Category Archives: profile

You Are Stupid

Not sure this is something I should be proud of, but for the first time I have been blocked by a user. Some may think that is not a positive thing, but I think it could be.

So, Mr Blocker sent me a message asking how my day is going. “Fine,” I answered. “And yours?”

He responds with, “Here is my number so we can email and text, cos i don’t get on here very often. ”

If this was my first rodeo, I may have had a fleeting thought to respond. But I wrote back, yes, in my haste, “Stop scamming people with these lines and get off this dating site”. I also told him I had seen this line too many times to count, Especially with “cos” being used, not to mention ‘I am not on here too often.’

Heard back a few days later and he told me “You are stupid. You will be single forever and will never meet anyone. You are stupid. “

Was that a curse he put on me? I didn’t feel any different. Do you feel a curse when it is cast? We will have to wait to see if it holds.  I could tell him I have been single longer than I was married, but, wait, I can’t!

 

Call me stupid once, but not twice.  Of course I had a comeback, but I WAS BLOCKED. And I became indignant. How dare he not let me get my last 2 cents in! But I had more to say. I did type them, but then I got the fateful message BLOCKED. You see, the main problem was, that I was going to write one last thing and then block him. He beat me to it.

block

Of course, I then second guessed myself. Was he legit? Was I hasty in assuming he was another scammer? I guess I will never know, but I am OK with it. But I still wish I could say just one more thing.

 

HE GOT LEGS

 

Riddle me this batman. What do we make of a guy who won’t answer simple questions?

His picture shows only his legs.
The angle of sitting on a couch with your feet up on an ottoman while wearing shorts. (nice legs by the way)
Starts off by commenting on one of my pics and asks, “ so do you get romantic too? Caught me in a playful mood, so I said “ I can be”

He says “let’s go for a test drive, Darling”

In my head I am picturing a rugged, sexy guy, dark hair, 6’2” with a slight drawl, maybe a tilted cowboy hat, who actually leaves off the G in darling, because darlin’ sounds so much better. I snap out of my fantasy thinking and said “Not without more information.”

rugged

See? that works.

His profile has very, very minimal information. As in “I am a good guy and I have a great sense of humor.” That, my dear man, is not enough for me.

Now we move on to ‘Babe’. He says, “Well babe, I’m an IT guy with a great sense of humor”
I mention “all I see are legs”, legs  and he comes back with “and you can see it all.” BE still my heart.

He then offers his email address and says, “I will send you a pic”
RED FLAG alert. Not like there weren’t 12 before this one.

I sort of had enough BS at this point, so I asked why he wasn’t posting a pic on the site. “Married?”, I asked him.
Comes back with an “LOL no divorced. Want to get together?”

I reiterate my original thoughts. “ My original question remains. Why the mystery? I need more than a pair of legs to go on.”

Are you wondering why I am still encouraging this? Me too.

So, in his brilliance he comes back with, “LOL understand darling. Here is my email and I can send you a picture back babe.”
This is serious now. Darling and babe in the same message.

My reply, “ well BABE, you still haven’t answered anything I asked and I am not switching to email”

“I’m just going to email you a pic…darling . We will still text on the site so let me know when you are ready. You will enjoy yourself.” ( I guess he figures this Babe can’t figure out that no matter what is sent, he will still have my email)

No I did not respond. No I am not going to. A simple, hey I have a high profile job in DC and cannot post pictures, or my boss is also on dating sites and I don’t want her to see my pictures, may have extended the chat. The annoying BS of never answering my direct questions and repeating the same lines did not work for me. I bet they weren’t even his legs.

Lunch, Anyone?

I am back in the saddle. A pony saddle. More like a merry go round with a strap to hold me in. I am checking profiles, getting messages. But really, the scammers are still in the forefront. I swear I must be a magnet. I know I have said this before, but come on. They can’t all navigate to my profile, can they?

You know, the usual, “I can’t wait to read from you”, and “here is my phone number and my email address. So we can keep in touch and send photos”
My new responses are “SPAM and SCAM”. Then a report, and a block . Seems I am a bit tired of these types.

