Tag Archives: dating sites

Let Me Introduce You

 

Sometimes you just have to read it to believe it.

Hi dear,

I really don’t mean to invade your space, but I had to do this for the love and respect I have for my friend whose name is Howard, unfortunately he isn’t into online dating for some reasons best known to him. I’ve been telling him I would hook him up with someone nice, and when he came across your profile through my account earlier, and since then he’s been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all ramifications of life which is a hard thing to come by these days. You can view him on my recent photos here, copy paste this URL: http://bit.ly/29R2WbS

He’s 6ft” tall, and falls between your age search criteria, he lives in the same state with you, but he’s just here for visit, he’s a good listener, good looking and all rounded a complete gentleman, I honestly did not tell him I was gonna contact you, but thought I took a chance, you never know until you try, it should be worth it in the end I’m so sure. So take a chance and e-mail him, you can share a picture and more information with him and I’m sure he’ll be so glad to do same so both of you can know each other better, and also tell him your handle on match, don’t be shy as I am very sure he would welcome your email 100%. His direct e-mail is: howard.rains147 (at) gmail (.) com

I hope you can decode that right? lol as the site wouldn’t let it go through directly. I had to private my profile now because I’ve found someone special so I’m leaving the site, and I want the same for my friend.

Stay happy

Vivian

I really don’t know where to start. Let’s start at the end.  VIVIAN? Sure. She Isn’t the first woman to send me a message on a dating site. But I have ignored those too.  She is only  helping her poor, helpless friend Howard find a mate.  Very supportive , very caring of Vivian.  I do  think she may want to use a different phrase then “hook up” her friend Howard with someone nice.  So when she says he saw my profile on her account, let’s ask ourselves, was she looking at me too or did he borrow hers to look at women? Probably doesn’t matter, because, yes, we know it is all BS. But let’s move on.

What could the reason be that Howard isn’t into online dating? And why is he keeping these secrets a mystery from his friend Vivian? If he is asking her to help him find his soul mate, he should open up and discuss his fear of online dating with her.

I would like to know what Howard saw in my sparse profile, to know that I have “ found balance in all ramifications of life”.  Maybe if he won’t share with Vivian , he would share his insight with me.

Wouldn’t you love to peek at what lies behind this mystery photo URL that Vivian has so generously shared with me.  I could just send her my social security number and my credit card numbers and save us all time.  Did you ever notice with these insane emails , the person always uses phrases like “gonna” and “wanna?” I imagine the general consensus is that Americans speak this way so it will sound genuine. A real down to earth scammer, I mean potential dating person.

I see Howard is a tall, good looking man, and miraculously lives in my state. Could a woman ask for more?  So what if he is just a bit skeptical about online dating. Can’t imagine why, with all of these honest, trustworthy people lurking behind profiles.  Wait.  Honest and trustworthy do not lurk. They patiently wait and butterflies land on their hands while they are waiting.  And Howard has the advantage of  Vivian standing by his side.

This message was on OK Cupid. Note the sentence where Vivian asks me to tell Howard “my handle on match.”  Vivian needs to watch her copying and pasting.  Always double-check for inconsistencies and change the information to fit the site. I should email her back and tell her to be careful of these small little things that mean so much to finding Howard’s future soul mate,

And finally, let us all rejoice in Vivian’s happiness that she has found someone and will be getting off of the site and is only looking for that for her dear friend Howard.  Good thing I was able to call various government agencies and “decode” Howard’s email.

 

Small Town Living

I live in a small town. Of course it is all relative,  since I am well aware there are much smaller towns to be found. Let’s put it in perspective. The town has a population of approximately 17,000 people. The town I recently moved from to come here had a population of about 34,000. Double the amount of people, for those of you who don’t have your calculators  handy. I am originally from New York City, population 8 million give or take. Having lived in Miami, San Francisco and 15 miles from Washington DC. , you can understand why I am saying I now live in a small town. We are talking cows and chickens small.  There is a Main Street. Most small towns I have been to have a street called Main Street. Some run about a block, but my town’s main street  is a few miles!  

