Category Archives: Relationships

GO WITH YOUR GUT

First an update on my update

I did hear from POF about my hacked profile.(see previous 2 post HACKED and HACKED UPDATE)  Pretty much the exact response my sister received, but they did respond to me.  end

AND NOW WE MOVE ON TO THIS WEEK’S WINNER

For close to 2 weeks , I was chatting with a guy we will call Bob.  No Robert, Bob is way too relaxed for this guy. Robert started every email with “How are you? Hope your day is going well.”  He ended every email  with, “have a blessed day.  hugs.”

He told me he is divorced, and has a daughter.  We had the usual chats, but there was always something going on in my head , that there is something off.  Half of his emails were sort of normal sounding, so I would think, oh don’t be silly, you are always looking for the evil in people! He asked things like do you have a pet, I told him a dog and then he asked what his name was. He asked what I was doing for the weekend, all legit questions. And when he asked “so where do you live?” my hair stood on end. He  could have meant the area, but I was so on guard I immediately thought he was hoping I would tell him my address.  He would say oh I bet it is getting cold there, wish I could be there with you.”  First it is July in DC. NEVER COLD.(OK so it went down to 55, a very rare event) Aside from that, maybe, because I was not so comfortable, it creeped me out.

But, really, it mostly was the way he wrote. It was very formal and felt scripted. Mostly it was his pat, strained answers. No levity, or lightness about it. I even wrote back once saying, “are you always this serious?” He really never replied to that.  One of his last emails, and yes you will  see why there was a last email,  said, “when I return from my business trip, where do you think a good place to meet would be?” I responded, with a non-committal reply, because I still had the thoughts buzzing in my head that something didn’t feel right. I said, well I guess someplace convenient to both of us would make the most sense.

The next email, and almost the last one, started off with “I hope you are well mentally and physically. I am writing this note to remind me of the good times we have shared.” SIDE NOTE –we haven’t met .

and here we go:

He wrote:  A lot of good and bad things have happened during our past, and would love for us to forget and face the future and also give each other chances to face the future.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that you now fall as very important person in my life and still care a lot about you. I wish I could tell these things face to face, and, at the same time look into your eyes and sense your reaction to each one of my words. And these words would only reassure you of something you already know: I think i have feelings for you…

I wish you a great and blessed week

With a love from yours

Now, I went way past feeling a bit uncomfortable, to “who writes like that!” I replied by saying his email caught me by surprise , and that  I was not comfortable with his referring to the feelings he has developed ,because we have never met, and this is way too fast, considering.

The next day I receive the following email from him. it is a bit long, but the read will entertain you.

Once I read it, I knew right away,  always go with your gut feeling. gut1

Here is his email after I said HUH?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.

True love is the greatest thing that you can experience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness. It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed. To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust me  first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart. Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for her, to be with her, to cherish her, to fulfill her dreams, to share with her and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her. Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust. Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each other Someone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars; sometimes it’s a simple understanding and trust between two people..

I hope this email finds you well,hugs

With much love

As I read this,  I copied and pasted a paragraph from his email into Google and the first thing that popped up was just about the exact email in all its glory, under the site SCAM EMAILS.COM.

I was so annoyed I copied and pasted that email to him and said, “does this look familiar? Do not email me again.”

HERE IS THE EMAIL I FOUND ON SCAM EMAILS.COM

Hello How are you doing?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.True love is the greatest thing that you canexperience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed.To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust him/her first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart.Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for him, to be with him, to cherish him, to fulfill her dreams, to share with him and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her.Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person,what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely.To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment,and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust.Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each otherSomeone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes,perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars. Sometimes it is a simple understanding and trust between two people.

Do you know he emailed me the next day and said “ how are you today. Hope your day is going well. I don’t know what you are talking about. I write from my mind. How is your day going?”

I could have left it , but I was so furious, I wrote , ARE YOU KIDDING ME. DO NOT EMAIL AGAIN

And I am happy to say he hasn’t. And OKCupid removed his profile from the site, though I am sure he will pop up with another name and profile at some point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are YOU on a Dating Site, Too?

We all know there are thousands of men and women on dating sites. They are found throughout the world , all ages, sizes, ethnic backgrounds and even  by relationship status.  This article discusses a study done by the PEW Research Group on online dating. It talks about online sites, phone apps, and the opinions of those who participate in online dating ,and even those who know someone who has done online dating. online

It did not surprise me that the majority of online daters are those in their 20’s to 40’s. And  equally surprising to me, a much, much lower percentage in the over 50 crowd. Apparently this is an update from a 2005 study. This was published in 2013. Attitudes seem to be more positive about online dating, though  there are still those who feel those who do online dating are desperate. Soon they will do a study on those people and we can write about that.

http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

online1

 

 

 

You Talking to Me?

