My Normal

I thought I was watching a Lifetime movie. Or maybe an afternoon soap opera.  It started off “normal” Well I have said that before, haven’t I?  Nothing too out of the ordinary . It is just that when you start with “Hello. How are you?”,  you wouldn’t think it was going to go south so quickly.

So in response to How are you , I mentioned I was at work and was drinking coffee. Noncommittal, but informative. He said he too was at work and had just gotten done supervising.

My eyebrow went up, and I responded with , “What does that mean exactly?”  There are so many ways to say what I thought he could be aiming at , if he was legitimate at all.

He says he is an engineer and is a supervisor at work. Okay. I can deal with that, though my BS sensors were on alert.

Then, when I asked in what, he says an oil rig company where they drill for oil and gas. Now that is clear. And he was in Pennsylvania so I questioned the fact that I was unaware that there were oil rigs/companies in that state.

His response was, “and what do you do?”

I answered and he says  “how long have you been single.?” No, not related to my profession but we are moving on. He says, he has been single for 8 years and it is not easy to be without a partner. I say I have been single for over 20 years and his answer is the following:

Him: “i know but what if you meet a man you like so much. will you accept him?”

Me: “Sure that is why I joined a dating site. To date and see what happens.”

Him: “will it be too early if i I say we should both start something and probably spend the rest of our life together if it works .”

slow

Me: in a somewhat state of alarm keeping my cool, “I think so . Since we have messaged for minutes and know nothing about each other . And live in different states . Right?”

Him: ” I know but if we just have to open our heart first to receive each other and then we can know ourselves better.  we live in different states but if the love grows stronger that will no longer be a problem because distance is nothing but a measurement of the earth “

See, now he has lost me. I am not thinking how sweet is that, i am thinking , “ARE YOU KIDDING ME”?

Me:  somewhat calmly, “ that is too deep. I just want to date . This doesn’t even sound real.  You don’t even know me.”

Him: “you do not understand me I mean we should take out time to know ourselves before we can start something serious .”

Sorry , I didn’t respond. I’m thinking I already know myself. I  couldn’t  prolong it any longer. I’ll say it again, go with your gut. Anyone who does not know me, has never met me, and knows nothing about me, should not be talking about sending the rest of our lives together.

Now we move on to the next evening when I received a message from a guy who again fooled me into thinking he was normal. Yes I know we haven’t defined normal, but believe me, the ensuing conversation was not “my normal.”

He began with “how are you. I like your look,” and  soon wanted to know if we could text. I usually say no, and for some reason my gut was taking a nap, and  I said OK.

One text in, he asked me if I wanted to receive a shirtless picture.  No I said. I do not. Is that why you want to text?, I asked.  He did not respond to that part of the question.

He tells me he just finished working out. I said home or at a gym? He says home but then says,  Do you want a shirtless picture of me? I have pictures that i can send.”

I explained I do not want to receive pictures . And then he sends me the shirtless picture anyway!  He quickly says ,”it is harmless you can’t see anything else.” But, it was clear in the pictures there were no pants involved . He says “ well  I show  this picture to gay guys and they love it. Especially my ass.”  Now you have my attention. WHAT? I can’t let that go without explanation because I already know I am never meeting this guy.

hottub

“Do you mean at the gym,” I asked.

“Sure,” he says.  “and other times too.  And the whole picture, not just the shirtless part.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he realizes  he must be an exhibitionist because he loves the reaction the gay guys give him when they see his pictures.  And that it really gets him excited. Exhibitionist?  Not the word that came to my mind.

I  am wondering only in pictures and he clarified that for me without having to ask. He explained, “I have gone into the hot tub with them and played a little, though I think I wouldn’t do anything more.”  I didn’t ask what played meant but I did point out that when you say THINK, you have not ruled it out. And in tribute to Seinfeld” not that there is anything wrong with that,” but I pointed out  that I am not curious, haven’t ever been and won’t be!   I wouldn’t have bothered  to mention this, but he kept saying, ”I love women and I really want to know you better. I PROBABLY will not do this anymore, anytime soon.”   One last time I had to point out that “think” and  “probably”  pretty much mean  he will do whatever when the mood strikes him. Decided it was time for me to tell him, Adios, and I am not  comfortable and good luck!. He tried one more time but I was clear. And for more clarification, his photos, even on the dating site had a phone in front of his face. I did ask him if he  had one without the phone and he sent it. That sealed the deal and I knew why he covered his face all of the time in his photos. I imagine the guys at his gym were too enthralled with his ass to get to his face.

2 thoughts on “My Normal

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