Monthly Archives: June 2014

Deal With It!

Image If you have a significant other, or if you don’t, this article is definitely informative.  Save it. It can help everyone out there. Most men don’t know how to deal with us, when rage has taken over. Yes, I know, not every woman is a bitch. I know a few who aren’t, but then again, I don’t see them on a daily basis. I also know MANY that are, and yes , I am not excluding myself. No need to elaborate. Read on.




Writing a profile? Sending a message? Make sure you have a good photo. Try to smile. And, equally important, remember spelling, grammar, and punctuation on occasion.  Sometimes I take a shortcut,  if it is a quick text. But, if I am on a dating site and looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, I think I would take some time to perfect my sentences. Use a spell check, look up a rule or two.  Know what you are saying and try to be presentable. Think of it as putting on some nice clothes , washing your hair, and wearing clean socks. It is one of your first impressions . Your soul mate could be on the other end of that sentence and you just blew it.


 I know I am not alone in this, because I have seen other blogs about poor grammar and spelling. I think it says a lot about a person. I know there are people that are simply bad spellers. Even with practice, I am not sure you can change that. Sort of like having a bad sense of direction, And yes, I am speaking from experience. I can spell with the best of them, used to win little spelling bees in elementary school. But I cant find my way out of a parking lot.  Maybe someday I will write about that. Kind of sad , but I have accepted this affliction.  We’ll save that for another time.

Take words like:


3 different words. 3 different ways to use them in a sentence.

Not, “your beautiful.” Cant even take that as a compliment.

THERE, THEIR and THEY’RE. This is a big one too. Show me you listened in school just a little bit.

“Oh  your from New York? I have never been their.” Double whammy! Good . Don’t come.

TO, TOO, TWO. Three of the simplest little words in our dictionary, yet so few people can use them correctly. At least the ones that are messaging me on the dating sites.

“ I like the beach to.

I can’t really explain why this is like nails on a blackboard to me, it is more a feeling that takes over my entire being. When I see little mistakes in a profile or in a message to me, I immediately develop attitude. Then sometimes I read it to see how many more errors I can find. Is it being too critical? I think it’s more of a preference.  

Switching THEM and THOSE as in , “Look at them shoes.” Makes me crazy!  It could be an educational factor, maybe someone who never listened in English class. That was my major in college.  And I will say, I loved English all through my school years before college. Even grammar lessons.  


One fine example is “if you don’t mine, you can text me”. Spelling , broken English? Not sure ,but it doesn’t matter. I “mined

Came across a profile- no picture . headline says: Tall, fit, and hansom.

See  wikipedia for “hansom cab.” The hansom cab is a kind of horse-drawn carriage designed and patented in 1834.  Image

That was it for me. Judgmental? Critical? Maybe.

Moving on. Are you?

I’m sensing a pattern. Sort of complicated pattern.  I meet someone online,  we talk, we maybe meet, it doesn’t pan out, and we move on. Or I move on. They don’t seem to move on. They resurface. They may wait months, but they resurface. I guess , as the old saying goes, if you don’t succeed at first, try try again. Not sure who said that, but apparently online dating men follow it.

First there is the category of talking on the site and never meeting. We may chat for an hour or maybe on and off for days, but if I know I don’t want to meet them in person, I attempt to nip it in the bud, as quickly as possible. Apparently, I am not fast enough, or I am not clear. Let’s see. “No I don’t think we should meet.” Clear to me. Maybe it is the word “think”. Does that give them hope? “She is thinking it is a bad idea, but I am sure I can change her mind.” I will have to go with the more forceful… NO.