Lets discuss the 40 something man who sent me a message.  Love your profile. I find you so attractive. Then, tell me, what you are looking for on this site? Immediately I am thinking, what am I looking for? Is that a trick question? Should I even answer? Well, if I am in an adventurous mood I will answer, and needless to say, I did. Lets see, I am looking for someone to date and have fun. Generic enough I thought. So his next message was , shall I say, blunt.  Right to the heart of the matter.  “Are you interested in a sexual relationship?”   No beating around the bush for this one. Usually they build up to it and pretend to make conversation first.  Being playful ( not always recommended) I said, “no not really. Though they seem to find me”. His response, and I will say within seconds was “ Are you a submissive?” Didn’t see that one coming! (must have read 50 Shades of Gray and thought he would jump on the bandwagon)

Have to say, that one threw me! No more being playful because this guy means business. NO! I answered . One would figure he will move on. Not a chance. Seems to be a trend . He comes back with “Oh I don’t mean I like pain or to give pain ( always a plus in my book) I just like to be in control. He continues with, I like to tell the woman what to do. So what do you think?  NO!  One word. Simple answer. No thinking involved. Should I tell him I don’t like to be told what to do, and it stems back to my childhood?  Nah, why open that can of worms! This time it worked. No more contact. Whew. I am sure there is some lonely submissive out there waiting for him.

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/man-proposes-over-the-radio-to-girlfriend-of-seven-days-202024150.html

Do you believe in love at first sight?  Can you know you have met your soul mate after 1 hour, one day, or one week?  It can and  has happened. I have always been skeptical of knowing immediately you have met “the one”.  Yes, there is immediate attraction, but marriage is a giant leap. I am happy for those that it works for. For the rest of us, who cautiously tip toe through the dating experience, maybe we just need more time.

 

A Match Made in Heaven

I do wish the men would read my profile carefully, or maybe I should say, just read it! I guess many look at the photo and then the immediate profile, age, location,  and picture. You see,  I have gotten many responses from men  who love camping , hiking, fishing , etc. And,  I will say, without shame, my profile clearly states , A. I grew up in a city.  And B. I am not the “outdoorsy” type. This was confirmed when I received a message from a very nice outdoorsy gentleman, from Alaska, and yes, he was holding a fish. A very large fish, which I will assume he was quite proud of. I did thank him for the compliments he had given me,  and we had a brief discussion on Alaska and weather and that was that. I do feel bad not complimenting his fish.

There were a few I would decide to pursue. Well pursue is probably too strong of a word. I would say more like,  send a message and see what happens. I found I prefer to receive a message and then respond , rather than being the one to initially send the message first . I have done that and gotten no response. I didn’t like that. Rejection issues?

I have had some very interesting conversations on the message board of the website, but unfortunately, just when I think a guy sounds nice, he then goes for the sex card.  Flattery will get you nowhere. You are sexy, beautiful, are you looking for a sexual relationship?  Blunt and to the point. They may offer dinner first, some do, some don’t.  But, clearly, if I chose to,  I could  fill my nights, and even some days, with these “generous” men .

Age is Just a Number

Many a younger man, will explain, or attempt to explain,  that they are very mature for their age.  I have had messages from young men, that said,  I know you are looking at my age, but don’t.  These are , lets say, guys somewhere between 21-29 . But , really,  they insist, don’t pay attention to numbers.  Age is just a number. I have heard that from men in their 30’s and 40’s, as well. Though somehow, I can  accept that much easier from someone who is not younger than my own children! Those are the ones I simply don’t respond to. I did do that once, well maybe twice.   Trying to be nice and polite, I answered one young man, who was 26, and thanked him for the compliments he had given me in his message.  Know  where that got me? Exactly!  He proceeded to do his best to convince me to meet up with him because we would have fun and , don’t forget, age is just a number. So , one more message, thanks but no thanks. At least most listen to their elders.

But many do not, and the messages keep coming. Eventually they get the picture. One time I answered someone who was 37.  His message , in both French and English, ( I think I was supposed to be impressed, but i had to go to Google translate) asked how long I had been in the area. Hadn’t had that one yet. I answered, over 30 years, moved to VA when you were a baby. Do I need to add,  I did not receive a message back?  Some just don’t see the humor in that.

One receives messages through the site from those interested in your profile. Some are quite nice. How are you ? Love your profile, great smile. Hey, I am from NY also  and we have so much in common. But then you have the more blunt, aggressive messages.

Love older women, they know what they want, no games . Wow, a librarian has always been my fantasy. Do you wear glasses? One even threw in Marion the Librarian from the Music Man! Yes he was older, because I am not sure  anyone under 50 would be that familiar with  the show , The  Music Man.

Let’s not leave out the married men .  Very politely, they  asked if I would be interested in a dalliance (my word, not theirs) being they were in an unhappy marriage and we would both benefit. How thoughtful looking out for my well being.

Another grouping are the men traveling to the area from out-of-town. Many a time I am offered an evening out because they will be in town for business. Don’t they have escort services for that?

There is a section where you can go through the list of who viewed you.  As i said earlier, you can see who has viewed you, so think before you click!

I had an African prince, so he claimed, but  the outfit definitely was some sort of  confirmation.  A native American, headdress and all.  Beards, overalls, suits, camouflage, and visuals of fish, dogs, babies, and anything else they think will enhance their desirability. And, a few  I am convinced, were  perfecting their manifestos in a cabin in the woods.