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Living in a city or suburb of a city, one can count on anonymity. You blend in a city of 8 million. You can certainly blend in a city like Miami , where the population is about 400,000+. When I lived in the town of about 34,000, I did on occasion run into someone I know, but not often. Blending was more difficult, but still i could go months without seeing someone I knew.

small

Which brings me to my town of 17,000. Not excessively small but clearly my anonymity is gone. The historic part  of  the downtown area runs a few blocks. Quaint and cute, but small. Scattered about the county are many antique shops, small businesses and of course Wal-Mart , Target and Tractor Supply Store. One of my pastimes is to maintain an antique booth in an antique mall in the town I live in. Weekly, I stop in to add things, pick up a check (hopefully) and keep it neat and appealing.

Last week, I parked in front of the Antique Mall, hopped out of the car,  just planning on running in to grab a chair to take out of my booth.  Wound my way through, grabbed the chair and was headed for the front door to throw it in my car.  An older gentleman (he looked older)  (Guess he could be my age or I really hope older because otherwise he isn’t looking that good) jumped up and said let me get the door for you. He was very small. Inches shorter than I am and somewhat stooped over.  I thought that was very gentlemanly of him to offer. I thought, ahhh small town living at its best. So he held the door , I walked through with my chair, and he follows me outside! He then says, “How are you?” “just fine”, I reply and “how are you today?”

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He says “good. I saw you on Plenty of Fish.” I stopped in my tracks and said “oh really?” No one, anywhere, had ever recognized me from a dating site nor have I ever seen anyone in person on the street from a site. Maybe that is not the norm, but for me, I thought oh no. I live in a small town and now people recognize my face. I can pretty much say there does not seem to be a lot of people in my town on this site! There are not a lot of people period. He then says” so how’s it going.”  I said “Fine”. Then I realized he meant my success or lack of success on the site. I said, “ oh you know, haven’t been on much lately (which is not a lie. since I moved dating has taken the back burner.)

I opened the back of my car to put the chair in and he is lingering. I said as cheery as I could, “Thanks so much for holding the door. That was very kind.” He says, “Anytime. I am here often”. What? It is an antique shop. He was just sitting in a chair near the front desk when I came in. Is this a local  hangout?  A Meeting place? Do people gather there and tell stories? Or is he waiting for unsuspecting dating site participants to come through looking for a vintage chair or vintage man!

I’m Baaaack

It’s been a while since I have written, which I really hope someone noticed. Some of it was just being unmotivated, some lack of dating. Life does get in the way sometimes. I am going to be moving soon,  about 50-60 miles south of where I am located now, and the stress of getting the house ready to sell, finding something else, and waiting and waiting , and then more waiting, takes a toll.

I have stayed on the dating sites, and have messaged here and there, but absolutely no effort has been put forth on my part to obtain a date, or even entertain the thought.

But without fail, the guys come through with crazy notions that I may recognize their efforts by trying to get my attention in all sorts of ways. Once again we have a large age range, broken English, bad grammar, and the ever-present nudity.

Since nudity will usually grab anyone’s attention we can start there. Here is a guy who looked pretty good in his picture. Yes, I have been out of commission somewhat, but I have not forgotten that bogus pictures exist. But I have my thoughts, which will be clear in a moment or two, that the picture was him.  

The profile picture was shirtless. I don’t usually respond to the ones that are shirtless, because we really do know what they are advertising. Guess I was feeling nice that day.

We chatted on the dating site for a few days on and off. He asked could we chat on the phone instead of on the site. I said OK and sent my cell phone number. A week, at least, maybe two, went by, so I simply forgot about it.

