Category Archives: single

It Just looked Like I left

 

I’m here.  I am back. But in reality, I never left. I just haven’t written. Haven’t felt it.  Haven’t prowled the dating sites. I have read other blogs, been on twitter. All kept to a minimum. Haven’t responded to likes or messages, but will say I am a teeny bit glad I still have views and likes. Sometimes, life seems to move forward, and we stay still.  Sometimes, you need to do just that.

nodating

I have been somewhat inactive in the dating world. And full disclosure, not that it is directly related, in the exercise world too. That I am paying for, trying to get back on track.  Though, when you think about it, It could be related. Exercise is good for the body and soul. Makes me more energized , but I still have to force myself to do it.  I did find out one can get tennis elbow in both elbows at the same time, and never have played tennis at all. EVER. Which brings me to the lack of exercise. Needed to rest both elbows. They are rested and ready to tackle the evil elliptical again. But I digress.

exercise

My elbows have nothing to do with lack of motivation on dating sites.

Dating, even the idea of dating, got stale. As you get older, the choices change, but the stupid messages do not.

I did hear from two guys I had dated before.  Communication is good, but distance has put a damper on things.  I’m not dead.  Just took a hiatus from the rat race of dating sites. I feel a fresh look would be best. Scroll through the photos, and you see so many familiar faces you have seen before. Then I realized the men are probably saying the same thing.

Plain and simple, I get bored. Maybe it is an age thing. Maybe being single for so long, I’m just done and will wait for Prince Charming to fall into my lap. Though by then,  Prince Charming will be using a walker and will be on social security. Bottom line,  I am very content as is. Though that could be translated by some as being in a rut. Who knows the answer?  We do get complacent. Life moves forward,  things are good, so why upset the apple cart?

princech

Time will tell. Maybe when other things are back on track, I will get a new attitude and/or outlook.

Don’t worry, you will be hearing from me, whether it is to bitch about dating or other things I can find to bitch, I mean write, about. Like that is a problem.

 

Wanted: Mom, Housekeeper, or Combo

Light housekeeping, cooking skills a must, valid driver’s license and willing to drive at a moment’s notice. First guess- Classified ad?  Second guess- A Dating profile ?

A notification from the dating site buzzes on your device telling you someone has viewed your profile. Always have to look to check it out. The profile name this time was a  first name and the number 37. My experience shows he is either 37 years old, or was born in 1937.  Forty years is a big difference, but again , from my past experience, it could be either one. Secretly I hope he isn’t 78 but kind of hope he isn’t 37 either. A  bit too young even for me, though that would be flattering.  A bit too old and that would be depressing. The 78 yr old would make more sense to some people , but not me! And if I am going to date someone who has an age difference of 14+ years , I’d rather subtract those numbers  then add them!

But in this case he was definitely 37, almost 38! .  Searching for an older woman, and by that he means a mother. Most of the time a guy will tell you he is searching for older women because of their maturity,  or they aren’t necessarily looking for  commitment, and definitely not looking to snag a successful young man for marriage and children. Not this guy. Went right to cleaning and cooking.

I think an ad in his local paper for a housekeeper would work better, but I guess he has to pay for that. Why not advertise on a dating site and combine all one’s needs into a neat little package.

Explaining it would take away from the essence of his message.

What a catch. I’d like to chat with any woman that would respond to this and get her the help she needs.

Read it and weep.

Hi I’m nick 38 looking to get to know someone older wouldn’t mind moving to a different town must cook and keep a clean house,looking for someone secure that can travel goe places,I like outdoors good food movies reading send me a message if interested I currently don’t have a running car it broke down on me its not worth fixing so not able to get around that good right now

 

A New Attitude

I have an attitude. This is not new for me. I always have an attitude. Sometimes it is a good attitude, positive, and optimistic. Sometimes, it is quite the opposite. Dare I say negative and pessimistic? It’s true. Lately I can’t help it and don’t want to try to turn it around. I feel like a petulant teenager that walks around with an attitude. Oh, well, I was one at some point. My mother used to use some Yiddish expression to tell me I was in a mood. Didn’t matter what language was used, I knew that!

