Category Archives: Relationships

Happily Ever After

A christmas Marathon of Hallmark Movies , 24 hours , all day long, from Halloween through Christmas.xmas

I will admit is is a guilty pleasure of mine.  Maybe because through all of the heartache and pleasures, it always works out in the end. The single mom gets the job and, and, not to worry, her kids have a wonderful Christmas.  And let’s not forget she always gets her man! Usually a girlfriend of the guy exists, but either she is a raging bitch, or a conniving, manipulative, after his money, kind of gal. They also switch it up a bit, and then there could be the money hungry executive who makes no time for the girlfriend, so of course she meets a gorgeous , kind hearted, altruistic guy on her way home to see her family. In some cases, he or she, just shows up at the door.

The part I have trouble dealing with, or should I say one of the parts I have trouble dealing with is, when an extremely good looking guy , or girl, ends up in someone’s home, celebrating Christmas with the family they have never laid eyes on before that day. Or maybe, as in the example below, they meet a stranger, bring them into their homes, with their children and family involved. And no one is skeptical or nervous that there is a stranger sleeping over and eating meals with them. And yes, I am aware this is fictional and on Hallmark, but no one should be that trusting. Even on TV!

In one movie, this good looking guy meets a single mom’s uncle at an airport. Of course they are flying to the same city, where this perfect stranger is invited into his niece’s palatial home, with her young son. And the airport is snowed in. Oh, she expresses a second of concern, stating emphatically, “who is this man? We don’t know anything about him.” And then he helps decorate the house, gets her into the Christmas spirit, cause her to dump the stuffy boyfriend, and yes, fall in love with him and they all live happily ever after.  happy

Then there is the one where the cute girl accidentally goes to what she thinks is her boyfriend’s family’s home. She eventually finds out it was a complete misunderstanding, and being this is the first time she was meeting them, she finds she is in the wrong house. But it is a warm loving family, and we come to find out , the boyfriend’s family are cold, stuffy and don’t like to celebrate Christmas. Oh wait, I bet you haven’t figured the next part out. She falls in love with the good looking son of this impostor family, they get married and live happily ever after.

Sensing a theme here? Wouldnt it be great if we all lived a hallmark movie? Who needs dating sites? Just go to a town filled with Christmas spirit and your soul mate will be waiting. Oh and he will be good looking, wealthy, and maybe even a prince.

It’s a good escape. I can forget all of my dating troubles and all of my everyday life troubles. Does anyone really live a “Hallmark Movie” existence? Not in my world. Wouldnt it be nice to wrap everything up in 90 minutes? Get the job you want.  Find out the ordinary man you are dating is really royalty and wants you to be his princess.

The list goes on. Same theme, some of the same Hallmark actors in each movie. Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. All is well in the world and everyone is happy.

Dont worry. February brings the romance movie marathon on Hallmark. There is still time to fulfill your guilty pleasure. rom

Someone for Everyone

Clearly, we are on dating sites to meet someone , date, and for some, marry. Go out, have a good time, have someone take you to dinner. Snuggle up in front of a fire and watch a movie. See what develops.   And I am convinced that there is someone for everyone. There is no accounting for whom one is attracted to, and what chemistry is involved.  You can look at a couple and say, “Wow, I don’t get it” but, you don’t have to, they are the ones who have to get it.

There is the physical attraction, the intellectual attraction ,and dare I say,  the emotional attraction that people look for in a mate. On these dating sites, physical is the one that comes up first and then the others seep into the attraction once you get into a conversation and a meeting or two.

On these dating sites, we look at pictures and keep scrolling through, and maybe one catches your eye and you stop. Check him out, send him a message.  I mentioned this in a previous blog post, An Opposite Match, for one. Chances are you stop and check out a profile because you are attracted to that person. I also mentioned before how Match, for example, was sending me matches, that didn’t have matches that I would fit in, i.e., age criteria. So I have now cancelled my Match subscription which ends in a few weeks. I have to say, I had the least amount of contacts through that site. Good riddance.

The holidays are approaching. Family gatherings, parties galore. Maybe a date for the holidays is in the cards for some, maybe not. Now it seems a surge of new applicants hoping to meet that someone before the new year have appeared.

But did I look in the prison files? What was I thinking? Charles Manson has been available all of this time , and I missed it. Though, again, I don’t think I fit his age criteria. Well there are just a few things to consider. He is  an older man, and I don’t typically go for the 80+ crowd. Secondly, he likes the under 30 crowd. Oh, and third , he is a murderer!

