Monthly Archives: July 2014

HACKED UPDATE

So maybe I jumped the gun. I felt violated when my profile was hacked on Plenty of fish. But now, it seems POF has come through….basically.  Though,  I still have not heard from them at all,  my sister, who has a profile on POF, emailed them on my behalf, explaining my hacked situation. She received an email including a sort of apology. More like ,”sorry for the inconvenience, “ but it is something. And they removed the Hacked profile under my user name on the dating site. She confirmed this but going onto the site and searching for my profile name, and it is gone! It took just a week, but they did it.

I do think their customer service options need major improvement, but I am glad they did something positive and took care of this issue. I wish I could find out the why and how of this hacking job, but I have to let it go. I can only speculate.

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On the same note,  I have emailed OKCupid about bogus/scam emails, and they have removed those users within 5 minutes. Maybe I was spoiled. Though wouldn’t it be nice if we never had to email them at all. Just a dream.

Are YOU on a Dating Site, Too?

We all know there are thousands of men and women on dating sites. They are found throughout the world , all ages, sizes, ethnic backgrounds and even  by relationship status.  This article discusses a study done by the PEW Research Group on online dating. It talks about online sites, phone apps, and the opinions of those who participate in online dating ,and even those who know someone who has done online dating. online

It did not surprise me that the majority of online daters are those in their 20’s to 40’s. And  equally surprising to me, a much, much lower percentage in the over 50 crowd. Apparently this is an update from a 2005 study. This was published in 2013. Attitudes seem to be more positive about online dating, though  there are still those who feel those who do online dating are desperate. Soon they will do a study on those people and we can write about that.

http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/10/21/online-dating-relationships/

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HACKED!

I was hacked. My dating profile on Plenty of Fish was hacked. I am now a blonde,  almost 30 years younger. But I  am getting ahead of myself. I always said, in my next life , I will come back as a 6 foot blonde, but since this one is fairly short, and I  am not ready for my next life quite yet, I am officially pissed off.

At 5:30 in the morning, I received a message on the dating site through my phone app. Too early for me to worry about responding to any message. Back to sleep I go.  A minute or so later, I received another. Within a few minutes, I had 8 messages. Being me, I immediately got suspicious. Just the other night, I was saying that I hadn’t had a new message in quite a while on that site. Hmmm. I thought, wow, someone must have stuck a naked picture on my profile. Am I psychic? No just seem to have trust issues.

By the 10th message, before 6 AM , I grabbed my phone and clicked on the POF app. It asked for my password. Odd , I thought, it always opens right up.  So I entered my password, and it tells me it does not match. I have had this password for a year or so. After a few tries, I clicked on reset my password, so I entered my email. “That email,” it says, does not exist in our database. “ Now I am annoyed and a little disturbed.

Had to leave for work, so when I got to my office I tried it on my desktop, and got the same results.

On the POF site, I am looking for the little link that says CONTACT US. There isn’t one! There is a HELP section, so I go into that and nothing fits for what has taken place with my profile. They let you know how to change your password, how to edit your profile, but nothing about contacting them.

So now I have to google customer service for POF.  To me, that was a bad sign. I find a page with a phone # and an email. Try the phone #, and I hear “ THIS MAILBOX IS FULL.” Again, not a good sign.

Yes, now I am pissed off even more.

I email the customer care address and over a day later, I have had no response. I know you are as shocked as I am. Yeah right.

I can get into the search part of POF. Go to username search, enter my , or what used to be my, user name. It  pops up and suddenly I am a 34-year-old thin blonde woman. For the record, I am not.

So it has my age, my city, my profession, and 4 pictures of a blonde woman. One of which she is wearing a low-cut, short  lace dress, in pink. Pink is not my good color.  Now the mystery is cleared up as to why I received numerous messages within minutes this morning!

Everything that I had written in my profile was there, except the part that  says, “I am 34 , don’t know why it has the wrong age.” (well I know why )  It did go on about what she likes etc. Nothing bad, just generic.

But left all my other stats.

I also googled “ my profile was hacked on POF.” A few surprises there too! POF was hacked a few years ago. And yes, basically, nothing was done. Clearly, this has happened before.  There was an article that stated that POF has virtually no security on the site. That the passwords of users on the site was written in plain text, so hackers can have a field day. Take a look.

http://krebsonsecurity.com/2011/01/plentyoffish-com-hacked-blames-messenger/

There were some forums where people asked the same question that I am dealing with, and was told to wait for the dating site to contact them. My guess, 3 years later, they are still waiting.

I finally realized there is nothing to do but wait to hear from POF. Not too optimistic about that. And, I have not created another profile on POF.

