Monthly Archives: September 2013

You Talking to Me?

Lets discuss the 40 something man who sent me a message.  Love your profile. I find you so attractive. Then, tell me, what you are looking for on this site? Immediately I am thinking, what am I looking for? Is that a trick question? Should I even answer? Well, if I am in an adventurous mood I will answer, and needless to say, I did. Lets see, I am looking for someone to date and have fun. Generic enough I thought. So his next message was , shall I say, blunt.  Right to the heart of the matter.  “Are you interested in a sexual relationship?”   No beating around the bush for this one. Usually they build up to it and pretend to make conversation first.  Being playful ( not always recommended) I said, “no not really. Though they seem to find me”. His response, and I will say within seconds was “ Are you a submissive?” Didn’t see that one coming! (must have read 50 Shades of Gray and thought he would jump on the bandwagon)

Have to say, that one threw me! No more being playful because this guy means business. NO! I answered . One would figure he will move on. Not a chance. Seems to be a trend . He comes back with “Oh I don’t mean I like pain or to give pain ( always a plus in my book) I just like to be in control. He continues with, I like to tell the woman what to do. So what do you think?  NO!  One word. Simple answer. No thinking involved. Should I tell him I don’t like to be told what to do, and it stems back to my childhood?  Nah, why open that can of worms! This time it worked. No more contact. Whew. I am sure there is some lonely submissive out there waiting for him.

Red Flags

I had a texting stalker.  We started chatting on the site. Again, nice enough guy I thought. Well there goes first impressions. His picture was a long distance shot. Standing on a beach in a wet suit. Hard to tell, but I thought, okay, we can chat.  We set up no less than 3 meetings for coffee, none of which actually took place.  The first 2 just fizzled out and never materialized because he couldn’t commit to a day. RED FLAG.  The 3rd and last attempt,  we had a time and a place. 7:00 pm. Starbucks. (gave in on this because Starbucks is not my first choice. that could be another conversation sometime) He would text me when he was on his way. No text.  I sent a text at 6:45 saying, are we still meeting? At this point,  I had already lost all interest, but of course had to make my point. He said, well, I am having trouble getting a babysitter. A babysitter? There was never a mention of a child in the many conversations we had. RED FLAG # 2. Waited about 15 minutes and I received a text saying it wasn’t going to happen because he couldn’t get a sitter.  Damn straight it was going to happen.

Now I am done. 2 red flags and I learned my lesson. Did it stop there? No! Now I begin receiving  at least 10 texts a day saying how he is thinking of me and wants to meet. He knows we have chemistry. blah blah blah. I  am not answering these until one comes that says he NEEDS to meet me. I write back, in no uncertain terms, and in all CAPS… DO NOT TEXT ME AGAIN or I will report you.  Turns out I didn’t have to because when I went on the site I saw his profile  had been deleted due to improper activity with members. Yes, Red Flag # 3. And I thought I was special. But, not to worry, we were not done yet! A few months later he resurfaced.  I received another message on the site asking how I was  and do I want to meet. Yes guess who. My texting stalker was back, under a new profile name.  Red Flag # 4.  Better left unanswered I thought and all has been calm since. Well with him anyway. There are others out there just waiting to find me I am sure.

But wait. There is more. Red Flag # 5. I got a message from what appeared to be a fairly good looking man. He was mid- fifties- I know! I am slipping! He said he would like to meet me  and get to know me. I was being playful and I said oh why do you want to meet me? He responds with  “ I miss you!”   I scroll down and this turns out to be my texting stalker! Under a new name and clearly using a random picture-  I  felt violated! I said NEVER and deleted him. In retrospect, I should have noticed that all the names he used had the word ‘sail’ in them. That could have been a hint, but the picture threw me! Learned my lesson. AGAIN.

Do you believe in love at first sight?  Can you know you have met your soul mate after 1 hour, one day, or one week?  It can and  has happened. I have always been skeptical of knowing immediately you have met “the one”.  Yes, there is immediate attraction, but marriage is a giant leap. I am happy for those that it works for. For the rest of us, who cautiously tip toe through the dating experience, maybe we just need more time.


Yes, I said NO

Don’t get me wrong, there are many men looking for an actual relationship on these sites. Maybe I am not attracting them or maybe I am not attracted to those who are seeking that. That will be a different therapy session I haven’t had yet. There is time for that.

One man who I responded to seemed like  a nice enough guy. Yes, I  saw his picture and thought he is no Adonis, but,  is that the only important thing? I worked on convincing myself that it is not, and I agreed to meet him for coffee. To be fair, we met  halfway between our homes, because he lived at least an hour from me. We actually spoke on the phone a couple of times before our actual meeting, and I did hesitate after that experience. He had a very heavy, thick, I almost can’t understand you,  southern accent. Not an issue ordinarily,  I was married to a Georgia boy. But this was one of those really slow accents, where I wanted to pull the words out of his mouth for him. Keep in mind I am originally from  NYC,  though I  live in Virginia which in my book is still the south. My mouth and brain work faster than he could speak.  But yet, again, I decided not to be a snob, and agreed to meet for coffee.

Conversation was fine, even close to interesting at times, but it took so long for him to say a sentence that I wanted to finish it for him even if I had to make up the end of the story to get it done!   All the while I am sitting there, not quite 45 minutes, I am feeling his intense stare. It was penetrating my skin. Starting to feel uncomfortable, I decided maybe it was time for me to go. So I said just that, and he walked me to my car. I said thank you, it was nice, and got in and drove away. The rest of the day and night I was agonizing over the fact that I knew I didn’t want to see him again, and the right thing would be to tell him. I could have ignored it, but felt I should nip it in the bud, in case he decided to contact me first.   So being the chicken I am, I decided to text him. Easy, no actual contact and quick. I wrote simply , “thank you for the coffee but I didn’t feel there was a connection. I hope you find someone on the site and good luck.” Whew. done. I received a reply, that said, “Thanks for letting me know.” Yea, not so fast Missy.

15 minutes later I received another text from him, saying are “are you sure?”  do I answer ? Of course I did. Yes I answered . I am sure.

10 minutes later I receive yet another text. “Even if I caress your cheek?” WHAT? Where did that come from?  This time I thought for a second and decided no answer is needed. Did that stop him? Nope. Another text 20 minutes later. I want to kiss and caress you. Not going to happen buddy. Now you just jumped into the CREEP category.  No more contact. I guess he didn’t agree because  a week or so later,  I got another message, this time through the dating site. Maybe I would like to reconsider and go out. Maybe not, I  thought. Great to be desired.  Now i am looking for his picture on the post office wall.