Category Archives: men

True Crime and Maybe Dating

Not a combo I recommend. Though, if you look into many true crime stories, they do  begin with dating more often then we would like to acknowledge.  This is not to say all dates are serial killers, but I have read many stories that began with dating and ended up being a true crime story. 

But this isn’t really about dating. It is about my true crime fascination and all things related.
It does seem to be a current craze. Netflix, docuseries, books, and of course a deluge of true crime podcasts.

crimes

And I am a true follower now of many of these podcasts. I listen in my car. I listen at work with my headphones, of course. Don’t want to scare the co-workers away! Well, maybe some of them, but we can get to that another time.

I do have a few co-listeners, so we can go over details and give our brilliant thoughts on these killers and their craziness.

There are so many different types of true crime podcasts to choose from. Some are true-crime comedy podcasts. To many, that may sound contradictory, but as the ladies on My Favorite Murder (one of my favorites) say, some of use humor to get through serious events and stories and I will happily admit, I am one of these people. When my mom died, my dad and I both used humor to get through such a painful time. It doesn’t diminish your grief, but certainly helps to deal with it and get through the tough days.

There is also Small town Murder. They go from being funny to being pretty crude, but they make me laugh . Sometimes dark humor, but as others mention as well as this podcast, never about the victim . Always about the criminal or the town itself.  These stories are crazy and so unbelievable that these things have actually taken place around the good ol’ USA.

laughter

Both of these podcasts, and I am guessing others as well, curse a lot, which doesn’t bother me (I curse like a sailor sometimes), but there are a few words that always bother me and I ignore and move on.

I do listen to quite a few others, a lot more straightforward and serious. Right to the story, no banter. Just the facts ma’am. (P.S. old 60s show called Dragnet)

These podcasts are from all over. US, UK, Australia, Canada. Really, there is crime everywhere so don’t think your town, state or country will be left out.

Another favorite is Casefile, from Australia. Right to the point. An extremely thorough picture of the crime and all the details we could hope for. Really, sometimes not so pleasant. The good thing is, you can always fast forward!

Real Crime Profile and Best Case Worst Case, are also straightforward with a different twist. These are former FBI and prosecutors so we get a different aspect of the crimes.

I experiment with others, and found a few docuseries that are limited but so very interesting. And there are updates when something new occurs with the case so we stay caught up. Dirty John, Serial, Teacher’s Pet , all highly recommended.  

Once in a while, I do have to break from crime ,and I actually listen to a podcast about Hallmark movies, Deck the Hallmark.  Sometimes you just need a light-hearted break and a few laughs that have no crime or murder in them at all.

I have been a true crime obsessor since I was a child. I should clarify. Not in the sense that one may think, but in the sense of reading about and learning about people and their crimes. I started reading Nancy Drew, yes, back in the 50’s, when they were extremely popular. Now a collector item apparently! And I am happy new generations get to read these as well.  I read all the mysteries I could get my hands on starting as a kid when I used to read at night before bed. Still do as a matter of fact. And still mysteries of some sort, whether they are fiction or nonfiction.

So back to the dating. I don’t think I have dated a criminal, but looking back to previous posts, there were some sketchy guys. Really something to be on the alert about. It could be all the true crime I watch and read and listen to, but know your own gut and your surroundings. A little true crime helpful hint.

Another aspect of true crime and dating , is opening up to your date about your true crime obsession. Doesn’t always give them a warm fuzzy feeling. I will admit, I haven’t blurted it out to previous dates, but I have mentioned it. Well, they did ask me my interests and I really don’t like hiking and camping!  I don’t even mention it to everyone I know, because one does get some strange looks. My kids don’t share the same curiosity but they embrace mine. One recent Christmas in my stocking were serial killer cards. They love me.

Stay Tuned

Hear ye Hear ye. Gather around. I am not dating now. It’s simple. No desire to try, no desire to look. Nothing deep hidden there. I got to the point where there were more negatives than positives so I am going to move forward without stressing myself out about finding a date. It is like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I have gotten to the point it is easier for me to not deal with the BS, then it is for me to deal with it.

