Category Archives: Relationships

Don’t Text and Date

http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/film/92693422/Man-sues-date-for-texting-during-Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-Vol-2

I imagine there will be conflicting thoughts and opinions on this news story.  But really you can’t make up these things.

Suing, in my humble opinion, is not the answer.   I am sure this guy is trying to make a point and feels he has been wronged. He met her on a dating site, so let’s assume they do not know each other well. Maybe a movie isn’t your best choice then, and having dinner or drinks would have been better. Though, he may have sued her for more money if she did it during a nice dinner. And then add in the wine. He could make a killing!

Clearly, they are not on the same page. Now, being the first date, she would not know that texting in a movie theater is a major pet peeve of this guy. Unless, of course, he did mention it before they actually met.   And he, of course, would not really know her habits, annoying or otherwise. But, as a woman in her mid thirties, you have got to know that is a very annoying thing to do in a theater. It is one of my pet peeves too in case you missed this point.

I do think this guy needs to bite the bullet and realize his loss. Everyone has bad dates at some point. I think it is quite tacky to ask your date for the money back after they both realized it was not going to be a good night.

But I do agree with the annoyance of texting in a movie theater.  Excuse yourself, text your friend who is crying on the phone to you, that you are on a date, at a movie, and you will respond later.  Also, if your date asks you to stop because he is telling you it is a pet peeve of his, and makes him upset, then stop.

One news source said the guy stated she texted 20 times. The woman says it was 3.

Who know who is correct in their numbers. To him it could have seemed like 20 times  and in her head, it was just a few. Either way, don’t do it. It is annoying to your date and everyone around you.

All I could think of was the story of the guy and his wife in a movie theater who was texting home to say goodnight to his 3-year-old daughter, and someone shot and killed  him in the theater after arguing about it. And that was only during the previews, I believe. Crazy. No, you don’t know how people will react. I wish that guy and his wife had just moved their seats to watch the movie, but they didn’t. Nor did the guy with the gun.  Instead, it built up and escalated. Why did he have a gun in a theater? That is for another discussion.

Well that is ending on a depressing note.

Really, the bottom line is, I don’t like rude people either. But they are everywhere and date or otherwise, it will happen. Move on. There will be others, some rude, some not. Can’t sue every one of them, can we?

Wanted: Mom, Housekeeper, or Combo

Light housekeeping, cooking skills a must, valid driver’s license and willing to drive at a moment’s notice. First guess- Classified ad?  Second guess- A Dating profile ?

A notification from the dating site buzzes on your device telling you someone has viewed your profile. Always have to look to check it out. The profile name this time was a  first name and the number 37. My experience shows he is either 37 years old, or was born in 1937.  Forty years is a big difference, but again , from my past experience, it could be either one. Secretly I hope he isn’t 78 but kind of hope he isn’t 37 either. A  bit too young even for me, though that would be flattering.  A bit too old and that would be depressing. The 78 yr old would make more sense to some people , but not me! And if I am going to date someone who has an age difference of 14+ years , I’d rather subtract those numbers  then add them!

But in this case he was definitely 37, almost 38! .  Searching for an older woman, and by that he means a mother. Most of the time a guy will tell you he is searching for older women because of their maturity,  or they aren’t necessarily looking for  commitment, and definitely not looking to snag a successful young man for marriage and children. Not this guy. Went right to cleaning and cooking.

I think an ad in his local paper for a housekeeper would work better, but I guess he has to pay for that. Why not advertise on a dating site and combine all one’s needs into a neat little package.

Explaining it would take away from the essence of his message.

What a catch. I’d like to chat with any woman that would respond to this and get her the help she needs.

Read it and weep.

Hi I’m nick 38 looking to get to know someone older wouldn’t mind moving to a different town must cook and keep a clean house,looking for someone secure that can travel goe places,I like outdoors good food movies reading send me a message if interested I currently don’t have a running car it broke down on me its not worth fixing so not able to get around that good right now

 

I’m Baaaack

It’s been a while since I have written, which I really hope someone noticed. Some of it was just being unmotivated, some lack of dating. Life does get in the way sometimes. I am going to be moving soon,  about 50-60 miles south of where I am located now, and the stress of getting the house ready to sell, finding something else, and waiting and waiting , and then more waiting, takes a toll.