So I ask, why did a 26-year-old obtain a marriage license to marry him? Let’s not overlook the fact that she has been fighting for him for 9 years! Yes that would be 17 when she got this fantastic idea. Sometimes there is no accounting for attraction and dating criteria. Or maybe lack of dating criteria.

singlethanks

Changed My Mind

Your confidence builds. You are feeling good about yourself. Thinking, I am looking pretty good these days and you have a good feeling all around.  You even think it is safe to enter the dating scene. So you accept a date.

One Tuesday I received a pleasant message. Spoke about our common interests and background.  Thought he was a bit stiff, didn’t seem to have a light attitude or joke much, but I thought, ok, this is online. Chill out, give him a break.  We set up to meet the following Tuesday, though he did ask at first if I was free the next evening, Wednesday night. “Sorry,” I said,  “but I  have plans.” ( I really did.)

We talked on the site for a few days, and one evening wrote that he was looking forward to meeting. I concurred and said it will be fun. He  said he was going to NY to see his mom over the weekend. ( I had to assume he was telling the truth, I try not to be cynical every time)  Very briefly on the friday of that weekend we spoke and then ended with we will chat before Tuesday.

Monday comes and no word. Yep, my wonderful, reliable gut was kicking in again. I did not have a good feeling about this.  I sent him a message on the dating site and said “hi. just wanted to be sure we were still meeting up on tuesday.” I don’t feel comfortable having a plan for a week and not have confirmation.  Nothing. The next morning, which was the Tuesday of our “date”, he sends me a message that says, “I’m very sorry, but I’ve decided not to meet. Best of luck in your search for love, peace and happiness.”

I was so annoyed.  I wrote back and said “Wow nice of you to let me know before today.”

I didn’t ask why, though I really wanted to know the reasoning behind it. So many to choose from. He simply changed his mind, Maybe he met someone else and wanted to focus on her. Maybe he is simply a jerk.  I admit, he tried to write it nicely, but it was not sitting well. I was insulted that he changed his mind. I do think it is merely frustration and /or annoyance that no matter what, I can’t seem to meet someone for a mere drink!

This guy was even in my age group. If nothing else I am giving myself points for that!  He is in my decade! Could be a first. I have gone out with some very close to my decade, just short a few years. But I have realized that same decade or not, it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes you can read an article and think,  “Do they know me? Did they peek into my dating world and get some ideas? This one is about being single and frustrated. How timely! I will take a wild guess and say I am not the only one, male or female, who at times, feel this way.  I have had toxic relationships. Do I repeat the pattern? Do I pick the wrong men?  I think, unless your dating life is perfect, one of these may hit home for you, If not,  consider yourself lucky and not single and frustrated.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/single-and-frustrated-5-things-to-consider/?lcid=102210&laid=Links#.VEbjuxZYrZB

One Swipe Says It All

I am not sure I get the whole “like you” button on OKC. Though, I think I get the concept. All the dating sites seem to have a similar feature. Match.com has a favorite button and a like button. OKC has the “he likes you” button., Sort of like Tinder does , but with a little more information. and a little more effort than a swipe. It seems to be a good starting point. Hey I like you. Maybe you will like me.  Brings me back to 6th grade, where a boy likes you, tells his friend, who then tells your friend, who then tells  you that Johnny likes you, you giggle together and exclaim how cute he is, and nothing ever happens.

like

I receive  a “He Likes You” message from a member. I look at  his profile, then decide if I will like him back.  What now?  If I check it out and he seems appealing in some ways, I may hit the ‘I like you button’ as well. Here we go . We are matched up both liking one another. Then what? I have done just that . I have let him know that I too am interested.  And nothing. No follow up from him. No message. No interaction. I have also tried, if  he has “liked me” , to send a message to him.  No problem making the first move. So I write a quick message.  Do I expect a response? Yes I do. You went through the effort of looking at my profile, and  hitting ‘Like you.’ Here is my main question. You liked me, I am sending you a message, why would you not respond? Did you change your mind? Did you hit the wrong button?  Is that a feature similar to Facebook? Where you like a comment or a photo and no one expects anything after that?

My assumption is, it is a feature to help match you up with someone. He has informed me that he likes me, so therefore I would assume, (never a good idea) that he would want further contact. match

In reality, he is just letting me know and moves on.  Is it a shyness factor?  Or another  one for his plus column? I just want to let you know I like you, but I am not willing to do anything about it.