When I joined, I was ready to date, and maybe even find a relationship. I do believe that ship has sailed.  Of course, it doesn’t mean ships don’t return to port. Doesn’t mean I am locking myself in a room. Sometimes, one just feels pressured. You should meet someone. Why haven’t you met someone? Do you want to be alone as you get older? Well meaning friends and family on the lookout for my well-being. I get it.  It is easy for friends married 30+ years to project what they want for me. I am touched.

I started on dating sites because I thought, well if I sit around , what is going to happen? Nothing.

Maybe if I were 10-20 years younger,  I would be more apt to focus. I was married for many years, had children and now grandchildren. I am in another phase of my life. Been there done that. Life is short and I am going to focus on what makes me happy. As soon as I figure that out!

Understand, I am not recommending this for others. Do what is right for you. Do what you feel.  Dating, especially on these dating sites, has taught me what I want, what I don’t want, and a little bit about who I am.

As of now, I am still on a couple of sites. Clearly, I haven’t cut ties completely, and we can analyze this until we are spent, but no need.  Aside from a few scam type messages, believe me you have heard them all by now, I get mostly so and so wants to meet you. Keep in my mind, on my profile blurb, it says, “Do not put you want to meet me, send me a message, because I do not have that feature.” Well, it goes back to who really reads the profiles?

One site, for example, OK Cupid, changed their format a while ago and now you have to scroll though the lists to see who messaged you. And you have to choose yea or nay to move to the next one. Not a fan. I am straightforward. Send a message, see the message and go from there. Simple and effective.  

Location makes a big difference. I moved to a small town from a big city area, and the choices, I have to say, dwindled. I think age factors in as well, at least in my case. Dating is always hard, and  it is difficult to trust and expose yourself. Attitude, hell yes. Big factor, and mine has certainly taken a turn. When something is not fun, time to stop.

Things change, attitudes change. I am happy to wait. I do not have to settle for anything. If it isn’t happening, then my thought is , if it happens it happens. Profound or what?

Please stay tuned.

The Lure

Dear POF, MATCH, OUR TIME, and probably most of the other dating sites,

Go to any retail store and you find that typical business practice is to lure potential customers in however they can.  Stores will put colorful items up front like candy, festive items, and sparkly displays to lure you in, and then make you walk through the store to find what you need. Walmart, for example,  is notorious for placing things in odd locations, so it isn’t obvious to the customer, to, let’s say, go to household to find light bulbs. No, they want you to walk to the other end of the store, pass every department, and then spend another 15 minutes looking for someone that works there, only to find light bulbs are in automotive. So now you have shopped all over the store and picked up a few things for the cart that you had no intention of buying.

Dating sites lure you in by photos. Some advertise free, but that is to look at a few pictures and if you really want to see someone’s full profile, or, in some cases, be able to message someone, they want you to pay. Fine. This is a business. Just like Walmart or other retail stores where they want your business.

I get advertisements constantly for retail stores and dating sites included. My question is, where are the guys they show me? I walk into Walmart or Target and I see clothes, household items, and  Holiday items and it makes me want to go into those departments.

But on a dating site, I look at these photos, showing me who I can meet and chat with, and when I go in , the old bait and switch is there in black and white. For those of you lucky enough  who have not experienced this concept, or heard of it, here is Wikipedia’s version of the explanation:

Bait-and-switch is a form of fraud used in retail sales but also employed in other contexts. First, customers are “baited” by merchants’ advertising products or services at a low price, but when customers visit the store, they discover that the advertised goods are not available, or the customers are pressured by sales people to consider similar, but higher priced items (“switching”).

So we have POF, or Our Time, to name two,  that use photos. they show us somewhat good looking guys, dressed nicely, big smiles on their faces, and we think, Hell yea. I’m in.

Now I am in and I start looking. Wait. Where is the guy with salt and pepper hair with a fun smile? Why am I seeing someone in his bathroom taking a picture in the mirror? Why do I see a dogs, cars and  shirtless men who shouldn’t be?

I know it is business, and I also know if they put “bathroom man” on the advertisement, or “man with fish”, they would be out of business in an hour. But, we go in. We browse. We shop.

 

You Are Stupid

Not sure this is something I should be proud of, but for the first time I have been blocked by a user. Some may think that is not a positive thing, but I think it could be.

So, Mr Blocker sent me a message asking how my day is going. “Fine,” I answered. “And yours?”

