Monthly Archives: August 2014

An Opposite Match

I joined Match a year or two ago, but was never very excited about it. When my membership expired, I didn’t renew it.  I thought, why pay , when I am getting no results and very frustrated about it. After about  8 months, I saw there was yet another special deal to join, so I caved, and re-joined the masses on Match.  It hasn’t changed.

Here is my problem.  As we have discussed in the past, I do like younger men. Not extremely younger , though when they message me, I fight temptation. I am getting more practical in my old age. Usually.

One of the main reasons I am not thrilled with Match.com, is because most of the time I am sent matches that to me, really don’t match at all.  Let me explain. For example,  if I put in 47-63 year old age group, I get matches within that age group. BUT, the age range that the men are seeking , does not in any way match mine.  Is that a half match? It doesn’t make sense to me if I am looking for men in a certain age group and specific ethnic groups, that I am sent men that may meet my specific age requirement, but nothing else at all. These men do not want my age group. They are seeking women decades younger.  So, even if I am willing to get someone near my age, whether it is up or down, most of the time they are seeking women in their 30s and 40s. The men that are viewing me and “liking” me,  are much older than I am. Nothing wrong with that, except my beef is,  they are not matching the criteria I chose. And the ones I am getting for matches, I don’t match the criteria that they chose. I am getting a list of men recommended, that do not want someone my age. Where is my Match there?

older

I am not saying necessarily that it is Match’s fault per se.  They are sending me matches that fit my criteria to a point. I will give them that. But if almost every guy in that group wants someone decades younger, that does not work for me.

Looks like I wont be renewing this again.

You can’t help the likes and dislikes on any of these matches. I state quite clearly in my profile that camping and hiking are not my thing.  Fishing is  pretty close to those activities as well, though fishing I can deal with if I am not getting seasick on a boat. I sound like a barrel of fun, don’t I? And yes, there are many men who clearly state that if you are not interested in outdoor activities, or sailing is not your thing , then don’t contact them. No problem here.  I know the dating sites say they match up likes and dislikes, but again, I am not in complete agreement on that one. I know you can’t get it down to exact specifics, but  coming close would be great. Like all of my matches who clearly want someone much younger, usually want her to be able to hike to the campgrounds with a fishing pole. Have fun.

I am starting to believe that though opposites do attract,  it doesn’t necessarily translate to lasting.

I was married to an opposite. Note the WAS. I am from New York City originally and he is from Georgia.  Him: Raised as a Southern Baptist from Georgia. Me: New York Jewish girl. Not sure you can get more opposite than that.  He was quiet, I was not. He didn’t like to talk in person or on the phone. Me: I can talk to anyone ,anywhere, any time. He was not comfortable in social situations, I thrived on them.

I think some opposites can compliment each other. Others are like oil and  water .

bacon

Dating sites for me seem to match oil and water. I need a ham and cheese or bacon and egg match.

Warning: Don’t Do It

WARNING. DO NOT GIVE INFORMATION OR SEND MONEY TO ANYONE ON A DATING SITE.

scammer

Some form of this is written on OKC when you get a message. Before you reply. Maybe on other sites as well.

But, it happens all of the time. A woman or a man gets the attention of someone on a dating site. All the right things are said. They never meet, but the emails and texts are flying back and forth. In one case, the guy sent flowers to the woman on her birthday. ( see attached link) Who doesn’t love to get flowers on their birthday?

roses

But yet, people are still falling for the same lines, “A sick relative”, “I need money to come see you, or to fly you here to see me.”

One always thinks it isn’t going to happen to them. I have written on here about potential scammers. I call them potential scammers, because I have never been asked for money. But I always wonder what their end game is. Are they working towards asking for money? Most likely. What else would their goal be?

warning

People are warned constantly not to give money or information to someone they don’t know, and yet they are still doing it. Are they exceptionally lonely? Is  someone finally paying attention to them?  Do they just not want to listen that all of their date’s lines may not be true? ( even if they have never met!) I guess everyone out there is not as cynical as I can be. It’s sad. Again. Listen to your gut and the warning signs.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/man-charged-with-using-matchcom-to-cheat-elderly-victims/2014/08/21/9df19456-297b-11e4-86ca-6f03cbd15c1a_story.html?hpid=z5

Account Deleted

You can tell from the first sentence usually, that the message you are reading  is clearly a bogus message and if you wait just a little while the user’s account will  be deleted. As in these 2 cases. I knew, when I was called a “gentle soul,” in the opening line, that  I wanted to get the conversation going, to see how long it would take for the account to disappear. It was 10 min, about 10 quick messages.