But now at least I can admit that. When I was a teen, you could not tell me I had attitude, because it would make it worse. Actually the same thing happens now. I hate when people say CALM DOWN. I know I need to calm down but it doesn’t happen by snapping your fingers. Now I send myself to my room. Or to my cabinet to get a wine glass.

Not that I would not turn it if I could, but I realized I can’t. Not now.  Not for the lack of trying. But sometimes it lingers and sticks to your skin, and is really hard to shake off.

badatt

I have not blogged much recently, mainly because of my attitude not being in the positive column. Part of it is from the dating experience, and part is just life being difficult. I could whine about all that is happening in my life, and probably will in a moment. And yes, it is all relative. Things that will turn around and get better, I am just not sure when. Nothing catastrophic, though at the time it seems that it is.

Let’s start with my house. I have a townhouse that has water damage. Let me put it simply. 8 months fighting with my insurance company, delay in starting work because of that. Need siding replaced and deck replaced and inside damage as well.  This began in July. Now it is March and the 12 inches of snow has finally melted away from my backyard, so MAYBE the outside work can begin.  It has been 6 weeks waiting for my new glass door to come in so it can be installed. We seem to have the domino effect working for us. Cant do this, because of A. Can’t get B and C done until A is squared away. My patience is gone. Being from NY I want things done yesterday. I don’t wait well. So 8 months has been brutal for me. Had to move out of my house for 5 weeks so the floors and drywall could get done. I am back home and hopefully things can progress. Whew, I feel better already. The people at work have been great listening to me bitch and moan for 8 months, They are probably equally ready for my house to be done too.

badatt1

Then we have the dating scene. Or lack thereof. Men can tell when you have an attitude. I can tell when I have attitude and no one seems right to me. To add to my distress, I have received no less than 20 fake user emails on OKC in the last 2 weeks. The writing is similar and then the accounts are deleted. And of course, this is not new. I have written previous posts with examples of BS flowing on the page. But they keep coming.

Just a few examples:

1.

HIM-“i live in New york and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time”

ME- sorry not what i asked. ( I had asked what he does for a living)

HIM- but now i have come to new york now dear

he says again I live in NY and wants someone to love for a long time.

but I can’t help read it as, “I love you long time” .  Either way, I responded with that isn’t what I asked, because I knew I wasn’t going to continue chatting. His answer -“now I have come to NY DEAR.” (UGH)

2.Italian but based in USA. I deal on antiques which takes me to places cos it’s a mobile job. I am a potential optimist and love to make findings and knowing new things.

3.well am new here and not sure will get on here often but I wish to have a sincere friendship and keep my new good friends in touch forever that is why I want us to get in touch by exchanging dial digits.

4.You know I was going through when I got charmed by the pretty looks in your eyes and i thought it’s wise to say hi.

You have a lovely smile on your face, that really attracted me the most and I nearly lost my breath looking deep into your eyes. I like your hair style a lot and i am just sitting here wondering what a beautiful angel like you is doing on here. Anyway we are looking and it will be my pleasure to start a conversation with a beautiful lady like you. I don’t know much about you. I will be glad to get to know each other.

appreciate and admire your intensity hope to hear from you soon Thank you very much for taking you to read

5.How are you doing on this blissful day!!…I was surfing on here and got the glimpse of your meaningful profile and with your beautiful pic caught my attention to read more.. I would like to know more about you and see where this could lead us both to…..Any way I know I is not the correct thing to give out my email but any way we can still try it out XXXXXX79@gmail.com shear more later if you like

6.Your profile really caught my interest and I have been looking and would like to know more things about you. It never hurts to try something new although it’s a just a day to the end of my subscription on this website..

How can I help but have attitude? I think I need to get in a new and improved frame of mind for anything to change. The house is moving along slowly, but moving along.  I’ll get over this hurdle and move on to the next. See. Attitude changing already.