He responds with, “Here is my number so we can email and text, cos i don’t get on here very often. ”

If this was my first rodeo, I may have had a fleeting thought to respond. But I wrote back, yes, in my haste, “Stop scamming people with these lines and get off this dating site”. I also told him I had seen this line too many times to count, Especially with “cos” being used, not to mention ‘I am not on here too often.’

Heard back a few days later and he told me “You are stupid. You will be single forever and will never meet anyone. You are stupid. “

Was that a curse he put on me? I didn’t feel any different. Do you feel a curse when it is cast? We will have to wait to see if it holds.  I could tell him I have been single longer than I was married, but, wait, I can’t!

 

Call me stupid once, but not twice.  Of course I had a comeback, but I WAS BLOCKED. And I became indignant. How dare he not let me get my last 2 cents in! But I had more to say. I did type them, but then I got the fateful message BLOCKED. You see, the main problem was, that I was going to write one last thing and then block him. He beat me to it.

block

Of course, I then second guessed myself. Was he legit? Was I hasty in assuming he was another scammer? I guess I will never know, but I am OK with it. But I still wish I could say just one more thing.

 

HE GOT LEGS

 

Riddle me this batman. What do we make of a guy who won’t answer simple questions?

His picture shows only his legs.
The angle of sitting on a couch with your feet up on an ottoman while wearing shorts. (nice legs by the way)
Starts off by commenting on one of my pics and asks, “ so do you get romantic too? Caught me in a playful mood, so I said “ I can be”

He says “let’s go for a test drive, Darling”

In my head I am picturing a rugged, sexy guy, dark hair, 6’2” with a slight drawl, maybe a tilted cowboy hat, who actually leaves off the G in darling, because darlin’ sounds so much better. I snap out of my fantasy thinking and said “Not without more information.”

rugged

See? that works.

His profile has very, very minimal information. As in “I am a good guy and I have a great sense of humor.” That, my dear man, is not enough for me.

Now we move on to ‘Babe’. He says, “Well babe, I’m an IT guy with a great sense of humor”
I mention “all I see are legs”, legs  and he comes back with “and you can see it all.” BE still my heart.

He then offers his email address and says, “I will send you a pic”
RED FLAG alert. Not like there weren’t 12 before this one.

I sort of had enough BS at this point, so I asked why he wasn’t posting a pic on the site. “Married?”, I asked him.
Comes back with an “LOL no divorced. Want to get together?”

I reiterate my original thoughts. “ My original question remains. Why the mystery? I need more than a pair of legs to go on.”

Are you wondering why I am still encouraging this? Me too.

So, in his brilliance he comes back with, “LOL understand darling. Here is my email and I can send you a picture back babe.”
This is serious now. Darling and babe in the same message.

My reply, “ well BABE, you still haven’t answered anything I asked and I am not switching to email”

“I’m just going to email you a pic…darling . We will still text on the site so let me know when you are ready. You will enjoy yourself.” ( I guess he figures this Babe can’t figure out that no matter what is sent, he will still have my email)

No I did not respond. No I am not going to. A simple, hey I have a high profile job in DC and cannot post pictures, or my boss is also on dating sites and I don’t want her to see my pictures, may have extended the chat. The annoying BS of never answering my direct questions and repeating the same lines did not work for me. I bet they weren’t even his legs.

Lunch, Anyone?

I am back in the saddle. A pony saddle. More like a merry go round with a strap to hold me in. I am checking profiles, getting messages. But really, the scammers are still in the forefront. I swear I must be a magnet. I know I have said this before, but come on. They can’t all navigate to my profile, can they?

You know, the usual, “I can’t wait to read from you”, and “here is my phone number and my email address. So we can keep in touch and send photos”
My new responses are “SPAM and SCAM”. Then a report, and a block . Seems I am a bit tired of these types.

On another note, the other day I was chatting with one guy, whose opening line was “we must have lunch.” Alright then. I asked him why he was so adamant about having lunch and he said because we need to meet and we will have lunch. Forceful little fellow, isn’t he? I told him, sure we can meet. My idea was a coffee, but I figured I can manage a lunch instead. We don’t live super close, so I mentioned I work full time in another town separate from here I live, so it may be hard to figure out unless it is a weekend. His response was, well I work full time too but one has to eat, right? OK I will give him that.

lunch

Whenever I am going to meet for a meal with someone I don’t know, or have barely met, I need to mention that I have Celiac disease. (Celiac disease is a serious autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine. It is estimated to affect 1 in 100 people worldwide.) 