I have stayed on the dating sites, and have messaged here and there, but absolutely no effort has been put forth on my part to obtain a date, or even entertain the thought.

But without fail, the guys come through with crazy notions that I may recognize their efforts by trying to get my attention in all sorts of ways. Once again we have a large age range, broken English, bad grammar, and the ever-present nudity.

Since nudity will usually grab anyone’s attention we can start there. Here is a guy who looked pretty good in his picture. Yes, I have been out of commission somewhat, but I have not forgotten that bogus pictures exist. But I have my thoughts, which will be clear in a moment or two, that the picture was him.  

The profile picture was shirtless. I don’t usually respond to the ones that are shirtless, because we really do know what they are advertising. Guess I was feeling nice that day.

We chatted on the dating site for a few days on and off. He asked could we chat on the phone instead of on the site. I said OK and sent my cell phone number. A week, at least, maybe two, went by, so I simply forgot about it.

One day I get a face-time call on my phone from a Gmail address. I ignored it. I thought briefly that whoever this was, had tried this before on my number, which I had ignored. Didn’t recognize it, because everyone I know calls from phone numbers.  I don’t make a habit of answering face-time calls when I don’t recognize the number, and this was an email address which made me more suspicious. Within a minute, it rang again. I ignored it. The third time I picked it up I said, “LOOK I DON’T KNOW WHO IS CALLING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS IS BUT JUST STOP.” Note the CAPS. I believe they caught me in a bad mood! Then my phone dings, and there is a message on the dating site from the guy I had been chatting with. He says, “ did i do something wrong? why were you angry?”

I pointed out in my response that not only didn’t I know his full name, but did not know his email and why call me face-time the first time on the phone, when we haven’t chatted and I sent my number to talk and get to know one another.  Being suspicious is in my blood. I didn’t tell him that part. He responds with, “why did you scream. You scared me away ha. good luck.”

No loss there, but  I responded back, “ Oh I figure that happened 2 weeks ago when you never responded when I sent my number to you.”

Fast forward a few days, and here comes another face-time call. I recognized the email address this time. Didn’t answer. One minute later another call. So I decided to pick it up and said hello but didn’t show my face yet. I see a bare chest, recognizable from his profile picture, and in the background I hear, Hello Hello. I hung up.

Calls again . I pick it up again. I did the same thing and I hear “are you there. this is Mark.” I said yes, but I can’t see your face. I see your chest.” He doesn’t move the camera. I said where is your face? I am assuming you have one.”  And he shows me his penis. I hang up. Later that evening I get a message on the site. “Sorry I was naked on face-time.”

I wrote back . “ Thanks.” Why did I respond? Who knows. I like to egg people on I guess.

The next day I get 2 more face-time calls from him. I don’t answer. I write to him on the dating site and say, “I saw you called a few times. I am not trusting you for me to pick up the phone on face-time.” I am happy to say he has not responded and if he tries again there will be no response from me. Some guys don’t get that, that is not , speaking for myself, what someone wants to see when called. The fact that I asked  for a regular phone call and still only got face-time did not sit well with me. But when I say where is your face and I get his only body part that is clearly available, he loses.

I got the usual scam messages too, in case anyone was worried that they may have ceased. Just because my life slowed down, doesn’t mean those scammers are not working hard.

