deleted their accounts.

One of my favorites is “let me share my photos with you and see where chemistry hold in hands” “Let me read from you.”

Amazingly, all good looking guys who disappear as soon as you call them on their phrases and occupations. I would say 90% of these say they are in construction. When I ask what they do, I never get a straight answer. One said “I am a self-employed.”  

“A self-employed what ?’ I asked.

“Build from scratch and sell it off.”

Still trying to find someone to interpret that for me.

 

 

 

I

 

 

 

 

I’ll Come Back For You

A message arrives in my inbox of one of the dating sites. Without preamble, he proceeds to tell me how absolutely wonderful I am and that I should just email or text him. So as per usual, I asked if we could just chat on the site and he agreed without any argument.  He mentioned he lived in Colorado and was here for business. Hmmm, why put this area on your profile if you are here for a week? Alarm bell going off?… yep.

One evening a couple of nights later, I decided to text him. I don’t know why, I just did. Part bored and the other part  I confess , he was fairly good looking and caught my eye.  Yes I am well aware that maybe it was not his picture! He answered right away and mentioned that he was so glad to hear from me but he was leaving the next day. ( dont be shocked) OOOps there goes another alarm bell.  A small one.

I ask “How long have you lived in Denver?”

“5 years”, he says 

“What made you move there?”

He says, “I needed a change of scenery. I used to live in Illinois.”

I played on. “Oh why is that?”

“My wife and mother were killed in a car crash 5 years ago.”

My initial reaction was, oh my god. how awful. But, ten seconds later, cynicism took over.  I didn’t buy it. I felt bad thinking, really? Both of them? Sure it could have happened, but, the dating site reputation rears its ugly head, skepticism! 

“Sorry to hear that. I didnt want to pry, “ I answered .

He says , “Don’t worry. Ask me anything.” 

We chatted some more  and he says  “I may be going back west, but I will come back for you.”  Don’t ask me why , but I let that one slide,  thinking, WHAT?!

Next day , he texts me in the morning that he is waiting for his flight.

Afternoon text tells me he is safely home. I responded with “ good that you are home.”

Next morning, 8:30 EST, I get a text “good morning”. Suzie skeptical here, I said, “you are up early.” ( 2 hours difference)

He then says, well I couldn’t wait to check on you and see how you were.” SMALL ALARM # 3!!

I quickly mentioned that we hadn’t even met.  I truly have a hard time believing someone can be so madly in love with me after 2 text messages. Wait, I mean of course they can be madly in love with me after 2 texts. But, then I remembered I am also a cynic. One really doesn’t know who is BSing and who isn’t. Well, usually you have a good idea of who is BSing, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have had many a guy lie about where he is and what he does etc, especially what he looks like.

I explained, just that. I said, “I have had guys lie about personal information and have fake pictures, so I tend to be wary.” He shoots back a text and says “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?”

Whoa, don’t take it personally. I am merely explaining, though the thought had been planted. In the meantime, I go back to the site and TRY to open his profile, and guess what? It is gone! Anyone hear that alarm going off again? He then writes, “I don’t want to continue this anymore.”

  Damn, I wanted to say that line! I write back, “your choice, but for the record, after 2 texts you were already coming back to get me and by the way, your profile is gone. Do the math.”

Gone, But Not Forgotten

Here are 2 conversations that can make your head spin. I try to think that when i get the initial “Hi” that it is legit, and that I am going to chat with someone.  Though, the first started with “My Dear”,  I was going to give it a minute , but I didn’t really need that much time. I think it was 45 seconds. Only took 2 lines to disappear.

His message: “My dear i am Doing well my dear. my name is XXX and you and what do you do ?”

My answer: “I am a librarian, you? How come your profile says you are Asian and 7 feet tall?”

His answer: (yes that would be blank ) and his profile really said that. Thought maybe he was a phenom and a basketball player.

Here is one from someone who clearly needs to study geography and job descriptions.

We both said “Hi”. What a start. The usual beginnings. “How are you?” I said “oh I am good. Tiring day, and you?” He responded that he was good too.

I decided to move this along so I asked. “what area do you live in and work in?” He answered “what have you been doing today??” I told him I worked and went to the dentist. He said “Nice”. So, being polite, I said, “what did you do?” His response:”I have been on computer for the day.” So I asked for work and he said no, he wasn’t feeling well.