On another note, the other day I was chatting with one guy, whose opening line was “we must have lunch.” Alright then. I asked him why he was so adamant about having lunch and he said because we need to meet and we will have lunch. Forceful little fellow, isn’t he? I told him, sure we can meet. My idea was a coffee, but I figured I can manage a lunch instead. We don’t live super close, so I mentioned I work full time in another town separate from here I live, so it may be hard to figure out unless it is a weekend. His response was, well I work full time too but one has to eat, right? OK I will give him that.

lunch

Whenever I am going to meet for a meal with someone I don’t know, or have barely met, I need to mention that I have Celiac disease. (Celiac disease is a serious autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine. It is estimated to affect 1 in 100 people worldwide.) 

This makes it a challenge to find a place to eat that is safe for me, especially in small towns. Not every small town place is on the gluten free bandwagon in a serious enough manner for me to try it. Even larger cities are a challenge. That is another post for another time.

In response, he sends me a title of a book, The Tao of Health, Sex, and Longevity. He says he lives by it. That’s great. To each his own, but that still doesn’t let me pop into any restaurant and eat.

(Here is the link for those who want to check it out. You may even get a lunch in the process)

I am not dismissing the idea of following a TAO way of living, nor am I indicating that this is not a good way of living. But celiac is celiac, and if I could avoid hot soup, and eat spicy chilis, and get rid of this, I would give it a try. So I told him thanks, I would take a look at this sometime. (No i haven’t bought it, but that is just me.)

His next line is , “so when is lunch?” I responded with, “well we just need to figure that out” He then says ,”It is.”

Sometimes I feel lost in the forest!

forest

No I didn’t say it out loud, but, I was thinking , why is this conversation getting painful? It should be really easy. I said “What is?” Lunch?”

And he says….. “I love your hair. It is to die for?”What

See what I mean about being lost in the forest? My first reaction. Step away from the messaging. Nope. I said “why?”. He said short red hair. (p.s. Mine is brown) I basically told him that and he said “it’s ok. That works too”.
I didn’t respond right away, because he was slowly losing me. and I get, “perhaps I can run my fingers through it.”

Perhaps we are done. I wanted to ask would that be before or after lunch? I didn’t. I didn’t say much except I need to get to sleep. He said “nite, ” and that, my friends, is all she wrote!

I think I will stay lost in the forest. Nuts and berries are gluten free.

Let Me Introduce You

 

Sometimes you just have to read it to believe it.

Hi dear,

I really don’t mean to invade your space, but I had to do this for the love and respect I have for my friend whose name is Howard, unfortunately he isn’t into online dating for some reasons best known to him. I’ve been telling him I would hook him up with someone nice, and when he came across your profile through my account earlier, and since then he’s been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all ramifications of life which is a hard thing to come by these days. You can view him on my recent photos here, copy paste this URL: http://bit.ly/29R2WbS

He’s 6ft” tall, and falls between your age search criteria, he lives in the same state with you, but he’s just here for visit, he’s a good listener, good looking and all rounded a complete gentleman, I honestly did not tell him I was gonna contact you, but thought I took a chance, you never know until you try, it should be worth it in the end I’m so sure. So take a chance and e-mail him, you can share a picture and more information with him and I’m sure he’ll be so glad to do same so both of you can know each other better, and also tell him your handle on match, don’t be shy as I am very sure he would welcome your email 100%. His direct e-mail is: howard.rains147 (at) gmail (.) com

I hope you can decode that right? lol as the site wouldn’t let it go through directly. I had to private my profile now because I’ve found someone special so I’m leaving the site, and I want the same for my friend.

Stay happy

Vivian

I really don’t know where to start. Let’s start at the end.  VIVIAN? Sure. She Isn’t the first woman to send me a message on a dating site. But I have ignored those too.  She is only  helping her poor, helpless friend Howard find a mate.  Very supportive , very caring of Vivian.  I do  think she may want to use a different phrase then “hook up” her friend Howard with someone nice.  So when she says he saw my profile on her account, let’s ask ourselves, was she looking at me too or did he borrow hers to look at women? Probably doesn’t matter, because, yes, we know it is all BS. But let’s move on.