  1. Hello how are you doing over there pretty , i will care to get know more about you better are you still a single?
  2. Hello my lady,hows the weather over there………………………!
  3. am john henry from texas city am divorced with 2 kids Jerry and Mary there mom die in airplain accident amhere to look for a truth worth and honest,caring woman to spend all my life.
  4. hello dear have pass through a hell stress just to message you.please i need to know you i got attracted with your profile,so please tell me about you
  5. hi there…what a beautiful profile picture you uploaded on the site,i like that sparkling smile and i will be glad to smile with you someday….i am michael smith,50 and i am new to internet stuff…….. tell me more about you if you don’t mind i can’t wait to read back from a beautiful woman like you…i dont mind if will can hook u from here by mailing or txt.
  6. am loving and caring but am looking for someone to replace my wife. I’m funny outgoing and sensitive person. I don’t like when people around me are upset and I’m doing my best to make them at least smile. I am like fire. I am hot and bright inside.

and for now, last but not least, and we know never really the last:

7. I have always been a hopeFUL romantic longing to find THE ONE that I knew must be out there…That is definitely one thing to thank technology for! No matter where this goes, I feel so blessed to have gotten this chance to meet you and will love to get to know you better..My subscription will be ending soon and don’t intend to go for another plan because there seems to bee too much weirdo’s on the web..You’re such a very beautiful and charming woman and am sure you hear that everyday, why in the world is a very beautiful woman like you still single?

I haven’t changed, spelling, grammar, or wording. I cringe when I read it but it is what it is. Do I need to comment on these? No, I don’t. I would love to write a version of mad libs for these. And for those of you unfamiliar with Mad Libs here is a definition. (Mad Libs is a phrasal template word game where one player prompts others for a list of words to substitute for blanks in a story, before reading the – often comical or nonsensical – story aloud. The game is frequently played as a party game or as a pastime.) We would get a good laugh and I am thinking a dating Mad Libs may be in the works. Don’t steal my plan. I’ll let you play.

Lifestyles of the Bored and Married

Now I have an explanation of all the requests I have had from various dating sites from men with open relationships. It really is a popular trend. Last September I wrote about open relationships and the many requests I have received from men who are very happy in their relationships, but not monogamous. (according to them)  And their spouse felt the same way. (again, according to them) Each would take a lover or multiple lovers, so they didn’t get bored.  I also stated it was not for me. Still isn’t. No, I am not married, but I pretty much know, married or dating, it would not happen.

But it seems it is not unusual. Most of the men who have contacted me were on OKC. And, it seems, according to the Post, that a very high percentage of men (and women) on Tinder, who say they are single, are actually married. Hmmm, I think no one will be shocked about that information. I also think Tinder does not get exclusive rights to the high percentage of men or women who are really married. The percentages may vary, but really I would think all the dating sites can claim that one!

According to this Washington Post article, there are sites dedicated to meeting able and willing partners to eliminate the boredom of being married and with only one person.

There are also sites that focus just on cheating spouses. So if you feel the need for cheating, you can pick and choose. No hanging around the bars hoping to pick someone up to alleviate the hum drum life you have chosen. Now you have to write a profile, and make educated (non monogamous) decisions.

I am sure I sound naive. I really am not shocked there are sites like this. And I am not shocked that they are flooded with people, both men and women, looking to broaden their horizons. No one likes to be bored. Me, I go shopping or watch a movie. Is that too boring for the dating world?

It states as well, that no one is meant to be with just one person for life. Not humans. Apparently beavers and dogs mate for life, but people are not meant to do that. The couples that do not have a spouse that has cheated , appear to be in the minority. If you are open and honest about it, I believe it is written that it is not cheating. Monogamy is so yesterday.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/are-new-dating-apps-killing-monogamy-or-has-it-always-been-dead/2015/05/26/485f07ec-03e8-11e5-8bda-c7b4e9a8f7ac_story.html

 

 

Dating Business

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/business/wp/2015/04/06/online-datings-age-wars-inside-tinder-and-eharmonys-fight-for-our-love-lives/

Tinder and eHarmony. Different as night and day, yet they probably have more similarities than we think.

It is all about money.  The concept of all of us meeting the love of our lives, clearly  attracts millions of people of all ages and backgrounds. But the dating sites are making millions and now that Tinder has Tinder Plus upgrade, will be making more. Good for them. It’s a big business.

But for us, it is how we meet men or women.

As this article states, is it based on looks, like Tinder advocates? Or eHarmony where though we see a picture, we still get so much more information to help us form an opinion.