Check, Please

You are on a first date. A drink, a cup of coffee, or maybe dinner. Do you grab the check? Should he? Should one of you grab it and say ,” lets split it?” Here is a very interesting and somewhat controversial topic when it comes to dating. No , not up there with topics like gay marriage or fracking, but when one is dating, these things come up. I mentioned this in a previous blog post, Dutch Treat. I, personally , like the man to pay. Call me old-fashioned, but I have always experienced that, and I am not afraid to say, I like it. Most men, in my experience, don’t even hesitate to pay for the drink , dinner or coffee on the first meet and greet. And if we see each other a few times, it rarely (see blog post mentioned) comes up that I should pay or we should split it. And yes, there are always circumstance we may not know, or feminism at play, or a man who won’t feel like a man if he doesn’t pay. I actually have offered to split the check a couple of times, on the initial meeting, but the men have always insisted on paying. Even my friend in the aforementioned blog post, paid for our drinks on the first meeting. After that, it dwindled. And I noticed. check1 check

It is a personal choice in how to handle this when it arises. is it an age thing? Does it differ with the age of the man or woman? Do women want the man to know they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves in some cases, or will a man not feel like a man if the woman pays? So many questions. So many opinions.  Take a look at this link from an e-harmony blog. What do you think?

http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2014/07/11/first-dates-pay/?lcid=97107&laid=Links#.U82LsLFW7ZB

Answer Me!

If you get a message from someone, and you know you are not interested, do you answer them anyway? I have had some people tell me, “I answer everyone no matter what.” Usually this comes from a man. Others, both men and women I have found, say don’t answer if you dont want to start a conversation. So when you get a message that simply says “Hi” and you decide, either you aren’t attracted to that person or their profile, then don’t answer. Simple enough. But when they send a second message that says “ I see you didnt respond”, then what? Leave it alone? For me, it depends on my mood. I wrote back “ you are correct.”  I was not in a really good mood when I read it, so therefore, I did not ignore it. I am thinking that if I had wanted to return the Hi, I would have. Maybe I am busy. Maybe I dont want to. But persistence of this nature is a complete negative in my book.answer

I have initiated a few messages and if I don’t get a response, my immediate reaction is maybe they are busy or simply not interested. OK. Really my first response is, maybe they aren’t interested. Then, its, “Well, why aren’t they interested?” Then I may go to, “they could be busy.” It doesn’t take long, but I move on. I dont remind them, or persist, because if they wanted to, they would contact me.

So my persistent friend responded with, “nice meeting you. I won’t contact you again.” Yes a little huffy about it. No problem. Rejection sucks. But, was there a need for that? I did not respond- I let him get the last word in- shocking I know.

Part II: Are you  Single or Divorced?

Google definition of SINGLE : unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.

Dictionary definition of DIVORCED : to legally end your marriage with (your husband or wife)

: to make or keep (something) separate.divorce

Is there a difference in the scheme of things? On a dating site? Maybe the guy is trying to determine if you have ever been married. I look at it, as single is single. Meaning I am not married now, therefore, I am on a dating site.

But I get asked this a lot.. Are you single or divorced? I imagine if I said Single, that would indicate:

A. I am not seeing anyone

B. I have never been married.

If I say I am divorced, Then A. I was married and now I am not.

B. I am not in a relationship.

But single means that also. Either way, I am not in a relationship.
I do get asked frequently if I am married. I usually answer, “I am on a dating site, so therefore I am single.” Well, silly me. That doesn’t hold true, Because a couple of times a month, I get a married man sending me a message, with with either no photo, or one with his head missing. And that is before the Mrs finds out!

Relationship Material

http://www.washfm.com/onair/jenni-chase-54141/what-makes-a-woman-relationship-material-12536496

Okay ladies. Here is a breakdown of what men think is the most important personality trait a woman should have to be considered for a relationship. They are all important, but keep in mind these are personality traits. We are not looking at looks, profession, education etc.

I imagine somewhere we need to find the 4 most important traits for a man. Any suggestions?
Though I do think that all four listed for a woman, can work for a man as well, with maybe a tweak or two. Nurturing is usually reserved for women, but, I can already hear some arguing that men can be nurturing too.

I noticed on one of the dating sites, it gives an option for “relationship type”.
Here they are asking for monogamous or non-monogamous. But, they want you to add mostly or strictly. So what is mostly monogamous, as opposed to mostly non-monogamous? Wouldn’t that mean one is not monogamous, no matter how you want to word it? Am I reading it wrong?

Can we consider this a relationship trait? Here is the Google definition.
a distinguishing quality or characteristic, typically one belonging to a person.

So is monogamy a relationship trait? Maybe, throw it on the list. See what happens.

I guess if you are both mostly monogamous, or one of you is, and one is simply non-monogamous, that could work? How about loyalty? Can you be mostly loyal, or non-loyal? Is that the same as being mostly monogamous? My dog is mostly loyal, unless someone gives him a treat. Then he is mostly loyal to them. See, very confusing.

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