I guess Tinder comes into play again. I have matched a number of guys on there, and nothing. No message to me and no response, whether I decide to send one first, or wait for him to make the first contact. Maybe they are keeping score of how  many matches they can get. Tinder I take with a grain of salt anyway. I get the concept, but do you really want to meet someone who doesn’t even put a photo on there? That is all you are going by in the first place. One needs a starting point, don’t they?

And, by the way,  there have been times on Tinder, where I would forget, think I am swiping to look at another picture and I hit the nope or Like feature instead! Ooops. Meant to say I like you  but I hit NOPE by mistake. I am sure  he will come up in another round-up! Of course, accidentally hitting I like you , when you meant to hit NOPE, is worse. Then they may match. And back on the photo topic on Tinder, why does any guy think I, or anyone, would hit LIKE if he has no picture, no information about himself and who is to say even the age is correct?  That is a risk I am not willing to Swipe!

Are You Open to Open Relationships?

What is an open relationship? Here, according to Wikipedia, which will do for now, is the definition of an open relationship.

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship.[1] This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or long-term relationship, such as marriage.[2] The concept of an open relationship has been recognized since the 1970s.

I am seeing a trend on these dating sites, mostly OKC., in open relationships. Or should I point out, that those engaging in open relationships, are finding me. No, I don’t have a  sign on my  profile advertising for those men in open relationships. Sometimes I do feel like I have a magnet on my forehead, that attracts married men, and/or those in open relationships. I should look further as to why this happens.

I am not sure that would work for me. In fact, I think I know that would not work for me. To each his own. I don’t judge or care if anyone wants to live that way. I didn’t do it in the 70’s, and see no need for it now. I have dated 2 guys at once, and I find it stressful.  And, I think I am too much of a jealous person, to think it is ok for my guy to be with one or more women , when he is not with me.

open

I spoke with a guy on OKC,  who lives in another state, yet informed me that he travels to my area often . We started chatting and during the course of the conversation I asked if he had been married before. Mental note: read someone’s full profile before you strike up a conversation.

His response, “ Going on 25 years next month!”

Mine: take a quick look at his profile and say DUH

Sure enough, in big bold letters, it says, OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

Do I leave the conversation? Nope, need to understand this personal choice of his.

I said ,”well I just noticed you do have open relationship written down.”

“I sure do,” he replies to me. “We have always had an open relationship. We both take lovers and have had many over the years. Happily married but never monogamous.”

“And that works for you?” apparently the naive part of me replies.

“It does. We are both very happy.”

“Good for you,” I tell him. And I mean it. If this works and you both like it, why not?

open1

Here is one outlook on whether or not open relationships can work.

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/do-open-relationships-work

Different outlooks. monogamy or non-monogamous relationships is the big question. Jealousy and double standards come into play.  Is it ok for someone to have a lover, but when his or her spouse decides the same, then does trouble begin? If you both agree, like my friend here, then go with what works. Though I can’t imagine, at times, that difficulties could potentially pop up. Are they never jealous? Do they  never have a conflict, if one spouse has a lover and the other is in a slump? Or your spouse’s lover is really hot and you may feel intimidated?

Does it improve their sexual relationship with each other or hinder it? Inquiring minds want to know, but I don’t think I will find out first hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/10/married-polyamory-open-relationships_n_5544520.html

This article in the Huffington Post explains why this could work for some. I spoke with a guy , again on OKC, who said he was polyamorous, and of course I had to look it up. I asked him why he chose this, and pretty much said he was terribly hurt in his previous relationship. His ex cheated on him and lied. So this way, he explained, was a no hurt type of relationship. No muss no fuss. Then move on. Sounds like the hurt talking if you ask me. Being non- monogamous doesn’t shield you from hurt, necessarily. But, I said to him,  if it works for you, great. Not sure he has tried it yet from what I gathered in our online chatting.

Yet, it is pretty much,  an open relationship in a much cooler word form.

Excess Baggage

Humor, I realize, is a relative term. Some people have no sense of humor. Some people use sarcasm (me raising my hand), slapstick, dry humor , and wit to name a few. Did you ever say something that you just think is hilarious ,and the other person stares at you like you have 2 heads, and they are thinking, “What is so funny?”

sarcasm

When I first created my dating profile, I did write that I felt a sense of humor is important, and pretty much necessary. I like to laugh and joke. I am serious when I have to be , and sarcasm is part of me. I am not hurtful, but sarcasm and wit are my types of humor.