One day I get a face-time call on my phone from a Gmail address. I ignored it. I thought briefly that whoever this was, had tried this before on my number, which I had ignored. Didn’t recognize it, because everyone I know calls from phone numbers.  I don’t make a habit of answering face-time calls when I don’t recognize the number, and this was an email address which made me more suspicious. Within a minute, it rang again. I ignored it. The third time I picked it up I said, “LOOK I DON’T KNOW WHO IS CALLING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS BUT JUST STOP.” Note the CAPS. I believe they caught me in a bad mood! Then my phone dings, and there is a message on the dating site from the guy I had been chatting with. He says, “ did i do something wrong? why were you angry?”

I pointed out in my response that not only didn’t I know his full name, but did not know his email and why call me face-time the first time on the phone, when we haven’t chatted and I sent my number to talk and get to know one another.  Being suspicious is in my blood. I didn’t tell him that part. He responds with, “why did you scream. You scared me away ha. good luck.”

No loss there, but  I responded back, “ Oh I figure that happened 2 weeks ago when you never responded when I sent my number to you.”

Fast forward a few days, and here comes another face-time call. I recognized the email address this time. Didn’t answer. One minute later another call. So I decided to pick it up and said hello but didn’t show my face yet. I see a bare chest, recognizable from his profile picture, and in the background I hear, Hello Hello. I hung up.

Calls again . I pick it up again. I did the same thing and I hear “are you there. this is Mark.” I said yes, but I can’t see your face. I see your chest.” He doesn’t move the camera. I said where is your face? I am assuming you have one.”  And he shows me his penis. I hang up. Later that evening I get a message on the site. “Sorry I was naked on face-time.”

I wrote back . “ Thanks.” Why did I respond? Who knows. I like to egg people on I guess.

The next day I get 2 more face-time calls from him. I don’t answer. I write to him on the dating site and say, “I saw you called a few times. I am not trusting you for me to pick up the phone on face-time.” I am happy to say he has not responded and if he tries again there will be no response from me. Some guys don’t get that, that is not , speaking for myself, what someone wants to see when called. The fact that I asked  for a regular phone call and still only got face-time did not sit well with me. But when I say where is your face and I get his only body part that is clearly available, he loses.

I got the usual scam messages too, in case anyone was worried that they may have ceased. Just because my life slowed down, doesn’t mean those scammers are not working hard.

  1. Hello how are you doing over there pretty , i will care to get know more about you better are you still a single?
  2. Hello my lady,hows the weather over there………………………!
  3. am john henry from texas city am divorced with 2 kids Jerry and Mary there mom die in airplain accident amhere to look for a truth worth and honest,caring woman to spend all my life.
  4. hello dear have pass through a hell stress just to message you.please i need to know you i got attracted with your profile,so please tell me about you
  5. hi there…what a beautiful profile picture you uploaded on the site,i like that sparkling smile and i will be glad to smile with you someday….i am michael smith,50 and i am new to internet stuff…….. tell me more about you if you don’t mind i can’t wait to read back from a beautiful woman like you…i dont mind if will can hook u from here by mailing or txt.
  6. am loving and caring but am looking for someone to replace my wife. I’m funny outgoing and sensitive person. I don’t like when people around me are upset and I’m doing my best to make them at least smile. I am like fire. I am hot and bright inside.

and for now, last but not least, and we know never really the last:

7. I have always been a hopeFUL romantic longing to find THE ONE that I knew must be out there…That is definitely one thing to thank technology for! No matter where this goes, I feel so blessed to have gotten this chance to meet you and will love to get to know you better..My subscription will be ending soon and don’t intend to go for another plan because there seems to bee too much weirdo’s on the web..You’re such a very beautiful and charming woman and am sure you hear that everyday, why in the world is a very beautiful woman like you still single?

I haven’t changed, spelling, grammar, or wording. I cringe when I read it but it is what it is. Do I need to comment on these? No, I don’t. I would love to write a version of mad libs for these. And for those of you unfamiliar with Mad Libs here is a definition. (Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the – often comical or nonsensical – story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.) We would get a good laugh and I am thinking a dating Mad Libs may be in the works. Don’t steal my plan. I’ll let you play.