He begins with “hello i have to admit you are quite a gentle soul and one that qualifies to be a princess, can’t stand looking at your pic without saying hi….. was reading through your profile and i think we could try this and see where it leads us …. so tell me about the things you hate”

Did you have to read that last sentence twice? things you HATE? I read it twice and thought, well here is a new approach.

I responded with, “how do you know I am a gentle soul? I hate liars.”

Him: “okay i also hate liars i can see you are a gentle soul from your picture”

Me: “ok if you say so!”

Him: “oh okay please what is your name? and what are you looking for on this site? how long have you been on this site??”

Me: “been on for 6 months or so, looking to date for now. what about you?”

Him: “me today is my first time on dating site and am also looking for a soul mate please do you have kids?”

Me: (getting bitchier ) “oh I didn’t say soulmate I said date. yes I have kids and grandkids. do you have kids?”

Him: yes i have a son who is 17years please what do you do for living??”

Here is when it gets really good.

Me: “librarian. you?” (keeping it short because I knew it was about done)

Him: “what do you mean of librarian?”

Note: I am now gasping and laughing

Him: “me am an engineer so how long have you been single?”

Me: “do you not know what a librarian is? what kind of engineer? You certainly don’t sound like your profile is written.” (bitchier now because I don’t care)

Him: “lol oh sorry librarian oh you work in where they keep books right please forgive me am doing some things before chatting with you am an architect.”

And so it goes. I couldn’t bring myself to keep it going at that point.  Checked about 10 minutes later. Account gone!

# 2 . Yes I keep these conversations going until I crack and can’t bring myself to respond.

Him: “How are you, I’m Jake your profile caught my eye! You sound very interesting. I will like to know more about you & your interests i can’t resist talking to you

Cheers, Jake

Me: “I am doing fine. and how are you?”

Him: “thanks for adding me up on here,i appreciate it..So how’s everything been with you? I will really like to get to know you more. Have you been on here for long, i joined not long ago.

Me: been on about 6 months. so how is Chicago?

Him: “Chicago is great…so what do you seek here?”

Me: “I guess someone to date. you? I see you are an architect? it says construction though?”

NOTE: I said this statement because just about every bogus account the job listed is construction.

Him: That is the closet to m line of work of all the professions there….I am to look for a woman i can spend the rest of my life, and not just any woman…someone who will understand and love me for who i am

Me: “I see. that makes sense. everyone wants someone who understands them  I imagine. Sounds much more serious than your profile!”

NOTE AGAIN. his profile was funny, articulate, and made you want to meet him. DUH!

Then the next message is this:

Him:

What do you do for a living?

How long have you been on this internet dating site?

How many man have you ever meet on here?

Where are they from?

Did you broke up with them or you are still dating them?

What do you seek for in a relationship?

What sort of relationship you seek for?

What are the basic qualities you seek for in a man?

What interests you?

You ever been married?

What do you do for fun?

Do you like public intimacy?

How long have you been single?

What’s being single like?

How do you treat your man?

Why do you need a man?

Can you love this man?

What is love to you?

Would you hit your man for any reasons?

Chat soon

Take Care and remain blessed.

I hope I have Put the Questions to your satisfaction and if not bring on more.

Jake Cares

NOTE: I was going to leave it at that, but I couldn’t!

ME: “yea I don’t think this is working well. Are you kidding me?”

Him: “I don’t quite get you.”

End of story. NOTE: account deleted. this one took a little longer than 10 minutes. Maybe he was waiting for me to respond.

Do women fall for these types of messages?  I also note that every bogus email, the  “writer” says ‘am an architect’ or ‘am a widower.’ Never ‘I am.’ And really, every message I have received does this, and clearly, we will never be short of construction workers, because a very high percentage says construction under the job heading.

GO WITH YOUR GUT

First an update on my update

I did hear from POF about my hacked profile.(see previous 2 post HACKED and HACKED UPDATE)  Pretty much the exact response my sister received, but they did respond to me.  end

AND NOW WE MOVE ON TO THIS WEEK’S WINNER

For close to 2 weeks , I was chatting with a guy we will call Bob.  No Robert, Bob is way too relaxed for this guy. Robert started every email with “How are you? Hope your day is going well.”  He ended every email  with, “have a blessed day.  hugs.”

He told me he is divorced, and has a daughter.  We had the usual chats, but there was always something going on in my head , that there is something off.  Half of his emails were sort of normal sounding, so I would think, oh don’t be silly, you are always looking for the evil in people! He asked things like do you have a pet, I told him a dog and then he asked what his name was. He asked what I was doing for the weekend, all legit questions. And when he asked “so where do you live?” my hair stood on end. He  could have meant the area, but I was so on guard I immediately thought he was hoping I would tell him my address.  He would say oh I bet it is getting cold there, wish I could be there with you.”  First it is July in DC. NEVER COLD.(OK so it went down to 55, a very rare event) Aside from that, maybe, because I was not so comfortable, it creeped me out.