Be Patient

No secret about older women liking younger men. Celebrities do it all of the time. Well, many women date younger, but we hear about the celebrities. And of course older men with younger women is a given. But hey, why not? For whatever reasons, you are attracted to a certain type. No need to explain. You like younger. Dont worry.

No need to worry about finding that one guy that you want to date. He is out there. Maybe not now , but soon.

Always good to look at the humorous side of things.

age

Ageless Dating

Age is only a number.  I cannot tell you how many times I have  heard that  phrase.  Mostly from younger men, pretty much telling me not to worry about how young they are!

I was talking to a guy on OKC, who decided not to reveal his age . At least not right away.  He said he really didn’t like the age question on the dating sites. Why restrict yourself?  “why do people care?” he asked me.  I replied it was mostly a preference, but I am a curious type and I like to know.

“Why? is it important?” he wanted to know.

“Yes , I think it is. To a point. “  I told him.

He asked, “What if you really like talking to the guy and want to meet.  What if he is 22 and has a great job, and an advanced degree, and is an all around great guy? “  Now I looked at his photos again, to make sure I did not think this one was 22!

I do feel technically it shouldn’t matter, but as nice as he could be , I would not feel comfortable about dating someone younger than all of my own children! I think an age gap is a personal preference. and is limited to what works for the individual.  On the same note, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone my Dad’s age either. I think one sets their own limits to what is their comfort zone.

age

I know plenty of people who marry or date someone with maybe a 15-20 years age difference. Personally, a 35-40 year age difference would bother me. He wouldn’t know ,unless from books or an older aunt or uncle, about anything I have lived through. Even his parents would be younger than i am! that would really upset my comfort zone.

He also asked me if i thought it was a judgment problem. Did I worry that people would judge me? I admitted judgment is a factor to a certain degree, but i think I would  end up judging myself as well. If I know I am not comfortable with it, I just won’t do it.

I went online to see what was out there, and sure enough, there is a site for ageless dating!

http://www.agelessdating.com/

This could open up one’s outlook on not getting caught up the  “age discussion”. Or, more likely, for me, at least, open up that can of worms I  try to avoid.

But, the thing that baffles me , is ,when you go under search, the first box you are supposed to fill out, is AGE!  They want a range. I haven’t done it yet.  But  for research  purposes, I just may have to for my fellow daters. What a trooper!

An Opposite Match

I joined Match a year or two ago, but was never very excited about it. When my membership expired, I didn’t renew it.  I thought, why pay , when I am getting no results and very frustrated about it. After about  8 months, I saw there was yet another special deal to join, so I caved, and re-joined the masses on Match.  It hasn’t changed.

Here is my problem.  As we have discussed in the past, I do like younger men. Not extremely younger , though when they message me, I fight temptation. I am getting more practical in my old age. Usually.

One of the main reasons I am not thrilled with Match.com, is because most of the time I am sent matches that to me, really don’t match at all.  Let me explain. For example,  if I put in 47-63 year old age group, I get matches within that age group. BUT, the age range that the men are seeking , does not in any way match mine.  Is that a half match? It doesn’t make sense to me if I am looking for men in a certain age group and specific ethnic groups, that I am sent men that may meet my specific age requirement, but nothing else at all. These men do not want my age group. They are seeking women decades younger.  So, even if I am willing to get someone near my age, whether it is up or down, most of the time they are seeking women in their 30s and 40s. The men that are viewing me and “liking” me,  are much older than I am. Nothing wrong with that, except my beef is,  they are not matching the criteria I chose. And the ones I am getting for matches, I don’t match the criteria that they chose. I am getting a list of men recommended, that do not want someone my age. Where is my Match there?

older

I am not saying necessarily that it is Match’s fault per se.  They are sending me matches that fit my criteria to a point. I will give them that. But if almost every guy in that group wants someone decades younger, that does not work for me.

Looks like I wont be renewing this again.