Lifestyles of the Bored and Married

Now I have an explanation of all the requests I have had from various dating sites from men with open relationships. It really is a popular trend. Last September I wrote about open relationships and the many requests I have received from men who are very happy in their relationships, but not monogamous. (according to them)  And their spouse felt the same way. (again, according to them) Each would take a lover or multiple lovers, so they didn’t get bored.  I also stated it was not for me. Still isn’t. No, I am not married, but I pretty much know, married or dating, it would not happen.

But it seems it is not unusual. Most of the men who have contacted me were on OKC. And, it seems, according to the Post, that a very high percentage of men (and women) on Tinder, who say they are single, are actually married. Hmmm, I think no one will be shocked about that information. I also think Tinder does not get exclusive rights to the high percentage of men or women who are really married. The percentages may vary, but really I would think all the dating sites can claim that one!

According to this Washington Post article, there are sites dedicated to meeting able and willing partners to eliminate the boredom of being married and with only one person.

There are also sites that focus just on cheating spouses. So if you feel the need for cheating, you can pick and choose. No hanging around the bars hoping to pick someone up to alleviate the hum drum life you have chosen. Now you have to write a profile, and make educated (non monogamous) decisions.

I am sure I sound naive. I really am not shocked there are sites like this. And I am not shocked that they are flooded with people, both men and women, looking to broaden their horizons. No one likes to be bored. Me, I go shopping or watch a movie. Is that too boring for the dating world?

It states as well, that no one is meant to be with just one person for life. Not humans. Apparently beavers and dogs mate for life, but people are not meant to do that. The couples that do not have a spouse that has cheated , appear to be in the minority. If you are open and honest about it, I believe it is written that it is not cheating. Monogamy is so yesterday.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/are-new-dating-apps-killing-monogamy-or-has-it-always-been-dead/2015/05/26/485f07ec-03e8-11e5-8bda-c7b4e9a8f7ac_story.html

 

 

The Art of Conversation

We are all on these dating sites to meet someone. Well, I shouldn’t say all, because some are on these sites for their own reasons. People are chatty, like to start conversations. It can be quite interesting talking with guys from other countries. Even other states sometimes. Clearly, there is no commitment when you are across an ocean or two. There is always that little part of me that thinks, are they really in South Africa, or Spain, or whatever other exotic locale they have listed?  There was a guy from Ohio, wait, I should go with a limerick here. Later. He was in Akron. Not nearly as cool as Spain or the UK. So he says we should meet for coffee. I checked again on his profile and yep, it said Ohio. I am in Virginia.  I responded with, “It would be sort of hard to meet after work for coffee if we are in 2 separate states.”

His answer. “Thank you. Enjoy your day.”  I shook my head and later that day, lo and behold, his account was deleted. Gotta love these guys.

Back to the UK. A guy started chatting with me and I asked him where he was and he said Ireland. Would have been better if I could have heard the accent, but instead I imagined it. Actually I tried to imagine something else other than the picture he had posted too, which works much better if you go with the stereotypical Irish lad from many a romance novel. Dark, black flowing hair, piercing blue eyes, like the ocean of course. Anyway, I digress.

Irish man asked what I do.  I really do believe that no one really ever reads my profile.  I told him and then, being the polite person I am, asked what he does. He said he builds sets for shows and is a part-time life model for art classes. So yes, I fell into the trap.

“Oh?”, I asked. “What do you mean by life model?” Did I really ask that? I was pretty sure I knew what he meant.

“I pose for them. In the nude.” Yep. I was right. Went back to his profile photo and went REALLY? I didn’t say that to him. Art is art.

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He goes on to say he has been doing it for a few years. But that it took a while to get used to but he really enjoys it now. I told him that was nice for him but I could never do that.

He said you would be surprised. He said how uncomfortable he had been the first time or two , but then it was easy. Nope. I would not be surprised at all. I know me. Not going to happen.

The conversation continued about other subjects. Antiques, Ireland, travel, etc. Those extraneous subjects were short-lived. He says, “Tomorrow I am posing for a small group. About 3 people.”