Sometimes you think something is completed , and there is just one little thing that occurs until you know you can add the cherry on top to be done.  I should have known there would be a part 2 . Here is a continuation of my last post when I discussed the guy who did not want to reveal his age. (see “Ageless Dating”) As I had said, we had chatted for quite a while.  He sent me his phone number and asked me for mine, which I gave him.

A few days later, we were talking on the site when he brought up the idea of talking on the phone. I asked him if he would be home that evening. Now, in my head, I was thinking, if he is going to be home, and  I am as well, it would be a good time to have a phone conversation. He writes back and says, “wow, that makes me reminiscent of landline phones.”   I thought about it for just a second, and realized he thought I meant that you had to be home to get the call. Which of course immediately made me think, “is he calling me old?” But, that is me and my paranoia, so I dismissed that thought, and wrote back. And here is where it all hit the fan!

Me: “Ha. OK smart ass. I just meant will you be available  so we could chat.”

Him: total silence

wit

One day later I get a message that says , “ I cannot call you on the phone. I am backing up.”

I write back and say,”I  am not following you. What do you mean?”

Now, of course, I am thinking, “ Did I miss something?” And, also I am thinking you could have gone with your first impression when he was so dramatic about the age saga, but no, too easy. I have to find out.

I get nothing back. My assumption is, he certainly was backing off. OK that should do it for me. But no, I want to hear it.

The next evening I see he is on chat so I send him a quick “ Hey how are you doing?”

What do I get back.? “ I am mad at you.”

Enter 8th grade casting call.

WHAT? Which is exactly what I said to him.

He continues to say that he wasn’t even going to tell me, but he will.

I am thinking, Oh thank you lord. Now I can sleep. Really? You are gracing me with an answer?

He says, “ I don’t appreciate anyone calling me names. I hate when people call me names. That is rude and I haven’t even met you.”

I am sitting there reading these messages as they come in, thinking , “I called him a name?”

He then says, “You called me a smart ass. That is so negative and hurtful. I cannot talk to anyone that calls me a name.”

“I did not call you a name. I was joking.  Just referring to what you said. As in sarcasm, as in, ok smarty pants, I get what you mean.  Except I used smart ass because I always say that.”

That wasn’t going to do it for him, but I found myself defending my actions.

He continues, “ Maybe you and people you know do that . I cannot tolerate name calling.”

Now I am irritated because I realize he is not listening to my explanation. He finally tells me his ex-wife called him names and she cheated on him. Well now the picture is clear. Believe me, I don’t think anyone should call anyone names.  And I respect the fact that he clearly has issues with this. But I was in the dark. How was I to know he had these problems with his ex, or in general? The fact that I had to go over the message history between us to find out that I called him a name, made me think twice.  But , I really felt I wanted to defend my delicate reputation. I have never had a reaction like that in all of my life.

I said, well, first of all, I am not your ex-wife, and secondly, you need to  understand that this was delivered in a joking , light  way. I said if I had called you an asshole (which believe me was very close to next on my list) then you can say I called you a name.

But SMART ASS, was simply said in a lighthearted, joking way.  His reply was well I didn’t take it as a joke. I’ll have to simmer down and see how I feel in a few days.

An hour later I checked on the site and he had deleted his entire profile. Never knew I had such an impact.

No, he did not take it the lighthearted manner in which it was delivered.

I did say at one point,  “You know in person. One could hear the tone, in which a comment or expression is delivered. You can see the person’s facial expressions. “

He actually pondered that. But immediately assuming I was like his ex, tells me he is carrying more baggage and drama, then anyone should have to deal with. bags1

No need to take the few days to simmer down. Simmer all you want. I’m good and quickly moving on.

I thought, honey, if you can’t tolerate that, there is no way in hell we could ever meet.  You would be creamed by my sarcasm and my sense of humor.  Everyone does have varying degrees of humor, but that is something you can learn about  as you get to know someone.  If you want to get to know that someone.

If you were worried, his profile is back up on the site.  Glad to see it wasn’t permanent damage Inflicted. I may have felt bad. Or not.

Ageless Dating

Age is only a number.  I cannot tell you how many times I have  heard that  phrase.  Mostly from younger men, pretty much telling me not to worry about how young they are!