Telling them I don’t think it is a good plan to meet, is the polite way of saying I am not attracted to you or I don’t like mustaches, (we’ll talk about that later) or you are too young or too old. We go through, “oh are you sure?” etc etc.  I make it clear. But, I see,  clear to me is not the same as clear to them. Then months later,  a message pops up and asks how I am , have I had any luck on the site, maybe we should meet. Obviously, I am still on the site, so I must be ready to change my mind and agree to meet them.  One fine example was someone I spoke with on and off for a couple of weeks, (more off than on) who wanted to meet for coffee. I did not want to and made it clear from the start. Not after weeks, but a day. He kept writing me for weeks and I kept saying , no problem chatting but no meeting. Told him he was too young, and I didn’t add annoying.  He was. “You wont regret it,”  he assured me.  No No and no. Did he accept that ? No. So I stopped replying and he comes back with “bet you never saw anyone as big as I am.” Really,  well now you’re talking. Never heard that one before. Sorry didnt work. Still didnt  answer. Months later, new message. “ hope you been doing great.” My guess is he figures it has been a somewhat long enough length of time, surely I won’t remember why I didn’t want to see him in the first place  or why I stopped talking to him. Or he didn’t remember why I stopped, but really, the  truth is, he probably never had a clue.   

Second category, talk for days,  sometimes weeks, we meet, no firecrackers go off, and thank you, but no thank you.

I will explain in the following paragraph, when I did meet someone for a drink,  I let him know that it wasn’t what I am looking for,  and that didn’t work either. It works for a while, but runs out of gas really quickly, and  another attempt is made.

Now I referred to this guy in my previous post, as “Mr. Black Coat.” The guy who never took off his coat when we met for a drink.  The scenario played out like this:

We meet for a drink at a bar last winter. As I mentioned, we had talked for weeks, and he finally said let’s meet .  Personable, and nice. I keep using nice. But he was. A regular guy. Wait, could that be the problem? I digress.

I arrive at the bar and he is there already.

He had a big, black coat on (aka Mr. Black Coat)and never stood up the entire time until we left.

When he got up, I realized, he was hiding his lower half under the coat. it wasn’t cold in there , so that is my theory.

Embarrased? Hiding? doesnt matter, but I didn’t like the deception. At least I saw it as deception.

The next day, not wanting to prolong things, I texted him and told him I didn’t seem to be on the same page as he was, as far as attraction. “Can’t help who we are attracted to or not,” I said. It is or it isn’t. I was very polite and even nice. I even use that word for me too sometimes.  He was nice, again nice. I didn’t want to be hurtful, just not drag it out.

So what is the  correct, or maybe, polite way to tell someone “I simply am not attracted to you?”  Yes, I can easily say, I am not attracted to you. Simple and to the point. If a guy is being an ass or his personality does not warrant niceness, then most likely I would not have a problem telling him that.

But then months later, I get a message from “Mr. Black Coat” asking how I am and how were things going.

“Fine,” I said . Caught him up on a couple of events and asked how he was. Did I just open a can of worms because I responded?  Apparently I did. Without the intention of doing just that, my worms escaped.

I received  a message, a week or so later, which said,

“what was it about me that turned you off?

where can I make improvements? I was very attracted to you and you weren’t by me- perplexing.”

What does one say to this? I want to say let it go , move on.  But that sounds mean. Perplexing? Not sure it is such a mystery. Because one person is attracted to the other, it doesn’t always get reciprocated. I have been on both sides of that fence before. It is not pleasant, but such is life. Politely I wrote back,after a few hours, and said ,”That is not easy to explain. Maybe it is a chemistry thing that was missing.”  Skirted the “I am not attracted to you physically,” issue.  He responded with , Well back to the lab” Ok good. keeping a sense of humor about it. and I told him that. I’Il let him have the last word. He said “one has to have  a sense of humor, but i still enjoy looking at you. “  As long as it is simply gazing at  my pictures on the dating site.

Dutch Treat

I went out with someone a few times. I know. A little shocking. Made it past date one and date two. Keep in mind it was over a period of about 2 months, but , nonetheless, it was with the same person. Then we even progressed to date 3 and 4.  Nothing to get overly excited about, because it is over now. But we did make it to 5 dates. A record. Not for me personally, but for me on a dating site. But  I am giving you the ending before the beginning. Though, there are people I know that like to read the ending to a book , and then read the book. Never could understand that, but lets save that for another time.