I asked if the size of the group, (yes the group size) really mattered since being nude is being nude. He explained to me that a smaller group is more intimate and it will make him more nervous than posing in front of a large group.

One of his favorite jobs, he shared, was when he posed for a nursing home group. Said they were quite enthusiastic. Keep in mind this guy is 49, so to the nursing home crowd he was a youngster! He said they insisted he pose with an erection and it is very hard to pose that long with an erection without outside stimuli. But because I did not ask for details, I will assume he managed and got paid anyway.

art

The last part of the conversation before he realized I was not engaging in his erotic chat, was that he was next posing for a private individual. He was very nervous about this gig because he had not done that and he felt it would be extremely intimate. Whatever. But he did add that he so enjoys posing, especially with an erection, because he really likes that people are looking at him.

Being this had become more of a monologue on his part,  I said “to each his own” and he responded with “Indeed, good evening.” Which was my dismissal. Must have reminded him of his former girlfriend who he mentioned broke up with him because she didn’t like this particular job of posing. It really could have been his boasting and descriptions. She probably didn’t care that he did it, more that he didn’t shut up about it.

A New Attitude

I have an attitude. This is not new for me. I always have an attitude. Sometimes it is a good attitude, positive, and optimistic. Sometimes, it is quite the opposite. Dare I say negative and pessimistic? It’s true. Lately I can’t help it and don’t want to try to turn it around. I feel like a petulant teenager that walks around with an attitude. Oh, well, I was one at some point. My mother used to use some Yiddish expression to tell me I was in a mood. Didn’t matter what language was used, I knew that!

But now at least I can admit that. When I was a teen, you could not tell me I had attitude, because it would make it worse. Actually the same thing happens now. I hate when people say CALM DOWN. I know I need to calm down but it doesn’t happen by snapping your fingers. Now I send myself to my room. Or to my cabinet to get a wine glass.

Not that I would not turn it if I could, but I realized I can’t. Not now.  Not for the lack of trying. But sometimes it lingers and sticks to your skin, and is really hard to shake off.

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I have not blogged much recently, mainly because of my attitude not being in the positive column. Part of it is from the dating experience, and part is just life being difficult. I could whine about all that is happening in my life, and probably will in a moment. And yes, it is all relative. Things that will turn around and get better, I am just not sure when. Nothing catastrophic, though at the time it seems that it is.

Let’s start with my house. I have a townhouse that has water damage. Let me put it simply. 8 months fighting with my insurance company, delay in starting work because of that. Need siding replaced and deck replaced and inside damage as well.  This began in July. Now it is March and the 12 inches of snow has finally melted away from my backyard, so MAYBE the outside work can begin.  It has been 6 weeks waiting for my new glass door to come in so it can be installed. We seem to have the domino effect working for us. Cant do this, because of A. Can’t get B and C done until A is squared away. My patience is gone. Being from NY I want things done yesterday. I don’t wait well. So 8 months has been brutal for me. Had to move out of my house for 5 weeks so the floors and drywall could get done. I am back home and hopefully things can progress. Whew, I feel better already. The people at work have been great listening to me bitch and moan for 8 months, They are probably equally ready for my house to be done too.

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Then we have the dating scene. Or lack thereof. Men can tell when you have an attitude. I can tell when I have attitude and no one seems right to me. To add to my distress, I have received no less than 20 fake user emails on OKC in the last 2 weeks. The writing is similar and then the accounts are deleted. And of course, this is not new. I have written previous posts with examples of BS flowing on the page. But they keep coming.

Just a few examples:

1.

HIM-“i live in New york and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time”

ME- sorry not what i asked. ( I had asked what he does for a living)

HIM- but now i have come to new york now dear

he says again I live in NY and wants someone to love for a long time.

but I can’t help read it as, “I love you long time” .  Either way, I responded with that isn’t what I asked, because I knew I wasn’t going to continue chatting. His answer -“now I have come to NY DEAR.” (UGH)

2.Italian but based in USA. I deal on antiques which takes me to places cos it’s a mobile job. I am a potential optimist and love to make findings and knowing new things.