I was talking to a guy on OKC, who decided not to reveal his age . At least not right away.  He said he really didn’t like the age question on the dating sites. Why restrict yourself?  “why do people care?” he asked me.  I replied it was mostly a preference, but I am a curious type and I like to know.

“Why? is it important?” he wanted to know.

“Yes , I think it is. To a point. “  I told him.

He asked, “What if you really like talking to the guy and want to meet.  What if he is 22 and has a great job, and an advanced degree, and is an all around great guy? “  Now I looked at his photos again, to make sure I did not think this one was 22!

I do feel technically it shouldn’t matter, but as nice as he could be , I would not feel comfortable about dating someone younger than all of my own children! I think an age gap is a personal preference. and is limited to what works for the individual.  On the same note, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating someone my Dad’s age either. I think one sets their own limits to what is their comfort zone.

age

I know plenty of people who marry or date someone with maybe a 15-20 years age difference. Personally, a 35-40 year age difference would bother me. He wouldn’t know ,unless from books or an older aunt or uncle, about anything I have lived through. Even his parents would be younger than i am! that would really upset my comfort zone.

He also asked me if i thought it was a judgment problem. Did I worry that people would judge me? I admitted judgment is a factor to a certain degree, but i think I would  end up judging myself as well. If I know I am not comfortable with it, I just won’t do it.

I went online to see what was out there, and sure enough, there is a site for ageless dating!

http://www.agelessdating.com/

This could open up one’s outlook on not getting caught up the  “age discussion”. Or, more likely, for me, at least, open up that can of worms I  try to avoid.

But, the thing that baffles me , is ,when you go under search, the first box you are supposed to fill out, is AGE!  They want a range. I haven’t done it yet.  But  for research  purposes, I just may have to for my fellow daters. What a trooper!

My Normal

I thought I was watching a Lifetime movie. Or maybe an afternoon soap opera.  It started off “normal” Well I have said that before, haven’t I?  Nothing too out of the ordinary . It is just that when you start with “Hello. How are you?”,  you wouldn’t think it was going to go south so quickly.

So in response to How are you , I mentioned I was at work and was drinking coffee. Noncommittal, but informative. He said he too was at work and had just gotten done supervising.

My eyebrow went up, and I responded with , “What does that mean exactly?”  There are so many ways to say what I thought he could be aiming at , if he was legitimate at all.

He says he is an engineer and is a supervisor at work. Okay. I can deal with that, though my BS sensors were on alert.

Then, when I asked in what, he says an oil rig company where they drill for oil and gas. Now that is clear. And he was in Pennsylvania so I questioned the fact that I was unaware that there were oil rigs/companies in that state.

His response was, “and what do you do?”

I answered and he says  “how long have you been single.?” No, not related to my profession but we are moving on. He says, he has been single for 8 years and it is not easy to be without a partner. I say I have been single for over 20 years and his answer is the following:

Him: “i know but what if you meet a man you like so much. will you accept him?”

Me: “Sure that is why I joined a dating site. To date and see what happens.”

Him: “will it be too early if i I say we should both start something and probably spend the rest of our life together if it works .”

slow

Me: in a somewhat state of alarm keeping my cool, “I think so . Since we have messaged for minutes and know nothing about each other . And live in different states . Right?”

Him: ” I know but if we just have to open our heart first to receive each other and then we can know ourselves better.  we live in different states but if the love grows stronger that will no longer be a problem because distance is nothing but a measurement of the earth “

See, now he has lost me. I am not thinking how sweet is that, i am thinking , “ARE YOU KIDDING ME”?

Me:  somewhat calmly, “ that is too deep. I just want to date . This doesn’t even sound real.  You don’t even know me.”

Him: “you do not understand me I mean we should take out time to know ourselves before we can start something serious .”

Sorry , I didn’t respond. I’m thinking I already know myself. I  couldn’t  prolong it any longer. I’ll say it again, go with your gut. Anyone who does not know me, has never met me, and knows nothing about me, should not be talking about sending the rest of our lives together.

Now we move on to the next evening when I received a message from a guy who again fooled me into thinking he was normal. Yes I know we haven’t defined normal, but believe me, the ensuing conversation was not “my normal.”

He began with “how are you. I like your look,” and  soon wanted to know if we could text. I usually say no, and for some reason my gut was taking a nap, and  I said OK.

One text in, he asked me if I wanted to receive a shirtless picture.  No I said. I do not. Is that why you want to text?, I asked.  He did not respond to that part of the question.

