Monthly Archives: November 2013

Happy Endings

I chatted with a guy, in his early fifties.  Flattering conversation. Well of course it would be, I mean, you are not going to say things that are unflattering. We start with some preliminaries. What do I do, and then I ask what he does. He says he has a business and that he mainly works as a massage therapist. HMMMM Okay,  I won’t question…yet. We talk a few times and I agree to meet for coffee.  Perfect gentleman, got my coffee, found a nice table outside to enjoy the weather. He was dressed quite casually, gym shorts and a t-shirt, but explained he was going to a client after he and I had our meet and greet. I was casual also, but maybe not as casual. No problem. It was coffee.  Conversation went well and we talked about an hour and a half. I decided after a bit, to ask about his work. “Do you have your own office space where your business is, or do you work with someone else?”  


He smiled , a little evil grin spread across his face.  “Oh, I work all over the area,” he said. “I go to people’s homes and I set up there.” OK I have heard of this before, but yet I was feeling like there was more. Well, because there was!


He begins to explain that he will go to individual homes and give massages. and I quote, “from top to bottom”. I couldn’t let that statement slide, so hesitantly, I asked, “what exactly do you mean?” He said, quite seriously, “I will massage any or all parts. And pretty much anything else they ask for.”

This got my attention. I assume it is all women, though I should not really assume anything! “Yes, it is all women and I have a lot of repeat customers.”


I’m thinking, I  bet you do. He then explains that he is really good at what he does. So I had to ask, really why shouldn’t I, “Are you dressed when you do this?”


“Only if they want me to be,” he says. Now he really has my attention. Turns out he will be happy to disrobe, if it is requested, and it seems that it is requested quite often. “So, technically,” I ask, “you give massages with happy endings?”


“Oh we never have sex.” Said with a very straight face and serious tone. “They can only touch me.”

“But you are naked?”

“If they want me to be.”

“Are they?”

“Well of course. They are getting a massage.”



“Maybe i can set one up for you,” evil grin with a somewhat serious tone.  Honestly I have never had a massage. Don’t know why, but never really desired one, though I know it would be good for stress relief. But I also knew this was not going to happen.  We then continue the conversation just about what would be considered mundane topics at this point. Somehow we wander back to the massage conversation, again DUH,  and I ask, “How did you get into this?”

Straight faced and quite proud, he says, “I used to do soft porn. You can look me up online.”

Yes, of course I did later on when I got home. Just because I didn’t want a massage, didn’t mean I couldn’t peek.  You know you would have too.. Did I get my massage? …NO. did not. Couldn’t bring myself to do it. But we chat occasionally, he sort of checks in to see if I have changed my mind, and to reassure me, the offer still stands whenever I am ready. 

It’s Not My Fault!

 Phones! Text Messages! Laptops! The choices are endless and the temptations unfair, aren’t they?

Someone or something has to be blamed if you or your significant other strays.  Seems women  are the biggest culprits. It has to be the phone’s fault that it is so easy to find someone, or text them if one is bored. Well it certainly explains the married people on all of the dating sites. Damn internet!



Spicy and Dicey

Enter aspiring author in his mid fifties. Once again, no picture, but did say in his message he would be happy to send one. His message was a little silly and caused some eye rolling, but a bit entertaining.   Said he lives in California but would be traveling here for business, and would I like to have dinner?  I decided to decline after a few more messages, which will not be hard to understand as you continue to read.  Playfully, he gave me a list to check off which sentence described my thoughts. For example:

1. do I have so many guys messaging me that i cant possibly respond

2. you sound sweet but i am diabetic

3. you sound like a nut and i am allergic.


You get the gist. And the eye rolling.


He added that he was a writer of short spicy stories and did I want to read one? Hmmmm not really sure about that. The thoughts going through my head were basically, I don’t know you and I don’t want to read spicy anything from someone I don’t know. I don’t even like spicy food!   Ordering a book from Amazon or getting one from the library, where I can read a summary or a book cover to see the subject matter, would be a different story ( no pun intended). I have read my share of spicy, 50 Shades of Grey, for example,  and other assorted spicy morsels.


Being a closet writer, after a bit of  deliberation, I decided I would like to see what he had. I sent him my email and he sent me a story.  Starting to read, I realized the character had the same name as I did!  WAIT. He had changed the female character to my name! And yes, a little note,  I made the mistake of ending one of my messages with my first name.  Now, of course, a bit late,  I  double check to make sure I don’t inadvertently sign my name until I decide I want to give my name. He had signed his right away on his messages, which I have noted, many men do without hesitation.  And, yes, of course, the male character had his name!  Well, spicy was an understatement. This was 4 hot chile peppers next to the word spicy!


