Monthly Archives: May 2014

How Much for THAT One?

Here is an idea. Dont want to spend hours on dating sites plowing through profiles. Is he cute? Is he funny? Is he the one?

Who cares. Now you can rent a guy. Good looking, muscles, nice, funny, for whatever you need. No commitment. No wondering if he will call. They even have husbands renting these gentleman for their wives as a fill in if they are out of town or don’t want to do something. Dangerous? Could be. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Now the article states clearly, no sex, no touching. Hmmm . No reason to believe it isn’t true. No reason to believe everyone follows that either. What do you think?

http://www.wtop.com/1226/3629480/Women-hire-hunks-through-Rent-A-Gent 

Pre- Relationship Break Up

This one took about 8 days. Should I count that as a pre-relationship?    Or maybe an ”ex, I havent even met you yet relationship? “

I didnt think, “ oh boy here comes another one”, until I realized there can always be a contender for another biggest loser prize. He started out as someone I thought I could plan a meet and greet, maybe even a real date with.  Ha.

Enter a guy who contacted me on OKC. We chatted on the site for a few days and then graduated to speaking on the phone and texting. Conversations were interesting, telling about each other, what we enjoy , etc. We even had the New York, New Jersey thing in common, and both were living in this area. The usual get to know you stuff.  He added, many times, “ Can’t wait to meet you. We will hit it off so well.”

He lived about 30 min from me, easily workable.  We figured out we could meet the coming Saturday. He called me Friday night before the “date” day. We talked for a while and decided we would meet at 3 PM.  Maybe a cup of coffee to start. Maybe a movie or dinner if we decided we were enjoying ourselves. Said he would call or text on Saturday to confirm. He did- not another stood up story. Well close, if you continue reading.

I get a text at noon on Saturday. Three hours before zero hour. . Keep in mind I just showered , so I can run some errands before I would be meeting him. The text says to begin, “I have some bad news.”  Never a good start. So with a concerned text, I said , “Oh, is all ok?”

He replies “well last night I had a surprise date with a woman (when we spoke that previous evening he said he was meeting his buddy). What exactly is “a surprise date with a woman”? Didn’t bother to ask. He continues with “ we hit it off so well, and I am really attracted to her. I couldn’t be unfair and meet you, want to kiss you ( ummm sorry? ) and be thinking of her. It just wouldn’t be fair to you. Can we take a break?”

Where do I start? Want to kiss me? I’m thinking coffee, and he is kissing me. A break? We hadn’t even met yet. Don’t think we were quite up to needing a break from one another.

Well it had been at least 8 days of texting. Maybe that is his idea of a long term relationship. I responded. “No break needed. Move on. If you drooled over me for a week and someone turned your head that quickly, I’m good.”

First he says, “well you kind of insulted me when I first hit on you on OKC.” Hit on me? See, right there you should have said when I showed interest. “ Anyway, he goes on to say, “you said you were looking for a real man. And that was insulting.” Let’s not mention that he never brought this up in the week + we had communicated. Guess he was searching for ammunition.

Whoa! Defense counsel stepping in here. I quickly went back to my text messages, because I know I didn’t and wouldn’t say that.  And don’t think I didn’t text him right back. I told him I checked the messages and here is what the exchange was.

He had said to me initially, “What are you looking for?”. (Which I find guys many times ask at some point.) So tongue in cheek, with my favorite sarcastic tone,  I said “I’m looking for a man. HA.” Yes, I had even added the HA so one can quickly see that I am joking.  And we had discussed NY style attitude and sarcasm. And nowhere did I say, “real man. “

What did he respond to? “Drool? That’s insulting to me . I was interested in you.”

Oh. Damn, if only I had known.

You Made Me Do It

Things that Drive Women to Cheat

A recent study found that 73% jumped in bed with another man because of irritating behaviors.

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According to theHuffington Post, here’s a rundown of the 10 most irritating behaviors that the women used as excuses for cheating.

I am glad it says “used as excuses”. It is always good to blame the other party. “You made me do this. How can you be so sloppy? No wonder I cheated!” Most women could be in bed with a different someone every night of the week,  if we go according to this list.  No one can disagree that these traits are annoying.  Cheating is one answer, or you could discuss with the offending party  (yes I know. Who am I kidding?) or end the relationship.  Multiple offenses? Move on.

1. He lacks a sense of humor – 19%

2. He’s not understanding enough – 16%

3. He’s not good in bed – 14%

4. He lacks good manners – 11%

5. He’s lazy and doesn’t have any life plans – 10%

6. He doesn’t care about his appearance and has poor hygiene – 9%

7. He’s not successful – 7%

8. He doesn’t pay enough attention to details and social obligations – 5%

9. He’s unable to clean up after himself and he’s a mama’s boy – 5%

10. He’s stingy – 4%

One of These is Not Like the Other

My kids used to watch Sesame Street. One of their favorite segments was:

“Which picture is not like the others?”   They see 3 of the same objects and one that is a different shape and color . Pretty obvious, and to a 3 year old, it is a challenge.