“What do you do for work?”, I asked him trying to move this forward.

He says “Contraction” I knew this wasnt a typo.  “huh? what is that?” He now says “Construction and i use to build roads,houses,bridges and many more.”  I am thinking many more what? Many more things? many more bridges?”  Of course, now I cant leave it alone. A normal person would have cut it off then, but I had to see where this went.

I then asked “use to? what is it now then?”

This is what he  answered. “what do you do too??” I tell him “librarian.”

He comes back with “Tell me more about you.”

I am getting  annoyed now that he has pretty much avoided every question. So my answer is “well it seems you haven’t answered much for me. I asked what area you live and work. You said you used to do this construction but what now?”

Here is what i got: “I live in Colombia and works in here”

Here I go: “I dont understand what you are saying. Maryland?”( I actually looked up Colombia on Google becasue I wanted to be sure how Columbia, Maryland was spelled, and I confirmed it was with a U ,not an O.)  “and work ??”

Him:” I live in Colombia and works in the state.”

Me: “I am sorry you are not being clear.” Really, sometimes I wish I can leave these things alone, but I just cant. It is now a runaway train.

Me: “South America? Maryland?”

Him: “Do you have a cell phone we can talk on??”

Wrong answer ,hon.  Me :”I prefer this for now. so can you clear any of this up for me?”

Him: “what??” he is just shocked that I would be asking this

So I try again, as clear as I can be: “where you are from? city and state?  country? what you do for work and where? you havent answered anything really.”

Him: “I was Born and raised in Germany But lived in DC for 20 years now in Colombia…I work as a construction manger in Colombia.”

Me: Maryland?

Him:”no South America”

Here I go: “you see i have had many men tell me they are from Germany, live in another country but put DC on here. And the fact that you havent answered it makes me think you are one of these people.” There I said it!

Him: “Whose of who???” My network was fucking up.what do you want me to tell you now?”

Me: “I really wanted to you answer the only question I have asked . Colombia ? where?”

Him: “Mestizo Colombian”

I looked this up. Is that an area in in Colombia? Nope. Me: “Sorry that is not a place. It is a type of people.”

Him: brb

Yep Gone.

 

Honestly I Never Lie…… Really

One evening I was on the site when I recieved a message from someone,  who seemed to  be a  handsome looking man in his fifties.  We chatted and he said he wanted to learn about me.  I gave him some minimal information,  without revealing too much. Then, after a bit he said do you have a yahoo address? I have had this before- they seem to want to move off the dating site to chat- either the IM on the site is “too slow”, or he is having trouble on the site. These are reasons I have heard before , so immediately I am suspicious. He tells me he is in the army. Oh, I said, what do you do? He says “I am on a peacekeeping mission”, (which, to me,  is an odd way of saying what you do and where you are) so I  ask, are you in Afghanistan? He says yes, Kabul. I will be home in 3 months- this is my last mission. So after a bit, I gave him my yahoo email and he sent me a few  pictures- one in fatigues, one in front of  a helicopter, and one lounging on a chair in civilian clothes.  He tells me his rank and that he has 37 men under his command. Now he gives me his name, Roy James. (Just to note, I do not use names in this but , since I am sure it is not his name, and is very relevant to the story, I am putting it here.)  Now, he asks if we can get on yahoo messenger video. Wouldn’t normally agree,  but this way I could confirm a few things, because woman’s intuition was kicking in. We went on yahoo messenger and I immediately say, you look very different than your picture. He says  oh yes, my men told me I have put on a few pounds. I am thinking, well I don’t know if the problem is that you have gained weight, because I haven’t ever  seen you, but he definitely wasn’t looking too much like the pictures he had just sent me. I think to myself, why not send something current? So now my senses are really kicking in and I decide to cut the conversation short and say I have to go.  