Either way, that is the first impression. I will admit, no matter the site, if I look at someone,  I am deciding then and there whether I will message them or respond to them if they message me. Though I have said before, good-looking doesn’t always mean good date!

Age plays into this big time. Tinder, though it has all ages, really is geared toward the 20’s-30’s crowd. eHarmony, as many other sites such as Match or POF, tend to attract more of a larger mix of daters.

I like to spread the wealth. A little on this site, a little on that site.  Spending a few minutes on Tinder,  I  do tend to swipe more lefts than rights! Well, really I like hitting the big red X. At least in my age group, for me,  there are always more X’s than hearts. Still it is like a train wreck. I have to look. To paraphrase  a  quote in this article from a single mother who is 41, she says she is a dried up prune on that site. (Tinder) That means I am dead and buried.

Next!

I have never experienced speed dating. I have vaguely thought about it, but have never actually made the move.  Admittingly, I have been tempted but really have only seen the process in a movie. It did sound intriguing. What could I learn in a few minutes from someone? Though, sometimes, as soon as someone opens their mouth I know that either I don’t want to hear anymore, or I’m ready for a second sentence.  I know on the dating sites I take a look at some pictures and think, “no thank you.” What would happen in person? The guy would start to sit down and I would say, “keep moving.” And in reverse, what if he said it to me? “Hey, don’t bother to sit down.”

But like online dating, you know right away, usually, if you want to message someone.  Messaging online is so much easier, or safer, than in person. No one can see you blush, or get pissed off, or disgusted And yes, it does work both ways. Basically, it is easier rejection.

speed1

I received a groupon type offer for speed dating. I clicked on it and thought I would take a look. It just explained where the event would be, how much you pay and how much you save. But then I looked at the photos. There wasn’t a person over 30. Now I know they are not going to put wrinkly, old faces on there, trying to lure you in. I get that. But, for me, being way over 30, I thought, hmmm, is everyone here just out of college and just moving out of Mom and Dad’s house? It is like the brochures for trips to a resort, or a cruise. We won’t see fat, roly poly men and women in bathing suits, lounging around the pool, or sitting atop of a horse. Nor do we want to. It was clear who they are advertising this event for. Now I know any age could go, but looking at the pictures it discouraged me right away. Maybe I need to start a speed dating for over 50. Speed dating for cougars? Speed dating for boy toys? Hey this could work!

speed

I also received an email to join SpeedDate.com. Speed dating online? I’m listening. Maybe many of you have already tried it. I’m catching up. Took me years to join the online dating crowd in general. Speedy is good.

Here it says you can message or webcam, and know right away. For me, there will be no webcam to start. I dont trust that. Who knows what will be waiting for you when you open a webcam to a perfect male stranger. Call me crazy, but that won’t be happening.

The process of elimination on speed date would be so much quicker and less painful, I would imagine. I may have to look into the site or the concept, just to see how it works, without cameras anywhere.  Maybe like Tinder. Swipe him away in a second. Move on to the next. Can it be speedier than that?

Be Patient

No secret about older women liking younger men. Celebrities do it all of the time. Well, many women date younger, but we hear about the celebrities. And of course older men with younger women is a given. But hey, why not? For whatever reasons, you are attracted to a certain type. No need to explain. You like younger. Dont worry.

No need to worry about finding that one guy that you want to date. He is out there. Maybe not now , but soon.

Always good to look at the humorous side of things.

age

Happily Ever After

A christmas Marathon of Hallmark Movies , 24 hours , all day long, from Halloween through Christmas.xmas

I will admit is is a guilty pleasure of mine.  Maybe because through all of the heartache and pleasures, it always works out in the end. The single mom gets the job and, and, not to worry, her kids have a wonderful Christmas.  And let’s not forget she always gets her man! Usually a girlfriend of the guy exists, but either she is a raging bitch, or a conniving, manipulative, after his money, kind of gal. They also switch it up a bit, and then there could be the money hungry executive who makes no time for the girlfriend, so of course she meets a gorgeous , kind hearted, altruistic guy on her way home to see her family. In some cases, he or she, just shows up at the door.