This makes it a challenge to find a place to eat that is safe for me, especially in small towns. Not every small town place is on the gluten free bandwagon in a serious enough manner for me to try it. Even larger cities are a challenge. That is another post for another time.

In response, he sends me a title of a book, The Tao of Health, Sex, and Longevity. He says he lives by it. That’s great. To each his own, but that still doesn’t let me pop into any restaurant and eat.

(Here is the link for those who want to check it out. You may even get a lunch in the process)

I am not dismissing the idea of following a TAO way of living, nor am I indicating that this is not a good way of living. But celiac is celiac, and if I could avoid hot soup, and eat spicy chilis, and get rid of this, I would give it a try. So I told him thanks, I would take a look at this sometime. (No i haven’t bought it, but that is just me.)

His next line is , “so when is lunch?” I responded with, “well we just need to figure that out” He then says ,”It is.”

Sometimes I feel lost in the forest!

forest

No I didn’t say it out loud, but, I was thinking , why is this conversation getting painful? It should be really easy. I said “What is?” Lunch?”

And he says….. “I love your hair. It is to die for?”What

See what I mean about being lost in the forest? My first reaction. Step away from the messaging. Nope. I said “why?”. He said short red hair. (p.s. Mine is brown) I basically told him that and he said “it’s ok. That works too”.
I didn’t respond right away, because he was slowly losing me. and I get, “perhaps I can run my fingers through it.”

Perhaps we are done. I wanted to ask would that be before or after lunch? I didn’t. I didn’t say much except I need to get to sleep. He said “nite, ” and that, my friends, is all she wrote!

I think I will stay lost in the forest. Nuts and berries are gluten free.

Don’t Text and Date

http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/film/92693422/Man-sues-date-for-texting-during-Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-Vol-2

I imagine there will be conflicting thoughts and opinions on this news story.  But really you can’t make up these things.

Suing, in my humble opinion, is not the answer.   I am sure this guy is trying to make a point and feels he has been wronged. He met her on a dating site, so let’s assume they do not know each other well. Maybe a movie isn’t your best choice then, and having dinner or drinks would have been better. Though, he may have sued her for more money if she did it during a nice dinner. And then add in the wine. He could make a killing!

Clearly, they are not on the same page. Now, being the first date, she would not know that texting in a movie theater is a major pet peeve of this guy. Unless, of course, he did mention it before they actually met.   And he, of course, would not really know her habits, annoying or otherwise. But, as a woman in her mid thirties, you have got to know that is a very annoying thing to do in a theater. It is one of my pet peeves too in case you missed this point.

I do think this guy needs to bite the bullet and realize his loss. Everyone has bad dates at some point. I think it is quite tacky to ask your date for the money back after they both realized it was not going to be a good night.

But I do agree with the annoyance of texting in a movie theater.  Excuse yourself, text your friend who is crying on the phone to you, that you are on a date, at a movie, and you will respond later.  Also, if your date asks you to stop because he is telling you it is a pet peeve of his, and makes him upset, then stop.

One news source said the guy stated she texted 20 times. The woman says it was 3.

Who know who is correct in their numbers. To him it could have seemed like 20 times  and in her head, it was just a few. Either way, don’t do it. It is annoying to your date and everyone around you.

All I could think of was the story of the guy and his wife in a movie theater who was texting home to say goodnight to his 3-year-old daughter, and someone shot and killed  him in the theater after arguing about it. And that was only during the previews, I believe. Crazy. No, you don’t know how people will react. I wish that guy and his wife had just moved their seats to watch the movie, but they didn’t. Nor did the guy with the gun.  Instead, it built up and escalated. Why did he have a gun in a theater? That is for another discussion.

Well that is ending on a depressing note.

Really, the bottom line is, I don’t like rude people either. But they are everywhere and date or otherwise, it will happen. Move on. There will be others, some rude, some not. Can’t sue every one of them, can we?