I meet this guy for a drink one evening after messaging back and forth for a couple of weeks. Fun conversations, interesting topics. We seem to hit it off and there was somewhat of an attraction between us. We went out once after that initial date, again for a drink.  Weeks go by and we chat thought texts, and phone calls. We seemed to have some difficulty pinning down a time we could agree on to meet up, mostly because our schedules were getting crazy. And as I mentioned, we did go out a couple of times after the frist. In case you aren’t counting , that is four dates. And I say ‘Date’ loosely. It was a date, in the sense that we met somewhere.  We would have a drink, maybe two , talk. He would ask to come to my house. I would say no. Then he would ask if i would come to his house. I would say no. Then he would offer to bring wine- be still my heart, but again , I said no.  Why, because I was sensing a pattern, but still, contrary to my usual nature, I was trying to be optimistic.

Thanksgiving comes and goes, and I go out of town to see family.He has plans to do the same, with a few texts keeping up the communication.

Christmas comes and I already had plans to go out of town to see one of my sons.  I texted him “Merry Christmas”, and he returned the same.

I returned home a few days before New Years Eve. No word from him since the Christmas greeting. I thought, at this point, since we had seen each other a number of times, he would see what I was doing New Years Eve,  maybe we would plan to get together. Nothing. And no, I  didn’t bring it up. I think all along I was trying to figure out if this was going anywhere.

So a month later he calls and asks if I want to go out to a movie and something to eat. I said, “sure, that sounds good. “

I figured it has been months and we are having something closer to a “real date.”  He says. OK, I’ll pay for the food and you get the movie.”

Call me old fashioned, but I was taken aback.  I caved, deciding oh ok, why not?   I ordered the tickets online. He picked me up and we went to a place in the area where the movie is located. Ordered a glass of wine and we got some menus, on his suggestion. “ Maybe we should get something to eat before the movie.”  Sipping the wine, he closes his menu, and announces to me,  “Well, he said, “there is nothing here to eat, so lets go somewhere else.”  Again, I was a bit surprised, since the menu is expansive and really good. And, he neglected to  ask me if I thought the same thing. Nope. We were out of there.

Lucky for me, there was a bar/restaurant, just down the block from that place.  Walked in, headed to the bar, and before I could decide on red or white,  he ordered 2 waters. Surprisingly, there was an appetizer he could tolerate, and we each had a small appetizer, and left for the movie. This is not sitting well with me.ImageImage

I did enjoy the movie though. American Hustle. Movie over, and home we go. I go. Alone. My choice, not his. He had a different suggestion, but I vetoed that.

My decision was made. I wasn’t feeling it. I didnt want him over, I didn’t want to go there. I am not a fan of dutch treat, among other things that popped up during our five date run.  Spoiled? Old fashioned thinking? Call it what you will.  I broke it off , telling a fib. Told him I started seeing someone else and I needed to see how that would go. He sent me a sad face on text. It didn’t break my heart.

He called again a few months later asking how I was , and was I still seeing this “made up” man. I answered and told him fine. He was fine too. Still wasn’t feeling it.Image

I See You

If he looks at my profile, and then I look at his profile, and then he looks at my profile…. you get the picture. This guy looked at my profile at least 7 or 8 times. I looked at his almost as many times. There was at least some curiosity on both of our parts. He looked, and seemed, a bit more straight laced than I usually go for. His profile emphasized a spiritual and faith based life, which I can say, I do not follow. He mentioned he goes to church every Sunday, which I do not. Oh yea, The Jewish part negates that. He also said that material things are not important, and if one is looking for a guy with money, then he would not be the one. Hmmm. Not necessarily looking for someone with money, but my mother always said, you can date/marry a rich guy as easily as a poor guy. I think because I married the poor category back in the day. Come on, it does help, doesn’t it? But the blond hair and blue eyes caught my eye. OK, so he looked like a previous boyfriend of many years ago, so I kept looking when he looked.

I decided to send a short note since we had been peeking at one another . Which is how I put it to him.

“How are you? Since we have been peeking at one another I thought I would say hi.” A week or so goes by, and he finally responded.

He says ” Hi. You really seem interesting. but my hesitation has been that you only have head shots on your profile.”

I have to say I was bit taken aback. Should I have been? I don’t know , but that had never come up before. If I am so interesting, and you liked the head shots, then message me and ask me for a photo. Or ask why I don’t have a full picture.

I did respond and said “Oh wow , I never thought about that. “ Playfully I added, “Well I am not hiding anything and everything is there.” Then I said ,” I will look for a picture, at least one I would  be willing to share. Or maybe I will take one. Out of curiosity, what are you trying to determine by the full picture?”