You can’t help the likes and dislikes on any of these matches. I state quite clearly in my profile that camping and hiking are not my thing.  Fishing is  pretty close to those activities as well, though fishing I can deal with if I am not getting seasick on a boat. I sound like a barrel of fun, don’t I? And yes, there are many men who clearly state that if you are not interested in outdoor activities, or sailing is not your thing , then don’t contact them. No problem here.  I know the dating sites say they match up likes and dislikes, but again, I am not in complete agreement on that one. I know you can’t get it down to exact specifics, but  coming close would be great. Like all of my matches who clearly want someone much younger, usually want her to be able to hike to the campgrounds with a fishing pole. Have fun.

I am starting to believe that though opposites do attract,  it doesn’t necessarily translate to lasting.

I was married to an opposite. Note the WAS. I am from New York City originally and he is from Georgia.  Him: Raised as a Southern Baptist from Georgia. Me: New York Jewish girl. Not sure you can get more opposite than that.  He was quiet, I was not. He didn’t like to talk in person or on the phone. Me: I can talk to anyone ,anywhere, any time. He was not comfortable in social situations, I thrived on them.

I think some opposites can compliment each other. Others are like oil and  water .

bacon

Dating sites for me seem to match oil and water. I need a ham and cheese or bacon and egg match.

Are YOU on a Dating Site, Too?

We all know there are thousands of men and women on dating sites. They are found throughout the world , all ages, sizes, ethnic backgrounds and even  by relationship status.  This article discusses a study done by the PEW Research Group on online dating. It talks about online sites, phone apps, and the opinions of those who participate in online dating ,and even those who know someone who has done online dating. online

It did not surprise me that the majority of online daters are those in their 20’s to 40’s. And  equally surprising to me, a much, much lower percentage in the over 50 crowd. Apparently this is an update from a 2005 study. This was published in 2013. Attitudes seem to be more positive about online dating, though  there are still those who feel those who do online dating are desperate. Soon they will do a study on those people and we can write about that.

http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

online1

 

 

 

Answer Me!

If you get a message from someone, and you know you are not interested, do you answer them anyway? I have had some people tell me, “I answer everyone no matter what.” Usually this comes from a man. Others, both men and women I have found, say don’t answer if you dont want to start a conversation. So when you get a message that simply says “Hi” and you decide, either you aren’t attracted to that person or their profile, then don’t answer. Simple enough. But when they send a second message that says “ I see you didnt respond”, then what? Leave it alone? For me, it depends on my mood. I wrote back “ you are correct.”  I was not in a really good mood when I read it, so therefore, I did not ignore it. I am thinking that if I had wanted to return the Hi, I would have. Maybe I am busy. Maybe I dont want to. But persistence of this nature is a complete negative in my book.answer

I have initiated a few messages and if I don’t get a response, my immediate reaction is maybe they are busy or simply not interested. OK. Really my first response is, maybe they aren’t interested. Then, its, “Well, why aren’t they interested?” Then I may go to, “they could be busy.” It doesn’t take long, but I move on. I dont remind them, or persist, because if they wanted to, they would contact me.

So my persistent friend responded with, “nice meeting you. I won’t contact you again.” Yes a little huffy about it. No problem. Rejection sucks. But, was there a need for that? I did not respond- I let him get the last word in- shocking I know.

Part II: Are you  Single or Divorced?

Google definition of SINGLE : unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.

Dictionary definition of DIVORCED : to legally end your marriage with (your husband or wife)

: to make or keep (something) separate.divorce

Is there a difference in the scheme of things? On a dating site? Maybe the guy is trying to determine if you have ever been married. I look at it, as single is single. Meaning I am not married now, therefore, I am on a dating site.

But I get asked this a lot.. Are you single or divorced? I imagine if I said Single, that would indicate:

A. I am not seeing anyone

B. I have never been married.

If I say I am divorced, Then A. I was married and now I am not.

B. I am not in a relationship.

But single means that also. Either way, I am not in a relationship.
I do get asked frequently if I am married. I usually answer, “I am on a dating site, so therefore I am single.” Well, silly me. That doesn’t hold true, Because a couple of times a month, I get a married man sending me a message, with with either no photo, or one with his head missing. And that is before the Mrs finds out!