It Just looked Like I left

 

I’m here.  I am back. But in reality, I never left. I just haven’t written. Haven’t felt it.  Haven’t prowled the dating sites. I have read other blogs, been on twitter. All kept to a minimum. Haven’t responded to likes or messages, but will say I am a teeny bit glad I still have views and likes. Sometimes, life seems to move forward, and we stay still.  Sometimes, you need to do just that.

nodating

I have been somewhat inactive in the dating world. And full disclosure, not that it is directly related, in the exercise world too. That I am paying for, trying to get back on track.  Though, when you think about it, It could be related. Exercise is good for the body and soul. Makes me more energized , but I still have to force myself to do it.  I did find out one can get tennis elbow in both elbows at the same time, and never have played tennis at all. EVER. Which brings me to the lack of exercise. Needed to rest both elbows. They are rested and ready to tackle the evil elliptical again. But I digress.

exercise

My elbows have nothing to do with lack of motivation on dating sites.

Dating, even the idea of dating, got stale. As you get older, the choices change, but the stupid messages do not.

I did hear from two guys I had dated before.  Communication is good, but distance has put a damper on things.  I’m not dead.  Just took a hiatus from the rat race of dating sites. I feel a fresh look would be best. Scroll through the photos, and you see so many familiar faces you have seen before. Then I realized the men are probably saying the same thing.

Plain and simple, I get bored. Maybe it is an age thing. Maybe being single for so long, I’m just done and will wait for Prince Charming to fall into my lap. Though by then,  Prince Charming will be using a walker and will be on social security. Bottom line,  I am very content as is. Though that could be translated by some as being in a rut. Who knows the answer?  We do get complacent. Life moves forward,  things are good, so why upset the apple cart?

princech

Time will tell. Maybe when other things are back on track, I will get a new attitude and/or outlook.

Don’t worry, you will be hearing from me, whether it is to bitch about dating or other things I can find to bitch, I mean write, about. Like that is a problem.

 

Let Me Introduce You

 

Sometimes you just have to read it to believe it.

Hi dear,

I really don’t mean to invade your space, but I had to do this for the love and respect I have for my friend whose name is Howard, unfortunately he isn’t into online dating for some reasons best known to him. I’ve been telling him I would hook him up with someone nice, and when he came across your profile through my account earlier, and since then he’s been all over me about getting in touch with you, he said you seem like a woman whom has found balance in all ramifications of life which is a hard thing to come by these days. You can view him on my recent photos here, copy paste this URL: http://bit.ly/29R2WbS

He’s 6ft” tall, and falls between your age search criteria, he lives in the same state with you, but he’s just here for visit, he’s a good listener, good looking and all rounded a complete gentleman, I honestly did not tell him I was gonna contact you, but thought I took a chance, you never know until you try, it should be worth it in the end I’m so sure. So take a chance and e-mail him, you can share a picture and more information with him and I’m sure he’ll be so glad to do same so both of you can know each other better, and also tell him your handle on match, don’t be shy as I am very sure he would welcome your email 100%. His direct e-mail is: howard.rains147 (at) gmail (.) com

I hope you can decode that right? lol as the site wouldn’t let it go through directly. I had to private my profile now because I’ve found someone special so I’m leaving the site, and I want the same for my friend.

Stay happy

Vivian

I really don’t know where to start. Let’s start at the end.  VIVIAN? Sure. She Isn’t the first woman to send me a message on a dating site. But I have ignored those too.  She is only  helping her poor, helpless friend Howard find a mate.  Very supportive , very caring of Vivian.  I do  think she may want to use a different phrase then “hook up” her friend Howard with someone nice.  So when she says he saw my profile on her account, let’s ask ourselves, was she looking at me too or did he borrow hers to look at women? Probably doesn’t matter, because, yes, we know it is all BS. But let’s move on.

What could the reason be that Howard isn’t into online dating? And why is he keeping these secrets a mystery from his friend Vivian? If he is asking her to help him find his soul mate, he should open up and discuss his fear of online dating with her.

I would like to know what Howard saw in my sparse profile, to know that I have “ found balance in all ramifications of life”.  Maybe if he won’t share with Vivian , he would share his insight with me.