The part I have trouble dealing with, or should I say one of the parts I have trouble dealing with is, when an extremely good looking guy , or girl, ends up in someone’s home, celebrating Christmas with the family they have never laid eyes on before that day. Or maybe, as in the example below, they meet a stranger, bring them into their homes, with their children and family involved. And no one is skeptical or nervous that there is a stranger sleeping over and eating meals with them. And yes, I am aware this is fictional and on Hallmark, but no one should be that trusting. Even on TV!

In one movie, this good looking guy meets a single mom’s uncle at an airport. Of course they are flying to the same city, where this perfect stranger is invited into his niece’s palatial home, with her young son. And the airport is snowed in. Oh, she expresses a second of concern, stating emphatically, “who is this man? We don’t know anything about him.” And then he helps decorate the house, gets her into the Christmas spirit, cause her to dump the stuffy boyfriend, and yes, fall in love with him and they all live happily ever after.  happy

Then there is the one where the cute girl accidentally goes to what she thinks is her boyfriend’s family’s home. She eventually finds out it was a complete misunderstanding, and being this is the first time she was meeting them, she finds she is in the wrong house. But it is a warm loving family, and we come to find out , the boyfriend’s family are cold, stuffy and don’t like to celebrate Christmas. Oh wait, I bet you haven’t figured the next part out. She falls in love with the good looking son of this impostor family, they get married and live happily ever after.

Sensing a theme here? Wouldnt it be great if we all lived a hallmark movie? Who needs dating sites? Just go to a town filled with Christmas spirit and your soul mate will be waiting. Oh and he will be good looking, wealthy, and maybe even a prince.

It’s a good escape. I can forget all of my dating troubles and all of my everyday life troubles. Does anyone really live a “Hallmark Movie” existence? Not in my world. Wouldnt it be nice to wrap everything up in 90 minutes? Get the job you want.  Find out the ordinary man you are dating is really royalty and wants you to be his princess.

The list goes on. Same theme, some of the same Hallmark actors in each movie. Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. All is well in the world and everyone is happy.

Dont worry. February brings the romance movie marathon on Hallmark. There is still time to fulfill your guilty pleasure. rom

Someone for Everyone

Clearly, we are on dating sites to meet someone , date, and for some, marry. Go out, have a good time, have someone take you to dinner. Snuggle up in front of a fire and watch a movie. See what develops.   And I am convinced that there is someone for everyone. There is no accounting for whom one is attracted to, and what chemistry is involved.  You can look at a couple and say, “Wow, I don’t get it” but, you don’t have to, they are the ones who have to get it.

There is the physical attraction, the intellectual attraction ,and dare I say,  the emotional attraction that people look for in a mate. On these dating sites, physical is the one that comes up first and then the others seep into the attraction once you get into a conversation and a meeting or two.

On these dating sites, we look at pictures and keep scrolling through, and maybe one catches your eye and you stop. Check him out, send him a message.  I mentioned this in a previous blog post, An Opposite Match, for one. Chances are you stop and check out a profile because you are attracted to that person. I also mentioned before how Match, for example, was sending me matches, that didn’t have matches that I would fit in, i.e., age criteria. So I have now cancelled my Match subscription which ends in a few weeks. I have to say, I had the least amount of contacts through that site. Good riddance.

The holidays are approaching. Family gatherings, parties galore. Maybe a date for the holidays is in the cards for some, maybe not. Now it seems a surge of new applicants hoping to meet that someone before the new year have appeared.

But did I look in the prison files? What was I thinking? Charles Manson has been available all of this time , and I missed it. Though, again, I don’t think I fit his age criteria. Well there are just a few things to consider. He is  an older man, and I don’t typically go for the 80+ crowd. Secondly, he likes the under 30 crowd. Oh, and third , he is a murderer!

So I ask, why did a 26-year-old obtain a marriage license to marry him? Let’s not overlook the fact that she has been fighting for him for 9 years! Yes that would be 17 when she got this fantastic idea. Sometimes there is no accounting for attraction and dating criteria. Or maybe lack of dating criteria.

singlethanks