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Here is the new challenge. One of the many candidates on the dating site that I can choose from. Can you pick out which one does not belong with the others?

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But there are questions.  Is it his hair or an extension? Does he go to the same hairdresser as Taylor Swift or did he just bring in a photo of her and Lindsay Lohan to show his hairdresser because he couldn’t decide? I mean which way should you have the curls flowing? Left or right? So many decisions.

A Happy Camper

I dont camp. I don’t hike. I even made a note of that in my profile that states that I am not much of a camper or outdoorsy type of person. I added this tidbit to my profile, because there are many men out there who put these as their first 2 favorite things to do. These are my least favorite things to do. I can sit on a beach, I can walk through a park, but by then I have reached my limit. I walk,  do the elliptical, but not up a mountain or through dense brush. I am not a pris. I can get dirty with the best of them and sweat, etc. But, I am convinced no one reads the actual profiles, because camping is a big hit with some.

Why stay in a tent, when I can be in a hotel? Someone else can make my bed, that I don’t need to roll up in the morning. And , coffee is right there in my room, and a very air conditioned dining room with a lovely buffet waiting for me.

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I went camping when I first got married many years ago. I didn’t camp then, in fact, I had never been camping. I grew up in New York City. But I was newly married and figured, I will go with my husband.  HA! He is from Georgia.  Yes, the New York /Georgia is another story. We went with 3 other couples.  We got everything set up, found the bathrooms, Yes bathrooms . No woods for me!

I was upset because the zipper on the tent was broken.

“I can’t sleep in a tent with the zipper broken!” I cried. “ What about bears?”

“Bears?” my “I love to camp husband,(now EX)” said to me. “A bear will not take the time to unzip the tent door. It will rip open the canvas and come in”!

Oh that helped.

The next time I went camping with him we now had 2 children, ages 3 and 5 at the time. We, well, the royal we, He , put up the tent.  We all get in the tent to get our sleeping bags ready and he kicks over the lantern. , It shatters. Kids scream. Now I am running out of the tent with 2 small children, while he cleans up the broken glass. That was my last camping trip and that was 30 years ago.  Bed and Breakfast anyone?

Let Me Read From You, and Other Assorted Phrases

Clearly I am not looking at the men who are looking at me.

I see someone, click on their profile and even read what they have to say.   Sometimes I message them first. Say something clever or just, “hi how are you?”

And nothing. Deadness. Darkness. I have had a couple of responses of men that are flattered that I would do that first, but it is rare. And then it fizzles out. Maybe they are just being polite. Hey, it’s happened.  And even more rare that I get a response at all.

Then I go into the “Viewed Me” section and there is a whole slew of pictures that I have never seen. Something is not synced. Not one that I can see in the “viewed me” section,  is also in the section “I viewed”. Polar opposites. Is my criteria out of whack?

I get messages , but not from the guys I look at and feel I would be interested in. Is that something that needs to be analyzed ASAP? No need. Always barking up the wrong tree and looking at, and for, the wrong men.

 Once in a very long while, I will get a message from someone I have just viewed. Well here we go again. Usually, and that is no exaggeration, they start with, how awed they are by my beauty and would I be their friend. So send me your mail or call me.

I saw a profile and thought , I will take a peek at this one. What he wrote sounded great and a fairly attractive guy , even if one of the pictures was him wearing camouflage and holding an assault rifle. The other one was just in jeans and a t-shirt. I didn’t write him, just looked. Next day I get a message from him.

“Hi Cutie. How are you ? Love your lips.”

Yes I responded anyway. “ Honesty is good” I said. “A different approach.”  Figured make light of the lip thing and see what he says.

What did he say? Your curiosity is going crazy right? Well, he began with, “ he was cool and lonely. Any man would be fortunate to have me.” And then came, “You can reply me. Let me pray you are single.”

That did it. I wrote back and said “ I am single that is why I am on a dating site.” But your message is like many others with broken English and in the military. Where are you?”

 Yep another one bites the dust.

 I have found that all of these messages, with “please reply me” and “I barely come to this site so send me your email and phone number,” “I am a widower so can we know more?”  all, within minutes to 24 hours, have deleted their accounts.

One of my favorites is “let me share my photos with you and see where chemistry hold in hands” “Let me read from you.”

Amazingly, all good looking guys who disappear as soon as you call them on their phrases and occupations. I would say 90% of these say they are in construction. When I ask what they do, I never get a straight answer. One said “I am a self-employed.”  

“A self-employed what ?’ I asked.

“Build from scratch and sell it off.”

Still trying to find someone to interpret that for me.

 

 

 

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