He tells me he just finished working out. I said home or at a gym? He says home but then says,  Do you want a shirtless picture of me? I have pictures that i can send.”

I explained I do not want to receive pictures . And then he sends me the shirtless picture anyway!  He quickly says ,”it is harmless you can’t see anything else.” But, it was clear in the pictures there were no pants involved . He says “ well  I show  this picture to gay guys and they love it. Especially my ass.”  Now you have my attention. WHAT? I can’t let that go without explanation because I already know I am never meeting this guy.

hottub

“Do you mean at the gym,” I asked.

“Sure,” he says.  “and other times too.  And the whole picture, not just the shirtless part.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he realizes  he must be an exhibitionist because he loves the reaction the gay guys give him when they see his pictures.  And that it really gets him excited. Exhibitionist?  Not the word that came to my mind.

I  am wondering only in pictures and he clarified that for me without having to ask. He explained, “I have gone into the hot tub with them and played a little, though I think I wouldn’t do anything more.”  I didn’t ask what played meant but I did point out that when you say THINK, you have not ruled it out. And in tribute to Seinfeld” not that there is anything wrong with that,” but I pointed out  that I am not curious, haven’t ever been and won’t be!   I wouldn’t have bothered  to mention this, but he kept saying, ”I love women and I really want to know you better. I PROBABLY will not do this anymore, anytime soon.”   One last time I had to point out that “think” and  “probably”  pretty much mean  he will do whatever when the mood strikes him. Decided it was time for me to tell him, Adios, and I am not  comfortable and good luck!. He tried one more time but I was clear. And for more clarification, his photos, even on the dating site had a phone in front of his face. I did ask him if he  had one without the phone and he sent it. That sealed the deal and I knew why he covered his face all of the time in his photos. I imagine the guys at his gym were too enthralled with his ass to get to his face.

An Opposite Match

I joined Match a year or two ago, but was never very excited about it. When my membership expired, I didn’t renew it.  I thought, why pay , when I am getting no results and very frustrated about it. After about  8 months, I saw there was yet another special deal to join, so I caved, and re-joined the masses on Match.  It hasn’t changed.

Here is my problem.  As we have discussed in the past, I do like younger men. Not extremely younger , though when they message me, I fight temptation. I am getting more practical in my old age. Usually.

One of the main reasons I am not thrilled with Match.com, is because most of the time I am sent matches that to me, really don’t match at all.  Let me explain. For example,  if I put in 47-63 year old age group, I get matches within that age group. BUT, the age range that the men are seeking , does not in any way match mine.  Is that a half match? It doesn’t make sense to me if I am looking for men in a certain age group and specific ethnic groups, that I am sent men that may meet my specific age requirement, but nothing else at all. These men do not want my age group. They are seeking women decades younger.  So, even if I am willing to get someone near my age, whether it is up or down, most of the time they are seeking women in their 30s and 40s. The men that are viewing me and “liking” me,  are much older than I am. Nothing wrong with that, except my beef is,  they are not matching the criteria I chose. And the ones I am getting for matches, I don’t match the criteria that they chose. I am getting a list of men recommended, that do not want someone my age. Where is my Match there?

older

I am not saying necessarily that it is Match’s fault per se.  They are sending me matches that fit my criteria to a point. I will give them that. But if almost every guy in that group wants someone decades younger, that does not work for me.

Looks like I wont be renewing this again.

You can’t help the likes and dislikes on any of these matches. I state quite clearly in my profile that camping and hiking are not my thing.  Fishing is  pretty close to those activities as well, though fishing I can deal with if I am not getting seasick on a boat. I sound like a barrel of fun, don’t I? And yes, there are many men who clearly state that if you are not interested in outdoor activities, or sailing is not your thing , then don’t contact them. No problem here.  I know the dating sites say they match up likes and dislikes, but again, I am not in complete agreement on that one. I know you can’t get it down to exact specifics, but  coming close would be great. Like all of my matches who clearly want someone much younger, usually want her to be able to hike to the campgrounds with a fishing pole. Have fun.

I am starting to believe that though opposites do attract,  it doesn’t necessarily translate to lasting.

I was married to an opposite. Note the WAS. I am from New York City originally and he is from Georgia.  Him: Raised as a Southern Baptist from Georgia. Me: New York Jewish girl. Not sure you can get more opposite than that.  He was quiet, I was not. He didn’t like to talk in person or on the phone. Me: I can talk to anyone ,anywhere, any time. He was not comfortable in social situations, I thrived on them.