The next day I get on the site and someone else  IM’s me. This one has no picture, but I begin chatting anyway.  Where do you live I ask- his profile said New Jersey. He said I am away from home. I am on a peacekeeping (his word) mission . I am in the army. Sound familiar? Where I ask- Kabul, he says.  But, he adds, I am going to be home in in 3 weeks- this is my last mission. Remember bachelor #1, was 3 more months.  I ask what is your rank, and yes, it was the same as bachelor #1, but his job was just a bit different. Then,  here we go, do you have a yahoo address? Why? I ask.  I am having trouble downloading my pictures, he says.  OK that was a new one I  hadn’t heard yet. I do give him my address because now I want to see his pics, because there is an alarm going off in my head. He says his name is Alex James. hmmmm , seeing a pattern? Yep same last name,  Maybe you have guessed it….. it was the same man in  the pics from bachelor # 1, but different shots. One was on a carrier, one was with another man at a party, and one was by a house.  I nearly choked!  I said, hold on- and told him I was chatting with someone the day before and he sent me pics of the same man. What, he screams, in email language, someone is using my pictures?? I reply that I really have no idea what is going on but I will find out. He says, give me his email address. Yeah right! No, I think I will handle this myself I say and scurry off yahoo.

The next day, day # 3, I get messages from ‘both’ gentlemen, each in a snit because “someone is using his pictures”. Separately, I email them and say,  both army, both in Kabul, last mission, home soon and same person in pics. Then I add, do not email me again, Well Roy , bachelor # 1, emails me anyway, and says who is using my pictures? how is that possible? I was brought up not to lie! REALLY? I did not respond at all. And then later on that day he sent an IM again and 2 days later a few  BUZZ messages on messenger though he has been deleted  from my contacts.  

Fast Forward, to another dating stie, Chemisty.com that I joined also. Guess who? Different name, different location, but it was definitely one of the “James boys”. Same guy, different poses. I also received a message on Chemistry from “Edward”, army fatigues, location-kabul, and yes a peacekeeping mission in Afghanistan. Different photo. I think there is  a gang called The Peacekeepers, infiltrating dating sites everywhere.

 

Just a quick update, I have had 3 more instances where I have received messages,  from 3 different men, different names and locations, all with the same man in the photo as both James boys. Busy busy man . Couldn’t resist so I wrote back and said you have tired this many times before on 3 different sites  with the same pics, different names. OOOPS. No response. Until next time.

 

Can’t Make This Stuff Up

I am amazed sometimes at the audacity of some of these men on the dating sites. Here is this man, from Canada, who is chatting with me.  After a few minutes of chatting, I  finally looked at  his profile. It says he is 46 and  his status is  “living together.” You have a girlfriend? “Well, ”, he says “No actually I am married”. Well ok, that is usually living with someone. Maybe that is why he put ‘wants to date but nothing serious!’   Then he says, oh I am 43. I don’t know why I said 46. I politely tell him probably the same reason you said living together and you are actually married. And instead of worrying about what you should have written, maybe you ought to consider not being on a dating site. He got annoyed with me because I was , as he said, “blasting him.”

 

A very unique man in his mid thirties, sent me a message. I say unique because, first, he states in his profile , he is neither single or looking. Then he writes that he is simply searching  for a woman to please between the ages of 50 and 70.  Oh yes he threw in conversation and laughter, but  keeping it straight, he is just there at your beckon call.

He is looking for a mature woman, and clearly states he knows he makes more money than anyone responding, so it  is clear that he is not looking for a woman of means. In his message to me, he refers to himself as a mere mortal, and how can he even imagine being with a goddess like myself. Well that may just become my new title- goddess of dating. Has a ring to it.

A friend of mine,  also on Plenty of Fish,   went out with an older gentleman to an Itlalian restaurant for  dinner on their first date.  When I asked how the dinner went, she said , I was so busy wondering if his toupee was going to fall into his pasta , that I couldn’t  focus on the food or conversation. After I caught my breath from laughing, she said that though the toupee stayed in place, she watched his teeth moving back and forth when he spoke. I wouldn’t have gotten past the appetizer.

 

Another date  she  went on, told her he was 69, a couple of years older than my friend.  As most of us know , one can easily check online with minimal information on most anyone. Said he was divorced and his wife had died shortly after the divorce. So I decided to look him up. Lo and behold he was 74 and his wife was very much alive and living in Florida.  Never determined why the lies- what was it going to get him? Sympathy?  When one is a teenager , and wants to drink, they lie, and say he or she is 21. When one is approaching 50 , and looks good, maybe shave off a year or two. But at 74, is it not time to stop lying about your age and pretending your wife, or ex-wife is dead? That won’t get you points with anyone.