What could the reason be that Howard isn’t into online dating? And why is he keeping these secrets a mystery from his friend Vivian? If he is asking her to help him find his soul mate, he should open up and discuss his fear of online dating with her.

I would like to know what Howard saw in my sparse profile, to know that I have “ found balance in all ramifications of life”.  Maybe if he won’t share with Vivian , he would share his insight with me.

Wouldn’t you love to peek at what lies behind this mystery photo URL that Vivian has so generously shared with me.  I could just send her my social security number and my credit card numbers and save us all time.  Did you ever notice with these insane emails , the person always uses phrases like “gonna” and “wanna?” I imagine the general consensus is that Americans speak this way so it will sound genuine. A real down to earth scammer, I mean potential dating person.

I see Howard is a tall, good looking man, and miraculously lives in my state. Could a woman ask for more?  So what if he is just a bit skeptical about online dating. Can’t imagine why, with all of these honest, trustworthy people lurking behind profiles.  Wait.  Honest and trustworthy do not lurk. They patiently wait and butterflies land on their hands while they are waiting.  And Howard has the advantage of  Vivian standing by his side.

This message was on OK Cupid. Note the sentence where Vivian asks me to tell Howard “my handle on match.”  Vivian needs to watch her copying and pasting.  Always double-check for inconsistencies and change the information to fit the site. I should email her back and tell her to be careful of these small little things that mean so much to finding Howard’s future soul mate,

And finally, let us all rejoice in Vivian’s happiness that she has found someone and will be getting off of the site and is only looking for that for her dear friend Howard.  Good thing I was able to call various government agencies and “decode” Howard’s email.

 

Small Town Living

I live in a small town. Of course it is all relative,  since I am well aware there are much smaller towns to be found. Let’s put it in perspective. The town has a population of approximately 17,000 people. The town I recently moved from to come here had a population of about 34,000. Double the amount of people, for those of you who don’t have your calculators  handy. I am originally from New York City, population 8 million give or take. Having lived in Miami, San Francisco and 15 miles from Washington DC. , you can understand why I am saying I now live in a small town. We are talking cows and chickens small.  There is a Main Street. Most small towns I have been to have a street called Main Street. Some run about a block, but my town’s main street  is a few miles!  

mainst

Living in a city or suburb of a city, one can count on anonymity. You blend in a city of 8 million. You can certainly blend in a city like Miami , where the population is about 400,000+. When I lived in the town of about 34,000, I did on occasion run into someone I know, but not often. Blending was more difficult, but still i could go months without seeing someone I knew.

small

Which brings me to my town of 17,000. Not excessively small but clearly my anonymity is gone. The historic part  of  the downtown area runs a few blocks. Quaint and cute, but small. Scattered about the county are many antique shops, small businesses and of course Wal-Mart , Target and Tractor Supply Store. One of my pastimes is to maintain an antique booth in an antique mall in the town I live in. Weekly, I stop in to add things, pick up a check (hopefully) and keep it neat and appealing.

Last week, I parked in front of the Antique Mall, hopped out of the car,  just planning on running in to grab a chair to take out of my booth.  Wound my way through, grabbed the chair and was headed for the front door to throw it in my car.  An older gentleman (he looked older)  (Guess he could be my age or I really hope older because otherwise he isn’t looking that good) jumped up and said let me get the door for you. He was very small. Inches shorter than I am and somewhat stooped over.  I thought that was very gentlemanly of him to offer. I thought, ahhh small town living at its best. So he held the door , I walked through with my chair, and he follows me outside! He then says, “How are you?” “just fine”, I reply and “how are you today?”

old-men-clipart-1

He says “good. I saw you on Plenty of Fish.” I stopped in my tracks and said “oh really?” No one, anywhere, had ever recognized me from a dating site nor have I ever seen anyone in person on the street from a site. Maybe that is not the norm, but for me, I thought oh no. I live in a small town and now people recognize my face. I can pretty much say there does not seem to be a lot of people in my town on this site! There are not a lot of people period. He then says” so how’s it going.”  I said “Fine”. Then I realized he meant my success or lack of success on the site. I said, “ oh you know, haven’t been on much lately (which is not a lie. since I moved dating has taken the back burner.)