I told him that his writing is good,  but this deserved an “R” rating!  That just fueled the fire. Of course now I received a second story. This one at least 5 hot chile peppers!  I was now getting uncomfortable.  No need to see anymore. And please don’t use my name. EVER.  think spice affects one’s listening skills, because then story # 3  shows up. Normally, curiosity wins out , but this one I deleted and never responded. Happy to say, no more have shown up and I am hoping I don’t hear from him, ever. And yes he also sent me a picture, That didn’t help me want to read the stories either.

Honestly I Never Lie…… Really

One evening I was on the site when I recieved a message from someone,  who seemed to  be a  handsome looking man in his fifties.  We chatted and he said he wanted to learn about me.  I gave him some minimal information,  without revealing too much. Then, after a bit he said do you have a yahoo address? I have had this before- they seem to want to move off the dating site to chat- either the IM on the site is “too slow”, or he is having trouble on the site. These are reasons I have heard before , so immediately I am suspicious. He tells me he is in the army. Oh, I said, what do you do? He says “I am on a peacekeeping mission”, (which, to me,  is an odd way of saying what you do and where you are) so I  ask, are you in Afghanistan? He says yes, Kabul. I will be home in 3 months- this is my last mission. So after a bit, I gave him my yahoo email and he sent me a few  pictures- one in fatigues, one in front of  a helicopter, and one lounging on a chair in civilian clothes.  He tells me his rank and that he has 37 men under his command. Now he gives me his name, Roy James. (Just to note, I do not use names in this but , since I am sure it is not his name, and is very relevant to the story, I am putting it here.)  Now, he asks if we can get on yahoo messenger video. Wouldn’t normally agree,  but this way I could confirm a few things, because woman’s intuition was kicking in. We went on yahoo messenger and I immediately say, you look very different than your picture. He says  oh yes, my men told me I have put on a few pounds. I am thinking, well I don’t know if the problem is that you have gained weight, because I haven’t ever  seen you, but he definitely wasn’t looking too much like the pictures he had just sent me. I think to myself, why not send something current? So now my senses are really kicking in and I decide to cut the conversation short and say I have to go.  

The next day I get on the site and someone else  IM’s me. This one has no picture, but I begin chatting anyway.  Where do you live I ask- his profile said New Jersey. He said I am away from home. I am on a peacekeeping (his word) mission . I am in the army. Sound familiar? Where I ask- Kabul, he says.  But, he adds, I am going to be home in in 3 weeks- this is my last mission. Remember bachelor #1, was 3 more months.  I ask what is your rank, and yes, it was the same as bachelor #1, but his job was just a bit different. Then,  here we go, do you have a yahoo address? Why? I ask.  I am having trouble downloading my pictures, he says.  OK that was a new one I  hadn’t heard yet. I do give him my address because now I want to see his pics, because there is an alarm going off in my head. He says his name is Alex James. hmmmm , seeing a pattern? Yep same last name,  Maybe you have guessed it….. it was the same man in  the pics from bachelor # 1, but different shots. One was on a carrier, one was with another man at a party, and one was by a house.  I nearly choked!  I said, hold on- and told him I was chatting with someone the day before and he sent me pics of the same man. What, he screams, in email language, someone is using my pictures?? I reply that I really have no idea what is going on but I will find out. He says, give me his email address. Yeah right! No, I think I will handle this myself I say and scurry off yahoo.

The next day, day # 3, I get messages from ‘both’ gentlemen, each in a snit because “someone is using his pictures”. Separately, I email them and say,  both army, both in Kabul, last mission, home soon and same person in pics. Then I add, do not email me again, Well Roy , bachelor # 1, emails me anyway, and says who is using my pictures? how is that possible? I was brought up not to lie! REALLY? I did not respond at all. And then later on that day he sent an IM again and 2 days later a few  BUZZ messages on messenger though he has been deleted  from my contacts.  

Fast Forward, to another dating stie, that I joined also. Guess who? Different name, different location, but it was definitely one of the “James boys”. Same guy, different poses. I also received a message on Chemistry from “Edward”, army fatigues, location-kabul, and yes a peacekeeping mission in Afghanistan. Different photo. I think there is  a gang called The Peacekeepers, infiltrating dating sites everywhere.


Just a quick update, I have had 3 more instances where I have received messages,  from 3 different men, different names and locations, all with the same man in the photo as both James boys. Busy busy man . Couldn’t resist so I wrote back and said you have tired this many times before on 3 different sites  with the same pics, different names. OOOPS. No response. Until next time.