3.well am new here and not sure will get on here often but I wish to have a sincere friendship and keep my new good friends in touch forever that is why I want us to get in touch by exchanging dial digits.

4.You know I was going through when I got charmed by the pretty looks in your eyes and i thought it’s wise to say hi.

You have a lovely smile on your face, that really attracted me the most and I nearly lost my breath looking deep into your eyes. I like your hair style a lot and i am just sitting here wondering what a beautiful angel like you is doing on here. Anyway we are looking and it will be my pleasure to start a conversation with a beautiful lady like you. I don’t know much about you. I will be glad to get to know each other.

appreciate and admire your intensity hope to hear from you soon Thank you very much for taking you to read

5.How are you doing on this blissful day!!…I was surfing on here and got the glimpse of your meaningful profile and with your beautiful pic caught my attention to read more.. I would like to know more about you and see where this could lead us both to…..Any way I know I is not the correct thing to give out my email but any way we can still try it out XXXXXX79@gmail.com shear more later if you like

6.Your profile really caught my interest and I have been looking and would like to know more things about you. It never hurts to try something new although it’s a just a day to the end of my subscription on this website..

How can I help but have attitude? I think I need to get in a new and improved frame of mind for anything to change. The house is moving along slowly, but moving along.  I’ll get over this hurdle and move on to the next. See. Attitude changing already.

Next!

I have never experienced speed dating. I have vaguely thought about it, but have never actually made the move.  Admittingly, I have been tempted but really have only seen the process in a movie. It did sound intriguing. What could I learn in a few minutes from someone? Though, sometimes, as soon as someone opens their mouth I know that either I don’t want to hear anymore, or I’m ready for a second sentence.  I know on the dating sites I take a look at some pictures and think, “no thank you.” What would happen in person? The guy would start to sit down and I would say, “keep moving.” And in reverse, what if he said it to me? “Hey, don’t bother to sit down.”

But like online dating, you know right away, usually, if you want to message someone.  Messaging online is so much easier, or safer, than in person. No one can see you blush, or get pissed off, or disgusted And yes, it does work both ways. Basically, it is easier rejection.

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I received a groupon type offer for speed dating. I clicked on it and thought I would take a look. It just explained where the event would be, how much you pay and how much you save. But then I looked at the photos. There wasn’t a person over 30. Now I know they are not going to put wrinkly, old faces on there, trying to lure you in. I get that. But, for me, being way over 30, I thought, hmmm, is everyone here just out of college and just moving out of Mom and Dad’s house? It is like the brochures for trips to a resort, or a cruise. We won’t see fat, roly poly men and women in bathing suits, lounging around the pool, or sitting atop of a horse. Nor do we want to. It was clear who they are advertising this event for. Now I know any age could go, but looking at the pictures it discouraged me right away. Maybe I need to start a speed dating for over 50. Speed dating for cougars? Speed dating for boy toys? Hey this could work!

speed

I also received an email to join SpeedDate.com. Speed dating online? I’m listening. Maybe many of you have already tried it. I’m catching up. Took me years to join the online dating crowd in general. Speedy is good.

Here it says you can message or webcam, and know right away. For me, there will be no webcam to start. I dont trust that. Who knows what will be waiting for you when you open a webcam to a perfect male stranger. Call me crazy, but that won’t be happening.

The process of elimination on speed date would be so much quicker and less painful, I would imagine. I may have to look into the site or the concept, just to see how it works, without cameras anywhere.  Maybe like Tinder. Swipe him away in a second. Move on to the next. Can it be speedier than that?

Someone for Everyone

Clearly, we are on dating sites to meet someone , date, and for some, marry. Go out, have a good time, have someone take you to dinner. Snuggle up in front of a fire and watch a movie. See what develops.   And I am convinced that there is someone for everyone. There is no accounting for whom one is attracted to, and what chemistry is involved.  You can look at a couple and say, “Wow, I don’t get it” but, you don’t have to, they are the ones who have to get it.