No answer for a few days and then he responded with” I’d like to see what you look like.”

Fair enough. For the record,  I did meet a guy for drinks once, and we had chatted for weeks. He was at the bar when I got there, never got up( that is another story)  and had a  long  black coat on the whole time.  When we left to go to our respective cars, I  realized that he was hiding his lower half under his coat. So yes, I could understand Blondie wanting a full body photo. I should have asked Mr. Black  Coat for a full body photo.

So I took a picture. A selfie, which I really hate taking because they I never like them. I posted it on the dating site and guess what?

He visited my profile again and  never commented or sent a message after that. I guess I didn’t pass the full body  picture test for him. Did it make me feel bad? Yes it did. Sure I know that not everyone is attracted to everyone. He certainly was attracted to me from the head up!  I dont know why it bugged me. And why did I want to continue this, if just by reading his profile, I realized we were quite opposite in many ways? I guess everyone wants acceptance in whatever form they can get it.  Did I mention he never drinks alcohol either?

It’s a Small World

I want to know why someone starts a conversation with me, I assume it is “normal”, and it goes south, almost immediately. Mid fifties, good job, lives about an hour from me. Started off with regular chatter. By the third sentence he is asking what position I like. I said, “hey rather not have this conversation.”

He apologizes for being so crude. The next day started off with a friendly good morning message.  I respond briefly, since I am at work. He then asks if I like weekend getaways and when was the last time I was with a man? What? I said,” I guess you don’t mean out for a drink? “

He laughs and says, “I am  going on a business trip and will be back Wed. Do you like to be on top?”

Somewhere I missed the segue! There is nothing matching  this question and answer period . Again, I point out that I am not getting into this conversation since we were only trying to set up a meeting, which I was quickly re-thinking. He goes on his trip, probably thinking of more out of context questions. He messages me while he is gone and said, “I like you. I think we will get along. “    Returns from his travels , now he is back in town and messages me with, “how are you? want to come to my house for dinner?”

“Gee thanks for the offer, but no. Haven’t even met yet. “

“Ok” he replied, “I understand. You will love my kisses.” Another leap.

Step back buddy. then he starts with his preferences, of what he likes and doesn’t in a partner. . so I said,” hey,  lets not go there now. IF we ever meet,” which again, I was rapidly second guessing, “we can have other conversations.”…maybe.

Get ready to leap. “ok what size shoe do you wear? “

Now I know I missed that train that just went by. But of course, I had to answer at this point.

“8 ½ why?”

“Curious”, he says. Without wondering why he is curious as to my shoe size and not my bra size, as most men want to know, I joked and said ,”and what size are you? haha”

Immediately the response is, “I am a 9, so if you are looking for a large man I am not your guy. See me naked and you will sing, ‘it’s a small world.’ “

I was glad this was only messages, because I just  burst out laughing.

I said to him, “ How does one answer that. What woman doesn’t like a large man ?”I wrote back to him. “Haha” again, keeping it light.

His response, “ so you only like large men?” I decided not to answer that, but apparently, he took my haha as of course!

I said, ” one needs to be attracted to someone and like them, and then see what happens. If this is what you are looking for I am not your man! (taking his sentence, threw a little humor in it to lighten the load) I told him, “ from sentence 2, you were only talking about sex. “

He says, “I want a friend and a lover. “

“Granted, I get that”  I said . “ That could be acceptable, but one needs to see if there is an attraction because we still haven’t met.”  Boy, I was getting tired of saying that line.

Yes I saw his picture, and we weren’t talking George Clooney., but I was going to be open minded.

Then he finally says, I dated a woman for 2 months and we finally had sex and  I wasn’t large enough.”

Well here we are. No wonder. He was traumatized and probably felt he needed to lay it all out up front before I sang ‘Its a Small World.’

I told him I agree it was hurtful what the lady said to him, and one has to see if one is attracted to someone, without worrying about shoe size.  I believe he did not like my somewhat ,not gushing ,”I cant wait to meet you,” response.  And I didn’t meet him. Lots of reasons which aren’t hard to figure out. And not just shoe size.