Category Archives: married

Stay Tuned

Hear ye Hear ye. Gather around. I am not dating now. It’s simple. No desire to try, no desire to look. Nothing deep hidden there. I got to the point where there were more negatives than positives so I am going to move forward without stressing myself out about finding a date. It is like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I have gotten to the point it is easier for me to not deal with the BS, then it is for me to deal with it.

When I joined, I was ready to date, and maybe even find a relationship. I do believe that ship has sailed.  Of course, it doesn’t mean ships don’t return to port. Doesn’t mean I am locking myself in a room. Sometimes, one just feels pressured. You should meet someone. Why haven’t you met someone? Do you want to be alone as you get older? Well meaning friends and family on the lookout for my well-being. I get it.  It is easy for friends married 30+ years to project what they want for me. I am touched.

I started on dating sites because I thought, well if I sit around , what is going to happen? Nothing.

Maybe if I were 10-20 years younger,  I would be more apt to focus. I was married for many years, had children and now grandchildren. I am in another phase of my life. Been there done that. Life is short and I am going to focus on what makes me happy. As soon as I figure that out!

Understand, I am not recommending this for others. Do what is right for you. Do what you feel.  Dating, especially on these dating sites, has taught me what I want, what I don’t want, and a little bit about who I am.

As of now, I am still on a couple of sites. Clearly, I haven’t cut ties completely, and we can analyze this until we are spent, but no need.  Aside from a few scam type messages, believe me you have heard them all by now, I get mostly so and so wants to meet you. Keep in my mind, on my profile blurb, it says, “Do not put you want to meet me, send me a message, because I do not have that feature.” Well, it goes back to who really reads the profiles?

One site, for example, OK Cupid, changed their format a while ago and now you have to scroll though the lists to see who messaged you. And you have to choose yea or nay to move to the next one. Not a fan. I am straightforward. Send a message, see the message and go from there. Simple and effective.  

Location makes a big difference. I moved to a small town from a big city area, and the choices, I have to say, dwindled. I think age factors in as well, at least in my case. Dating is always hard, and  it is difficult to trust and expose yourself. Attitude, hell yes. Big factor, and mine has certainly taken a turn. When something is not fun, time to stop.

Things change, attitudes change. I am happy to wait. I do not have to settle for anything. If it isn’t happening, then my thought is , if it happens it happens. Profound or what?

Please stay tuned.

Answer Me!

If you get a message from someone, and you know you are not interested, do you answer them anyway? I have had some people tell me, “I answer everyone no matter what.” Usually this comes from a man. Others, both men and women I have found, say don’t answer if you dont want to start a conversation. So when you get a message that simply says “Hi” and you decide, either you aren’t attracted to that person or their profile, then don’t answer. Simple enough. But when they send a second message that says “ I see you didnt respond”, then what? Leave it alone? For me, it depends on my mood. I wrote back “ you are correct.”  I was not in a really good mood when I read it, so therefore, I did not ignore it. I am thinking that if I had wanted to return the Hi, I would have. Maybe I am busy. Maybe I dont want to. But persistence of this nature is a complete negative in my book.answer

I have initiated a few messages and if I don’t get a response, my immediate reaction is maybe they are busy or simply not interested. OK. Really my first response is, maybe they aren’t interested. Then, its, “Well, why aren’t they interested?” Then I may go to, “they could be busy.” It doesn’t take long, but I move on. I dont remind them, or persist, because if they wanted to, they would contact me.

So my persistent friend responded with, “nice meeting you. I won’t contact you again.” Yes a little huffy about it. No problem. Rejection sucks. But, was there a need for that? I did not respond- I let him get the last word in- shocking I know.

Part II: Are you  Single or Divorced?

Google definition of SINGLE : unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.

Dictionary definition of DIVORCED : to legally end your marriage with (your husband or wife)

: to make or keep (something) separate.divorce

Is there a difference in the scheme of things? On a dating site? Maybe the guy is trying to determine if you have ever been married. I look at it, as single is single. Meaning I am not married now, therefore, I am on a dating site.

But I get asked this a lot.. Are you single or divorced? I imagine if I said Single, that would indicate:

A. I am not seeing anyone

B. I have never been married.

If I say I am divorced, Then A. I was married and now I am not.

B. I am not in a relationship.

But single means that also. Either way, I am not in a relationship.
I do get asked frequently if I am married. I usually answer, “I am on a dating site, so therefore I am single.” Well, silly me. That doesn’t hold true, Because a couple of times a month, I get a married man sending me a message, with with either no photo, or one with his head missing. And that is before the Mrs finds out!