There is the physical attraction, the intellectual attraction ,and dare I say,  the emotional attraction that people look for in a mate. On these dating sites, physical is the one that comes up first and then the others seep into the attraction once you get into a conversation and a meeting or two.

On these dating sites, we look at pictures and keep scrolling through, and maybe one catches your eye and you stop. Check him out, send him a message.  I mentioned this in a previous blog post, An Opposite Match, for one. Chances are you stop and check out a profile because you are attracted to that person. I also mentioned before how Match, for example, was sending me matches, that didn’t have matches that I would fit in, i.e., age criteria. So I have now cancelled my Match subscription which ends in a few weeks. I have to say, I had the least amount of contacts through that site. Good riddance.

The holidays are approaching. Family gatherings, parties galore. Maybe a date for the holidays is in the cards for some, maybe not. Now it seems a surge of new applicants hoping to meet that someone before the new year have appeared.

But did I look in the prison files? What was I thinking? Charles Manson has been available all of this time , and I missed it. Though, again, I don’t think I fit his age criteria. Well there are just a few things to consider. He is  an older man, and I don’t typically go for the 80+ crowd. Secondly, he likes the under 30 crowd. Oh, and third , he is a murderer!

So I ask, why did a 26-year-old obtain a marriage license to marry him? Let’s not overlook the fact that she has been fighting for him for 9 years! Yes that would be 17 when she got this fantastic idea. Sometimes there is no accounting for attraction and dating criteria. Or maybe lack of dating criteria.

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Changed My Mind

Your confidence builds. You are feeling good about yourself. Thinking, I am looking pretty good these days and you have a good feeling all around.  You even think it is safe to enter the dating scene. So you accept a date.

One Tuesday I received a pleasant message. Spoke about our common interests and background.  Thought he was a bit stiff, didn’t seem to have a light attitude or joke much, but I thought, ok, this is online. Chill out, give him a break.  We set up to meet the following Tuesday, though he did ask at first if I was free the next evening, Wednesday night. “Sorry,” I said,  “but I  have plans.” ( I really did.)

We talked on the site for a few days, and one evening wrote that he was looking forward to meeting. I concurred and said it will be fun. He  said he was going to NY to see his mom over the weekend. ( I had to assume he was telling the truth, I try not to be cynical every time)  Very briefly on the friday of that weekend we spoke and then ended with we will chat before Tuesday.

Monday comes and no word. Yep, my wonderful, reliable gut was kicking in again. I did not have a good feeling about this.  I sent him a message on the dating site and said “hi. just wanted to be sure we were still meeting up on tuesday.” I don’t feel comfortable having a plan for a week and not have confirmation.  Nothing. The next morning, which was the Tuesday of our “date”, he sends me a message that says, “I’m very sorry, but I’ve decided not to meet. Best of luck in your search for love, peace and happiness.”

I was so annoyed.  I wrote back and said “Wow nice of you to let me know before today.”

I didn’t ask why, though I really wanted to know the reasoning behind it. So many to choose from. He simply changed his mind, Maybe he met someone else and wanted to focus on her. Maybe he is simply a jerk.  I admit, he tried to write it nicely, but it was not sitting well. I was insulted that he changed his mind. I do think it is merely frustration and /or annoyance that no matter what, I can’t seem to meet someone for a mere drink!

This guy was even in my age group. If nothing else I am giving myself points for that!  He is in my decade! Could be a first. I have gone out with some very close to my decade, just short a few years. But I have realized that same decade or not, it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes you can read an article and think,  “Do they know me? Did they peek into my dating world and get some ideas? This one is about being single and frustrated. How timely! I will take a wild guess and say I am not the only one, male or female, who at times, feel this way.  I have had toxic relationships. Do I repeat the pattern? Do I pick the wrong men?  I think, unless your dating life is perfect, one of these may hit home for you, If not,  consider yourself lucky and not single and frustrated.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/single-and-frustrated-5-things-to-consider/?lcid=102210&laid=Links#.VEbjuxZYrZB