I think some opposites can compliment each other. Others are like oil and  water .

bacon

Dating sites for me seem to match oil and water. I need a ham and cheese or bacon and egg match.

Account Deleted

You can tell from the first sentence usually, that the message you are reading  is clearly a bogus message and if you wait just a little while the user’s account will  be deleted. As in these 2 cases. I knew, when I was called a “gentle soul,” in the opening line, that  I wanted to get the conversation going, to see how long it would take for the account to disappear. It was 10 min, about 10 quick messages.

He begins with “hello i have to admit you are quite a gentle soul and one that qualifies to be a princess, can’t stand looking at your pic without saying hi….. was reading through your profile and i think we could try this and see where it leads us …. so tell me about the things you hate”

Did you have to read that last sentence twice? things you HATE? I read it twice and thought, well here is a new approach.

I responded with, “how do you know I am a gentle soul? I hate liars.”

Him: “okay i also hate liars i can see you are a gentle soul from your picture”

Me: “ok if you say so!”

Him: “oh okay please what is your name? and what are you looking for on this site? how long have you been on this site??”

Me: “been on for 6 months or so, looking to date for now. what about you?”

Him: “me today is my first time on dating site and am also looking for a soul mate please do you have kids?”

Me: (getting bitchier ) “oh I didn’t say soulmate I said date. yes I have kids and grandkids. do you have kids?”

Him: yes i have a son who is 17years please what do you do for living??”

Here is when it gets really good.

Me: “librarian. you?” (keeping it short because I knew it was about done)

Him: “what do you mean of librarian?”

Note: I am now gasping and laughing

Him: “me am an engineer so how long have you been single?”

Me: “do you not know what a librarian is? what kind of engineer? You certainly don’t sound like your profile is written.” (bitchier now because I don’t care)

Him: “lol oh sorry librarian oh you work in where they keep books right please forgive me am doing some things before chatting with you am an architect.”

And so it goes. I couldn’t bring myself to keep it going at that point.  Checked about 10 minutes later. Account gone!

# 2 . Yes I keep these conversations going until I crack and can’t bring myself to respond.

Him: “How are you, I’m Jake your profile caught my eye! You sound very interesting. I will like to know more about you & your interests i can’t resist talking to you

Cheers, Jake

Me: “I am doing fine. and how are you?”

Him: “thanks for adding me up on here,i appreciate it..So how’s everything been with you? I will really like to get to know you more. Have you been on here for long, i joined not long ago.

Me: been on about 6 months. so how is Chicago?

Him: “Chicago is great…so what do you seek here?”

Me: “I guess someone to date. you? I see you are an architect? it says construction though?”

NOTE: I said this statement because just about every bogus account the job listed is construction.

Him: That is the closet to m line of work of all the professions there….I am to look for a woman i can spend the rest of my life, and not just any woman…someone who will understand and love me for who i am

Me: “I see. that makes sense. everyone wants someone who understands them  I imagine. Sounds much more serious than your profile!”

NOTE AGAIN. his profile was funny, articulate, and made you want to meet him. DUH!

Then the next message is this:

Him:

What do you do for a living?

How long have you been on this internet dating site?

How many man have you ever meet on here?

Where are they from?

Did you broke up with them or you are still dating them?

What do you seek for in a relationship?

What sort of relationship you seek for?

What are the basic qualities you seek for in a man?

What interests you?

You ever been married?

What do you do for fun?

Do you like public intimacy?

How long have you been single?

What’s being single like?

How do you treat your man?

Why do you need a man?

Can you love this man?

What is love to you?

Would you hit your man for any reasons?

Chat soon

Take Care and remain blessed.

I hope I have Put the Questions to your satisfaction and if not bring on more.

Jake Cares

NOTE: I was going to leave it at that, but I couldn’t!

ME: “yea I don’t think this is working well. Are you kidding me?”

Him: “I don’t quite get you.”

End of story. NOTE: account deleted. this one took a little longer than 10 minutes. Maybe he was waiting for me to respond.

Do women fall for these types of messages?  I also note that every bogus email, the  “writer” says ‘am an architect’ or ‘am a widower.’ Never ‘I am.’ And really, every message I have received does this, and clearly, we will never be short of construction workers, because a very high percentage says construction under the job heading.