I opened the back of my car to put the chair in and he is lingering. I said as cheery as I could, “Thanks so much for holding the door. That was very kind.” He says, “Anytime. I am here often”. What? It is an antique shop. He was just sitting in a chair near the front desk when I came in. Is this a local  hangout?  A Meeting place? Do people gather there and tell stories? Or is he waiting for unsuspecting dating site participants to come through looking for a vintage chair or vintage man!

Wanted: Mom, Housekeeper, or Combo

Light housekeeping, cooking skills a must, valid driver’s license and willing to drive at a moment’s notice. First guess- Classified ad?  Second guess- A Dating profile ?

A notification from the dating site buzzes on your device telling you someone has viewed your profile. Always have to look to check it out. The profile name this time was a  first name and the number 37. My experience shows he is either 37 years old, or was born in 1937.  Forty years is a big difference, but again , from my past experience, it could be either one. Secretly I hope he isn’t 78 but kind of hope he isn’t 37 either. A  bit too young even for me, though that would be flattering.  A bit too old and that would be depressing. The 78 yr old would make more sense to some people , but not me! And if I am going to date someone who has an age difference of 14+ years , I’d rather subtract those numbers  then add them!

But in this case he was definitely 37, almost 38! .  Searching for an older woman, and by that he means a mother. Most of the time a guy will tell you he is searching for older women because of their maturity,  or they aren’t necessarily looking for  commitment, and definitely not looking to snag a successful young man for marriage and children. Not this guy. Went right to cleaning and cooking.

I think an ad in his local paper for a housekeeper would work better, but I guess he has to pay for that. Why not advertise on a dating site and combine all one’s needs into a neat little package.

Explaining it would take away from the essence of his message.

What a catch. I’d like to chat with any woman that would respond to this and get her the help she needs.

Read it and weep.

Hi I’m nick 38 looking to get to know someone older wouldn’t mind moving to a different town must cook and keep a clean house,looking for someone secure that can travel goe places,I like outdoors good food movies reading send me a message if interested I currently don’t have a running car it broke down on me its not worth fixing so not able to get around that good right now

 

On a Serious Note…

Online dating.  It is said to be daunting, humorous, and most of all, scary. Many of us have been there. I have written many times about men who write such hard to believe drivel, and want my email or phone number so we can learn about each other. Happens all of the time. There are constant warnings about meeting in private, making sure you meet in a public place, not sharing your address and phone numbers immediately, and so much more. Pictures are important, but, as I, and I am sure many others have experienced, they don’t always match the person you meet. I remember meeting someone, who, when we chatted and I saw his profile pictures, was a good-looking man. I met him, in a public restaurant, and it turned out he not only used his friend’s photo, but he lied about his age as well.

This Washington Post article talks about the dangers of meeting people from online sites. This particular incident discussed, which sadly includes murder, was an ad placed on Craigslist. But, as we all know, the dating site most likely does not matter. There are predators and crazies lurking anywhere.

This article tells you to think like a cop. Be wary, don’t be so trusting right away. Is he or she legit? Are they really who they say they are?

This gentleman was a married man, looking for a man to have a secret sexual encounter. Instead, he got a woman who robbed and stabbed him to death in a hotel room. A sad story, but hopefully, a wakeup call for many who thinks it will only happen to someone else. A cautionary tale to be aware of when chatting online and preparing to meet for that first date. The only scary part should be whether you like him or her and whether there could be a second date.

Read it and hopefully it will keep us all on our toes.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/online-dating-precautions-meet-two-cops-who-took-them/2015/04/19/fde5e44c-e35d-11e4-b510-962fcfabc310_story.html

 

Dating Business

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/business/wp/2015/04/06/online-datings-age-wars-inside-tinder-and-eharmonys-fight-for-our-love-lives/

Tinder and eHarmony. Different as night and day, yet they probably have more similarities than we think.

It is all about money.  The concept of all of us meeting the love of our lives, clearly  attracts millions of people of all ages and backgrounds. But the dating sites are making millions and now that Tinder has Tinder Plus upgrade, will be making more. Good for them. It’s a big business.

But for us, it is how we meet men or women.