Wouldn’t you love to peek at what lies behind this mystery photo URL that Vivian has so generously shared with me.  I could just send her my social security number and my credit card numbers and save us all time.  Did you ever notice with these insane emails , the person always uses phrases like “gonna” and “wanna?” I imagine the general consensus is that Americans speak this way so it will sound genuine. A real down to earth scammer, I mean potential dating person.

I see Howard is a tall, good looking man, and miraculously lives in my state. Could a woman ask for more?  So what if he is just a bit skeptical about online dating. Can’t imagine why, with all of these honest, trustworthy people lurking behind profiles.  Wait.  Honest and trustworthy do not lurk. They patiently wait and butterflies land on their hands while they are waiting.  And Howard has the advantage of  Vivian standing by his side.

This message was on OK Cupid. Note the sentence where Vivian asks me to tell Howard “my handle on match.”  Vivian needs to watch her copying and pasting.  Always double-check for inconsistencies and change the information to fit the site. I should email her back and tell her to be careful of these small little things that mean so much to finding Howard’s future soul mate,

And finally, let us all rejoice in Vivian’s happiness that she has found someone and will be getting off of the site and is only looking for that for her dear friend Howard.  Good thing I was able to call various government agencies and “decode” Howard’s email.

 

Small Town Living

I live in a small town. Of course it is all relative,  since I am well aware there are much smaller towns to be found. Let’s put it in perspective. The town has a population of approximately 17,000 people. The town I recently moved from to come here had a population of about 34,000. Double the amount of people, for those of you who don’t have your calculators  handy. I am originally from New York City, population 8 million give or take. Having lived in Miami, San Francisco and 15 miles from Washington DC. , you can understand why I am saying I now live in a small town. We are talking cows and chickens small.  There is a Main Street. Most small towns I have been to have a street called Main Street. Some run about a block, but my town’s main street  is a few miles!  

mainst

Living in a city or suburb of a city, one can count on anonymity. You blend in a city of 8 million. You can certainly blend in a city like Miami , where the population is about 400,000+. When I lived in the town of about 34,000, I did on occasion run into someone I know, but not often. Blending was more difficult, but still i could go months without seeing someone I knew.

small

Which brings me to my town of 17,000. Not excessively small but clearly my anonymity is gone. The historic part  of  the downtown area runs a few blocks. Quaint and cute, but small. Scattered about the county are many antique shops, small businesses and of course Wal-Mart , Target and Tractor Supply Store. One of my pastimes is to maintain an antique booth in an antique mall in the town I live in. Weekly, I stop in to add things, pick up a check (hopefully) and keep it neat and appealing.

Last week, I parked in front of the Antique Mall, hopped out of the car,  just planning on running in to grab a chair to take out of my booth.  Wound my way through, grabbed the chair and was headed for the front door to throw it in my car.  An older gentleman (he looked older)  (Guess he could be my age or I really hope older because otherwise he isn’t looking that good) jumped up and said let me get the door for you. He was very small. Inches shorter than I am and somewhat stooped over.  I thought that was very gentlemanly of him to offer. I thought, ahhh small town living at its best. So he held the door , I walked through with my chair, and he follows me outside! He then says, “How are you?” “just fine”, I reply and “how are you today?”

old-men-clipart-1

He says “good. I saw you on Plenty of Fish.” I stopped in my tracks and said “oh really?” No one, anywhere, had ever recognized me from a dating site nor have I ever seen anyone in person on the street from a site. Maybe that is not the norm, but for me, I thought oh no. I live in a small town and now people recognize my face. I can pretty much say there does not seem to be a lot of people in my town on this site! There are not a lot of people period. He then says” so how’s it going.”  I said “Fine”. Then I realized he meant my success or lack of success on the site. I said, “ oh you know, haven’t been on much lately (which is not a lie. since I moved dating has taken the back burner.)

I opened the back of my car to put the chair in and he is lingering. I said as cheery as I could, “Thanks so much for holding the door. That was very kind.” He says, “Anytime. I am here often”. What? It is an antique shop. He was just sitting in a chair near the front desk when I came in. Is this a local  hangout?  A Meeting place? Do people gather there and tell stories? Or is he waiting for unsuspecting dating site participants to come through looking for a vintage chair or vintage man!