But, really, it mostly was the way he wrote. It was very formal and felt scripted. Mostly it was his pat, strained answers. No levity, or lightness about it. I even wrote back once saying, “are you always this serious?” He really never replied to that.  One of his last emails, and yes you will  see why there was a last email,  said, “when I return from my business trip, where do you think a good place to meet would be?” I responded, with a non-committal reply, because I still had the thoughts buzzing in my head that something didn’t feel right. I said, well I guess someplace convenient to both of us would make the most sense.

The next email, and almost the last one, started off with “I hope you are well mentally and physically. I am writing this note to remind me of the good times we have shared.” SIDE NOTE –we haven’t met .

and here we go:

He wrote:  A lot of good and bad things have happened during our past, and would love for us to forget and face the future and also give each other chances to face the future.

I would also like to take this opportunity to say that you now fall as very important person in my life and still care a lot about you. I wish I could tell these things face to face, and, at the same time look into your eyes and sense your reaction to each one of my words. And these words would only reassure you of something you already know: I think i have feelings for you…

I wish you a great and blessed week

With a love from yours

Now, I went way past feeling a bit uncomfortable, to “who writes like that!” I replied by saying his email caught me by surprise , and that  I was not comfortable with his referring to the feelings he has developed ,because we have never met, and this is way too fast, considering.

The next day I receive the following email from him. it is a bit long, but the read will entertain you.

Once I read it, I knew right away,  always go with your gut feeling. gut1

Here is his email after I said HUH?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.

True love is the greatest thing that you can experience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness. It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed. To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust me  first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart. Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for her, to be with her, to cherish her, to fulfill her dreams, to share with her and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her. Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely. To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust. Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each other Someone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars; sometimes it’s a simple understanding and trust between two people..

I hope this email finds you well,hugs

With much love

As I read this,  I copied and pasted a paragraph from his email into Google and the first thing that popped up was just about the exact email in all its glory, under the site SCAM EMAILS.COM.

I was so annoyed I copied and pasted that email to him and said, “does this look familiar? Do not email me again.”

HERE IS THE EMAIL I FOUND ON SCAM EMAILS.COM

Hello How are you doing?

You need trust to love, but first you need to love in order to trust.To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back.The best proof of love is trust.True love is the greatest thing that you canexperience; it can weather any storm. Loving, trusting and respecting each other totally can bring you to true love and happiness It’s hard to love and hard to trust; but finding love and finding trust was a gift from you to me.Relationships should never be taken for granted. The choice of being with another life is an amazing thing. Trust, loyalty and respect are a must for eternal happiness. No matter how much you love someone if you don’t have these ingredients you will never succeed.To be in love means being patient but to be patient you must trust him/her first.You can never find love through the eye or ear, so you must trust the only thing that will never fade until you die, your heart.Love is like trust, when you find your special someone it is as if you’re trusting them with your heart.Trust is what you put in someone’s hands. Faith is what you hold on to.Trust is what makes everyone realize that you are always there for them. Faith is what makes everyone realize that you are always there to help them in case they need some help. Love makes not everyone, but the only one in your life who is special, think that you are always there for him, to be with him, to cherish him, to fulfill her dreams, to share with him and most of all, to make her realize how much you really love her.Distance doesn’t matter if you really love the person,what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.Without romance, love gets dry. Without respect, love gets lost. Without caring, love gets boring. Without honesty, love gets unhappy, and without trust, love gets unstable.Love is a wonderful gift; trust in it, believe in it, give it, and it will be returned to you to give again and again.You can get advice from family, friends and strangers, but the best advice comes from your heart; it never lies – trust it.There may be many people that are trustworthy, but only a few are worth trusting with your heart; choose wisely.To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. For you can love many, but without trust you have nothing.The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart.Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment,and love.Jealousy is not a sign of true love; it’s insecurities that comes in the way, ’cause love has just one important ingredient: Trust.Do you trust me?Love means never doubting anything. It means trusting and being honest with each otherSomeone can be as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside, but when he or she betrays your trust, they become the ugliest person in the world.Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes,perseveres.Love takes many things: trust, hope, wishes, dreams, and everything you’ve got, even when you know it’s not going be enough.Love is not always fireworks and shooting stars. Sometimes it is a simple understanding and trust between two people.

Do you know he emailed me the next day and said “ how are you today. Hope your day is going well. I don’t know what you are talking about. I write from my mind. How is your day going?”

I could have left it , but I was so furious, I wrote , ARE YOU KIDDING ME. DO NOT EMAIL AGAIN

And I am happy to say he hasn’t. And OKCupid removed his profile from the site, though I am sure he will pop up with another name and profile at some point.