As this article states, is it based on looks, like Tinder advocates? Or eHarmony where though we see a picture, we still get so much more information to help us form an opinion.

Either way, that is the first impression. I will admit, no matter the site, if I look at someone,  I am deciding then and there whether I will message them or respond to them if they message me. Though I have said before, good-looking doesn’t always mean good date!

Age plays into this big time. Tinder, though it has all ages, really is geared toward the 20’s-30’s crowd. eHarmony, as many other sites such as Match or POF, tend to attract more of a larger mix of daters.

I like to spread the wealth. A little on this site, a little on that site.  Spending a few minutes on Tinder,  I  do tend to swipe more lefts than rights! Well, really I like hitting the big red X. At least in my age group, for me,  there are always more X’s than hearts. Still it is like a train wreck. I have to look. To paraphrase  a  quote in this article from a single mother who is 41, she says she is a dried up prune on that site. (Tinder) That means I am dead and buried.

The Art of Conversation

We are all on these dating sites to meet someone. Well, I shouldn’t say all, because some are on these sites for their own reasons. People are chatty, like to start conversations. It can be quite interesting talking with guys from other countries. Even other states sometimes. Clearly, there is no commitment when you are across an ocean or two. There is always that little part of me that thinks, are they really in South Africa, or Spain, or whatever other exotic locale they have listed?  There was a guy from Ohio, wait, I should go with a limerick here. Later. He was in Akron. Not nearly as cool as Spain or the UK. So he says we should meet for coffee. I checked again on his profile and yep, it said Ohio. I am in Virginia.  I responded with, “It would be sort of hard to meet after work for coffee if we are in 2 separate states.”

His answer. “Thank you. Enjoy your day.”  I shook my head and later that day, lo and behold, his account was deleted. Gotta love these guys.

Back to the UK. A guy started chatting with me and I asked him where he was and he said Ireland. Would have been better if I could have heard the accent, but instead I imagined it. Actually I tried to imagine something else other than the picture he had posted too, which works much better if you go with the stereotypical Irish lad from many a romance novel. Dark, black flowing hair, piercing blue eyes, like the ocean of course. Anyway, I digress.

Irish man asked what I do.  I really do believe that no one really ever reads my profile.  I told him and then, being the polite person I am, asked what he does. He said he builds sets for shows and is a part-time life model for art classes. So yes, I fell into the trap.

“Oh?”, I asked. “What do you mean by life model?” Did I really ask that? I was pretty sure I knew what he meant.

“I pose for them. In the nude.” Yep. I was right. Went back to his profile photo and went REALLY? I didn’t say that to him. Art is art.

art1

He goes on to say he has been doing it for a few years. But that it took a while to get used to but he really enjoys it now. I told him that was nice for him but I could never do that.

He said you would be surprised. He said how uncomfortable he had been the first time or two , but then it was easy. Nope. I would not be surprised at all. I know me. Not going to happen.

The conversation continued about other subjects. Antiques, Ireland, travel, etc. Those extraneous subjects were short-lived. He says, “Tomorrow I am posing for a small group. About 3 people.”

I asked if the size of the group, (yes the group size) really mattered since being nude is being nude. He explained to me that a smaller group is more intimate and it will make him more nervous than posing in front of a large group.

One of his favorite jobs, he shared, was when he posed for a nursing home group. Said they were quite enthusiastic. Keep in mind this guy is 49, so to the nursing home crowd he was a youngster! He said they insisted he pose with an erection and it is very hard to pose that long with an erection without outside stimuli. But because I did not ask for details, I will assume he managed and got paid anyway.

art

The last part of the conversation before he realized I was not engaging in his erotic chat, was that he was next posing for a private individual. He was very nervous about this gig because he had not done that and he felt it would be extremely intimate. Whatever. But he did add that he so enjoys posing, especially with an erection, because he really likes that people are looking at him.

Being this had become more of a monologue on his part,  I said “to each his own” and he responded with “Indeed, good evening.” Which was my dismissal. Must have reminded him of his former girlfriend who he mentioned broke up with him because she didn’t like this particular job of posing. It really could have been his boasting and descriptions. She probably didn’t care that he did it, more that he didn’t shut up about it.